Guilt.

There was so much guilt in you.

All you could feel was guilt.

It was like a knife to your throat, like a wound that refused to stop bleeding.

Your back was cold.

For the first time in years, Viktor didn't sleep with his chest pressed to your back. He had turned away, so far on the other side of the bed that he almost fell off the edge.

You two didn't share a blanket either that night.

He had taken a new one.

As minting came, you thought the feelings would vanish.
But as soon as your eyes opened and you turned your head to catch a glimpse of Viktor, your stomach pulled together.

He was already awake.

With his back turned to you, he sat on his small desk, eyes covered by goggles.

Small sparks danced around his fingers.

He worked on metal, as always.

"Viktor.", you whispered.

His movements froze.

Slowly, his head rose. But he refused to look at you.

"Foods ready.", he gestured towards a steaming pot that was sitting on the kitchen counter.

For a brief moment you eyed the food before turning your full attention back to him.

"Let me explain...", you asked.

You crawled to the edge of the bed to be closer to him.

A dry cough scratched in the back of your throat.

You fought it back, only to flinch as a sharp pain stabbed you in the chest.

But even though you knew that holding back the cough would do more damage than good, you still bared with it.

The taste of blood gathered in your mouth.

You swallowed it.

A sigh made Viktor's back sink into itself.

He was so skinny, so sickly looking.

For the longest time you had watched him be this version of himself, that didn't fit the great mind.

He deserved so much more.

You were willing to sacrifice everything it needed to get him where he was supposed to be.

And yet, you felt terrible to think about the possibility that it was necessary to sacrifice this friendship.

"Please say something...", you asked, voice shivering in fear.

Viktor let another deep breath he heard.

"I don't know if I want to hear your explanation.", he took of the goggles. "In the last few days you lied more to me than in the past years."

His eyes wandered over his shoulder to examine you. But he didn't meet your gaze.

"I'm sorry.", you avoided his gaze.

"Why did you do it?"

His voice was barely more than a whisper.

Guilt shimmered in his amber eyes as well. Yet, he was mad and wanted it to stay that way.

Before a word of reason could leave your mouth, you had to take a deep breath.

"You know that the academy demands a lot of money.", you started while your eyes lingered on the floor, where the shadow of the bag of coins crawled over the wooden planks. "We don't have that kind of money."

"Then you should stop having this stupid dream."

A huff escaped you.

"No."

Anger appeared on his face.

"Why not?", with audible annoyance in his voice, he put his tools down and stared at you. "You're becoming someone you're not just for money?"

"For you.", you smiled softly. "All we need is to get you up to Piltover."

"And then what?!", he jumped from his chair, but had to grab the edge of the table to not fall over. "Am I supposed to get up there and live a happy life without you? I won't leave you behind, I already said that."

You sighed.

"And I told you, you won't have to leave me behind. All we need is enough money for you to get up and make it through the academy program."

"I don't get your plan."

"Viktor...", with a soft smile, you got up to walk over to him. "You get to Piltover, finish the academy and once you make money of your own I can join you."

Doubt lit up inside his eyes.

"But that takes years.", his hands grabbed your shoulders for support. "And we don't even know if I am able to make it to the end."

Now you couldn't help but chuckle.

"Viktor...", you pressed your forehead against his and let out a deep sigh. "You're a genius. There's no way you won't make it."

His hand started to rub the back of his neck.

With his head pulled in, he turned his gaze away and smiled to himself.

"Do you really think that?", he asked, flattered.

"I think you will become something great once you have the chance to study."

His eyes returned to you.

This time, there was so much happiness on his face, so much hope.

His grip on your shoulders tightened.

His face came closer.

The smile that reached his eyes was so enchanting, you didn't even realise how close he was until it was too late.

The soft touch of his lips pressed onto yours.

It was strange, even though the two of you had grown up together, the thought of him being this close had never once crossed your mind.

He tasted of dirty water and old, salty food.

It wasn't a pleasant taste. But the fact that it was Viktor made it a lot easier to bare.

His hands reached up to your face to grab it.

You allowed him to do as he pleased. But at the same time you were too stunned to react.

Thoughts chased through your mind.

You didn't want to push him away.

And yet, you feared what would happen if you would return this kiss.

It didn't last longer than a few moments.

As he pulled away again, a cold feeling stroked your lips.

"I'm sorry.", he smiled in an uncomfortable manner.

Quickly, you shook your head.

"No.", you placed a soft kiss on his beauty mark. "Don't be sorry. I'm not mad."

"I just...", he had to take a deep breath. "You are the best person I will ever meet. Please... never leave me."

Your heart shattered inside your chest.