His head hurts. There's an uncomfortable, throbbing pressure right at his temples.

Taehyung knows he's not the best when it comes to handling alcohol. The taste burns his tongue, ignites his throat and unsettles his stomach. But going through one of his father's company's parties sober? He'd rather not.

But now he has to deal with the consequences of drinking last night. He planned to keep it low, planned to stick to a few glasses of champagne, maybe one glass of wine to lighten his mood but when he saw Yoongi... His stomach turns at the memory of his face. Taehyung doesn't know what happened. He doesn't know why Yoongi ran away crying last night, doesn't know why the elder refused to let him help him after that.

Truth is, as much as Taehyung is able to read Yoongi, just as much the other could transform into a closed book again. Sometimes Yoongi's thoughts are written right over his forehead and at other times Taehyung feels like staring at a brick wall, no clue of what's going on behind it.

Last night, he has suspicions of course. Suspicions about why Yoongi just fled like that. He knows the other's been feeling pretty good in the last weeks and that's something he isn't really used to – seeing Yoongi being happy and carefree without a break for such a long time. It's been so long since the other had something close to a panic attack and of course, Taehyung is proud of that, happy about that but at the same time, it made him worry. It made him worry so much because a long period of calm always meant a harder relapse – at least, in Yoongi's case. He just waited for the moment something inside of the elder would snap again and maybe that's what happened last night.

Yoongi's happiness is like the calm before the storm. And when it hits, Taehyung has to be his anchor.

Maybe it's been the party, a lot of people, a lot of commotion. A lot of people that would want to explicitly talk to Yoongi. And of course, the alcohol. The alcohol that evaporates all inhibitions, especially when it comes to respecting personal space. Taehyung is used to it by now. Is used to casual hands on his shoulders when tipsy businessmen talk to him, is used to someone leaning right against him when they laugh. There's also the occasional hand of women wandering a bit dangerously over his chest or his arms, grazing his back. Taehyung can take that. He might feel uncomfortable but not like Yoongi would.

So, he supposes it must have been something like this. He knows that people only see it as casual, laughing together, slapping each other's backs and coming way too close when they talk but Yoongi – he can't handle that. Not easily. It would be harder for him to avoid physical contact during those gatherings.

Taehyung wipes his sweating hands on the front of his pants. The reason why his nerves are going haywire is something he couldn't explain to himself. He stares at Yoongi's closed apartment door. It's weird. Being at Yoongi's place isn't something new. He never felt like he didn't belong in this small hallway, never felt like he shouldn't be standing in front of the dark green door.

Now, he's staring down at the doormat. A cat holding up its middle fingers is staring right back at him.

Go away.

Yoongi might as well have the doormat directed specifically at him.

It's weird. The whole situation is so weird. Taehyung gets it, he understands when Yoongi might have been panicking last night and needed space for himself to calm down. But he's been ignoring him the whole day already. Taehyung doesn't even know how often he called only to have the phone ring once and then gotten his call declined. Yoongi has never done that. All his messages are left on 'read' and Taehyung doesn't understand that.

It's so unlike Yoongi that he's actually really worried about the elder. Hence, why he's in front of his door right now. But maybe he should have stayed away. It's obvious that Yoongi wants to be left alone right now. At the same time though... Taehyung shakes his head, gathering his courage to raise his fist and loudly knock on the door.

He's just worried. And Yoongi could have just sent him a text telling him to leave him alone. That's all Taehyung would have needed to leave the other be. But now he's just worried. And he wants an answer as to why he's being ignored and whether Yoongi likes it or not, he'll give him one.

All his newfound courage bleeds out of his body as the door gets pulled open with an unexpected amount of aggression. In shock, he almost stumbles over his own feet while taking a step back.

"What do you want here?"

The same aggression in Yoongi's voice is also something – unexpected. Taehyung stares at the other's expression, eyebrows pinched together, lips in a thin line and he obviously doesn't want to let him in. All of this is – weird. So, very weird.

But Taehyung doesn't understand what he did wrong. So why – why does Yoongi look so mad at him? There is nothing he did wrong! Especially not last night and even if there was, Yoongi should just talk to him like a normal human being instead of ghosting him like they're twelve years old or something.

He takes a deep breath, puffing his chest out and tries not to sound like a sulky teenager complaining about doing chores. "Oh, well maybe I just wanted to see my boyfriend who's been ignoring me, my texts and my calls after he ran out crying yesterday." He couldn't help the sarcasm dripping into his tone.

But whatever he wanted to achieve by this obviously doesn't work out. Yoongi doesn't budge, his expression stays the same as he sucks in a sharp breath and turns away from him. Taehyung even expects him to just slam the door in his face but the elder steps away from it. "I needed time to sort my head out," He says clipped.

With the lack of any better idea, Taehyung follows him inside of the apartment, closing the door behind him. Yoongi is sitting down on his couch, face still stiff and completely ignoring Taehyung. It's weird. The atmosphere around them is so – heavy, kind of stuffy. Making it difficult to breathe.

Taehyung walks further inside the other's living room, eyes trailing over the stuff laying around. It's uncommon to find a single thing out of order in Yoongi's apartment but there are clothes all over the floor. The clothes from last night just carelessly strewn over the living room floor and it doesn't add up. Nothing adds up. Nothing - Until he picks up the tie right by his feet to put it down on Yoongi's small table.

When Taehyung was a little kid the scariest feeling in the whole world was the drop on a rollercoaster. The feeling of falling free, stomach like a black hole, sucking in his entire body as he fell to what felt like his death.

It's a similar feeling right about now. His blood freezes in his veins and he could feel how the panic spreads through his body in milliseconds. His gaze stays on the contract on the table. It's opened on the last page. The word right at the top carves itself into his heart. Termination.

Yoongi's signature is already at the bottom.

"You know that you can talk to me about everything, right?" His voice is shaking. Why is his voice shaking? No. No, no, no. No, the real question is: Why did Yoongi sign the contract?

He doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand anything at all. With his heart almost beating out of his chest Taehyung walks towards Yoongi, kneeling right in front of him to search for his gaze. He needs to get to the bottom of this – there is no way Yoongi would just do this out of the blue. "We promised to trust each other and be honest with each other. Don't you trust me?"

Yoongi snorts, pulling his knees to his chest as he obviously refuses to look down at him. "I thought I could."

"Thought?"

"Yeah," Yoongi hisses, glaring at him before getting up from the couch, putting some space between them. "Thought. I thought I could trust you but obviously, the honesty clause only applies to me."

It's like he woke up in a different dimension this morning. Like some alternative universe or some other shit because Taehyung doesn't understand anything at all. And he's slowly starting to get frustrated. He just wants Yoongi to spit the fucking truth out! Is that too much to ask for?! Because like this they won't be able to resolve the problem.

"Yoongi, can you please just tell me what's wrong with you?"

The elder levels him with a glare but Taehyung could see the pain written all over his face. Could see the tears glimmering in his eyes and the way his cheeks heat up, red spots appearing in his face like every time he would start to cry. It breaks his heart. But the words leaving Yoongi's lips next are worse than anything else.

"Since when are you engaged with Jung Dawon?"

And just like that Taehyung is back on the rollercoaster. Falling. But this time it's crashing right into the ground and takes him with it.

The second the words spill over Yoongi's lips it seems as if the temperature in the whole room dropped to below zero.

Yoongi stares at the way Taehyung's whole face falls, expression slipping just right off before he hangs his head in shame. Presumably, shame. But Yoongi doesn't have a shred of pity left to spare Taehyung. He remembers the feeling of yesterday evening, the crushing weight of Taehyung's secret trying to drown him, suffocate him and Yoongi almost gave in. Almost choked to death on his sobs, on the lies that Taehyung used to tell him every day.

Almost... He almost gave in to the crushing sadness tearing him apart from the inside, if it weren't for the sudden anger in his chest. How dare – how dare Taehyung hide something like this and act like nothing's wrong? Like he wasn't out to rip his heart into shreds.

No. Yoongi had enough. This is unbelievable, and as sad as he is, his anger is stronger. Tenfold.

Taehyung is staring at the floor now, suffocating silence stretching between them before the younger finally opens his filthy, lying mouth again. "I was going to tell you..." His voice is nothing more than a whisper, a puff of air but in the silence of this room, it's loud and clear.

That's not what Yoongi wants to hear. He doesn't want to listen to some weak excuses, some evasive explanation that'll leave him wondering why he's even angry anymore. No. He doesn't want to listen to that. Doesn't want more lies, more bullshit.

"Oh, you were? That obviously changes everything," Yoongi snaps, crossing his arms in front of his chest. With each word his voice gets louder and louder, each harsh syllable seems to physically hurt Taehyung. He flinches at every sound of Yoongi's voice. "Well, I heard it from your father because I'm supposed to organize the whole fucking wedding!"

The younger looks up at him, eyes teary, pleading. But Yoongi's not having it. At the moment, there's nothing but anger inside of him. Anger and maybe still a little bit of shock at the sudden realization that their whole relationship was a lie. Behind those things hides his heartbreak, the drowning pressure of sadness, threatening to overwhelm him as soon as this anger dies down.

"It's – I didn't know how to tell you and when the right time would be..." Taehyung mumbles. He's standing up from the floor again, simultaneously Yoongi steps behind the couch. Maybe he's doing it unconsciously but he also knows that he needs this space between them, something that physically separates them. Otherwise, he wouldn't trust himself to stay strong through all of this, not with Taehyung being on eye level with him.

He stomps his foot at the younger's words, huffing because how dare he? How dare he having the audacity to ask this kind of question?! "You should have told me the second you decided to get engaged!"

"I didn't decide anything!" Taehyung suddenly yells. The loudness surprises Yoongi enough to break through his haze of betrayal clouding his mind. Sensing Yoongi's sudden distress at his outbreak Taehyung continues talking with a much softer voice than before. "My father did. He wants me to marry her."

And this is the last straw. It takes a few seconds for Yoongi's brain to actually register that these are the words Taehyung really just said to him. When it does get through, Yoongi could just stare dumbfounded. His hands tremble with the urge to explode but he tries to keep himself in check, tries to keep his calm but he couldn't when Taehyung is running around spewing things like that.

He could actually feel his throat starting to hurt for a second as he yells. "And you're doing it?!"

"Yoonie –"

"Don't fucking call me that," He hisses from between his teeth.

"Yoongi," Taehyung corrects himself, averting his eyes again as he tries to explain himself. "I just – I wanted to figure this out and not worry you because of nothing."

"Because of nothing?!" Yoongi couldn't believe what he's hearing right now. He couldn't believe a single thing coming out of the younger's mouth. "How can it be nothing? And you obviously didn't figure out shit. Now what? You're gonna leave me because of that or would you have hoped to marry her in secret - so, I wouldn't find out? Or no – even better – did you hope that I would be the secret?"

Very slowly the room starts swimming in front of his eyes, Taehyung's pitiful face nothing more than a blurry image. Yoongi tries so hard to fight against the tears, tries so hard to remain strong but a few of them escape his eyes despite his efforts. And with the first tears, he feels the first wave of betrayal wash over him again. It waters down his anger and he just wishes this would be over already.

His teeth ground into his bottom lip like they're trying to break the sensitive skin and he averts his face from Taehyung. This is really going to be it. The end of their relationship and he would just wish for Taehyung to speed things up. Why make him go through this painful conversation when he's still going to end up marrying that woman at the end of the day?

There's nothing beautiful about parting. There is nothing pretty about ending a relationship, so why had Taehyung not done so at the beginning? If there isn't a solution to the problem, why didn't he start sooner? Why didn't he break up with him when Yoongi wouldn't have already been so tied to him, so dependent?

"Yoongi, I – This is my last chance to make my father somewhat proud of me," Taehyung tries to reason with him – if it could even be called reasoning, "I never did anything right for him. My whole life, I've just been disappointing him – He wants me to marry her."

A sob rips through Yoongi's body, shaking his insides and making him choke. When he speaks his voice is quiet, words tiny whispers of a broken, betrayed soul. "You never did what he wanted..." Yoongi shakes his head, wrapping his arms around his own body as he refuses to meet Taehyung's gaze, tears dripping down his cheeks. "You always – you always fought for what you believed in, for yourself... I just don't understand..."

"I know but in the end, it only made me lose the bond to my family. This is my chance to restore it, even if I have to sacrifice myself for that."

Yoongi doesn't try to stop the whimper begging to be released from his throat. Oh yeah. Now, it's starting. But he could feel Taehyung's hesitation. Maybe he isn't as cruel as he seems at the moment, maybe he really didn't want to hurt him and that's the reason why it's so hard for him to end it now but Yoongi just wants it to be over. He just wants Taehyung to finally pull the trigger, kill them without hesitation.

"I don't love her, Yoongi." The elder glances up, meeting Taehyung's glassy eyes. The smile on his lips trembles, the corners of his mouth not really wanting to stay up but Taehyung puts in so much effort. His hands reach out for Yoongi even though the couch is between them, even though they're so far away from each other. "I love you."

The cry leaving Yoongi's lips is nothing but silent as he abruptly turns around, turning his back to Taehyung. He hides his face in his hands, tasting the saltiness of his tears on his tongue as his body shakes from the sobs.

Sure. That's what Taehyung is saying now. I love you. Instead of giving him the butterflies those three words usually do, they only increase the pain in his chest. It feels like Taehyung is just ripping his heart straight from his chest, stomping on it for good measure and he thinks that a simple 'I love you' is going to ease this pain?

With shaking breath, he turns back towards Taehyung. The back of his hand wipes over his eyes, trying to get rid of the tears as he meets the other's gaze again. Shaking his head in disbelief.

"I'm – Taehyung, you're not only sacrificing yourself." How egoistic could the younger even be? Yoongi can't believe that he would actually only think of himself as the victim in this situation. "You're sacrificing me too – you're sacrificing us!"

He draws in a deep breath. "I'm not going to end up as your dirty little secret." Taehyung winces at the words, letting his head drop forward. "I thought we had something. I thought we had something special. I won't keep quiet while you marry some woman and continue to sleep with me just to make your father proud of you! I don't even understand how you –"

"Then tell me!" Taehyung interrupts him loudly, cutting right through his words. "Tell me what I should be fucking doing because this is not easy for me either!"

"It's not easy – Are you fucking kidding me?! I want you to fight for me – for us the same way you fought for everything else in your life!" Yoongi rounds the couch, pushing against Taehyung's chest with every word he speaks until the younger catches his wrists in a tight grip.

"Let me fucking go," He hisses, voice dangerously low and Taehyung immediately loosens his grip. Yoongi yanks his hands away before boring his index finger in Taehyung's chest, crowding against him. "I don't fucking get you! You've never given in to what your father wanted you to do and now you're an adult, you're an independent adult who doesn't even need the support of his father. You earn your own money, you have your own reputation – You are not dependent on him and that's what you always wanted!"

With a shake of his head, Yoongi takes a step back again. His gaze wanders over Taehyung's body. From his stupid wide pants over the ridiculous oversized dress shirt and finally up to his disheveled hair. The younger does look guilty, the expression is written all over his face but he couldn't meet Yoongi's eyes. And the elder knows... He knows that this is pointless. Taehyung already made the decision when he started keeping all of this a secret.

He doesn't even know why he keeps trying, keeps talking but the words just continue to fall from his lips like a waterfall of stupidity. The strength is gone from his voice though. "You fought for everything – you fought for everything to not be dependent on him and now you want to give all that up? Because of what? Because you suddenly care about your relationship with him? That's a great change of mind. That's okay – it's okay to want to have a good relationship with your parents but not like that."

The whole room feels too quiet around them. The only thing Yoongi can hear is his own heartbeat, the blood rushing in his ears. He shakes his head, sitting down on the couch. His legs just wouldn't carry him a second longer. "I want you to fight for us the same way you fought for everything else but... but I can't expect that of you when I'm not..." The last stray tears leave a hot trail of burning skin behind. "When I'm not as important as everything else, right?"

"Don't say that..." Taehyung's voice breaks and Yoongi could hear it, could hear the tears in the other's words. He doesn't even have to check to know that they're trailing down his cheeks. "I love you. You know that...But I... Believe me, I love you so much. But I can't just -" He cuts himself off.

And this is it.

Yoongi nods. Sure, Taehyung could just continue lighting his heart on fire because no matter how much he insists that he loves him – there's still the 'but'. And it'll stay there.

"Well, obviously you don't," He croaks, wiping his tears away before he gets up from the couch again. It takes all the strength in his body to face Taehyung without completely breaking apart. "I want you gone when I'm back. I signed the contract to officially end this relationship. Sign the copy on the table. See yourself out."

"Yoongi –" Taehyung reaches out to stop him but Yoongi slaps his hand away. He's done. There's nothing else to say.

"After that, we will be nothing. I will plan your stupid wedding and after that, I don't want to see your face ever again."

Standing in front of his own door again, Yoongi feels like a stranger. He hasn't shed another tear while walking outside, couldn't even form a coherent thought apart from the one that's trying to break him apart.

That's the end. Taehyung is not his boyfriend anymore. Taehyung lied to him. Taehyung has been set to marry someone else for who knows how long and kept it a secret from him. And frankly, Yoongi has no idea how to act right now. How to live on without Taehyung by his side because the past months he spent with him have been the happiest in his whole life.

To think that they're now worth nothing is – terrifying.

He presses his fingernails back into the already throbbing wounds on his palms, trying to keep himself together. Taehyung used to say they would last forever. 'Forever.' Taehyung used to say that he would find Yoongi in his next life so that he would never be lonely again but that's also been a lie.

How stupid has Yoongi been – How stupid of him to believe in Taehyung's baseless promise of 'forever'. Because there is no such thing as 'forever.' There is always an end – nothing could last forever and Yoongi was foolish to believe that Taehyung spoke the truth.

With a shake of his head, he pushes his door open, half expecting Taehyung to be still standing in the middle of his living room only to find it empty. Which is what he wanted. This is what Yoongi wanted, right? He wanted him to leave... right? So, why – Yoongi gulps, biting down on his bottom lip – Why does it hurt so much to find his living room void of Taehyung?

The walk cleared his head – at least to a certain extent. Clear enough so that the tiny shimmer of hope could manifest itself inside of his head. Stupid. Stupid fucking hope. Taehyung had scooped his heart right out of his chest, broken through his ribs to get to it and here is Yoongi, still holding onto that tiny shred of hope... A tiny shred of hope that Taehyung might have changed his mind, might have decided that their relationship is worth fighting for but obviously Taehyung stood by what he said.

Yoongi refuses to cry again. He's not even sure if there are any tears left inside of him by now. He's also not sure if he'll know how to function as a normal human being right now – or ever again.

The door falls shut behind him and Yoongi pulls off his shoes. His fingers are still trembling slightly but Yoongi ignores it. He tries to ignore everything as he walks towards his small table. The contract lays there different than before, the cover on top this time.

For a few minutes, Yoongi just stares at it. Dominant/Submissive Contract. The title at the top almost mocks him right now. Maybe it was always meant to fail. After what he's been through, maybe it just wasn't meant to be for him, to finally find someone that would stay with him, love him and be with him. Maybe he isn't meant to be in a relationship, isn't worth it. Yoongi always loses in the end.

He pulls out a chair, wincing a bit at the screeching sound. Somehow this whole situation still feels a little bit unreal. Yoongi woke up this morning with the desperate wish that last night was nothing more than a bad dream, one of his many nightmares but it wasn't. It wasn't but Yoongi still had hope. There had still been a small, irrational part inside of himself that told him that he misunderstood the whole thing but he didn't. Taehyung confirmed it.

And the worst part is that Yoongi doesn't understand his reasoning at all. There is nothing rational or logical about Taehyung actually accepting the request of his father. It's just – it doesn't make sense and that's what's tormenting Yoongi. If he had at least gotten an understandable explanation he wouldn't feel as bad as he does right now.

Well, he doesn't know that but he thinks that the whole situation would be a bit better if there was something logical to Taehyung's way of thinking. But like this – like this, the only reason Yoongi has left to believe is that what he said before is true. When it comes down to his family and Yoongi, Taehyung would always choose to make his father happy.

Without a doubt, Yoongi would have never thought that the younger would decide like that though. Not after he listened so many nights to Taehyung talking about the relationship with his family, specifically the one with his father, and how it got worse and worse over the years and during all this – during all of this, Yoongi has always refrained from asking the question burning on his tongue.

If Taehyung fought so long and hard to be independent, to get away from his father – why does he try to restore their relationship right now?

It's not like Yoongi has something against that. He loves his own family to death and would always try to reconcile after an argument but Taehyung's situation... He's not sure if he would try to get back in touch with his father. But that has always been Taehyung's problem.

He's too nice.

And that might seem like a positive thing. It is. Really. Being nice is a positive character trait but not when that niceness makes it easy to take advantage of you. Taehyung is nice to everyone but not everyone is able to take advantage of his niceness. That's the reason it took Yoongi so long to figure this out.

Taehyung can be cruel when it comes to his work, he shoots down people without batting an eye, he negotiates his business so professionally and there is not a trace of 'too nice' within sight. But those are all people emotionally detached from him. As soon as Taehyung likes someone, as soon as they're his friend or a part of his family the younger somehow loses the ability to say 'no'.

However, it hadn't always been like this. Yoongi knows that Taehyung was able to yell a big fat 'no' at his father during his teenage years. But this rebellious phase has passed and now he's falling back into the pattern of being 'too nice'.

It's a negative trait packaged in a seemingly positive one. It's good that Taehyung shows kindness to everyone around him but behind that kindness hides naivety. Because being too nice means that he'd please others and make them happy, rather than himself. Willing to sacrifice himself – actually their whole relationship – to make his father proud of him. Taehyung would rather be liked by the people he loves than speak up against them – just as he's doing with his father.

Being too nice means that he doesn't have boundaries when it comes to those people. Going as far as giving away his future because his father suddenly wants him to. And most of all, being too nice means that he keeps people around that treat him like shit because he's too nice to cut them off.

There was a time where he ran away from his father, cut all ties but somehow the man found his way back into Taehyung's life, starting to control it once again. And Taehyung lets him.

Yoongi doesn't understand that. He just doesn't get it. Apart from 'they're family' there's not a single other reason popping up in his mind to support Taehyung's decision in agreeing to the arranged marriage.

With a deep breath, Yoongi focuses back on the contract in front of him. His fingers shake a little as he reaches out to touch the paper. They did break up already. Yoongi told him that as soon as the planning is over that he never wants to see the younger again. That's what he said. Those exact words, but it still feels kind of unreal.

The whole situation still feels unreal. Even after Taehyung stomped on his heart right in front of his eyes, Yoongi still feels like this is all just a bad dream and the younger would walk through his front door any second. Walk in with his stupid boxy grin and wrap him in a warm hug.

But that's not going to happen.

He flips through the pages of the contract, kind of afraid of getting to the last page. There's nothing left for him – Taehyung is not there anymore. Their relationship is over even though the whole realization hasn't set in yet he knows that it's true. But seeing that confirmed, black in white on the contract in the form of Taehyung's signature is something different. Yoongi knows that he needs to see it to finally start on mourning their relationship, needs to see the other's signature so that he knows that there's really not a single trace of hope left. Not the smallest shimmer of light in the darkness that's swallowing him whole.

Termination.

The word at the top of the page seems to glare at him – mocking him. As if it wanted to say that it's been right all along. The voice that Yoongi managed to push to the back of his mind over the months he spent with Taehyung has been right all along. In the end, Yoongi always loses. In the end, he is not worth it. Not worthy enough to fight for and he knew that. He knew that, right from the start, but Taehyung convinced him that those voices were lying.

Now they're laughing the loudest in his mind.

His eyes wander over the page until they reach the part for signing and there is his signature and there is – no. His heart stops for a second. Taehyung didn't sign. The space is still blank. Instead of a signature, there is a small note written right under the dotted line.

I will try to explain it to you – Just give me time. At least give me time, you owe me this much. I love you.

For a few seconds, Yoongi just stares at the page in disbelief.

It's impulsively, it's not what he actually wanted to do but in his frustration, he throws the whole contract to the floor before burying his face in his hands and releasing a desperate yell. He can't believe the other's audacity to write this fucking note. First of all, Taehyung is kind of obligated to sign if Yoongi wants to end the damn relationship and second of all, since when does Yoongi owe him shit?

He knows what Taehyung is hinting at. He gets it – he kept a big secret as well and when he wasn't ready to talk about it yet, Taehyung gave him as much time as he needed to gather his thoughts. But that's a completely different situation from this. The secrets are different, the need to explain is different and the effect on their relationship – ex-relationship – is different.

Yoongi shakes his head. He should really just call Taehyung and yell at him until the other signs the damn contract but at the same time... at the same time, Yoongi wants the other to have an explanation so bad. Even though he couldn't think of anything right now he knows that the remains of his burning heart craves for an explanation, for something logical, rational – something understandable that would explain Taehyung's actions at least a little bit.

So, Yoongi doesn't call Taehyung. He doesn't do anything but curl up under his covers for the rest of the day and night.

Tomorrow, he thinks, tomorrow he will face the world again. Tomorrow he will talk to his friends and he will leave his bed. But tonight, tonight he just wants to drown himself in this tormenting sadness.

-o-

Every time Taehyung visits his mother he feels a little bit like a kid again. Maybe it's because of the way she keeps insisting on using his childhood nickname. But maybe it's also because he misses the way they were connected during his childhood. It's obvious she does too. Every time he meets her, she's trying so hard to make everything seem like they've never been apart, like there haven't been literal years of radio silence between them.

Taehyung doesn't blame her for standing with his father back when he was a teenager. When he was younger, right after he got thrown out, maybe he blamed her back then. In the past, he couldn't understand why she would quietly follow everything his father wanted, even throwing her own son out in the street. Back then he didn't want any of the quiet help she offered him, never used the money she secretly transferred into his bank account, never replied to the messages she sent him from a different number – he was too angry, too disappointed in her to see that she was suffering as well.

Since day one everyone knew that Taehyung had a deeper connection with his mother than his father. They used to be extremely close and Taehyung missed her so much in the years that they've been apart. But he understands her. Now, being more mature, he understands her.

Maybe not completely but he knows that his mother is more than in love with his father. And he doesn't have to understand her reasoning, doesn't have to look for the possible reasons for her feelings because he would never be able to understand but at least, he could stop blaming her for trying to stand on both sides. He kind of tried the same thing, right? Tried to make his father and Yoongi happy at the same time. Which was stupid of him.

But he just couldn't decide. Couldn't decide on one side when the decision is impossible to make.

Taehyung leans back against the comfortable couch in his parent's house. The smell of flowers is the most dominant in here. It reminds him of his childhood. Even back then his mother always made sure that the whole house would smell of flowers.

She's in the kitchen right now, brewing some tea for them while Taehyung just sits here, waiting. Actually, he's supposed to work right now. And he wanted to, he really wanted to. The files he needs to look through are even in the bag he brought over here but he just couldn't bring himself to open them.

The second his mother opened the door for him, he felt like a little kid again and the urge to just curl up into her arms, crying his eyes out has become too overwhelming for him to ignore. It's strange how easily he could revert back to being a small child when he was around her. His head is throbbing now, eyes too dry, just like his mouth. A few stray sniffles still escape him but he finished crying all of his guiltiness out for now. Sadly, he could feel it growing in the pit of his stomach yet again.

But how couldn't it? He should feel guilty. Should feel absolutely horrible for what he did to Yoongi – lying to him, especially because he insisted on communication and honesty so much before. It's not like he doesn't know about the hypocrisy of his words it's just – Taehyung couldn't decide. And he's scared. Absolutely terrified.

And he doesn't know if asking Yoongi for time was the right thing to do. But he hopes, still hopes that he could somehow get through this situation and end up with Yoongi at the end. Somewhere along the line, he wants the elder to come back to him and maybe it's selfish. No.

It's definitely selfish.

But Taehyung couldn't give him up so easily. Not like that. Not when every fiber of his being aches for the elder wherever he goes. And it is selfish, to practically demand time from Yoongi while acting like the elder owes it to him. Actually, Taehyung expected him to contact him screaming because of the note he left him. But Yoongi didn't. So, Taehyung has been fighting with himself for the past two days, afraid of his own decision that he didn't even make yet.

In the end, he knows that he'll have to tell Yoongi the whole truth. Only like that, it would be possible for them to still have the chance at a future together. But Taehyung isn't even sure if Yoongi would be willing to listen to his explanations. Just because he hasn't told him to go fuck himself, for demanding time, doesn't mean that he'll actually listen to what he has to say at the end of the day.

But Taehyung helplessly continues to desperately hold onto that small shimmer of hope inside of all the darkness, even if it's almost completely faded by now.

The sudden ringing of his mother's telephone interrupts his thoughts. Taehyung eyes the phone laying on the table, his mother is not back yet. "Hello?" He picks up the call without checking for the name or number on the display.

There's a short silence on the other side of the line, a sharp intake of breath before a familiar voice speaks. And even though the sound is kind of distorted because they're on the phone it doesn't even take Taehyung the fraction of a second to recognize it. The uncomfortable knot of guilt in his stomach immediately tightens while the rest of his body just straight up freezes.

"Taehyung." It's just one word. One single word but there's so much more said than his name. Taehyung knows that, could hear it in the hostile tone of Yoongi's voice, could sense it because of how tense it sounds. And he couldn't even blame the elder for anything.

"Yoongi, I -" He's not even sure what he would want to say to the other. When he's actually ready to talk to him, he would definitely not do it over the phone, so why does he start talking now? His mouth just opened without him actually having anything to say but it's just a second before Yoongi is interrupting him coldly.

"I wanted to call your mother," He says and now his voice is void of any emotion. There's nothing but detachment in the way he speaks and somehow that hurts even more than the anger, sadness, disappointment or the betrayal ever could. "Your father fell at the office and hit his head pretty hard. We called him an ambulance – they've taken him to the hospital to check for a concussion and patch the cut on his forehead. Thought I should inform his family."

The guilt in his stomach is quickly replaced by worry. He could feel the color draining from his face as he looks up, just as his mother comes back with two cups of tea.

"Oh – Is he -"

Yoongi interrupts him again. "I'm not a doctor, Taehyung." There's a sigh on the other side of the line and Yoongi's voice gets softer for a second. "Go to the hospital and tell your mother. Goodbye."

He hangs up.

"What is it? You look like you've seen a ghost," Taehyung's mother jokes as she sets the cups down on the table between them. But even though she seems to be teasing there's a certain edge to her undertone. And for the first time, Taehyung notices how tired she looks, how deep the lines around her exhausted eyes became.

"It's dad," He says, watching as her face pales at the mention of his father, "He fell at the office and is on his way to the hospital. We should go and check up on him."

-o-

Five days without Taehyung and it feels like an eternity passed already. Maybe that happens when your heart gets broken. Those last five days went by as slow as they possibly could. Yoongi has been trying to push the sadness – the feeling of betrayal down but he couldn't. Just one second of being distracted and the feelings bubble up like poison inside of him.

What's even worse is that no matter how much Yoongi manages to distract his mind from their break up, from Taehyung's lies, from the younger's promise of explaining everything there is always something that reminds him of the other. Taehyung is everywhere. No matter where he looks, the younger is staring right back at him.

He sees him in the random graffiti at the house right across the street, sees his wide smile in the way the paint seems to explode over the boring bricks. His heart hurts when he looks at the painting, knowing how fascinated Taehyung was when he first laid eyes on it all those months ago. And while Yoongi couldn't see what was so great about it, Taehyung saw something in the colors. Something only he could see.

There are so many little things that scream 'Taehyung' wherever he goes. Stray clothes in his apartment, little gifts he received from the other. The small cat keychain at his office bag, the polaroid pictures stuck to his refrigerator, the second toothbrush he keeps in his cupboards. Taehyung doesn't leave his mind.

How could he?

It's been five days. Five days is nothing even when it feels like centuries at the moment. Yoongi forced himself back to work, keeping his head low and praying to whatever deity might or might not be up there that he wouldn't run into Taehyung. Not yet. But it's impossible to ban the younger from his mind. Apart from all the leftover things at his apartment reminding him of the younger, there are also all the people.

Everyone that's surrounding him is somehow connected to Taehyung. He couldn't even cry in his friend's arms without being reminded of the younger. There is no way to escape Taehyung and Yoongi isn't even sure if he wants to. By now he has even started to avoid Hoseok at the office – not being able to bear seeing him because obviously, obviously he would have known about the marriage before, right? That's not a thought he wants to deal with yet.

Since Taehyung stepped into his life everything changed – generally for the better. Taehyung made him feel more alive. He made him feel loved, made him feel like he was worth something. He helped him starting to deal with the toughest time of his life, he made him go to therapy – He made him feel like a human again.

Taehyung marked his beginning, the beginning of a new chapter in his life, a happier, better chapter. And Yoongi doesn't know if he's ready to close this chapter yet. Close it so it'll never be opened again. Ending this chapter of his life means completely letting go of Taehyung, all of him and Yoongi fears that every bit of progress he made along the way will be stuck with Taehyung.

A beginning always has an end. And Yoongi has no idea what to do after this ending. No idea how to even live on and that scares him the most.

When he called Taehyung's mother and the younger himself picked up two days ago everything overwhelmed him for a second. Yoongi had tried to prepare himself, had known that he would have to face Taehyung sooner or later – especially because of the wedding – but when he heard his voice after those two days, he couldn't have prepared himself for the turmoil of feelings inside of his chest. Anger, sadness, betrayal – but most of all, Taehyung's voice has reminded him once again that all of this is real.

And that he's not ready to let go yet. Yes, yes he is so angry at the younger, feels so betrayed that it tears at his insides but at the same time every fiber of his being aches for Taehyung. Which he tries to suppress but he can't.

His eyes have been locked on the display of his phone for what feels like hours now.

Five days.

That's how long it took Taehyung to come up with an explanation for everything.

Taehyung
I'm coming over. I'll explain everything to you. Please listen – I would understand if you didn't though

His heart is beating somewhere in his throat and his hands feel clammy. This is what he wanted, right? An explanation. But as much as he's not feeling ready to completely let go, he isn't sure if he's ready to listen to Taehyung yet.

But that decision obviously isn't in his hand anymore because not even a second later there's a shy knock at his door. For a moment, he considers not opening the door, considers pretending that he's not home but his heart aches, craves for something logical, understandable from Taehyung.

With mixed feelings he gets up from the couch, taking his time as he walks over to his door. When he finally opens it and sees Taehyung's face anger seeps into his body again. It's like a spark igniting a whole wildfire under his skin because how does Taehyung dare to look so heartbroken when it's him who got them in this situation? How does he dare to look at him like this? Like he's suffering more than him?

"I'm sorry," Are the first words leaving the younger's lips. Quiet and a little breathless, they are enough to make Yoongi burn. He snorts, leaning against the doorframe as he glares at the younger. Somehow, actually seeing him in person drowns out all the sadness and heartbreak, replacing those feelings with burning betrayal and poisonous anger.

"If that's all you're gonna say then you can just leave again," He spits, stepping away from the door and walking inside. If Taehyung is actually going to explain himself then he won't have this conversation with him in the hallway. "I don't have time for any bullshit excuses either."

"Okay," Taehyung coughs slightly before following him inside. It's weird. Just a week ago having Taehyung inside of his apartment was a normal thing and now it feels like he doesn't belong here. Even Yoongi feels kind of foreign in his own living room, like he's walking on eggshells. And he kind of is, always a step away from exploding but he doesn't know if it'll be from anger or heartbreak.

Taehyung timidly walks over to the couch, sitting down while Yoongi stands next to him. It makes him feel a little bit stronger, more powerful. The way he could look down on the younger like this. It reassures him as he stares at him, waiting for his explanation.

It's only been four days but somehow Taehyung already looks so much different, like they haven't seen each other in years. His eyes seem tired, the usual warmth and light shining in them dimmer, almost faded completely. His skin is a little paler than Yoongi remembers and his hair isn't brushed. Even his clothes look thrown together, like Taehyung didn't bother to check what he took from his closet which is nothing like him.

But Yoongi doesn't want to care about that. He's not here to feel sorry for Taehyung. The younger is to blame for this situation and he's not going to take pity on him just because he looks like he's been sad as well. It's his own fault.

Yoongi coughs when minutes passed and Taehyung still hasn't started talking, tapping the floor impatiently with his foot. And finally the younger speaks.

"So, uhm, you know a lot about the rather – complicated relationship between me and my family, especially my father," He sighs, averting his eyes while his fingers start playing with the hem of his shirt. He is nervous. "Like, we had this big fight when I graduated high school and he threw me out because I applied to major in art and refused to do anything related to business and his company. He wanted me to be his heir and I – didn't. Uhm – so, yeah we only started to restore our relationship – I guess around the time you have started working for him."

His eyes keep nervously darting around, his teeth ground in his bottom lip. But Yoongi doesn't have time for all of that. He just wants the truth right now, nothing else. "Taehyung, I don't have time for your entire life story – all I want to know is why you betrayed me – us - like that."

The younger flinches at his harsh tone and Yoongi almost feels sorry. Almost.

"Uhm yes – of course, uhm, my father's not an easy man to handle – I mean who am I telling this to, right? You see him more than I do... Anyway, uhm – there's something about him that doesn't really make this whole wedding thing negotiable for me..." He laughs awkwardly, trailing off again and now Yoongi really has had enough.

"Listen, Taehyung, either you are honest with me right now or you can go and kindly fuck yourself," He snaps, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he lets all the anger of the past days bleed into his words. "I've given you time now, I am willing to listen to you but only if you actually tell me things."

The forced chuckle leaving Taehyung's lips only increases the tensed atmosphere further. "Funny how things have changed, huh? Before you were the one that was talking without saying anything..."

Yoongi rolls his eyes. If this is how the conversation will go he already regrets letting Taehyung in. Maybe that had been a mistake, maybe he should have just avoided the younger like he originally wanted to. Cut him out of his life completely. It would have hurt less than this – this needless back and forth of empty words.

"Okay," Taehyung finally seems to take this seriously. He takes a deep breath as if to gather some courage.

Yoongi just hopes that his explanation was worth keeping this secret for.