Chapter 31

Finn

It had been three weeks since baby Paisley's arrival and we were falling into a routine. Louisa and Rosita arrived and were settled into their apartment down a few floors, but Nico and I found that we liked to do most of the childcare ourselves. To appease the lovely ladies we did make sure to set aside time that they could babysit, which gave us alone time together, which we both agreed was important since things had been happening so fast, we had to make sure we didn't neglect our relationship. Louisa and Rosita also helped keep our apartment running, our refrigerator stocked and all of us well fed.

Next week was Thanksgiving and we had a lot to be thankful for this year. Benji and Ajax were hosting it at their house and Louisa and Rosita were busy helping them with all the plans. I had spoken with Jaime who wanted us to come there for the holiday; all three of us. I think he had some idea in his head that now with Daisy and Paisley, we could all come together and be some big happy family together. Declan would put aside his animosity and Nico would just go along with it like nothing ever happened.

I didn't even discuss it with Nico, I flat out told Jaime no. He and Daisy were welcome to come join us for our Thanksgiving, but I wasn't ready to forgive Declan or see him again. He understood and sadly declined, which I knew he would. Thanksgiving is a family holiday and Declan was his family, but I honestly didn't consider him mine. My family was here. It was Paisley and Nico, Ajax and Benji, Louisa and Rosita and Liam and the boys.

Today was a Paisley day. I'd just finished mid-terms and had a few days off, classes didn't resume again until the Monday after Thanksgiving so I was enjoying lots of time with my baby girl. I was still painting, but I worked around her schedule and did a lot of it when she was sleeping. But today, I was taking a break from painting and was just going to be Dad for a day.

Paisley and I spent the morning together taking a walk through the park near our apartment, followed by a bottle, a nap and then a bath. Afterwards, we headed downtown to meet Nico at his office and we had a family lunch planned. Nico had a bunch of morning meetings, but said he'd be finished by 1:00pm and was taking the afternoon off so we could do some family bonding. Paisley and I drove down and parked in the private garage under his office building.

I greeted the security guards on the way in and headed straight to Ajax and Nico's private elevator. Once I arrived on their floor, the receptionist, Monica, and Ajax's personal assistant, Deirdre, met us and cooed over the baby for several minutes before I could make a gracious escape to Nico's office. Nico hadn't felt the need for his own PA since Ajax still did most of the operations, Nico took a secondary, more consulting position since he wasn't ready to commit himself full time to working at this time.

"Hi Papa!" I called out in my best "baby Paisley" voice, waving her little hand as I carried her into Nico's office. "Oh, sorry," I whispered when I saw he was on the phone. He looked serious, but when he saw us, he gave us a smile, but I could tell something was wrong the way it didn't reach his eyes.

I set the small diaper bag I was carrying on a chair and carried Paisley over to the big window so we could enjoy the view while Nico finished up.

"And what about the boy, what will happen to him?" I heard Nico say, followed by a long pause, and then some "Mhmm, okay. Yeah, I understand." Another long pause and then right before he said goodbye, "Okay, let me know if there's anything I can do...yes, just as long as someone is looking after the boy. Right, yes, he'd met him a few times, I'll let him know. Thanks, bye."

"What was that about?" I asked, walking over to Nico. He stood up and took Paisley from my arms giving her a big hug. I watched him tuck her against his chest and his eyes closed as he inhaled the sweet scent of her head, something we both did often, as if we could gather strength with each inhalation. I waited because it seemed like something upsetting had happened and he needed a minute or two to gather his thoughts.

"That was Ajax," he began. "You know Benji's friend Sebastien?" I nodded. "His...well, Gregory..."

"His Dom," I finished.

"Yes. Well, he passed away last night."

"Oh my god, are you serious? Did he have a heart attack? He seemed fine when we saw him at the baby shower." The news was shocking and all I could think about was that timid young man that I'd met a few times with Benji. He and Gregory had even come to Paisley's baby shower.

"No, cancer. Apparently it was something that was diagnosed fairly recently and it was very serious and then metastasized to his brain, vital organs. Apparently we saw him on his last good day, but things went downhill very quickly."

"Does Benji know?"

"Yes, Ajax is with him now, they're going to see Sebastien."

"Is he alone?"

"No, Gregory's brother Lancaster is there with him, he flew in from Chicago late last night."

"That's good. I don't know Sebastien very well, but he just seems so...I don't know, I guess quiet and shy, almost helpless in a way. I hope he'll be okay."

"Ajax will let us know more after he speaks with Lancaster, and I agree, I had the same impression. Apparently he's been Gregory's sub since he barely turned 18. It's all he knows."

"He's 24 now, that's a long time. He must be devastated." I looked out the window for a few minutes while Nico bounced Baby Paisley gently and whispered in her ear. I thought about Sebastien, he'd been a sub for Gregory for all six years of his adulthood. "What will he do now?" I asked.

"I don't know Finn. Don't worry, between Lancaster, Ajax and even Master Phillip, he'll be looked after. The community...that community, always looks after their own."

"What if he doesn't want to be a submissive anymore."

"He won't have to be, I'm sure Gregory had provisions for him, especially once he found out he was sick. He can probably do whatever he wants; go back to school, travel, anything ."

"Yeah, hey, let's go to lunch, I'm getting pretty hungry." I was still a little numb and I wanted to get going before the sad mood engulfed us.

"Me too, let me just go change Baby P's diaper. We have a 2:00 reservation at the Curious Palate, Vanessa recommended it and you said you wanted to try something new."

"Are they baby friendly?" I asked as I followed Nico into the nursery.

"Yes, I called and spoke with the manager and reserved a small private section of the terrace."

"Oh, okay. You probably didn't need to do that. Paisley's great out in public."

"I know, I did it for our own privacy."

"Overprotective father syndrome," I laughed.

"Can you blame me?" He asked lifting up a freshly changed Paisley and kissing her belly. "I'm sorry, but no one gets near our little Princess unless we allow it." I just laughed. It's who Nico was, he protected his family and the people he loved. I could never change that and I didn't want to.

"Okay," he said, walking over and giving me a peck on the lip, "let's go." The smile he gave me now reached his eyes and they twinkled with a happiness that had become a regular part of him since we got back together, but especially since Paisley came into our life.

I grabbed the small diaper bag and followed him out to the elevator and soon we were all buckled into my car and heading over to Venice Boulevard.

Nico told me about his morning and some different deals he and Ajax are working on. I gave him an update on the plans for Thanksgiving and what we were in charge of bringing as well as the current guest list. It was going to be the three of us, Liam, Jonah, Brett and maybe Aiden and his girlfriend unless they were doing something with her family, Louisa and Rosita, maybe Sebastien now...

Lunch was great; the restaurant was beautiful, the food was delicious and the service was on point. We did have our own private area on their terrace away from prying eyes, cameras or nosy people in general. The Chef/Owner came out and introduced himself and welcomed us to his restaurant. I have no doubt none of this would have happened if he wasn't Nico Salazar, but now that we had Paisley, I didn't mind these perks. I wanted the best of the best for her.

Nico

"I'll put Baby P. to bed," Finn said quietly as we noticed her eyes drooping and her head nodding in the baby seat before us. We'd finished a light supper about half an hour ago and were sitting in the living room where we'd been just enjoying each other's company.

"Okay, I'll come kiss her goodnight in just a moment." As I finished my glass of wine I thought about Ajax's phone call today. He was very concerned about this boy Sebastien who's Dom of 6+ years had suddenly passed away. From what Ajax told me, Sebastien came to him right out of High School, did not go to college, didn't even have a driver's license. He was completely dependent on Gregory as Gregory was what we called an 'Old School' Dom. He took care of every aspect of Sebastien's life, but didn't encourage him to have any independence. He was virtually a babe in an adult world now with no knowledge of how to take care of himself. Ajax said he didn't even know how to balance a checkbook or any of the basic skills we all take for granted.

The situation had me thinking about Finn all those years ago, showing up at my restaurant at age 16. If everything hadn't happened the way it did and Finn and I were still together as Dom and sub, would he be as dependent as Sebastien? I would like to think I would have taught him the skills for independence, but what if I had been selfish like Gregory and kept him dependent on me. The way I was back then, it could have easily gone down that road and that thought scared me.

"Babe," Finn called out. "Baby P is all ready, come kiss her good night before she falls completely asleep." I looked up, startled out of my thoughts and stood up quickly.

"Here I come," I said quietly.

"I'm just going to go finish sketching out my next canvas, after that do you want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah baby, I'd like that." I went into Paisley's room and looked at her in her PJ's, sucking her thumb in her crib. "Hi Sweetie," I said quietly. "You look pretty tired. Papa's going to read you a story while you fall asleep." I picked up one of her books of nursery rhymes and found one that I liked reading called 'Daddy's Little Girl'. I usually changed it and intermixed some 'Papa's Little Girl' with an equal number of 'Daddy's Little Girl'.

You're the end of the rainbow,

My pot of gold;

You're Daddy's little girl

To have and hold.

A precious gem

Is what you are;

You're Papa's Bright and Shining Star

You're the spirit of Christmas,

My star on the tree;

You're the Easter bunny

To Daddy and me.

You're sugar you're spice,

You're everything nice;

And you're Papa's little girl.

You're the end of the rainbow,

My pot of gold;

You're Papa's little girl

To have and hold.

A precious gem

Is what you are;

You're Daddy's Bright and Shining Star

You're the treasure I cherish

So sparkling and bright;

You were touched by the holy

And beautiful light.

Like angels that sing,

A heavenly thing,

And you're

Papa and Daddy's little girl.

By the time I was finished she was sound asleep so I leaned down and kissed her head. When Finn joined me in the den I was again, deep in thought about everything. Sebastien, Finn, Paisley...and I barely noticed what movie Finn put on, let alone what was happening in it.

"Did you see any of that movie?" Finn asked me when we went to bed.

"Ye...no not really," I admitted. "I'm sorry, I had a lot on my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Just this Gregory and Sebastien situation, got me thinking about a lot of things."

"Like who would care for Paisley if something happened to us?"

"That's part of it."

"Jessica talked about us making wills, part of that is designating guardians. We should go see her, I mean, nothing is going to happen to both of us, but if it should, I think we should name Ajax and Benji as guardians."

"That's a great idea baby, I agree. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For the suggestion, I think they would be perfect."

"Me too. They're family, they already love her almost as much as we do."

While Finn went to use the bathroom I made sure the baby monitor was on and then joined him, grabbing my toothbrush. When I was finished Finn was already in bed. He smiled as I lifted the covers to climb in. He was naked, and I slipped out of my boxer briefs as well. I leaned over him, placing an elbow on either side of his head and began kissing a trail from the top of his head, down to his right temple, around his ear, down his neck crossing over his Adam's apple to the other side. I kissed the same trail up the other side of his face.

"Nico," he breathed, "make love to me." His voice had a needy sense of urgency to it and I let my hips drop down lightly onto his, moving them just enough so our shafts rubbed against each other.

"Like this?" I whispered, letting our hips grind a little harder together.

"Mmmhmm," he agreed. I moved my lips down from his forehead and over his waiting mouth which was opened slightly as his breathing increased. Kissing Finn was always amazing, but now, in our 'second chance', it was even better. Knowing Finn was here by his own free will, that he didn't need to be here, but wanted to, made our lovemaking that much more powerful and passionate. What we had now was stronger than before, it was love, not lust, and this was very evident in all of our interactions, but most profoundly when we made love. Sharing the raising of our beautiful baby made our connection even stronger.

"Nico, I love you," Finn moaned, "I love you so much." I opened my eyes and he was looking directly at me, with such sincerity, it felt like his eyes were looking deep into my soul. No one had ever looked at me, before Finn, the way he was looking at me and it was breathtaking.

"I love you baby. I've never loved anyone the way I love you." I hope my voice could convey the words as deeply as I felt them. I know I had said this to him dozens of times since we got back together, but it still would never be enough. I had to make sure he always knew.

Finn lifted his head to capture my lips in another kiss and he swung his body so that we rolled over and he laid sprawled on top of me. His kisses became for fervent as he rolled his hips over me. Taking control Finn was immensely sexy and I enjoyed when he took the lead now. I trailed my hands up his sides as he moved his mouth down my neck and over my chest, kissing, nibbling, dragging his tongue or teeth over my skin. I laid back and just enjoyed it for a few minutes and let out a deep groan as Finn sucked one of my nipples deep into his mouth and letting his teeth bite down gently on the elongated bud. "You have the best nipples," he moaned as he moved to the other one, letting his tongue moisten and prepare it for his ministrations. A jolt of what felt like electrical energy traveled from the nub as his teeth bit, straight down my chest to my groin and I flung my hips up into his. "Did I wake the lion?" he mumbled seductively, a small joke we shared together.

"Yes, and the lion's ready to pounce," I growled and then rolled us back over. Finn let out an effortless laugh which left a wide grin ambling over his face. I placed languid kisses, slowly all over his face and idly made my way down his chest and over his stomach. My lover groaned in frustration as I took my time exploring his belly button, then upper thighs, purposely avoiding his swollen shaft springing up towards my face. Before he got to the point of vexation, I surprised him by quickly consuming his cock, deep into my mouth until I felt him pushing at the back of my throat.

"Oh!" He practically shouted in surprise and I hummed humorously letting the vibrations reverberate through his wanting erection. "Don't make me cum," he whispered, "I want to cum with you." I slowed down my pace and let myself enjoy the taste and feel of him against my tongue; the soft pale skin over his thick, hard pulsing cock. Like the two parts of his personality, Finn had both a soft side and a very strong side, stronger than I'd ever imagined when I first got to know that 16 year old boy.

When his breathing seemed more labored and I knew he was getting close, I sat up, letting him pop out of my mouth. I reached over to the night table and pulled a bottle of lube from the drawer. Two, half-lidded eyes watched me and I felt mine soften in return.

Finn adjust his hips and closed his eyes as I ran my fingers over his hole, spreading the cool gel. He let out a gasp as I pushed my finger inside and pressed his walls in a circular motion stretching and prepping him. His back arched, his hips pushing against my hand. A second finger to scissor against the other caused a deep grown to escape his mouth. "Please Nico," he said in a needy whine. Removing my fingers I poured some lube on my hand and palmed it over my erection.

"Just relax baby, I'm here," I whispered in his ear as I leaned over him and lined myself up. Finn raised his hips up as I pushed in and we were soon joined together, a symphony of rolling hips and instinctively choreographed movement. Our bodies worked together so naturally and organically; making love to him was always such a profound and divine experience; all the dictionaries in the world didn't have enough words to describe it properly.

Finn's moans became more desperate as he got closer to his peak and I increased my pace, pulled in like a quickening maelstrom. His legs wrapped around my waist changing the angle allowing me in even deeper. Putting the bulk of my weight on my elbows, I sped the movement of my hips as the room filled with the sound of our fast breathing, Finn's desperate whines and the slapping of our skin. I slid a hand between us and gripped his shaft, as Finn held onto my shoulders tightly. Pumping his cock in pace with the pounding of my hips quickly brought us closer and closer to until we both, reaching the apex within seconds of each other, cried out as we shuddered against one another. Finn's release erupted all over my stomach and chest while I filled his insides with my own. An inexplicable feeling came over me as I emptied myself into my lover, a feeling so primal and so sating that I wanted to mark him like a feral wolf and show the world he was mine. Instead, I let my body rest over his and placed soft kisses over his neck as we each caught our breath from the exertion. I was in no rush to pull out and instead savored the feeling of our connection together. I would stay like this forever if it were possible.

"I love you," I whispered into Finn's ear. I would never be able to say it enough to come close to the depth of how I feel.

"I love you," he replied, running his fingers through my hair and pulling my head to his face.

Finn

At breakfast Nico seemed preoccupied again, just as he had yesterday. Ever since that phone call.

"Nico." I could tell I startled him out of his thoughts. He was sitting in his seat, baby Paisley resting in his lap as she lazily finished her bottle. His breakfast was untouched even though we had mastered the art of eating with one hand while holding the baby in the other.

"You seem so distracted lately, since you heard about Gregory and Sebastien? Are you worried about Sebastien?"

Nico looked up, looking apologetic. "Sorry baby. I'm not too worried about Sebastien, I know he'll be looked after. It just got me thinking about you."

"Me?! Why me? I'm nothing like Sebastien, we're nothing like Gregory and Sebastien...well, anymore." I looked down at the last words. I'd often thought about what would have happened if Declan hadn't come into our lives. Would I still be Nico's submissive? What would that have been like? What would I have felt about myself. I like who I am now, I like my independence. I like to make my own decisions. Being with Nico now was an equal relationship, when something affected us both, or Paisley, we made the decision together.

As if Nico had been mirroring my thoughts, or perhaps this is just what he'd been thinking since yesterday, he reached over and took my hand. "I've just been thinking about where we would be if things hadn't happened the way they did and we hadn't been separated. I have to be honest Finn, I think about what could have been and it scares me. It shames me. Seeing you now, the man you've become, if you hadn't had the chance to grow up on your own and become this amazing person...I feel awful that I almost put you in a position where you could have been like Sebastien is now, if something had happened to me. I see things so differently now and it scares me...and I wonder, if your being taken away from me was the best thing that ever happened to me, and you. I wasn't like Ajax, I wasn't that kind of Dom, I was more like Gregory. I was...overbearing."

"Nico stop it. I don't think you were like Gregory, you always encouraged me to do things for myself; to paint, you were going to send me to the best schools, teach me to drive...I honestly don't think we would have been at all like them."

"But..." Nico hesitated and looked down at Paisley who was smiling up at him and blowing bubbles with the last bits of formula in her mouth. He adjusted her position and gently patted and rubbed her back before he continued. "Finn, tell me how you really felt about being a submissive, even if it was just a short time, how did it feel. I never really stopped to consider what it felt for any of the submissives I'd known and now I see that as perhaps my biggest and most selfish mistake."

"Wow..." I sat back in my chair and thought about his question. "Um...I don't know how to answer that. There were so many things going on in my life back then. I'd lost my dad and struggled for a long time with my mom...and then she walked out and I felt like the rug had been pulled right out from under me...I had no stability, nothing to hold on to and then...there you were. You were strong and you made me feel safe and secure and cared for. It wasn't easy, I mean, you were a little...intimidating at first, but I never felt scared of you. I had nothing and you were my everything. I needed that, I could have easily gone in a much different direction without that and ended up who knows where. I truly believe that you saved me Nico."

"But did you feel like you had a choice? Did you feel coerced? Did you find...enjoyment in it?"

"I didn't feel coerced, but I guess, to be honest, it's not like I had a lot of choices in my life, but I didn't feel coerced. And...I liked you, a lot. You were," I chuckled, "and are, the most handsome, sexiest man I'd ever seen, so I was immediately drawn to you and amazed that you even had a second thought about me, so I wanted to be with you."

"But did you want to be a submissive?"

"Nico, I didn't know what that was before I met you and if that's what you wanted, then I was fine with it because I wanted to be with you no matter what. I might even have needed it at the time. It gave me structure that I needed and direction. It wasn't always easy, but it gave me a foundation that I needed to become the person I am now."

"And if Declan hadn't taken you away, how would you have felt long term?"

"I don't know if I can answer that, it's not what happened?" I looked at Nico and could see the anxiety in his face. "Nico, I know that things would have changed, you admitted you loved me before I left and I know that as I got older our relationship would have adjusted. I know you and you would have guided me as long as I needed it and when I didn't, things would have changed and I know, in my heart, that we would be here, in this same place now."

"You believe that? I'm not so sure and that scares me."

"Are you saying you don't believe in the lifestyle anymore?" I asked, I was confused and trying to figure out what he was getting at.

"I don't know," he sighed. "I guess, I don't believe in it for us. I do see how it works for other people, but I see how it can also hurt them."

"Like in Sebastien's case?" Nico nodded. "What about Benji? I think Benji's happy and I don't think he's dependent on Ajax. I think Ajax has helped him, Benji is a very capable person and if they parted, Benji would still be very capable and successful."

Nico thought for a few minutes and then draped a sleepy Paisley over his shoulder and rocked her.

"You're right. I agree about Benji. I think Ajax and Benji are what works about the lifestyle. I guess, I'm just having my own personal crisis of...character. It just scares me to think that I could have been like Gregory to you and hurt you."

"You weren't and you didn't," I stated firmly, standing up and walking around the table behind him. I leaned down and kissed the top of Paisley's head and then Nico's. "We were meant to be together Nico. I believe that. At that time, that worked for us. It doesn't work now, we've both changed and we adapted and we make a great team. Don't focus on the past when our future is right before us and is brighter than it's ever been." I lifted Paisley off his shoulder and held the sleeping baby up, smiling at the incredible little being. "I'm going to put her down for a little nap," I whispered.

It only took me a few minutes since she was sound asleep and when I returned Nico was cleaning up the breakfast dishes.

"I don't ever want that for Paisley." Nico stated firmly when I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"I don't really either, but it wasn't so bad Nic, it wasn't bad because I was with you."