(May contain dirty jokes bcuz I already put this book on Mature tag) 

G!Luv: "What's your body count?"
Charlie: "Do you mean sex or murder?" 

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G!Luv: "I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why."
Charlie: "Only if you also don't ask why."
Charlie: *Pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag. *
G!Luv: "..."
G!Luv, grabbing a skull: "This one will do."

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Charlie: "Good morning. As you begin your day, remember that violence is always an option and often the answer."
G!Luv: "..."
Charlie: "..."
G!Luv: "...Please, go back to bed."

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G!Luv: "Do you want to know your gay name?"

Charlie: "My... my gay name?"

G!Luv: "Yeah, it's your first name- "

Charlie: "Haha. Very funny G!Luv- "

G!Luv: *Gets down on one knee. * "And my last name."

Charlie: "Oh- oh my god."

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G!Luv: "We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn't anyone around to help you? What if it's congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?"
Charlie: "...You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?"

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G!Luv: "Look Charlie, I'm not slut shaming you but..."
G!Luv: "Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you."

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Charlie: "We have a problem."
G!Luv: "No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them."

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G!Luv: "Cause you're pretty and you're smart, and you're ignoring me so you're obviously my type."
Charlie, who was distracted: "I'm sorry- what were you saying?"
G!Luv: "Perfect."

___

Charlie: "I'm having salad for dinner!"
G!Luv: "..."
Charlie: "Well, fruit salad."
Charlie: "Actually, it's mostly grapes."
G!Luv: "..."
Charlie: "Okay, it's all grapes."
Charlie: "Fermented grapes."
G!Luv: "..."
Charlie: "..."
G!Luv: "..."
Charlie: "It's wine."
Charlie: "I'm having wine for dinner."

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Charlie, to G!Luv: "Well, one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me."

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G!Luv: "As top in this relationship, I think we should- "
Charlie: "I can't believe you're pulling rank on me."

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Charlie: "G!Luv taught me to think before I act."
Charlie: "...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision."

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G!Luv: "Hopefully Charlie has learned a lesson about respecting other people's feelings."
Charlie: "Oh, shut up and die G!Luv."

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Charlie, to the Squad: "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!"
*Silence. * (The Creator clapping her hands IRL, lol)
Charlie: "Damn, y'all depressed as fuck!"
G!Luv: "You didn't clap either- "
Charlie: "SHUT UP!"

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G!Luv: "Charlie, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor."
Charlie: "Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?" (The stab made by Char's ex)

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Charlie: "Hey, wanna take a shower with me?"
G!Luv: "I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I've obviously gone crazy."

___

G!Luv: "Charlie, I..."
G!Luv: "I love you!"
Charlie: "Not my problem."

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G!Luv: "That sounds like a terrible plan."
Charlie: "Oh, we've had worse."

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G!Luv: "Did you know spiders can hold 8 guns at once?"
Charlie: "How does it WALK??"
G!Luv: "..."
G!Luv: "Did you know spiders can hold 7 guns at once?"

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Charlie: "Strawberry milk doesn't taste like strawberry OR milk."
G!Luv: "Go the fuck to sleep Charlie."