Days have been passing just like that.

And I am here just like that......

Without any life.

I guess this is my punishment.

This darkness of sky is mirroring my life.

But there are no stars in my dark life.

It's plain, dark and blank.
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Have you ever been in a situation where you cannot live but also cannot die?

Have you ever felt like you are a  living corpse?

Have you ever felt like you are being crushed under the ground with guilt and regret?

Have you ever felt alone when you are surrounded by so many people?

Have you ever felt that you are the worst person when so many people are inspired by you?

Have you ever thought your life is a failure when you and your company is at the peak of success?

Have you ever thought you are nothing when a lot of people are looking forward to you?

Have you ever felt that you have no one to talk when many people are waiting for your appointments to at least talk to you?

Have you ever thought you just need forgiveness when you can get anything you want in the world?

Have you ever felt that you just need that one person in your life where people are dying for your attention?

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Yes!

I felt like that.

Infact I feel everyday all these things.

This guilt and regret is eating me up from inside.

I am living like a walking corpse with no emotions and life.

I am not complaining though.

I deserve this.

But at least I want a chance to ask for forgiveness.

I sighed.

I looked up to see the sky.

But somewhere I am sure that I will get a chance.

This hope of meeting her and to ask her for forgiveness is making me move on with my life.

Another thing that's making me live is Love.

Yes, I am in Love.

I was in love.

I am in love.

And I will be in love.

With her.

Forever.

I love my Piyu.

I realised it after she went away from me.

I always loved her.

I care for her.

I feel over protective for her.

I feel possessive over her.

I am so dense and dumb.....

I couldn't realise sooner that it was love.....

I thought it was friendship.....

How was I so stupid?

It was always her.

And I didn't know.

My feelings for her increased thousand times more when she left me.

That day when I hugged her at the parking lot, it was not a friendly hug......it was because I missed her so much and my possessiveness.

Butterflies erupted in my stomach when her body came in contact with my body and made a wierd sensation in my heart.

I didn't want to leave her.....I just wanted time to stop there.

But she pulled back and I looked at her confused.

But then I understood that she thought that it was wrong when I was in a relationship.

I felt disappointed.

When that fight happened between Jai and me, I had decided from that day I am not going to ignore my friends for my relationship.

I started spending more time with them going against Tanya's words.

I felt alive spending time with them like before.

But with Tanya I felt like suffocated and trapped.

And on Piyu's birthday she was looking like a princess. All eyes were on her and my possessiveness reached it's limits that day.

That day also I hurted her by not going to her party at her house and that also because of Tanya who called me suddenly crying on the phone and so I had to leave for her house.

Even though Piyu said it's ok......I know I have hurted her.

I got frustrated.

I just wanted to do what I want.

I didn't want to feel suppressed.

I needed some freedom.

But with Tanya clinging on to me 24/7 it's becoming impossible.

I just wanted to get out of this relationship.

I wanted to break up.

But I know that Tanya loved me.

Sometimes I feel like she is obsessed with me.

Because she wants me and my time all  for herself.

And I didn't want to break her heart.

I know if I broke up with her she will be heartbroken.

I was a very sensitive person at that time and always had a fear of heartbreak.

So I never wanted to be the reason for anyone's heart break.

But what I had feared it had happened.

I breaked Piyu's heart and left myself also heartbroken.

I observed Piyu also behaved distant at that time with me and I didn't know why.

And Tanya, she was filling my ears about Piyu loving me.

She said that Piyu loves me, she is jealous of Tanya, she wants to break our relationship.

All those things she was saying went in the air for me.....when my mind got stuck at Piyu loving me.

The thought of Piyu loving me itself made my stomach flip flop.

But is that even possible?

I brushed all off all her stories.

But that didn't stop Tanya.

She used to say something or the other about Piyu.

That made me angry and frustrated.

I even shouted at her to stop bad mouthing about Piyu.

And then what? She started crying.

In all this mess one day I saw Tanya crying holding her friend.

I went near them and listened what she was talking.

I was already confused and frustrated with all the things happening and after that what I listened made me shocked.

Tanya was saying that she was just talking casually with Piyu but she pushed Tanya from the stairs in anger.

Then I saw the plaster on her head and arm.

I couldn't believe it.

Piyu can never do that.

But why will Tanya lie and how did she got hurt if she was lying?

I didn't understood anything and so I went and asked Piyu directly.

Piyu's silence, Jai's anger, Tanya's nonstop sobs, my anger and frustration made me say those things that I didn't even want to say.

I just want to clear the things off and finish these all once for all but I messed it up with my dumbness.

I lost it.

I lost them.

I lost her.

I lost my friends.

I lost my best friend.

I lost my Love.

I lost my Piyu.

I lost my happiness.

I lost my peace.

I lost my smile.

But.....

I loved her.

I still love her.

And I will love her forever.

My love for her is giving me the hope that I will find her one day definitely.

I don't know if it was true that Piyu loved me or not.

But.....

If it's true......
then is it possible that she still loves  me?

You are an idiot Sam....you hurted her and you expect her to love you.

My conscience taunts me.

Sometimes I hate my conscience.....

Anyways.....

If I get a chance I will apologize.

If I get a chance I will mend things.

If I get a chance I will confess my love.

I know chances are very less.....

I don't know where she is, how she is and with whom she is.

I don't know nothing about her.

But I will wait.....

There is this hope in me.....

I wish that hope will bring us face to face again.

I will just apologize for my mistakes.

Even if she forgives or not.

Even if she accepts my love or not.

Even if my love for her is meant to be unrequited also.

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To be continued...........

He also loves her.....

He is in love with her.....

Now it's his turn of being in  Unrequited Love.....