Charlie: "Hey do you wanna hang out this weekend?"

Victor: "Generic excuse."

Charlie: "I can't believe you said that out loud, to my face."

Victor: "I can."

___

Charlie: "Don't go to the kitchen."

Victor: "Why?"

Charlie: "I saw a spider."

Victor: "Well, did you kill it?"

Charlie: "It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair..."

___

Charlie: *Aggressively throws pencil at Victor. *
Charlie, deadpan: "Oh no. I've been stabbed. I've been impaled."

___

Victor: "Char, you need to react when people cry."
Charlie: "I did. I rolled my eyes."

___

Charlie: "I wish I had more enemies."

Victor: "I'm sure you will someday, lil Char."

___

Charlie: "I'd kill someone if you asked me to."

Victor: "I'm pretty sure you'd kill someone even if I didn't ask you to."

___

Victor: "You're not gonna shoot a puppy, are you Char?"

Charlie: "Yeah, in the face, why?"

___

Victor: "Is this about work?"

Charlie: "No."

Victor: "Then I've lost interest."

___

Victor: *Coughs blood. *
Charlie: "Don't die, Vic!"
Victor: "Don't tell me what to do..."

___

Charlie: "So... what's goin' on?"

Victor: "You want the long version or the short version?"

Charlie, hesitantly: "The short one, I guess?"

Victor: "Shit's fucked."

Charlie: "Oh. Well, yeah, that's definitely not an optimal situation."

___

Victor: "Remember everyone, violence is never the answer."

Charlie: "You're right, Vic. Violence can't be the answer."

Victor: "Correct, Char. Now, on to the next lesso- "

Charlie: "Violence is the question."

Charlie: "And the answer is yes!"

Victor: "Char, no..."

___

Charlie: "Am I in trouble?"

Victor: "Take a guess."

Charlie: "No?"

Victor: "Take another guess."

___

Charlie: "Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it."

Victor: "I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out."

Charlie: "Th-that's not how that works- "

___

Charlie: "I'm very scary."

Victor: "You're about as scary as a wet kitten."

Charlie: "Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me."

Victor: "And small."

Charlie: "..."

Charlie: "...Yeah, yeah. I guess."

___

Victor: "Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment?"

Charlie: "They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us."

___

Charlie: "If Victor says he'll be ready in five minutes, he will be."

Charlie: "No need to remind them every fifteen minutes like a random ass bitch."

(They mean their ex, lol)

___

Charlie: "Why do you keep a diary?!"

Victor: "To keep secrets from my computer."

___

Charlie: "If we're in trouble, just throw Victor at the problem, and hope for the best."

___

Victor: "Hey, it's your turn to wash the dishes."

Charlie: "I'll wash the walls red with your blood."

Victor: "Okay, but before that, wash the dishes. Also, use soap this time."

(Chill dude)

___

Charlie: "WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO- "

Victor: "It was me..."

Charlie: "...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance."

(The only person get Char's forgiveness)

___

Computer: "Please enter a password."

Charlie: *Types in Victor. *

Computer: "Your password is too weak."

Charlie: "How fucking DARE YOU- "

___

Charlie: "You know what? Let's give it a go. What's the worst that could happen?"

Victor: "Humiliation, embarrassment, fire, explosions, collisions, tears, nudity and death."

___

Victor: "I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Char's phone number just by choosing random numbers."

___

Charlie: "How do tall people people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you?"

Victor: "Char, it's four o'clock in the morning."

Charlie: "So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?"

(Victor: "I can't sleep bcuz of you motherfu-----")