Oh lord…now I even have to write to you? Okay. I have mixed feelings about this one.

I hate you. Anytime you come around, I feel confused, anxious and terrified. You throw me out of my comfort zone. No mercies. Why do things have to change?

I don't even care if it's for a good cause. It's still scary as hell. If you see things, please leave them as they are. Good or bad, leave it alone. Decide what you want to be constant and don't come back.

See the thing about me is that I get attached too fast, to things and people, and the attachment is too strong. So when things change, well…I'm not alright. The world is spinning, I'm having panic attacks, I'm feeling melancholic.

But then, eventually, when I get used to the change, which I do very quickly, because I get attached easily, like I said before, it becomes the status quo and then basically…it goes on and on.

It's just scary…I won't know when people would leave, family goes away, I grow up, I feel things that I've never felt before, etc. When these things happen, I look back and feel stupid for the past me who thought things would always stay the same, that people would always be with us, we would always be this age, we would always be going to this school. Not that I thought we won't change. I just didn't acknowledge the fact or consider it happening. And it happens so fast!

And now, now that I know, now that I realize it…damn it's fucking scary. I might not be with people I'm with now, I might not be doing the same things I'm doing, God forbid I wouldn't be writing, I might not be living in the same place, speaking the same way, looking the same…

Thing is, sometimes, when things change, I love you, change. Things become beautiful and better, I meet amazing people, know lots of wonderful things, go places, make memorable moments.

Still, I know I'll always fear you. Change would always make me terrified. But I'm not saying you should go away. I'm just saying I'm scared of you.