When Yoongi wakes up the next time it's with a gasp and the phantom feeling of hands around his neck.

It takes him a few seconds to connect the dots and work out that he's actually in Taehyung's bed and not his own. He absently lets his own fingers trail over the skin of his neck. It's not real. There is no one grabbing his neck. He could feel it. There's nothing more than his own skin. Unblemished.

No one's here. Yoongi looks around the room. It is unnaturally – messy. If that could even count as messy. There's a big white towel right on the ground next to the bed. It's crumpled and Yoongi supposes that it hasn't properly dried since last night. Taehyung's clothes that he usually puts away after a scene are strewn right where Yoongi remembers him taking them off last night. Which is unusual. Yoongi's clothes though, they are right where he neatly stacked them last night, the collar laying on top of his shirt.

Taehyung is not here.

When Yoongi feels around the bed he doesn't come across a single spot of slight warmth that would indicate that Taehyung slept the night next to him. He doesn't really understand it. Sitting up he notices that he's dressed in one of his own shirts that he left around Taehyung's apartment sometimes which is also – weird, unusual. Even the briefs are his own. Normally, Taehyung lets him dress in his things, lets him enjoy the smell of his clothes after a scene because it calms Yoongi down.

But these are his own clothes.

Yoongi tries to get out of bed, pushing himself forward with his left hand before a pained gasp falls from his lips. The pain shoots through his wrist and up his arm like electricity and tears spring to his eyes. His wrist is swollen, blue and purple coloring starting to form around it. And now Yoongi couldn't ignore the throbbing pain inside of it. His bottom lip trembles and he quickly wipes the few tears that escaped from his cheeks.

Just like the pain he suddenly couldn't ignore anymore, the memories from last night come flooding back in and Yoongi feels like he's drowning. Literally. It feels as if he's under the water in the tub again, fingers in his hair, holding him down. Holding, holding, holding him and not letting go. He tries to suck in a breath, tries to remind himself that nothing of this right now is real and that Taehyung hasn't done such a thing. It's just his mind. His mind is just playing tricks on him again.

Yoongi swings his legs over the edge of the bed. His feet land softly, not met with the cold floor. There's a pillow on the floor. Right where Taehyung spent the night kneeling next to the bed to not let him alone. His throat tightens and he has to bite his lip to avoid making a sound close to a sob.

There's no way in hell that he deserves someone like Taehyung. Someone who loves him, cares for him unconditionally while Yoongi just continues lying straight to his face. Well, not lying per se. Withholding information that Taehyung wanted from him deliberately. Withholding information that would most definitely impact their relationship – and that's exactly why Yoongi doesn't want to give it to the other. He doesn't want to be treated differently and he knows that once Taehyung would learn about what happened in his past, the younger would pity him. He would treat him differently, he wouldn't be as carefree with him, would hold himself back and Yoongi doesn't want that. He doesn't want things to change, he wants everything between them to stay just the way it is.

Also, there's the tiny fact that he's never really spoken about it. Never addressed it to anyone. The only thing he's ever done is hide it. Hide it away somewhere in the back of his mind with the hope that it would disappear someday. Disappear completely from his life and would stop haunting him but it comes back every time he thinks it's over. And in the worst ways possible.

He hid those things behind lies that he stacked up like cards, stacked up to a big house where he hides inside of but it only takes a gust of wind – It only takes something as small as yesterday to make everything fall apart just like that. One card. One card that doesn't hold everything in place anymore and his house of cards would collapse around him. Would kill him.

Yoongi would do anything to avoid this from happening but at the same time that would only mean stacking more cards on the fragile house. More lies, more cards, and the whole thing would be even bigger, could fall even easier and heavier on him.

Sometimes he wishes Taehyung wouldn't be so absolutely perfect. Sometimes he wishes the other would let things slide easily, would just push them away like Yoongi does instead of wanting to always talk about everything in depth. Yoongi knows that this pushing away is the reason why he's even sitting in this house of cards but facing his problems? Facing his lies? Tearing all the cards down without having it guaranteed that it wouldn't end up killing him in the end?

That's just something way too scary at the moment.

He stares at the door leading to the hallway. It's not really closed, not really open either – slightly ajar. If he strains his ears hard enough he could hear Taehyung somewhere in the apartment – it sounds like he's in the kitchen, probably making breakfast. Yoongi doesn't deserve him.

If he leaves the bedroom – If he leaves the room and faces Taehyung he knows exactly what's going to happen. He knows exactly what Taehyung would want from him. But what he also knows is that he couldn't give Taehyung what he wants from him. He can give him an explanation for what happened yesterday. He can give him a reason for his reaction, for the panic attack. That's not a problem. He could easily give him an explanation but that's not what Taehyung would want from him.

Taehyung wants honesty from him and Yoongi... Yoongi couldn't give him that. An explanation? No problem. Honesty? An honest explanation? No. That's not what he could do.

For a second he considers it. Yoongi considers it as his eyes stray towards Taehyung's bedside table. The younger framed a polaroid a week ago. It's a picture he's taken of Yoongi when they were out on a date. It wasn't posed, wasn't planned. It only showed Yoongi caught in the moment. The edges of the picture a little blurred because of how fast Taehyung has moved to catch him in the viewfinder. Yoongi was smiling. He looked happy, carefree. He doesn't even look like himself. Yoongi hasn't felt like this in a very long time. Hasn't felt carefree, empty of all worries and nightmares from years ago but when Taehyung is around... When Taehyung is by his side, just for a moment, Yoongi could actually forget about everything, could leave it all behind and smile like that. Just for Taehyung.

Or maybe because of Taehyung. Because the younger is teaching him to love himself again, to see the world with different eyes and Yoongi couldn't let go of him yet. He doesn't want to.

With a heavy heart beating in his chest, Yoongi comes out of the room. The hallway is empty but he could hear Taehyung clearer from here. The younger is singing something softly to himself, his deep voice ringing through the apartment. A melody meant to calm someone but it only made Yoongi's nervousness increase.

Taehyung doesn't notice him when he enters the living space. It smells amazing and Yoongi could already see a few finished pancakes on the kitchen counter. Taehyung is busy making even more. The pitter-patter of rain hitting glass is loud in the living room. Yoongi hasn't even noticed it before but now he couldn't help but let his eyes stray towards the glass front.

The sky is as gray as his thoughts, dark clouds hanging over the city. Rain is hitting the windows relentlessly, heavy drops knocking against the glass like tiny fists begging to be let inside. Yoongi flinches when a sudden flash tears through the dark clouds outside. It doesn't even take more than two seconds until the whole sky explodes in deafening thunder and this time Yoongi gasps. It goes by unnoticed by Taehyung, overshadowed by the sky.

Yoongi could never get over the fact of how domestic Taehyung looked in the morning. His broad shoulders swallowed by the oversized shirt he wears, legs stuck in too large sleeping pants and his hair disheveled. Sometimes Yoongi wakes up thinking his whole relationship with Taehyung was just one big dream and sometimes – sometimes when he looks at him like this he doesn't doubt those thoughts. It's been months. Half a year that they spent together now but Yoongi still feels like he's not enough for the younger, like he doesn't deserve him. Doesn't even deserve to see him like this.

He couldn't even believe it at first when Taehyung offered to be his Dom, offered the BDSM relationship but offering something even more? That has felt too good to be true but here they are. Yeah... here they are. Months later and Yoongi loves him, knows that Taehyung feels the same. Here they are, Yoongi standing in the other's clothes in his apartment watching how Taehyung makes pancakes for breakfast while singing a song he doesn't know. It's something he could never imagine being possible. Something he never thought could be true but here they are.

Yoongi steps closer to the open kitchen, sitting down at one of the chairs as he continues watching Taehyung. He's scared. Scared of this conversation. Scared and conflicted. There's a part of him that just wants to be honest with Taehyung, sick of trying to hide what happened to him – no, what he let happen. He let it all happen. That's it. He let it happen to him, it hasn't just happened like that. He let it. He let it. That means it's his fault, right? Right? Right?

With a shake of his head, he tries to forget those thoughts, push them back in the dark corner of his mind where they came from.

He takes a deep breath. He just has to get this whole conversation over with as soon as possible. "Morning," He mumbles. What he doesn't expect is for Taehyung to screech and jump away from the stove. The other turns around, face as white as paper and a hand clasped over his heart. Once seeing Yoongi though, his lips form into a smile – unconsciously the other smiles along with him.

"You scared me," Taehyung laughs as he takes the last pancake out of the pan.

Yoongi takes the offered plates of food and sets them down on the table. "Sorry." He avoids looking at the younger, scared that he would be able to tell already that Yoongi would try to hide something even though they haven't even started the conversation he dreads so much.

"No, seriously," Taehyung says without laughter this time, sitting down in front of Yoongi, "You scared me. Yesterday."

And there it is. The thing Yoongi would love to ignore but couldn't. He freezes, the fork he's been continuously stabbing in the pancake on his plate without ever taking a bite hanging somewhere in mid-air as he tries to not freak out. He keeps his head hanging low, intent on not looking Taehyung in the eye as he waits for him to continue. To say something, anything because Yoongi's is sure that he wouldn't be able to make a single sound at the moment without tearing his house of cards down completely.

"I've never – I had people safewording before. I had heavy reactions when someone passed their limits but you –" Taehyung stops himself for a moment, shaking his head. "I'm sorry about what happened. I should have asked you first but you didn't – I didn't know – I didn't think you would react like this. I'm so sorry – so sorry."

It's not his fault. Yoongi wants to scream it, wants to yell at the top of his lungs because how could anything be Taehyung's fault when it's always Yoongi who messes up? When it's always Yoongi keeping things from the other? Important things. This is not what's supposed to happen. Taehyung is not supposed to blame himself. He did nothing wrong. Not really.

Yes, they've never talked about things like breathplay because neither of them had it on their kink list. Yoongi just thought that the day this would become a topic would never come because the only thing coming close to breathplay on Taehyung's list has been the choking. And that has been a hard limit for him. Taehyung never addressed it again. Never asked about it again. Why should he?

But the water. Getting held underwater. It's not Taehyung's fault. He's not completely innocent because he should have talked about new things with Yoongi before but it's not like they planned to have a scene in the bathtub. It just happened. A spur of the moment thing and Yoongi wouldn't have had a problem with it... He knows now, now after all of the panic is over that there hasn't been anything that he should have been afraid of. Taehyung didn't force him under water. Taehyung didn't hold him under water. Taehyung treated him as responsible as always. It's just the situation.

It would be easier if Yoongi could just tell the truth but that's not an option.

For now, he doesn't want Taehyung to blame himself more than he should. It's not his fault. They both made mistakes, both forgot for a second to be as careful as they should have been and this is the first time it happened. The first time that Taehyung slipped up for a small second and he recognizes it, takes responsibility for it. But he doesn't carry the majority of the blame. He would have known better than to do something like this if Yoongi had just been honest from the start.

Yoongi bites his bottom lip, concentrating on the slight sting for a few seconds before risking a glance up at Taehyung. The younger looks tired, exhausted. He looks guilty and it tears at Yoongi's heartstrings. "You couldn't have known..." He whispers, wringing his hands in his lap, "It's not your fault. It's not your fault, Taehyung."

"I can't help but think like that," Taehyung argues. He's reaching over the table, palms of his hands turned upwards and normally Yoongi would jump at the opportunity of holding the other's hand but today is different. Despite that he slowly intertwines their fingers, hoping that Taehyung wouldn't be able to tell that he's hiding something from the trembling of his hands, from the slight sweat breaking out. The younger doesn't mention any of it, just continues talking, "You panicked because of what I did to you. So it is my fault."

"It's not..." Yoongi squeezes his hand once, hoping to somehow make Taehyung believe him. "It's not your fault. How could you have known?"

"What happened?" There it is. The question he dreaded. "Please, tell me what happened."

"It was the water – being under water." Yoongi pauses. He could be honest. He could tell him everything. But the sheer thought makes bile rise in his throat and tears build in his eyes. Yoongi gulps, focusing back on the image of their intertwined hands right in front of him. It can't be the truth but that doesn't mean he necessarily has to lie.

"When I was a kid... I... As a kid, I almost drowned." Yoongi winces at the shocked expression on Taehyung's face. He's not lying. Technically not. "I was in one of those inflatable rings, it was around my waist and some other kids, they were playing roughly and accidentally tipped it over... My head was underwater and I couldn't turn myself around again, I couldn't do it on my own... I thought I would drown..."

It's true. This happened to him when he was like eight years old or something. Yoongi can't really remember his age but he could remember this particularly hot summer day. Remembers the feeling of the ring around his waist, a little too tight because he almost grew out of it. Could remember the burning hot sun on his skin, the refreshing water going up to his navel.

He had just been having fun, just a second away from his mother who normally watched over him pretty close when he went swimming alone in the pool. He remembers the other kids, how he wished he could play with them as well. And he remembers the panic as they tipped him over accidentally. He remembers thrashing around, trying to scream for help but there's only been water around him and no one to help him. He really thought he would drown that day. That's not the reason why he's scared of being held underwater though. But it could be.

It could be a perfectly fine reason so he's only technically lying. Almost a white lie. Almost.

"I'm not scared of water, or swimming..." Yoongi continues to explain, "But being underwater – being held underwater makes me remember that...the feeling of that day..."

"I'm sorry." Taehyung pauses and Yoongi could feel his gaze on him, could feel it literally trying to burn through his skin. He knows that the slightest mistake would give his lie away. So he tries, he tries really hard to look as unsuspicious as possible but it's Taehyung they're talking about. And normally, Taehyung could see right through his lies – just not right through his highest walls.

And really, the younger is not completely convinced by what Yoongi gave him as an explanation. "What's with after that? Why did you keep talking about someone touching you?"

Even though he freezes in panic Yoongi chuckles to overplay his initial shock. "That's because of the panic attack..." He trails off, racking his brain for an explanation that would make the slightest scratch of sense. "As you know, I sometimes can't stand it when someone touches me. And uh... a lot of times when I have panic attacks my mind keeps playing tricks on me. When I'm panicking or stressed then I get the feeling that hands are on me, touching me all the time but it's not real. I just can't tell that it's not real – It had nothing to do with the water."

"Oh..." Yoongi keeps his eyes tightly shut, praying to whatever deities might be up there that Taehyung would believe him. The few seconds that it takes for Taehyung to react feel like a century. "Are you feeling okay now?"

"Yes... thank you," Yoongi breathes, trying to mask his sigh of relief. "Thank you for doing everything for me yesterday, for staying by me all the time and helping me. I know that it can't be easy to deal with me when I get like this. Sorry, you always have to deal with that..." He hesitates before eventually adding the last three words even though it makes pain explode in his chest, "I love you."

He couldn't even feel giddy when the special smile breaks out on Taehyung's face that is only reserved for Yoongi himself. Even though the smile seems a bit different than usual but Yoongi's doesn't have the capacity to think about it or try to find what might be different.

"I love you too," Taehyung whispers as he leans down to press a kiss to Yoongi's lips and the elder thinks that he shouldn't enjoy it so much. The kiss shouldn't make his heart race or his stomach explode in butterflies because of the guilt eating him alive. He loves Taehyung so, so much and he really doesn't want to lie but... it's better like this. It's better if Taehyung doesn't know everything about him so that he wouldn't treat him differently or – leave him.

But it's hard. It's hard keeping these things to himself but Yoongi has no idea how to even start opening up to someone, how to trust someone enough to share this last hidden part of himself with. He just continues stacking lie upon lie. Card after card on this imaginary house he builds and hides inside of. And he knows that it'll collapse sooner or later – he would just love to delay that for as long as possible.

Taehyung pulls back from the kiss with the same strange smile. "I should have really talked with you before doing something like this though." The younger reaches over the table to hold onto his hand again – it does calm Yoongi a bit. Immediately, his heart slows down and he could focus on the other's warmth instead of the guilt in his chest. "I feel really bad. As a Dom – this shouldn't have happened to me and I hope you understand how sorry I really am."

"I do," Yoongi whispers, "Trust me, I do. Let's just – let's just not talk about it anymore, forget it happened. We talked, cleared things up – I don't really want to talk about it anymore."

He stares again. Taehyung stares at him again like he's taking him apart cell by cell with just his eyes. The rain is still hammering loudly against the window and Yoongi tries to focus on that sound, tries to not make it obvious that he lied about the reason of his breakdown as he prays for Taehyung to just stop staring at him. Finally – finally, Taehyung squeezes his hand and sits back in his chair.

"You should eat at least a bit."

As if on cue, Yoongi's stomach suddenly growls loudly and it's like the whole tension suddenly disappears from the table. Yoongi starts laughing along to Taehyung's deep chuckles and it's almost enough to completely suffocate the feeling of guilt in his stomach.

He will hold onto this a little longer, just a little longer because he's finally feeling happy. There's finally someone who is able to convince him that there are reasons for him to love himself, life and everything around him. There's finally someone able to show him that he's worth something, that he's a beautiful person and Yoongi knows that once Taehyung would learn about what he let happen to himself the other would leave him. Be disgusted with him and leave him all alone again.

So, he will hold on.

Yoongi wants to be selfish for once. He denied himself of being happy for so long and so he will hold onto this for as long as possible.

When Yoongi is finished with his pancake his stomach isn't full of guilt anymore. Maybe it's just the fact that he's in the presence of Taehyung which calms him enough to finally take a break from his cluttered mind even without them being in a scene.

He's putting the plates away when there are suddenly arms circling his waist and lips lightly kissing the side of his neck. Right under his left ear – one of his most sensitive spots and Taehyung knows that. He knows that this would make him weak in the knees in three seconds flat. "What are you doing?" He asks, trying to act like he's not already melting against Taehyung's chest but there's already a smile playing at his lips.

Taehyung just hums, hands wandering over Yoongi's front only to rest on his hips, kneading the flesh there lightly as his tongue snakes out to lick against the elder's neck. "I mean – after heavy conversations, I crave a lot of human contact..."

Yoongi almost starts giggling. 'Human contact' he says, as if Yoongi couldn't feel the outline of his dick pressing against him from behind. For a few seconds, Yoongi considers what Taehyung obviously wants to happen between them. Maybe it's his way of further apologizing for yesterday. Or maybe he's just horny but whatever it is – Yoongi first has to think carefully about what might happen.

If they do a heavy scene he most likely wouldn't be able to handle it. But his body yearns for another's touch, seems to starve for Taehyung to show him he loves him in every way possible. Yoongi turns in his arms to press his lips against Taehyung's for a second. "I can go get the collar –"

"Wait," Taehyung interrupts him quickly, fingers slipping under his shirt, "I don't want a scene. I want just – us. You and me. Yoongi and Taehyung. Two boyfriends. Not Dom and Sub. Of course, only if you want to as well."

That catches Yoongi a bit off guard. It's not the first time they would sleep together without engaging in any kind of BDSM. But he didn't expect it right now. Thinking about it – sleeping with Taehyung now without their power exchange sounds perfect.

He smiles and reaches up to hold onto the younger's shoulders but the second he moves his left wrist it starts throbbing. He almost forgot about his purple wrist and how much it actually hurts. Taehyung notices his pained expression too and for the first time, his gaze actually lands on the injured area.

"Oh shit," He gasps and cradles Yoongi's hand in his, "We should get that checked out."

Yoongi shakes his head. "I bet it's not really that bad."

"So what? We're still going to the hospital." It's hard refusing Taehyung when he made up his mind about something and so Yoongi just gives in. His wrist really does hurt a lot. "We can just do the other thing after we're back," Taehyung whispers with a mischievous smirk – reading Yoongi's thoughts once again.

And he keeps his promise. With a bandaged wrist Yoongi lays in Taehyung's king sized bed while the younger makes love to him. Real love that makes Yoongi forget about his house of cards and the guilt clouding his mind. The only thing he could think about was Taehyung. Every sense of his was filled with the other and his head has finally been clear of all worries.

At first, he has been afraid that he wouldn't be able to trust Taehyung enough to give away all of his control after last night. But that hasn't been a problem. Not with how Taehyung treated him.

How he showed him how much he loved him.

-o-

It took almost two weeks for Yoongi's wrist to completely heal again. The slight inconvenience of doing everything with his right hand alone has been – well, annoying. It messed with Yoongi's tight schedule because he took longer to finish tasks one-handed. So, he's glad that is over now.

Furthermore, Taehyung has been practically smothering him with attention on those two weeks so Yoongi didn't really have time to actually think about the guilt in his stomach. Which is a good thing because the only times he gets reminded of it is right before he falls asleep alone. He doesn't even waste a thought on it when his eyes are fluttering shut in Taehyung's arms – just the younger's presence is enough for him to just forget about everything for a little while. Which has kind of been the point of this relationship when they started out.

For now, the love he feels for Taehyung is enough to mask the guilt of continuing to withhold information about his past from him. For now, this all Yoongi needs and wants. But every time he thinks that everything is going well something comes up again. Something always crushes his perfect daydream of spending the rest of his life with Taehyung by his side.

This time it's Taehyung himself.

"Tae wants to take me to a club," Yoongi says, kicking a pebble right in front of him out of the way. There's harsh sunlight beating down on him and his two best friends as they're strolling through the streets of Seoul. Whose absurd idea was it again that they would withstand this heat outside?

"Nothing's wrong with a little clubbing." Ah. Right – it was Seokjin's idea, just as great as his input to Yoongi's obvious introduction to what only could end in a disaster.

"Why are you hesitant?" Yoongi stops dead in his track as he lets Namjoon's question run through his mind. With a huff, he closes his eyes. The younger is right. Why is he hesitating to go with Taehyung to the club? Isn't he supposed to trust him with his whole heart? Isn't he supposed to jump at any opportunity to be with the younger?

But if things were actually this easy then Yoongi wouldn't have to hesitate all the time.

"Hey, Yoon?" Yoongi remembers how Taehyung breached the topic of going to a BDSM club two days ago seemingly out of nowhere.

At the call of his name, Yoongi has been looking up from his phone where he's been watching funny cat compilations for the past hour or so while Taehyung has caught up with a bit of work from the gallery. Yoongi should have already noticed that something was up by then. But he chose to ignore the obvious nervousness rolling of Taehyung. Chose to ignore his jittery hands, the way his voice has dropped to a calm whisper that he always used when breaching a sensitive topic. Even chose to ignore the more than obvious expression on his face.

"I know you don't really like big crowds and you don't have the best experiences when it comes to accompanying your Dom to a club – but I would like to take you to one," He has said, "You can say no – obviously. At any time. But I just want you to think about it. I'd like to show you off."

The request kind of startled him. Taehyung has never asked him to go to a club with him, they never even returned to Sense together – even not to just hang out. And now he wants to take him to a real club, with other Doms and Subs in relationships. It's not like Yoongi doesn't have any experience regarding BDSM clubs and accompanying a Dom as his Sub. But he just thought Taehyung wouldn't care about things like that – now, he knows that the younger obviously just tried to not overwhelm him with everything at once.

It's just like he said it. Yoongi doesn't like big crowds, he doesn't like too much attention on himself, he doesn't like going to clubs as a Sub. When Taehyung spoke about his past experiences his heart dropped for a second before remembering that he did mention tiny details about his relationship with his last Dom.

Just crumbs, nothing that he thought would stay in Taehyung's mind but it seemed like they did. And Taehyung was obviously intent on showing him that he wouldn't treat Yoongi in any way that the elder wouldn't like or would make him uncomfortable.

And that's kind of not what Yoongi is used to – or has been used to. Being shown off. That's something new. That's something he never heard from anyone before. He has always just been property – property to be shown off. His Dom didn't take him to a club to show him off as a person, as a Sub everyone would want to have. Yoongi has always just been there to show everyone how good of a Dom the other man was. Yoongi was just there to obey, to be looked over – it was his Dom's power being shown off and not Yoongi.

He hasn't been shown off because he was something precious to have, something that others would have wanted. He was just shown off to be seen as property, so that the person owning him could establish this ownership over him and in front of others.

Just the memory makes his skin crawl. He gulps. His hands tremble slightly so he hides them at his sides and tries not to show that he's obviously upset. Once he finds his voice again he asks the one question that would definitely determine his answer. "What would I have to do in the club?"

Because there's no way he would do what he has done two years ago with his old Dom. "Whatever you're comfortable with," Taehyung has been quick to reply and reassure him, "Remember, this is not only for me – this is for us, mainly for you to feel comfortable. I just want to take care of you and give you what you need. So you'll have to tell me whenever you feel uncomfortable."

Yoongi has been staring down at his phone for a few seconds then. Contemplating his answer as he watched a white cat pushing a gray one down the table. "I don't want to have to crawl around and I don't want to do anything in public – like sexually," He has quietly admitted, voice barely above a whisper while not being able to bring himself to look at Taehyung, "I like the atmosphere and I want to be your Sub but I still want to feel like a human being."

"You are," Taehyung has said with so much sincerity and love that it almost overwhelmed Yoongi, "As I said, just one word from you and we can stop everything. I wouldn't have done those things to you either way but I'm glad you're comfortable enough to share this with me."

Yoongi nodded. "Then... Then it's okay – the club. What's its name?"

Another one of his fears. There's no way that he would set foot into a club he visited with his old Doms. There's no way he would show up there with Taehyung, risking getting recognized by other people who saw him before or... something worse happening to him. But the second the name left Taehyung's lips he has stopped worrying about the possibility of being recognized.

"Fetish."

He has never heard of this club before which makes him think that it has to be new. Because even though he has only visited about four clubs before, three of them almost regularly (excluding Sense), he has heard of quite a few. His old Dom has always talked about them and Yoongi had a very good memory.

This calms him. How much of a coincidence would it have to be for someone to recognize him at a club he never went to before? But even though this reassured him, also knowing that Taehyung would definitely and without a doubt stop whatever they were doing when Yoongi would start feeling uncomfortable he still wasn't sure. Still isn't sure about letting the other take him to the club. Even though it's Taehyung. Even though he trusts the other with everything (almost). Even though he shouldn't be scared, he still is. But he doesn't understand it. There's no need to be scared because Taehyung is his Dom now. Taehyung would treat him right. He has no reason to be scared.

But the fear is still thrumming in his chest today.

"Can I still think about it though? I don't have to give you an answer right now, right?"

Taehyung has just smiled at him. Genuinely. "Take all the time you need."

And now here he is. Talking with his friends about the reason why he's hesitating to accept the other's offer. He wants to go. In theory. That is not a problem. The problem is that no matter how much he wants to he couldn't stop thinking about all the reason why he shouldn't. He couldn't stop his mind from wandering back into the past, opening up memories he wanted to bury deep inside of his head forever.

"I guess – " He stops himself again from answering the question about his hesitation. It should be obvious. One glance at his friends and he could see that they already knew his answer. Both of them. It's obvious in the way they look at him - a mix between concern and hope. It might be hope. But hope for what? Hoping for Yoongi to accept Taehyung's offer, finally starting to move on?

That's ridiculous. Yoongi has already started moving on the second he stepped foot into Sense. He has already started moving on when he accepted Taehyung as his Dom. He has already started moving on... So why... Why couldn't he just say 'yes'? That's a question he couldn't answer. And deep down he knows that it's not because he doesn't know the answer but because he doesn't want to know the answer. He doesn't want to face what he's been already hiding for so long. That's why he couldn't stop looking for a reason to refuse Taehyung.

"I don't know." He shakes his head in frustration. Why couldn't his friends just accept that he can't just say yes? Even though all of them know that Yoongi actually wants to go. He wishes they would just stop pushing him but he knows that plea would fall on deaf ears. It has always been like that. His friends just want the best for him and they force him to jump over his shadow as much as they have to. In the end, Yoongi is thankful for that - at least most of the times. But he just wishes they would back off for once. He doesn't even know why he brought that topic up with them anyway - he knew what he would get himself into from the start. But he still tries to convince them, "It's a BDSM club, you know. We would be going as Dom and Sub."

"Is that a bad thing?" Namjoon asks and his gaze is boring through Yoongi's skin.

"Not necessarily." He averts his eyes and stares at his own feet. His shoes make them sweat. "I just – Don't know."

And he doesn't. Really - okay, not really. In theory, Yoongi knows that he shouldn't be scared because -

"Taehyung is not him," Seokjin interrupts his thoughts with the exact words Yoongi would have come up with in his mind. The elder's voice has suddenly grown serious and with them the atmosphere around them as well. Despite the searing sun, Yoongi could feel a shiver run down his back. "Stop comparing them and don't tell me that you're not doing that. You do. Taehyung is different."

Yoongi stays quiet. The words continue ringing in his head and he knows that Seokjin is right. Knows that he hit the nail on the head. No matter how hard Yoongi would love to deny his words, he knows that Seokjin said exactly what Yoongi refused to acknowledge. He doesn't want to but every time Taehyung brings something new, Yoongi couldn't help but think about the possibility that the younger would change as well. He couldn't stop his mind from wandering into doubts and insecurities when it comes to Taehyung as a Dom - and a boyfriend.

It's wrong. Yoongi knows it's wrong because he knows Taehyung. There is no way that Taehyung would turn out like the last one. They're nothing alike. Nothing. Still, the fear is always there. Lurking in the darkness of his mind, in the smallest creases of his heart. Lurking like a predator ready to jump and kill him at any sign of weakness. That's why Yoongi couldn't stop building up his walls.

But Seokjin is right. He shouldn't let one bad experience ruin everything for him when he already came so far in moving on from it. And Taehyung is different. It might be time to finally stop comparing them when there's nothing to compare. Taehyung is a completely different person - in every single aspect. It's time to stop being afraid of everything.

"I know," Yoongi sighs, "You're right –"

"I always am."

"You know what?" It's still scary but Yoongi made his decision. He's going to move on and stop being afraid. "I'm going – to the club. I'm going with him –"

"Isn't that the artist?!" Apparently, both of his friends have a knack for interrupting him all the time. "Busan?"

Still, Yoongi turns his head in the direction that Namjoon's finger points. Seokjin and he both have to search for a bit before they're able to locate who got Namjoon's attention at the café across the street. He's sitting alone at one of the tables outside, dressed in all black despite the heat. Black sweatpants and an oversized black shirt riding low at his neck. Unruly brown hair sticks out from under his bucket hat and it's hard seeing his face at this angle and from this distance but it just takes a few seconds for Yoongi to be sure.

It's his whole demeanor, his mannerism which confirms him to be Jungkook. The way he sits, the way he tilts his head to the side, the way he's dressed - Yoongi has been running into him so many times already when he visited Taehyung at the gallery that everything about the guy at the table screams 'Jungkook' at him.

Before any of them could say something else there's another person approaching Jungkook from behind, two paper cups in his hands that he sets down on the table. Jungkook flinches but there's a smile spreading over his lips the second the guy tilts his head back and presses a kiss to his forehead. Even from here his blush was obvious. Yoongi stares at the other guy, cogs turning in his head as he recognizes his face.

"Oh..." Seokjin's voice has suddenly lost all of its excitement and energy from before but Yoongi didn't even notice it, "I didn't know he had a boyfriend."

Namjoon noticed it though. "Could be his brother?"

Neither of his friends say something else as Yoongi just starts walking towards the café. He's not even sure if they're following him right now but that doesn't matter. Not when he just found out about all of - this. The two men don't notice him as he approaches their table quickly, only when his shadow looms over them.

"So you're just Hoseok's friend?" He asks with a teasing tone. It was supposed to be fun, kind of jokingly but he doesn't expect both of them to instantly tense at his presence. Especially, not because he's relatively close with both of them without ever knowing that they were a thing. Jungkook actually looks scared for a second, big eyes even wider than usual and he almost crushed his cup.

"Yoongi hyung," Hoseoks eventually greets him and he's so much different from the way he acts at the office. There's no sign of confidence in his voice as he keeps eyeing Jungkook with a weird expression that Yoongi couldn't really describe. "What a small world."

"Yeah," Yoongi replies. Finally, his two friends have followed him and arrived at the table as well. They both know Jungkook and not Hoseok, that's why both of their gazes are focused on the stranger. And it seems to only be Yoongi who notices the blush suddenly coloring Jungkook's cheeks the second his eyes find Seokjin standing in front of the table.

And then it clicks.

Yoongi remembers the picture on Hoseok's desk, his talk about being in a relationship with someone for a long time already even though no one knew who that was. Obviously now, it's Jungkook. But there's just this one thing that doesn't completely add up. If Jungkook and Hoseok have been in a relationship for a long time already then why - why has Jungkook been flirting with Seokjin all night at the exhibition where they met for the first time? It doesn't make sense. Yoongi is sure that Jungkook wouldn't be the type to cheat but he knows flirting when he sees it. He also knows that Seokjin talked about Jungkook more than once. Especially, about the fact that they've been texting back and forth since the exhibition. And seemingly not completely platonic.

So, this is all just not adding up in the slightest. Not when Jungkook seems to be in a relationship with Hoseok. Yoongi would have expected him to panic, to try and leave as soon as he noticed Seokjin here but blush? Why would Jungkook blush? Why would he get flustered when he's supposed to panic because he's about to get caught cheating. There's no way Seokjin would keep this to himself. That's just not something he would do - help someone else cheat on their partner.

Yoongi could even see him open his mouth to say something already but Jungkook beats him to it. "Listen, please don't – " His hands are shaking just as bad as his voice and Yoongi doesn't understand why he seems scared to death. "I'm not out. Not to my parents and not to – I'm just not completely out yet and that's why no one really knows we're together."

Seokjin loudly snorts next to them as he rolls his eyes. This directs Hoseok's attention to him and all Yoongi could do is watch as a spark of recognition lights up the other's eyes. Which is weird because those two have definitely not met before.

"You're Kim Seokjin, right?" He asks while getting up from the table and offering him a hand. This doesn't only leave Seokjin confused and he belatedly reaches out to accept the offered hand and shake it with reluctance.

So... Why does Hoseok know about Seokjin but Seokjin doesn't know about Hoseok? Nothing here makes sense. Nothing at all. Has Hoseok been the reason why Jungkook always refused to meet up with Seokjin? The fact that he wanted to be careful because he's not out is obviously the truth but Seokjin had told him more than once that Jungkook would still refuse to meet with him even when he reassured them that it could only be as friends. And every time the younger would refuse he would remind Seokjin of the fact that he is interested in him but that it's complicated because he's not out.

But maybe that has never been the problem. Maybe it has always been Hoseok. But why does he know about Seokjin? Or, maybe the question should be what he knows about what's been going on between Jungkook and Seokjin. He's acting civil - so maybe he doesn't know about the flirting.

"Jungkook talks so much about you and he definitely didn't exaggerate when it comes to your handsome face," Hoseok says with a wink as he holds onto Seokjin's hand longer than appropriate or normal for a simple handshake. And that's it. Yoongi doesn't understand a single thing anymore. Is Hosoek now flirting with Seokjin now as well? Didn't Jungkook just say that they're in a relationship? Or is this all just a bigger misunderstanding than Yoongi first assumed?

He's not the only one confused. Seokjin looks like his eyes would fall out of his head in the next second, Jungkook is blushing again, Namjoon couldn't close his mouth and Hoseok just looked smug.

"So you like –" Seokjin really struggles to find the right words again but he still hasn't let go of Hoseok's hand, "Know that we've been talking?" He gestures between him and Jungkook and with every word that leaves his lips, Hoseok looks more and more amused, "That he's kinda flirting – I hope?"

"I didn't know you were brave enough to flirt!" Hoseok's squeals loudly, teasing Jungkook and ruffling his hair while the younger's cheeks turn an even darker shade of red. Yoongi didn't know that could be possible.

The youngest pouts as he tries to hide his face from everyone. "I can flirt."

"Sure," Hoseok laughs before turning back to Seokjin to say, "I'm aware."

Everyone else is kind of speechless. Not until Namjoon seems to have finally found his voice again and says the first thing since they arrived at this table. "And you don't care because?"

This is the question at the forefront of everyone's mind right now. Well - presumably, apart from Jungkook and Hoseok. "We didn't want to overwhelm you right from the beginning," Jungkook quietly explains while staring at Seokjin with hopeful eyes. Oh, those eyes. Yoongi understands why Taehyung always calls them Bambi-eyes.

"Overwhelm me?"

"We admit that we should have been honest from the start," Hoseok continues, "But a relationship between three people is not common and we didn't want to scare you away because we're interested in you."

Seokjin gapes. "But you don't even know me! I've only ever talked to Jungkook."

"And he likes you - which is enough for me to be interested. He told me so much about you and I wanted to meet you earlier but Jungkook has been afraid that you'd reject us the second you knew about what we're looking for."

It's plausible. Yoongi knows that polygamy isn't a myth or something but he actually never met anyone in a polygamous relationship. It is like Hosoek said it - not the norm. That doesn't mean it's bad but he could understand their worries.

All eyes are now on Seokjin, waiting for his reaction to everything.

"Well -" Hosoek and Jungkook hang on every word that leaves his lips. "I - First of all, I'm flattered? But I - uhm, I don't even know what to say to all of this."

"We get that it's a bit much." Hoseok is finally letting go of his hand as he sits back down at the table. The hopefulness in Jungkook's eyes had dulled a bit. "But maybe you could consider letting us take you out in the future?"

With bated breath, everyone is waiting for the next words of Seokjin. Honestly, Yoongi has no clue what the elder might answer. All that he knows is that Seokjin really, really liked Jungkook. Likes.

"I -" He interrupts himself, taking a deep breath before giving his answer, "I guess that it wouldn't hurt getting to know both of you, right?"

No one notices the way Namjoon's expression changes at his answer.

-o-

Taehyung picks up his call after the first ring which doesn't really give Yoongi much time to mentally prepare for the conversation. Which is ridiculous because he's been fretting over pressing the call button for the past thirty minutes. But it is still nerve-wracking when Taehyung answers the phone so quickly.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me," Yoongi whispers into his phone, hoping that his voice would reach the younger despite its quietness.

It does. "Yoonie?" The way he says his name makes Yoongi's heart skip a beat. It's just so - special. Yoongi loves it when Taehyung gives him nicknames - until then only Namjoon and Seokjin have given him nicknames before. Nice nicknames. The things the other kids called him at school hasn't been nice and Namjoon quickly explained to him that they weren't meant to be. Because they weren't nicknames, they weren't nicknames for a friend because those people were never his friends. Neither did they like him.

But Taehyung likes him. And getting called by different nicknames from him makes Yoongi feel all warm inside. But he can't forget the reason he called just because he loves hearing Taehyung say his name.

"Yeah, I just – I wanted to tell you that I want to go," He says quickly - before he had the opportunity to back out again, "Uhm, to the club."

It sounds like he's trying to hide it but Yoongi could hear the excitement in the other's voice clear as day. "Fetish?"

"Yeah," He chuckles quietly - suddenly his heart doesn't feel as heavy anymore, the clouds of worry slowly disappearing from his mind, "We can go together."

This time he doesn't try to mask it. Taehyung squeals loudly - a little too loudly. Yoongi holds the phone away from his ear, at a distance that makes the loud voice of the younger bearable for him. "I'm so excited! I can't wait for all the jealous looks of other's Dom when they see how lucky I got with you."

The warmth spreads through his chest again. Yoongi couldn't believe how much Taehyung actually loves him and how little he is afraid of mentioning it any moment and in front of anyone. There are moments where he doesn't really believe it, where this all feels unreal but he has come to accept the constant warmth in his chest that is caused by Taehyung and his words.

"They have an event on Friday – are you free then?" Taehyung asks a lot quieter than before. He doesn't apologize for the sudden loudness - something that Yoongi told him not to do anymore. It happens. Yoongi knows that. People get excited around him all the time, even the ones knowing that sudden loud noises cause his anxiety to spike up. But having them apologize every single time when they accidentally experience emotions seems dumb to him. And he also doesn't want them to feel guilty. So, he doesn't even say anything anymore - the people who know him notice right away that they slipped up around him and lower their voice without him having to mention it.

"Yes." He could even start smiling a bit himself. He wouldn't say he's as excited as Taehyung for Friday but he's also not only worrying. "Then – see you on Friday?"

"See you on Friday," Taehyung says, "Love you."

"Love you too."

Hopefully, he won't regret his decision.