"Break me down. Help me fall asleep – make me cry."

And Taehyung does just that. He just does what Yoongi needs of him. It's easy letting himself fall into his headspace when Taehyung's hands wander over his body, when his lips kiss sweet nothings into his skin and his teeth leave a trail of blooming bruises behind.

Yoongi can't think – can't conjure a single thought when he's writhing on Taehyung's sheets, face pressed into a pillow and tears on his waterline. Taehyung's tongue is leaving a burning trail of molten gold behind on his skin, his teeth rip whimpers from his lips as they take him apart piece by piece. The air is heavy with the smell of sex, sweat is clinging to Yoongi as he bites his pillow to muffle the yell of pain.

Taehyung's hand immediately soothes the burning skin on the back of his thighs.

The pain pushes Yoongi even further and he releases his breath in heavy pants. When he glances back he could see Taehyung kneeling fully clothed behind him. It gives the whole scene a different feel – it somehow makes it hotter. Taehyung's dark hair is messy on top of his head, the strands pointing in every direction but it doesn't make him look bad. Yoongi would have said it's impossible for someone to look pretty no matter what they're doing, what they're wearing or what they're looking like. But Taehyung is –

Taehyung is always just so pretty. Mesmerizing. And Yoongi doesn't understand how he does it, how it's possible for him to make anything look good.

Maybe it's because Yoongi is watching him through rose-tinted glasses. Maybe it's just because Yoongi doubts that Taehyung could do anything to make himself look bad. Seriously, Taehyung looks domestic, soft, model-like, hot, like a slob – still pretty though – and it is honestly kind of offensive? How does Taehyung dare to never have a day where he's not pretty? Or handsome? Or beautiful? Or just – perfect?

And now he's not better. Kneeling there, unruly hair, skin already flushed, eyes glinting dangerously. Something in Yoongi's gut clenches at the look in Taehyung's eyes. It's so raw, filled with fiery passion and he couldn't help but let a small whimper fall from his lips even though nothing else happened yet. It's just the way Taehyung is looking at him, with those hooded eyes. Yoongi can't describe it. Those eyes make him feel things he never felt before – honestly, it's just everything about Taehyung, even him as a person, that makes Yoongi feel things he never felt before.

Yoongi presses the side of his face into the pillow, fingers clenching in the sheets as he draws his knees a bit further together. He arches his back, putting his ass and thighs on full display for Taehyung.

It's hot. It's hot knowing that Taehyung is watching him all vulnerable like this, completely at his mercy, naked as the day he's been born while the younger still hasn't taken off a single piece of clothing. Yoongi glances back at him again, with his cheek pressed against the bed he could see Taehyung in his peripheral vision. Could see the way his black shirt is way too big, way too loose on his body, slipping from his shoulder sometimes, exposing his collarbones every time Taehyung moves.

Seriously, Yoongi could stare at him forever – His eyes close on instinct at the impact. A pained groan leaves his lips just as Taehyung's hand rubs over the burning area again.

"Thank you, sir," Yoongi hisses. His legs have given out again and he's completely pressed against the bed by now. The whip went from his ass to the back of his thighs this time. Leaving behind a line of tingling pain.

Yoongi could feel himself starting to tremble. He knows he's reaching his limit soon but he wishes – oh, he wishes he could hold it together for just a little while longer. Just a few more hits, a few more spikes of pain to silence the roaring thunder inside of him. It hasn't even been much yet. They barely reached five hits by now but Yoongi already feels himself teetering on the edge of 'too much'.

The first tears roll down his cheeks when the next hit runs diagonally over his backside, from his ass up to the small of his back. Taehyung's hand brushed only over the sting on his ass. Yoongi could feel it. On his back, right where the whip hit. The burning sensation fades almost immediately, replaced by a coldness the second a puff of air whisks over it. As if something is drying right there and Yoongi knows. Yoongi knows that hit broke his skin. Not too harshly, not too deep but enough to tear the first layer of skin. A sob falls from Yoongi's lips and he bites the pillow again, breathing into the pain as he tries to focus on Taehyung's fingers on his thigh, soothingly rubbing up and down.

"...Yellow..." Yoongi whispers, flinching away when Taehyung's hand goes further up his backside – too close to the open mark on his back.

Taehyung presses a feathery kiss against his shoulder blade. "Enough?" He asks, voice deep, rumbling in his chest while his hand continues drawing patterns on Yoongi's skin.

It's maddening. There is never a second where Taehyung isn't touching him, not a moment where he isn't completely clouding at least one of his senses. Maddening but in such a delicious way. Yoongi squirms against the sheets, letting Taehyung's question roll around the fog in his head. Subspace makes it harder for him to think about anything else than the younger, anything else than his touches, his words – his everything.

He turns his head, pressing his face completely into the pillow instead. Like this, the collar digs uncomfortably into the side of his neck but it doesn't matter. Yoongi doesn't care as he feels himself starting to get breathless. Only when it's almost impossible to draw in another breath he comes back up for air.

"I don't..." Taehyung kisses right under his ear, breath fanning over the side of his face. "I don't know... don't know, sir."

Taehyung clicks his tongue as he sits up again. His hands leave Yoongi but the elder could still feel his warmth above him, around him, everywhere. The room is Taehyung. Everything smells like him, even the air on Yoongi's tongue tastes like him and he greedily swallows the flavor of him down.

"I don't know is not something I can work with," Taehyung says loudly. The softness is gone from his voice. It's supposed to break through Yoongi's hazy mind, to reach him – the him that is not completely immersed in his own Subspace. "Do you want to be hit again? Or do you need something else right now?"

It's still hard concentrating on Taehyung's words. Still hard to focus when his backside burns like it's actually on fire. He wishes he would be able to receive more hits, he wishes to feel the searing pain of the whip on his skin again, yearns for the sound of it whirring through the air, fractions of seconds before it tears at his skin.

He'd love more pain, more hits but he knows that he won't be able to take it. Mentally – mentally he might be in need of more pain but his body can't take more. His pain tolerance is relatively high – compared to his friends at least. And Yoongi's complete attitude towards pain is different than the one of his friends or the majority of the other people around him. He knows he can easily take at least thirty hits from a hand when his mindset is right. He knows he can endure whipping, even when Taehyung uses almost his full strength, for at least ten or maybe fifteen hits when he really needs it.

But today... today nothing seems to be able to calm him down. The pain distracted him enough for the last minutes but the second it starts to dull, like right now, his anxiety is back again. Back at clawing at his insides with deathly intent.

"No more..." He eventually gets out. Even his own voice sounds foreign to him. A little rough. Way too tired. And just... not like his own. "No more hits, sir."

The bed dips as Taehyung gets up. Yoongi forces one of his eyes open to peer at the younger male. His back is turned towards him. A smile curls Yoongi's lips as he spots a bit of green paint at the back of his sweatpants.

"Wait here." It's not like Yoongi would be able to move. He's still not slipping out of Subspace, not really aware of what's going on outside of Taehyung's bed. His gaze strays towards the other's closet. He could see himself partially in the mirror. Naked skin on full display, red satin sheets pooled around his body, diamond choker reflecting the dimmed light from above him and his face – an expression of delirium.

It doesn't take long for Taehyung to return. A few minutes maybe but rationality isn't at the forefront of Yoongi's mind. Not anymore and for him, it feels like hours until Taehyung appears in the doorway again. His shirt is gone, caramel skin on full display and Yoongi couldn't take his eyes off the other's body. His sweatpants hang low on his hips, so low that Yoongi could see the small tattoos on his hipbones.

Yoongi remembers how he used to trace the delicate lines for hours when he first discovered them. On his left hipbone sits his zodiac sign. Capricorn. The constellation tattooed with fine lines, right where the sharp bone pushes against the skin. The right one is another constellation. The great bear. Since Yoongi has seen the stars etched into Taehyung's skin his eyes are always drawn to the sky when night falls, searching for those stars that remind him of Taehyung.

He's still laying on his stomach when Taehyung climbs on the bed again. His weight makes the bed dip and then he's all over him again, settling on his legs, right under the burning marks the whip left behind just a little while ago. Yoongi's about to ask what he's doing when he suddenly shrieks, flinching away from the cold sensation right on the mark that slightly tore his skin.

Taehyung rubs the ice cube all over the red lines on his back, soothing the pain, soothing the burning pain as he whispers. And Yoongi doesn't know what he whispers into his ear, doesn't know what sweet nothings he presses into his skin.

"Can you tell me what you need right now?"

Yoongi whines. High in his throat. The ice is almost too cold, almost hurts him but the soothing effect is unbeatable. "Not...enough," Yoongi whispers.

"Not enough of what? You need to tell me. Yoongi, tell me what you need – what you want me to do."

"Fuck me – take me, break me until all I can think about is you and nothing else."

"Oh, Yoongi." When he glances back he could see the sadistically smile on Taehyung's lips. "How far do you need me to go?"

"Make me forget everything."

Taehyung has always been good with taking over the entirety of Yoongi's mind. And he's especially good at it when he makes Yoongi's soul burn with pleasure. Yoongi completely forgets that he's a real person and that there's a world going on around him, somewhere outside of the room. But that's already too far. Yoongi isn't even aware of what's going on outside of the bubble that Taehyung created around them.

Every touch of the younger's fingers lights his skin aflame and tears a moan from deep within his soul. Taehyung pushes him, pushes him higher and higher and higher. His hands are everywhere, trailing over Yoongi's skin, nail sometimes digging red lines along the expanse of his stomach while his lips kiss his breath away.

Taehyung pushes him into the sheets, cages him in with his whole body. Every single one of Yoongi's senses is clouded with the younger. His taste is one his tongue, running down his throat like golden liquid and fuels the fire in his stomach. With every breath, he takes something more of Taehyung in. His smell of strawberries and sweat. It's intoxicating and Yoongi feels high. All he could hear are Taehyung's heavy breaths, the whispers of praises, all he could feel is his touch, fingers trailing over his skin relentlessly.

He knows that he's sweating, could feel his hair being plastered to his forehead, could feel the heat of his own cheeks, his own skin but he never wastes a thought on the way he looks. He used to get self-conscious. Used to want to hide from Taehyung's gaze whenever he's naked but not anymore. He thrives because of the way the younger drinks him up with his eyes, the way he rakes his gaze over his whole body.

The pressure that's been constricting his chest for the past week has finally started to subside the closer Yoongi comes to his orgasm. It's only a matter of time until he's going to burst. He knows he's already teetering on the edge but Taehyung pulls him back every time. He's dangling him over the edge of a cliff and right before he lets him fall, Taehyung pulls him back again. And he repeats that over and over again.

Yoongi isn't sure how long it takes, isn't sure for how long he's been pressed into the sheet, Taehyung's skin sticking to his own as the younger thrusts deep inside of him. His head is swimming from the pleasure, the whole world seems so far away as he stares up at Taehyung's face. He chokes on a gasp when the younger hooks one of his fingers behind the diamond collar and pulls lightly, connecting their lips in a heated kiss.

"Are you close?" The words are spoken right against his lips and Yoongi nods furiously, gasping for air when Taehyung finally lets him go again.

"So close," He whimpers, hips bucking up on their own accord. He clenches his fist in the sheets right next to his head, trembling. "Please –" His begging voice breaks at a particularly hard thrust of the younger who is sitting up between his legs again without ever ceasing the movement of his hips. "Can I please – please, can I come, sir?"

Taehyung's lips curl into a smile and it might look like the one he usually wears, all boxy and full of sunshine but there's something different. Not only because his eyes are watching him with predatory precision but also something else. But in his hazy state of mind Yoongi doesn't really want to entertain that thought. The pleasure pooling in his stomach is way more interesting, especially because he feels it throbbing, knows that he probably only needs Taehyung's permission to finally let go.

The younger reaches towards the hand Yoongi has curled into the sheets. He slips his own fingers between Yoongi's holding his hand tight before his other hand reaches towards the elder's leaking dick. A high whine tears itself from Yoongi's throat at the feathery touch against his throbbing member.

"Let go," Taehyung breathes, brushing his thumb over the tip of Yoongi's dick, "Let yourself fall."

And Yoongi listens to him.

His whole body tenses as his orgasm hits him. It literally throws him off his feet and for a second Yoongi feels like he's flying. The pleasure is almost too much, almost too good because Taehyung doesn't stop, doesn't stop pushing him further and further, higher and higher. Yoongi squeezes the younger's hand, ignoring his pained hiss in favor of using that as his anchor for reality.

He registers the deep, almost animalistic growl falling from Taehyung's lips before he finally stills above him. But Yoongi still feels lost, still feels like he's soaring through the sky and everything around him consists of pleasure.

It doesn't last long though. Or at least it doesn't feel like it lasts for long. One second Yoongi feels like he's on top of the world and the next he's falling. Falling from such great heights because Taehyung kept pushing him, kept taking him higher and higher but the younger is also there to catch him when he falls.

"Are you there?" It takes Yoongi a while to actually comprehend the mumbled words right next to his ear. He cracks one eye open. That's still Taehyung's ceiling and around him are still the messy sheets but Taehyung isn't between his legs anymore. "Yoongi?"

The high of his orgasm fades from him, spills out of him quickly. And where pleasure has taken over his mind just minutes ago is anxiety already crawling back in. It spreads through his whole body, traveling like his blood through his veins and quickly painting his insides black again.

It takes a lot of effort but eventually, Yoongi manages to turn his head to the side, facing Taehyung. The younger is dressed again. Gray sweatpants and the same black shirt from before. His cheeks are still slightly red, eyes tired as he stares back at Yoongi. Slowly, so very slowly the elder shakes his head, letting the corners of his mouth point down.

Taehyung strokes his cheek, just lightly. Almost as if he's just pretending to touch him. "You don't feel better?"

"A bit – not enough though, sir..." Yoongi is surprised by his own rough voice. The scratchiness hasn't been there before but the tone is the same. The same tone that has followed him for a week now. Hollow. Weak and tired... so, so tired.

There are a few seconds where they just stare at each other. Yoongi could see that Taehyung is thinking, could see how the other's eyes keep flitting over his face as if he's trying to find something. The pressure on his head is back. The pain right at his temples from holding back his tears. Yoongi wishes he could just cry but he holds himself together.

It's exhausting. Of course, it is. So exhausting but Yoongi feels bad. Maybe Taehyung couldn't help him this time. Maybe he has to deal with this on his own?

Before he could think further about that the younger is pushing up from where he's been kneeling next to the bed. His face has hardened and he stares expectantly at Yoongi. "Get up."

The command comes unexpected and Yoongi couldn't really react in time. His confusion must have shown on his face. Taehyung clicks his tongue in annoyance when Yoongi doesn't move a single muscle.

"Are you deaf?" He bellows – Yoongi's heart spikes at the dominance in the other's voice, "Get up right now."

This particular kind of voice Taehyung uses strikes something deep inside of Yoongi. It tugs him right back into his subspace. Even though Yoongi has already been at the brink of emerging from it, Taehyung's voice is pulling him right back underwater. It comes back with full force, dragging him deeper than he's been in the minutes before and Yoongi just lets it happen.

With trembling limbs he gets up from the bed, wincing at the slight pain in his back from the whip marks. But he welcomes the pain as he keeps his gaze low, directed at Taehyung's long, slender fingers as he waits for the next instructions.

"Go and stand in front of the mirror." Taehyung isn't even looking at him anymore when Yoongi starts moving. Only now does he notice that he's wearing underwear again. Taehyung must have put them on when he was still recovering from his intense orgasm, there's also a lack of drying cum on his stomach which is also great.

Yoongi stops in front of the huge mirror, eyes meekly traveling over his own body as he waits for whatever Taehyung has planned next. Even though Yoongi has mostly gotten over his body issues, at least most of the time, he still would prefer doing anything else than staring at his own naked body in the mirror.

His gaze wanders from his feet that he sometimes thinks of as a little bit too big for his small body. It goes further up his legs that he's been teased about so much during his teenage years in PE. They're so thin, almost like the legs of a girl, is what they used to tell him. His eyes go further up to his stomach. Yoongi knows he's become much more healthy since Taehyung arrived in his life, knows that the way his stomach has been sunken in before was anything but healthy – at the same time though, he couldn't help but feel slightly insecure at the small roundness. The small soft, chubby tummy he has gotten. And the rest of him? His chest is a little bit broader than people might expect of him, shoulders narrow, arms thin and hands also too big for his body with long, bony fingers.

He stares at his face. Heart beating crazily in his chest. His eyes are small, have always been small and somehow feline-like. People used to tell him he looks like a cat. His face has also gotten rounder. His cheeks softer, chubbier just like his stomach.

Just as the ugly feeling of self-doubt and insecurity has started creeping in Taehyung is back. Yoongi doesn't know what he's been doing but he spots the purple rope laying behind them. The hairs at the back of his neck rise in excitement at the sheer thought of being tied up. Taehyung stands close behind him, not close enough to let their bodies touch though. Yoongi yearns for the contact, his body screaming for the skin on skin contact as Taehyung presses a small kiss to the back of his neck.

A shiver runs down Yoongi's spine and his eyes follow Taehyung's long fingers as they run all over his upper body. "Stay still." Taehyung's voice is low and gravelly in his ear, breath ghosting over the sensitive skin of his neck.

"Yes, Sir."

He could see Taehyung's lips stretching into a smile in the mirror. Goosebumps break out all over his body when the younger bends down to retrieve the rope. Not one muscle in his whole body is moving as Yoongi keeps staring at his own reflection in the mirror and Taehyung's as well. His breath stutters in his throat as Taehyung starts wrapping the rope around his ankles.

Yoongi stays completely still, not daring to even glance down at the kneeling male.

The rope wraps around his ankles, locking them together tightly and Taehyung uses both ends to run it up to his calves. He keeps crossing them over the whole expanse of Yoongi's legs, effectively locking them together which makes it harder to stand upright. Yoongi sways a little, reaching out with his right hand to steady himself. The mirror is cool under his touch and he could see how it fogs up where his skin meets the surface.

Taehyung runs the rope through the small gap between his thighs before pulling so tight that Yoongi's legs are completely tied together, with no space in between. But the rope still feels slightly loose. The knots aren't as tight as Yoongi is used to, the crisscross pattern down his legs doesn't cut into his skin like he needs it to but he stays silent. Taehyung ties the last knot right under his ass cheeks, exactly where his briefs end.

"Kneel," Taehyung demands once he stood up from the floor. He holds both ends of the rope in one hand while the other is pressing down on Yoongi's shoulder. It's as heavy as lead and Yoongi struggles to obey him. Mouth clamped shut as he concentrates on not falling down. Taehyung helps him move, his hands are there to steady him.

The floor is uncomfortably hard against his kneecaps as Yoongi has finally settled down. Sitting on his knees like this pulls the formerly loose rope impossibly tight and a gasp leaves his lips at the sting. It's perfect. He could practically feel how his thoughts bleed out of his head, leaving nothing but a cottony silence behind. The rope runs taut over his muscles while Taehyung's hand at his back keeps pressing him down. Down, down, down until Yoongi's cheek is pressed against the floor and his knees are digging into his chest.

Only then does Taehyung stop pushing.

He pulls the rope through the already tied parts around his legs and then over his back. Yoongi hisses when the rope spans over the welts formed by the whip but the pain quickly fades to a dull ache. Yoongi couldn't really tell what pattern he's doing but it feels complicated, especially judging from how long it takes for Taehyung to be done with his upper body. When it's over though Yoongi couldn't move an inch, upper body tied to his thighs. This position would be hard to hold if he weren't locked into place by the rope and he could feel his joints already hurting. The slight pain floods his mind and he lets himself fall deeper into his subspace.

Taehyung takes both ends of the rope to wrap around each of his arms individually. A knot is tied around his arms a hand's width apart until Taehyung reaches his wrist. Down there he pulls Yoongi's arms back, so far back that his wrists are in line with his ankles. Carefully he uses the rest of the rope to tie his wrists to Yoongi's already tied ankles.

Like this Yoongi is forced to stay in this exact position, completely immobilized kneeling on the floor with only his head being free to move. His mouth hangs open again and he's sure there is a little bit of drool on his lips but he doesn't care, couldn't care. His breath his leaving him in short pants as his eyes search for Taehyung's gaze who's kneeling next to his face now.

The younger reaches out for his face, trailing one finger down his cheek and over his bottom lip. "Tell me your color."

Yoongi just stares at him. He doesn't know how much time passes where he's just staring at Taehyung. No, not really at him. It's hard to explain. Yoongi knows that it's Taehyung in front of him, that he's seeing the younger but at the same time he's just staring through him, zoning out completely. The exhaustion of being on edge, feeling like a screw that's been tightened too much in the past days catches up with him as he finally starts to relax. The pressure and tension fading from his muscles and if it weren't for the ropes holding him together Yoongi could swear his body would melt away. Tears start to drip from his eyes, finally lifting the pressure from his head.

His tongue feels too heavy in his mouth to answer, his mind too hazy to fully comprehend the question and act on it quickly. Taehyung is already moving, reaching to press the small ball they use whenever Yoongi gets nonverbal in his hand when the elder finally gets his voice under control.

"Green," Yoongi croaks, "It's green, Sir."

The smile breaking out on Taehyung's face is – goofy. If Yoongi had the strength right now he would return it but he could just look at him. Taehyung's lips stretch into that boxy shape he adores so much and his eyes fall shut. The expression is so different from his usual Dom-persona but it's still so very him that it makes Yoongi's heart soar.

"If it changes tell me."

"Yes, Sir."

Yoongi doesn't know where Taehyung is going or what he's doing as he leaves him there on the floor. Faintly, he could hear him somewhere in the room. Probably catching up with something work-related at his desk or anything else. Yoongi doesn't know and he doesn't have the capacity to think about it now.

Not when his head is swimming. Taehyung has left him kneeling right next to the mirror so he could stare at his own reflection. It's kind of weird. Despite knowing that it's him in the mirror Yoongi still feels kind of detached when staring at his own reflection. His own expression doesn't resonate with him. The droopy, teary eyes, empty as they stare just straight ahead, cheeks rosy and mouth opened to pant. He doesn't recognize himself but he doesn't have to.

Even if he wouldn't see his reflection he wouldn't feel like a human at all. His body is melting away, it feels like he's slowly melting out of his body, out of his mind, out of his life – He doesn't even feel like a real person anymore. The only thing his mind could only focus on is the rope on his skin, the way it digs into him just right.

Yoongi has lost track of time the second Taehyung has started wrapping the rope around his ankles. The only thing that actually proves to him that time is even passing is the increasing uncomfortableness in his limbs from having to kneel like this. He could feel it, the pain in his back, the strain on his knees and the way it starts hurting a bit whenever he draws in a breath.

"Sir – it's getting a bit uncomfortable," Yoongi speaks up after what could have been a century but also barely a minute. In the mirror, he could see that Taehyung has stopped moving around at his desk but the younger doesn't even turn around.

"Color?"

He hesitates with his answer. It's hard but Yoongi manages to move just a little bit. And it hurts, of course, it hurts but it's nothing he couldn't handle – nothing he didn't want to handle. The words spill over his lips in a whisper. "... Green, Sir."

"Can't be that tight then, right?" Yoongi flushes at the teasing undertone in the younger's voice and he wishes he could hide from his gaze, hide his face somehow but he's immobilized.

"No, Sir..."

When Taehyung eventually takes the ropes off him Yoongi feels boneless. His gaze catches on the bruises on his thighs. His joints crack as Taehyung helps him up from the floor and Yoongi could catch a glimpse at the welts on his lower back from the whip. There is one mark that has broken the skin and started bruising worse than the others. But it doesn't concern him. Somehow, it makes him feel good. Seeing the marks Taehyung leaves behind, feeling the pain and letting it clear his head.

Yoongi still feels dazed, a little bit like he's in a trance as Taehyung sits him down in the tub and washes him down quickly before putting him back into his briefs. He forgoes the shirt as he sets Yoongi down on the mattress. The elder immediately starts to drift off into sleep. The last thing he remembers before the warm embrace of sleep welcomes him is how Taehyung rubs some kind of lotion onto his welts. Then everything goes black.

-o-

The fact that their group of friends overlaps now completely with Hoseok on board meant that it was just a question of when they would finally all do something together. All seven of them.

Taehyung thinks it's kind of funny – the way all of them are connected through each other. And of course, he had voluntarily given his apartment as the spot of their first interaction with all seven of them. They all have been together before with each other. He knows that Jimin accompanies Hoseok and Jin on their shopping trips now. Knows that Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jungkook have spent a lot of time together. Is aware of how Namjoon is also becoming closer to him since that time where he got the pictures of Yoongi from him.

And there's so much more. They're friends but they're also all working adults with separate lives and finding a date where all seven of them would be able to meet up had been difficult. But now that they've managed to finally get together it feels like they've been doing this for years.

Taehyung watches them fondly from his open kitchen. There's soft music playing in the background while the rest of the guys are gathered in the spacious living room. Yoongi is huddled up in one corner of the couch, feet propped up on Namjoon's lap as he tries to hold his laughter.

The center of attention has been Jungkook and Seokjin – for the whole evening already. They might be a couple but at the same time, they're also the ones with the biggest age gap in this group and they bicker literally all the time. It's fun to watch, especially when they always insist on having a different opinion than the other one, no matter how ridiculous that is. Jimin is somewhere curled up on the floor, holding onto his stomach because he couldn't stop laughing while Namjoon tries to interject into their arguments from time to time with facts and corrections but they wouldn't listen to them.

Taehyung pours himself another drink as he searches for Hoseok who has just been there a second ago. He could swear he just saw him sitting on the floor next to Yoongi, talking with him but now he's not there anymore.

"You're in so much trouble."

Taehyung flinches at the sudden voice coming from behind him. It's just Hoseok though and somehow, somehow Taehyung has managed to push that certain topic to the back of his mind but of course – of freaking course, it's Hoseok who's not shutting up about it. Seriously, Taehyung thought he would at least be safe from him when all of their friends are gathered here but the elder doesn't seem to care about that.

"You're not really helping me here," Taehyung hisses and takes a sip of his drink. The alcohol burns his throat and he suppresses a cough. Alcohol has never really been for him but if this conversation would go like it always does he doesn't want to have it completely sober. "I'm figuring it out."

Hoseok snorts and leans on the counter, head propped up on his hand. His gaze is scrutinizing. "How far have you come already?" His eyebrows are raised in question, a challenging look in his eyes and Taehyung takes another sip instead of answering – which seems to be answer enough for the other. "You're not figuring out shit. Nothing is happening and your time is running out."

"Geez, I know, Hoseok – I know but I'm gonna find a way, okay? You just gotta trust me with this," Taehyung hisses, eyes jumping to the other five in the living room. None of them are even glancing in their direction, all lost in their own little world as they watch how Seokjin almost climbs up on the coffee table while trying to prove his point.

The urge to laugh has left Taehyung as he turns back to the other male next to him.

"Look at me." Hoseok takes a sip of his own drink before stabbing his finger into Taehyung's chest. "I know you. Okay? And I like you. I know you're a good person but you need to be honest with him. I'm serious – do it before he's going to hear it from someone else than you."

"I don't want to unnecessarily worry him when I'm going to find a solution eventually," Taehyung says, slapping the other's hand away. He downs the rest of his drink, shuddering at the bitter aftertaste on his tongue and the burning sensation of fire running down his throat.

"That's bullshit and you know that. We both know that there is no solution if you want to make both happy." The expression on Hoseok's face softens slightly as he reaches out to squeeze Taehyung's shoulder compassionately. "You love him right?"

Taehyung shakes his hand off, a huff falling from his lips as he takes a step away from the counter. "What kinda question even is that? Of course, I love him." That Hoseok even has the audacity to question his feelings for Yoongi is just – Taehyung knows that him being secretive might seem like he doesn't love Yoongi as much as he claims to but it's actually the opposite. He's keeping this secret because there's no one in the world that he loves more at the moment.

But Hoseok doesn't let off. "Then choose him! You and I both know that you want to choose him."

"But frankly it isn't that easy. I wouldn't be in this mess if it would be this easy, would I?" Taehyung huffs. He runs his hand through his hair, tugging at the strands frustratedly. Maybe if Hoseok would support him he would find a solution easier but instead, the other just puts more pressure on him. A tiny voice at the back of his head tells him that Hoseok is right – he would actually have less pressure if he would be honest with Yoongi but telling him now? After keeping it a secret for so long? It's too late to tell him now. Taehyung is alone in this. He needs to figure this out on his own.

"My take on it – just be honest and Yoongi might understand you."

"I know what I'm doing."

"Keep telling yourself that," Hoseok shakes his head. When he turns back to face him the other's face looks just – defeated. "You don't get it, right?"

The confusion might as well be written in bold letters over his forehead. Taehyung doesn't understand what he doesn't get. He knows that there were other ways to handle this problem. Taehyung knows that he should have approached this whole thing differently from the start but now that he's in this mess, he can't just get out this easily. Maybe Hoseok is the one who doesn't get it.

"You don't get how he's going to feel about all of this, right?" Hoseok continues to ask.

But that's not it. It's not that Taehyung doesn't get how Yoongi might feel about this. He lost sleep over that. There's just a part of himself that hopes for the other's understanding, hopes that he'll get why Taehyung has to do it this way. That small hope keeps him going and despite the fact that the shimmer of it gets dimmer and dimmer with every passing day Taehyung only holds onto its light tighter and tighter than before. Because if he doesn't – then he basically admitted to himself that there's not even a chance with Yoongi in the future.

"Whatever," Hoseok shrugs and puts his empty drink down. He pushes away from the counter and fixes Taehyung with a stare for the last time. "I consider you a friend – a very good friend but if shit hits the fan then you know whose side I'll be on. Because Yoongi doesn't deserve any of the shit he'll go through if you don't 'figure' this out soon."

Taehyung doesn't answer. He only watches how Hoseok walks back towards the five with a smile plastered on his face as if their whole conversation didn't take place. The other settles down next to the couch again and Taehyung watches how Yoongi immediately starts engaging him in a conversation.

His hand clenches around his glass as he watches them. Watches the way Yoongi's whole face lights up as he laughs, his mouth so wide open that he could see his gums. His smile is so wide that his eyes disappear and he looks so happy. So fucking happy and Taehyung just stands there, watching him and feeling his own heart breaking a bit further.

He's doing the right thing, isn't he?

He's not as sure as he was when all of this started.

-o-

Yoongi has an unusual peppiness to his walk today.

Actually, he's been having that for the past weeks now. There's something about not having the weight of secrets between Taehyung and him anymore that makes life so much lighter. And since he's gotten over his depressive low as well, things have been going good.

Too good, actually.

At least, that's what Yoongi thinks. He tries not to let those thoughts win though. Because that's what he always does. Every time a period of happiness enters his life, he gets suspicious. That's not what usually happens to him. His life is a rollercoaster and every high is followed by a crushing low and those lows are the dominating part of his life. But with Taehyung, he experienced more highs than he's used to. And now, now there's just nothing going wrong in his life at the moment.

Which is suspicious or raises his suspicion. His therapist told him that what he's feeling is normal. After getting through life expecting always the worst and having low after low, people tend to grow suspicious of good things that happen to them. And Yoongi is more than suspicious. Every morning he wakes up feeling – not always feeling great but feeling good. Overall. And then that passes and the fear sets in. Fear of something happening because there is just no way that his life would be trouble-free for so long. That's not how it is.

But his therapist also told him to ignore those thoughts. Ignore them because at the end of the day? Yoongi deserves to be happy just like everyone else. He deserves to have good things happening to him without having to fear something bad to follow them immediately. Sometimes life just is like that. Sometimes there are just good things for you and Yoongi has to accept that.

He fixes his tie, staring at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar. Even though he won't be able to interact much with Taehyung tonight he's still thrilled to see him. The younger has been pretty busy the past days due to the start of a new exhibition at his gallery but after today they'll be able to spend more time together again.

For now, they have this company celebration. Yoongi doesn't get why they have to celebrate getting a simple deal but at the same time, they've been after this for a little bit over a year now and it's been the first case Hoseok handled completely on his own – and with so much success as well.

And he can't complain about a party if it means seeing Taehyung there.

But the rest? The rest of the people there could gladly stay away from him. Apart from Hoseok though. The younger is also welcome to join him for the evening. But Yoongi is definitely not looking forward to dealing with countless businessmen and sponsors for the whole evening.

He's been nursing a glass of champagne for the past hour or so when he finally really recognizes a face. Sadly it's neither Taehyung or Hoseok. Close enough though because it's Taehyung's father walking towards him with quick steps, a young woman close behind him.

"Yoongi-ssi," He calls out and Yoongi sighs. It's too late to dip so he just plasters a smile on his face. He bows deeply to the elder man to greet him, hoping that this would be over quickly.

"I want you to meet someone," The man says with a proud smile and he slightly pushes the young woman between them, "This is Dawon. The sister of Jung Hoseok."

The girl bows slightly, Yoongi reciprocating the action. He wondered why the woman seemed so familiar before. He's sure he saw her at another party and now that he knows it and knows where to look he could see the similarity with her brother.

"I actually wanted to officially talk to you about this on Monday but now we're almost all here either way," Taehyung's father continues to speak and his words, even though none of them implied something bad yet, leave a heavy feeling in Yoongi's stomach.

He takes another sip of his champagne, letting the bubbly beverage flow down his throat to ease his sudden fluttering nerves. Don't think about the worst, is what he tells himself. You deserve to be happy to, is what he thinks. There doesn't always have to be something bad following a string of good things.

"I need you to help us plan until I found someone else to help us," Taehyung's father says offhandedly and Yoongi breathes a sigh of relief. It's not something bad. He's used to not only managing the day of Taehyung's father during work but also beyond that. He planned so many birthdays and get-togethers that it's almost ridiculous. The sinking feeling in his stomach dissipates as fast as it settled first.

"Of course," He smiles brightly, "What am I going to plan?"

Yoongi doesn't understand the sudden look of confusion on the man's face. "I thought you knew already?" He says slowly. "You talk a lot with my son, right?"

"I do?" Yoongi barely suppresses a squeak at the question. That Hoseok knew he's spending time with Taehyung even before he knew they were dating is one thing but Taehyung's father noticing that they seem to be close? Something close to friends? Yoongi thought they were pretty secretive with everything.

"Ah, well, I thought he might have told you already," Taehyung's father shrugs, "He is going to marry Dawon in two months."

And just like that Yoongi's whole world crashes down around him.

"Anyway," The older man continues to talk as if Yoongi is even able to listen to him further, "We have problems with finding the right wedding planner. But two months is not a lot of time and you are always able to plan everything perfectly. I'm so glad to have someone like you working for me."

There's a ringing in Yoongi's ears that just wouldn't stop. He's sure that he must look like he's seen a ghost or something but he couldn't care less. It seems impossible for his mind to wrap around the whole thing that's just been revealed to him.

"Uhm, okay," He stutters, his hands have started trembling and he needs to get out of there. Right now. Before he does something he'll regret. "I – of course, I'll help." Without really looking at her Yoongi turns to Dawon to bow before he turns around to run. "It was nice meeting you but – I need to go now."

He doesn't hear what she's saying to him after that.

This can't be real. Yoongi actually feels how all of his blood drains from his face, could feel the cold shiver run down his spine as tears start to gather in his eyes. This is a joke. This has to be a joke. But why?

His breath comes out in short pants as he pushes through the crowd of people. He doesn't care about their offended whispers, doesn't care about the fact that he's bumping into so many people he doesn't know because his mind is busy with the fact that Taehyung is engaged. Taehyung is fucking engaged.

Engaged.

Yoongi stops dead in his tracks. Taehyung is... engaged.

He's going to be sick. He could actually feel bile rising in his throat as the first tears drop down his cheeks. The door is right there. Right in front of him but all strength seems to have left him. Taehyung is engaged and he didn't tell him. He didn't tell him anything. His head is spinning as he grasps his chest tightly. It hurts. It hurts so bad. Every beat of his heart hurts like a thousand knives are being driven right into his chest.

How could he have done that? Why? Why?

"Yoon!"

He freezes as he hears that voice. Normally, the sound evokes nothing but happiness in him. Normally, it makes butterflies explode in his stomach but right now he just feels like he got shot. His whole body trembles as he turns his head to look into Taehyung's direction.

The younger is smiling, one hand in the air to wave at him. As he notices Yoongi's expression and the tears his smile slips off his lips though. Yoongi could recognize the concern from miles away and with growing horror he watches how Taehyung starts pushing through the people to get to him. And just like that, his legs start moving again.

Yoongi runs out of there as fast as his legs could carry him, praying that Taehyung wouldn't follow him outside because he isn't sure if he could outrun the younger. To his luck though, he could see the bus he usually takes home just arriving at the stop in front of the building and he starts sprinting towards it.

As the doors close behind him he looks back. Taehyung is standing on the steps leading into the building, watching him go.

Yoongi closes his eyes and more tears spill over his cheeks. He hasn't shown the driver his ticket but the man doesn't seem to want to ask him for it. Yoongi is thankful for that as he walks towards an open seat with wobbly steps. Just as he falls down on the seat his phone vibrates.

The screen is swimming in front of his eyes but he could make out the message the younger sent him.

Taehyung
Hey, why did u run off like that? Are u okay? I can totally come over to urs right now – I would love to ditch this event as well. Do u want me to come over?

The first sob falls from Yoongi's lips and he couldn't even be embarrassed as he starts bawling his eyes out in the middle of the bus. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters but the pain he feels right now. There's something inside of him ripping him apart with blunt claws. It's tearing his heart into a million pieces. Just like that, Taehyung has taken the shreds of his heart and lit them on fire like he doesn't care about Yoongi at all.

And like always he is right in the end. There's always a new low when something good happens. And there's definitely not such a long period of time in his life where everything is just good. This is it. This is the worst drop from the highest high he ever experienced.

Me
Stay home.