Jeongguk doesn't know how much time passes before there are urgent knocks at his door. All he's aware of is that his aching feet feel like they're on fire. His head pounds, brain about to break through his skull, and the skin around his eyes is puffy and sore from how much he's cried. He'd managed to stop some time ago, but he feels even worse than before.

"Jeongguk?" Jimin's worried voice is muffled even further by the cotton in Jeongguk's ears. He knows very well that he should get up and let Jimin in. Knows that his friend is probably thinking of the worst case scenario, but his legs feel like jello and right now he doesn't want to acknowledge the real world. He wants to stay in this state of limbo where he doesn't really feel anything. It's easier this way.

"Please open up, I don't want to call the cops." At Jimin's frantic tone, Jeongguk forces himself up, grips the counter for support as he heaves onto his feet and almost instantly falls over on wobbly legs, and with pressure against the soles of his wounded feet, the pain finally hits him at full force and he nearly doubles over.

Somehow he's able to make it to the door. Swings it open with a little too much force and Jimin barrels in, almost knocks him right over. He looks at Jeongguk with wide eyes, hair unkempt and clothes askew as if he'd just gotten out of bed. Jeongguk instantly feels like shit for calling. He must be quite the sight right now.

"What happened?" Jimin asks breathlessly.

Jeongguk tries to smile. Tries to tell Jimin that it was really nothing but a minor freakout, just him being dramatic as usual, but for some reason his tongue is all twisted and when he tries to smile and tell Jimin that he was just lonely all that comes out is a croak. He tries to swallow but his throat is terribly dry. He must appear quite unsteady on his feet because the moment he wobbles, Jimin surges forward and supports Jeongguk by the elbow and small of his back.

"C'mon, let's sit you down and I'll get you some water."

Jeongguk feels too fuzzy to respond and lets Jimin guide him with a limp in his gait. Once he's safely sat on the couch, Jimin moves to to head towards the kitchen but Jeongguk reaches out and pulls at the hem of his shirt. Scared of what he'll find.

The other boy instantly turns around, opens his mouth to say something but decidedly closes it and instead waits for Jeongguk to say something. But he doesn't. Can't. Doesn't know how to explain this kind of thing so he lets go because he's tired of always having to cover his tracks. He's tired of stuffing his trauma into old, forgotten boxes. Maybe, just maybe he's sick of people not knowing. For once, he wants someone to know. He wants Jimin to know.

The moment Jimin disappears into the kitchen, Jeongguk braces himself for the worst. He remembers the first time he had told someone that he was broken and had been called a freak and jeered at. But at the lack of a scream of horror like he expected, he finds himself caught completely off guard when Jimin returns a minute later with a glass of water in hand. Jeongguk refuses to glance up, scared of the kind of expression he might see. Stares at the Kumamon socks on Jimin's feet instead.

He reaches out to take Jeongguk's limp hand and makes sure his fingers are securely curled around the glass before he lets go. "Drink this," he commands and Jeongguk can hear the tightness in the way he speaks, the way he's trying to keep his composure. "Are you hungry?"

Jeongguk shakes his head.

"You sure? I can make something light like soup."

Another shake.

"Okay, well I'm gonna—" Jimin's voice cracks and he pauses for a second. Jeongguk can imagine what kind of face he's making. "I'm gonna go clean up the kitchen a bit and then we can watch a movie together and have a little sleepover, yeah?"

Jeongguk doesn't respond, continues staring at Jimin's socks until he walks away but Jeongguk's eyes are still transfixed to the spot where he'd been. He's scared that something in him will break if he moves. It's not long before he hears the sound of broken wood being cleaned up. The rustling of a trash bag.

He finally moves his arm to take a small sip of water, and then a bigger gulp that feels cool down his throat. He wonders how Jimin's going to get that rope down. Fantasizes about how it would have played out if he wasn't such a coward. There's the creak of cabinets opening and closing and then the smell of bleach begins to burn his nose. Jimin's in the kitchen for a long time and Jeongguk never knew that a silence could feel so guilty.

Eventually, when Jimin returns he smells like disinfectant. He's carrying a first aid kit with him and when he kneels down in front of Jeongguk, he sets it right next to him. "I found this under the sink," he says. "Did you cut your feet?"

Wordlessly, Jeongguk nods.

Knelt down like this, it's hard to avoid looking at Jimin. He picks one of Jeongguk's feet up to inspect the severity of the lacerations and whistles lowly to himself. "They're not that deep, but you cut yourself up quite a bit. I'm surprised you were even able to walk."

He opens the box and begins to rummage around before he gets back up and returns with a wet cloth. The first thing he does is wipe the blood away, the damp towel warm against Jeongguk's skin brings him a slight sense of relief. When Jimin is done the material is stained an ugly red. He scrunches his nose as he rips open an ointment packet and begins to apply it to cuts.

"You're so careless, Guk." It's Jimin's attempt at cracking a joke, but his bottom lip is trembling and when he smiles it's terribly forced. "You need to be more careful." He finally looks up at Jeongguk and his eyes are shining. "You stupid, stupid boy." And that's when he breaks. His expression crumples and the tears begin to spill over. "Why? Why would you do that?"

Jeongguk has spent a majority of his life asking himself that question. Why did he do what he did to Taehyung? Why was he such an angry and cruel child? Why couldn't his father look him in the eyes anymore? Why can't he kiss boys? Why?

"Because I'm tired hyung." It's the first words Jeongguk has spoken all night and it sends a tremor through him. It feels strange to say out loud. The truth. This isn't everything but it's still a painful part of himself that he's kept behind tight lips.

At this, Jimin only cries even harder. Hunches over to press his forehead against Jeongguk's knee and he stares at the back of Jimin's head. He's never seen him cry before.

Jeongguk doesn't move, just stares at Jimin's shaking form and tries to make sense of it all. "I don't want you to disappear," Jimin wails, voice thick with emotion. "I'm scared for you, Guk."

Jeongguk hesitantly reaches out to run his fingers through Jimin's hair in an attempt to soothe him. Tries not to get too emotional over this but he can't help it because Jimin's love, the way he cares is shocking and Jeongguk just doesn't understand it. Doesn't understand how anyone could give a shit about someone as messed up as him. Jimin is bright and kind, and too good for him. And yet, here he is, crying his heart out with worry on Jeongguk's knee.

"I'm sorry," he begins to apologize. "I'm sorry," he repeats brokenly. Just like that, it all hits him like a freight train and everything begins to leak out. Jeongguk breaks. The sound of their anguished cries fills the apartment because neither of them know how to fix him and this is all that they can do. How do you erase eight years of trauma and self hatred? You can't. You can't. So they cry and fold this secret like paper airplanes and maybe if they throw it far enough it'll all just disappear.

"I can't forgive myself for anything anymore," Jeongguk mumbles. They're laid out on the couch and he's tucked into Jimin's side halfway through a movie. It's past midnight now, the first of December. There's only thirty days until New Years now. His eyes are hurting again and his body feels terribly heavy. He's starting to drift off, tongue loose and static radio playing in his head.

Jimin stills. Takes awhile to reply. "I forgive you. Isn't that enough?" He sounds like he's the one in pain and Jeongguk's head spins.

He already knows the answer so he stays quiet. Falls asleep instead.

Jeongguk spends the next few days feeling a little numb and fuzzy. He's not floating this time, his body feels too heavy for that. It's just a relative numbness that he's content with. Jimin spends those days glued to his side, leaving little room for Jeongguk to breathe. They don't really talk about what happened, but Jimin erases the evidence. When Jeongguk woke the morning after the kitchen was immaculate, not a speck of blood in sight.

Despite hovering, Jimin doesn't try to walk on eggshells around Jeongguk and the atmosphere between them lacks the awkwardness. Instead, he's more attentive. He may not bring it up, but he shows how much he cares in small gestures. Whenever Jimin does have to leave Jeongguk's side to attend class, he makes sure to check up on him often.

It takes longer to get Jeongguk to come back out of his shell this time. He holes himself up in the apartment, spends most of his day locked in his bedroom with the curtains drawn and blanket over his head until Jimin drags him out into the living room.

It's just that he isn't ready to confront the issue. Isn't quite ready to tell his truth, so he texts Hoseok to let him know that he's okay, just busy with studying for exams, which technically isn't a lie because the semester is drawing to a close, and soon winter break will be upon them. But Jeongguk is scared—scared that if he sees Hoseok or Taehyung they'll see the phantom prints around his neck and know.

They'll know that under his skin there are old bruises, not like galaxies from the time he fell off his bike when he was seven, but something uglier. Something like anger and hatred from his own flesh and blood. And honestly, Jeongguk isn't sure how much longer he can keep up this facade. He's exhausted. Sanity barely hanging on by a single thread.

"He loves you," his mother had told him, as she had covered up his father's violence with makeup. Back then, she sounded like she didn't even believe her own words and the trembling of her fingers had told another story. But isn't that what love looks like? Wasn't his father just trying to make his skin thick enough to handle the world? Because it's the only kind Jeongguk has ever known and unless he's swatched in a halogen of blues and blacks, he isn't quite sure what to call it.

It's funny, he thinks, because he had originally started off on the wrong foot with Jimin, and the other boy couldn't even stand being in the same room as him. But now? Now Jeongguk clings to him like a lifeline. As if he can see Jeongguk's wounds and it's this secret swallowed between them. This secret that his smile is a paradox—a lie to make sure that people think he's okay. A loneliness so stifling that if he wished it hard enough, he could return to dust. He's nothing but a shell. A barely there ghost. And now, Jimin knows that slowly, Jeongguk is disappearing.

It's terrifying, having his wounds exposed for someone else to see—the black eye from when he was thirteen. The blood smeared across his nose. The cool embrace of the kitchen floor. Back then, he had called it love. Remembers it all like snapshots of someone else's life. It didn't happen if he doesn't believe it. Like, his mom never cried over his body, and he didn't feel like he was bursting from the inside out. Like, he hadn't been stripped bare and left to drown in shame and regret. It's hard to remember the days before that. The days when he was happy. Did they even exist?

"This is the happiest I've ever been," he tells Jimin when the moon is out and they're laying in his bed.

Jimin give him a strange look, mouth set in a thin line. "What?" he utters in disbelief. Because it's been three days and Jeongguk still hasn't left the apartment.

"This is the happiest I've ever been," he repeats, voice rough from disuse. Jimin had to force him to take a shower today.

Jimin stares at him for a moment, expression blank, and Jeongguk knows that he doesn't understand. Knows that Jimin is thinking about the rope and the equation in his head doesn't fit, because how can someone be happy living like this? But Jimin just doesn't understand, because Jeongguk has never had people care about him like this before. Has never had friends who make him feel less invisible.

This is Jeongguk's version of happiness, as twisted as it may be.

"Okay," Jimin whispers. "I wish you could be happy forever."

But it's silent, this understanding between them. They both know that Jeongguk will never fully heal. There will always be fractured parts of himself. There will always be something missing.

No one has asked him to stay.

"I didn't know that you were dating Yoongi hyung." Jeongguk mentions, steering the conversation away from himself.

Jimin smiles like he's in love. "Yeah, we've been dating for two years. He was telling me about how he met you a few days ago. He really likes you, y'know?"

Jeongguk flushes a bit, hides his face in the pillow. "I was intimidated at first but he's actually really cool."

Jimin laughs. "Cool? I've never heard that one before, but yeah, he's a huge softie at heart."

"Does he make you happy?"

"Of course," Jimin answers immediately, with no hint of uncertainty. "He makes me the happiest man alive."

Jeongguk is confused because Jimin isn't afraid to be so genuine about his feelings for Yoongi, and yet Jeongguk was sure that he liked Hoseok. Jeongguk shakes his head and pushes it out of his mind. It's none of his business anyway.

In a strange turn of events, Jeongguk finds that Yoongi is the next person he opens up to. It's kind of odd how the two of them end up bonding, but Jeongguk can't say that he regrets it. Yoongi is caring in his own quiet way, but it's cute.

He reignites Jeongguk's passion in music and when Jeongguk isn't studying for finals or laying in bed staring at the ceiling, he's holed up in the studio with Yoongi. It's an interesting and flourishing bond between the two, their love for music binding them together.

Yoongi doesn't ask what happened, even if Jimin's concern was obvious, nor does he treat Jeongguk any differently. Even though he tries to mind his own business, Jeongguk finds himself to still be quite baffled, because while there's Yoongi and Jimin, there's also Jimin and Hoseok, and he doesn't want to think that someone as sweet as Jimin would ever cheat.

He can't hide his curiosity any longer. Yoongi's teaching him how to properly use a soundboard when he finally asks. "Hyung, do you know Jung Hoseok by any chance?"

"Do I know him?" Yoongi snorts. "Of course I do."

"What do you think about him?"

Yoongi furrows his brows. "He's my friend, what do you mean? Are you guys fighting?"

"No, not at all," he quickly reassures the elder. "It's just that...are you attracted to him?" he blurts, instantly slaps a hand over his mouth.

He doesn't expect Yoongi's reaction. A furious blush rising to his cheeks as he splutters out, "n-no!"

It's a look that he's never seen on Yoongi's face before (granted they've only been friends for a week) and now Jeongguk is left with more questions about their relationship than ever. He doesn't know much about romance, but he knows that what's going on here is messy and that someone could get hurt.

Now there's Yoongi and Jimin, and Jimin and Hoseok, but also Yoongi and Hoseok, and Jeongguk's head is spinning. He can barely understand the relationship that he shares with Taehyung as it is. He just hopes that his friends are able to sort this out.

"Why would you ask such a thing?" Yoongi narrows his eyes and glares.

Jeongguk shrugs. "I was just teasing, hyung."

Taehyung's presence slowly slips back into his life again, and it's as tentative as ever but once again, something has shifted. He finds himself sharing secretive glances with Taehyung a little too often, and being alone is no longer as suffocating. Jeongguk finds that he's able to stutter out full sentences around the other boy more often. They form something somewhat stable over videogames, and they meet up at the library almost daily after Taehyung had suggested that they be each other's study partner.

It's silly because Jeongguk knows it's a one-sided infatuation because Taehyung is too good for him, and yet Jeongguk can't help but blush whenever Taehyung lightly shoves him or when the back of their hands brush. What they have slowly becomes comfortable and too familiar. Jeongguk is becoming too attached.

Before he knows it, finals come and go, and with the arrival of winter break, a familiar sense of dread begins to creep up Jeongguk's throat. Everyone packs up their things, except for Jeongguk, who avoids visiting his parents. Hoseok goes home, but Jimin stays a bit longer to keep an eye on him. It's a bit comforting to not be alone for the holidays, but eventually Jimin has to leave as well.

Yoongi, who isn't going home at all, placates Jimin's worries by promising to keep an eye on Jeongguk.

"Does your family suck too?" Jeongguk asks when they're sitting at the island eating chinese takeout.

"You bet." Yoongi snorts. "Mum's alright but my father's an ass."

He pours Jeongguk another shot of soju and it's only the second time he's ever drank, so he's already a little too intoxicated and his tongue is loose. Doesn't know why his filter disappears and the words just fly out of his mouth.

"Yeah, my dad almost disowned me for being gay."

It's the first time he's told someone and while he knows that he should be mortified, he's honestly too drunk right now to care.

"You're gay?" Yoongi questions, not sounding all that surprised.

"Is that a problem?"

"I'm gay you idiot," Yoongi deadpands.

"Oh yea." Jeongguk hiccups. Sways in his seat a little. "Just don't tell anyone, 'kay?"

"I won't," he promises. "But I hope you realize that our friends won't judge you. We're all gay as fuck, after all."

"Even Taehyung?" Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi gives him a knowing smirk. "Even Taehyung."

Jeongguk giggles, leans forward as he remembers his father's fist and the kitchen floor. "If my father ever found out he'd really kill me this time. And it's not supposed to be funny, but it is. It's fucked. I'm defective and I don't even know why I was born. I wish I could just die, hyung."

The silence that follows after is engulfing. Hangs over them like a black cloud and through the haze, Jeongguk is afraid. There's the humming from the refrigerator and the sound of the T.V. in the background and then, "do you really want that Jeongguk?"

"Sometimes I do." He's honest.

Yoongi purses his lips, looks down at the counter. "Me too."

There's always this understanding that passes between them and now, Jeongguk gets it. I'm wounded, but you're wounded too. Like they both come from the same kind of darkness, except Yoongi figured out how to escape, and Jeongguk is still trapped in the same damn place. It's strange, this realization that there are people who were once broken like him. People like Yoongi who were somehow able to heal and survive, and just breathe. Because Jeongguk will never know how. He's almost at the end of his own beaten road, before he reaches the end and just drops into nothingness. Into silence.

Jeongguk doesn't know why he says it, but his fountain is overflowing today, and maybe it's because Yoongi is the same as him. It makes him feel as if it's okay to be honest for once. It's okay to show a friend his pain. "Last week I felt all floaty and time became meaningless. One minute I was saying goodbye to you and the next I was standing on a chair with a rope around my neck."

There's no heavy pause of silence or shock. No, Yoongi takes it in stride. "Oh, you dissociated?"

"Is that what it is?"

"Yeah. It used to happen to me when I was in high school. It's like a break from reality. It's like your body isn't your own and you're not really yourself."

"Ah." Jeongguk nods. They're quiet again. He looks at his hands for some reason, as if he can physically see this illness now that he knows that it has a name. The sense of relief that washes over him almost makes him cry because he's not absolutely insane. Yoongi has been through it too and the world feels a little less lonely.

Yoongi doesn't comment on it after that. They move onto lighter subjects, though there is still this tension that Jeongguk just can't quite shake off. It's when Yoongi's gathering the leftovers and putting them in the fridge that he says anything. With his back to Jeongguk, he quietly says, "if you ever feel like you're gonna do that again, please call me."

It's simple. Short and to the point, but it hits Jeongguk. Hard.

He stares at Yoongi's back. Two lost souls connected by tragedy, born from the same dying star. "Okay."

It feels like a promise.

Winter break comes. Jeongguk finds himself in the tranquil comfort of Yoongi.

He spends most of these cold and dreary days on campus in the studio with Yoongi. They both have shitty parents that they would rather not deal with, except Jeongguk can't avoid his the entire break. The campus is quiet with barely a flicker of human life insight besides the janitors, and the occasional security guards that night. And other than a few other reject kids, it's as if he and Yoongi are in their own little world where they can simply enjoy music and not be judged.

He teaches Jeongguk proper vocal techniques and helps him relearn how to play the piano. Jeongguk is more than thrilled to learn everything Yoongi has to offer. The elder is a good teacher, and Jeongguk is a fast learner. Despite his cold exterior and reputation in the music department for being a strict and scary senior, Yoongi is the complete opposite around Jeongguk. When he makes silly mistakes, Yoongi never gets frustrated or angry.

(He complains about it to Jimin over Skype later that night.

"Even when I miss a note he never even tells me I'm wrong!" Jeongguk exclaims in exasperation. "How am I supposed to improve if just keeps telling me that it's perfect?"

Jimin giggles. "It's because he adores you, silly.")

The two of them are so in sync with each other that it's a little vexing. He finds that around Yoongi, he's coming out of his shell more than he has ever done around Hoseok or Jimin. Maybe it's because he knows that he has nothing to hide around the other. It's almost freeing. Yeah, Jimin may know that Jeongguk is in an awfully dark place, but he's never been there. He can't relate to Jeongguk in the way that Yoongi can, who is blunt and brazen, but soft and still a little damaged inside. They share pain until it becomes a metaphor they don't talk about, but they don't need to. They just quietly understand each other.

Honestly speaking, if Jeongguk wasn't totally head over heels with Taehyung, and if Yoongi and Jimin weren't madly in love, he's sure that they would be perfect together. Maybe in another universe they're star crossed lovers or something.

They've been holed up in the studio all day when Yoongi's stomach growls and Jeongguk decides to make a run outside to the nearest vending machine for some snacks (for some reason the music building doesn't have one.)

Jeongguk watches a bag of chips drop to the bottom and is bending down to retrieve it when he startles at the sound of someone calling his name.

"Jeongguk?"

"Taehyung?"

They stare at each other for a moment, perplexed as to why the other is here and not back at home with his family for the holiday.

"What are you doing here?" Jeongguk asks first. "You didn't go home?"

"Ah, I did for a few days but then some shit happened to my uncle and he lives in Taipei so my parents had to fly out there."

"Oh." Jeongguk frowns. "I'm sorry."

Taehyung shrugs nonchalantly but he doesn't look too happy about it. "It's okay. I mean, yeah I was really looking forward to this and I'm hella disappointed, but my parents feel incredibly guilty about it and they promised that they'll be back in time for Christmas Eve. I could have left for Daegu anyways, but I don't really have friends down there so I would have just been alone in the house."

Jeongguk straightens himself out. Feels awkward kneeling down with one hand in the vending machine when they're talking about something kind of personal.

"You must be close to your parents," he says.

At this, Taehyung instantly lights up. "Yeah. They take care of me well and I know that I'm lucky to have a mom and a dad who love me unconditionally."

Jeongguk doesn't know why he feels jealous. It's unreasonable, but he does. He wonders what it's like to have parents that cherish their children and support their dreams. He doesn't know what that closeness must be like. The sadness and longing from being away from home for too long. The joy of being around unconditional love. He almost asks Taehyung how it feels to not have unrealistic expectations set for him. What it's like to have a dad. What's it's like to not be hit but hugged instead.

"What about you?" Taehyung inquires. "I was surprised to see you here."

"Oh, um." He shifts on his feet awkwardly. "My parents are away on business but they want me to be home in time for Christmas."

"I guess that's what happens when you come from money," Taehyung jokes.

Except, it's not funny and Jeongguk hates it. The fact that everything in his life has always just been given to him—he hates it. His father has never seen him as a son, but rather a tool to make himself wealthier. A dumb and brainwashed son to do his bidding so he can retire and fly off to god knows where with cash falling out of his pockets. Jeongguk has never been a person.

"Have you been alone this entire time?" Taehyung asks in concern and Jeongguk doesn't understand why he would be. They're not friends.

"Yoongi hyung's been with me."

"Ah, I forgot how much he can't stand being around his dad," he says. "Every time he goes home they argue. His dad has never supported him doing music. Apparently it's not a real job."

Jeongguk and Yoongi are really too similar.

"Do you want to hang out with us?" he asks shyly because he hates talking about family. It makes him bitter and angry because he doesn't know what it's like to have one.

"If I won't be in your way. I know how Yoongi hyung can get about being around too many people. He's such a recluse."

Jeongguk smiles and it's a little stiff but at least he's trying. "It's fine. We're just messing with some beats anyways. Thank you for introducing us by the way. I've learned a lot from hyung."

Taehyung's gaze softens and when he smiles warmly, Jeongguk's heart flutters. "I'm glad to see that you've regained your passion, Guk. You deserve to be happy."

It gives him whiplash, the way the nickname rolls easily from Taehyung's tongue. The way he speaks with such honesty and tellings Jeongguk that he deserves happiness. It gives him whiplash because Taehyung isn't supposed to be this kind to him. It makes something inside Jeongguk tremble and expand.

People like Taehyung are too good for the world—too good for someone like him.

Taehyung's constant presence become a familiar comfort and Jeongguk finds himself spending less time holed up in the studio with Yoongi. It's strange, because just a few weeks ago he couldn't stand to be in the same room as Taehyung, but now he constantly yearns to be near him. It's not like anything dramatic has changed. Jeongguk is still as shy and awkward about everything as ever, and Taehyung is still bold and beautiful, but he treats Jeongguk with a certain gentleness that Jeongguk finds impossible to wrap his head around.

Taehyung has no reason to be as kind as he is towards Jeongguk. But he is anyways. He's kind and beautiful. Every time Jeongguk sneaks glances his heart aches. They don't do anything crazy. Rather, they spend time together playing video games and going out to eat. Sometimes they're able to drag Yoongi out of the studio, but Yoongi doesn't seem keen on putting up with their shenanigans and Jeongguk wonders if the elder leaves them alone together on purpose. At this point he can no longer confidently call Taehyung an acquaintance, but he doesn't think he has the right to call him a friend either.

They're not friends, but after a few days of loitering around the dorms Jeongguk is sick of seeing the school and gathers the courage to invite Taehyung over to his apartment. Taehyung is more than ecstatic, and the moment he steps foot inside, he gasps. Stares up at the tall ceiling, the shine of the golden chandelier, down to the marble flooring—at all of the space. Too much space.

Except with Taehyung here it doesn't feel so empty anymore. It feels warm and full, and for once Jeongguk doesn't hate being here. He thinks that Taehyung can make any place feel like home.

"So this is how rich kids live, eh? It's not even comparable to how us commoners live," he teases, and Jeongguk just shrugs and bites his tongue because he always feels bitter when Taehyung jokes about his family's wealth like that.

Contrary to popular belief, Jeongguk absolutely despises the fact that he comes from money. It's only ever taken everything away from him. The love of his father—the happiness of his mother. Wealth makes people hungry. Inhuman. Wealth made Jeongguk grow up in a shell of a house with parents who just played pretend with each other. Parents who married for numbers and crisp bills instead of love.

Often, Jeongguk wonders how his life could have turned out if he hadn't been born on a bed full of dirty money. He wonders what expectations his parents would have for him then. He thinks about the nights his father came home smelling like cheap perfume and wonders if his father didn't have his pockets full of cash, would his mom have stayed? He remembers all the nights when his five year old self would hear his mom crying into a pillow at midnight. Back then, even though he didn't quite understand that his father was cheating, he knew that his mom was in pain and would climb into the bed to sleep with her on the side reserved for his father. The sheets were always too cold.

It's awful, he thinks, how much people will suffer for money.

"Did you just move in?" Taehyung asks. He's sat on the couch now, still looking around with wide eyes while Jeongguk goes to grab him a drink. "The walls are empty. I thought you'd have a million photos of family trips like all rich kids do."

Jeongguk grips the glass tightly in his hands as he brings it over. Sets it down on the coffee table with more force than necessary. He moves over to the gaming shelf and takes his time picking something out.

He's never been someone to say what's on his mind. Clams up whenever he says too much, but for some reason Taehyung's ignorance is really getting to him today and he can't help but feel a little irritated, even if it is a joke. Even if Taehyung means no harm and he doesn't really have a right to be upset about it. He can't help the surge of negativity he feels.

"You have to have a family in order to take family photos, hyung" His words are biting, cut through the air life a knife. He doesn't look back at Taehyung, body tense and jaw tight. It's just embarrassing and painful to say—to admit the truth. "Coming from money is the most lonely thing ever. I wish you'd understand that."

It's quiet for far too long and Jeongguk begins to falter; loses the confidence he had built up. There's nothing but burning shame and regret. He should know better than to open his stupid mouth, hadn't his father taught him that? He stares at the title of the games, feels his eyes begin to prickle. His chest tightens and it's such a silly little thing to get so worked up over, but he's only ever good at making things worse and surely he's fucked things up with Taehyung. Oh god, he should have never—

There's a light pressure on his fingers, something warm and hesitant that feels too much like skin. And then, more daring, creeping up to encompass him in warmth, he realizes that Taehyung is behind him, holding his hand.

Taehyung is holding his hand.

"I'm sorry." Taehyung's apology is a soft whisper. "I say things without thinking and I never realized how much it upset you."

"It's okay." Jeongguk's voice is tight. He reaches up to retrieve a random game but his hand is shaking.

Taehyung is still holding onto him and it feels too intimate. Too much. Is this how you're normally supposed to act with someone you're not friends with?

"But it's not. I hurt you, so I'm apologizing." Behind him, Taehyung sighs. "It's like every time I open my mouth I say some stupid shit and you end up getting hurt again."

Jeongguk laughs dryly. Isn't it fucking ironic? Taehyung's saying sorry because Jeongguk is too sensitive and gets his feelings hurt easily, but he made Taehyung suffer for years and he still hasn't properly apologized. It makes him hate himself a little more. He doesn't deserve Taehyung's kindness at all.

"You don't have to apologize to someone like me," he murmurs.

Taehyung is so close that he can feel him stiffen. Squeezes Jeongguk's hand a little tighter. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Jeongguk swallows. "You know exactly what it means."

Taehyung's quiet again and in the silence that fills the space between them, Jeongguk is reminded that even though upon first glance things may seem alright between them, what they have is fragile, weighed down by too many things left unsaid.

With a shyness that Jeongguk has never heard before, Taehyung asks, "can I hug you?"

He should say no because that's the smart thing to do. Because he can't let Taehyung get too close. He can't hurt him, not when he's going to be leaving soon—not again. But Jeongguk is an idiot. An idiot who is whipped for someone who will never belong to him and when it comes to Taehyung, he's weak.

"Yeah," he mutters. "That's okay."

Taehyung releases his hand and there's trepidation in the way that he moves. A certain hesitance to his touches as if he's afraid that Jeongguk will break, and maybe he will. Jeongguk doesn't move an inch, just lets Taehyung snake his arms around his waist. He moves closer to press his chest against Jeongguk's back and rests his chin atop his shoulder. Jeongguk thinks about how well their bodies mold together. Two perfect pieces of a puzzle that will never be pieced together because they're like satellites at the opposite ends of the earth that should never meet.

Neither of them say anything. Taehyung holds him for a long time. Too long for just two strangers, and Jeongguk lets him. Allows himself to believe that everything will be okay, if only for a little while.

Yoongi had escaped and found a life worth living. Maybe he can too.

Things between Jeongguk and Taehyung seem to always be changing, and after that day, things shift again. Jeongguk can't quite figure out what it is, but after they hugged it broke some kind of boundary because Taehyung's become much more touchy. It's in small gestures, like the way Taehyung brushes his fingers against Jeongguk's arm.

Yesterday they'd gone to Hongdae for some street food and Taehyung was constantly placing his hand on the small of Jeongguk's back to guide him (a completely unnecessary thing to do) and he can't fathom why Taehyung is acting like this, but he doesn't hate it. Jimin and Hoseok are touchy people and Jeongguk has held hands with them plenty of times, but Taehyung's touches seem different. More intimate. Taehyung stops leaving space between them on the couch and Jeongguk's brain short circuits.

He can never think straight when he's around Taehyung and days spent with him seem like a dream. Too unreal. He's afraid; afraid that this is all really just a dream and he'll wake up alone in a too big apartment, and Taehyung will still hate him.

But then the moments become real when they're watching another movie together at one in the morning. Jeongguk comments offhandedly, "it's getting late." And then without thought, "do you want to stay over?"

Taehyung pauses when he looks at him and Jeongguk thinks that he'll say no.

"Yeah. I'd love that."

Taehyung doesn't sleep on the couch. Complains about it hurting his back and when Jeongguk offers to sleep on the couch instead, he whines that he gets cold easily at night. So he drags Jeongguk to the bedroom and before he knows it they're under the covers, Taehyung wrapped around him like a koala.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Taehyung asks out of the blue. His head is on Jeongguk's chest so he can't see what kind of face he's making.

"Uh, no?" Jeongguk furrows his eyebrows.

"You don't sound too sure of yourself. Is she a complicated one?"

"No," Jeongguk says quickly. Feels a flush rising to his cheeks. "I mean, I don't really swing that way. So...yeah."

Taehyung hums thoughtfully and Jeongguk doesn't know why he feels so self conscious about this.

"Me neither," Taehyung responds.

He intertwines their legs together and Jeongguk, left more confused than ever, doesn't know what any of this means. All he knows is that Taehyung brings a joy back that he thought he'd lost.

All he knows is that being around Taehyung makes him happy.

When Jeongguk wakes, he expects to find the bed cold and empty. He expects to find himself abandoned, but Taehyung is still there, sleeping soundly. Sometimes in the night they had shifted positions; chest to chest, an arm slung around Jeongguk's waist.

He thinks that Taehyung is beautiful like this, with the morning sunlight filtering through the window to cast an ephemeral glow upon smooth, olive skin. Jeongguk stares at his lashes, the perfect bridge of his nose, the fullness of his lips. He wants to kiss him.

"Like the view?" Taehyung croaks, voice heavy with sleep. He peels open his eyes and gives a sleepy smirk.

Jeongguk, in his mortified state, squeaks before rolling over him and crashing to the floor when his legs get caught in the blankets. He scrambles up and bolts to the bathroom. Slams the door shut. On the other side of the door he can hear Taehyung's bright laughter and his heart beats loudly in his ears. Yeah, he's totally in love.

Jeongguk can't help but smile to himself.

("Do you want to spend the night again?"

"Are you gonna stare at me for five years again?"

"I wasn't even staring!"

"Yeah you were."

"For like, two seconds."

"Jeongguk, I could hear you mouth breathing for five minutes straight."

"I hate you."

"No you don't. I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you."

"...You know what? You can just go home."

"No, Guk please. I need cuddles or I'll die."

"Then get in bed you asshole.")

The morning that Jeongguk wakes up and finds that Taehyung isn't next to him, he panics for a moment before a delicious and warm aroma from the kitchen hits him. He kicks off the covers and makes his way to the kitchen to find Taehyung standing in front of the stove.

"What are you doing?"

Taehyung's in nothing but a white t-shirt and boxers. His face instantly lights up when he sees Jeongguk. "You're finally up? I'm making pancakes." And then, sheepishly, "this isn't weird, right? I just thought you might be hungry."

Jeongguk shakes his head, moves to jump up and sit on the island. Kicks his legs as he watches Taehyung expertly flip the pancakes. "It's not weird and I'm starving. Thanks, hyung."

Taehyung smiles fondly. "Anything for you."

He sounds flirtatious and Jeongguk doesn't get it. Maybe he's just reading too much into it, but it makes his heart thrum anyways.

"You blush so easily," Taehyung teases.

"Shuddup."

"It's cute."

They both stop. Stare at each other for too long, the air thick with something that Jeongguk can't decipher before Taehyung clears his throat and turns back to the stove.

Jeongguk's not sure what's happening between them but being around Taehyung makes him feel like he's overflowing, and not in a messy way for once. From the moment their hands brushed, something inside of him shivered, a part of his heart shook and swelled.

It's oddly domestic in a sense; Taehyung cooking in his kitchen and Jeongguk sitting on the counter watching. Nothing but light banter and quiet giggles between them. Taehyung makes him feel beautiful. Whole. Wanted.

Jeongguk thinks that maybe he wants to stay.

A few days before Jeongguk is forced to return to Busan, Taehyung suggests that they go to a bar, to which Jeongguk immediately says no to. He's tolerance is awful and he doesn't do well with crowds, plus he's never even been to a bar before, but Taehyung is adamant on him going and won't take no for an answer. Of course Jeongguk caves in because he can never say no to the other boy.

The bar isn't as awful as he thought it would be. It's a Saturday but it's not overwhelmingly crowded, and once Jeongguk gets past the nervousness and Taehyung hands him something fruity to drink, he finds himself letting loose for once. There's no anxiety sitting at the back of his throat. Jeongguk, who hates these kinds of things, is actually having a good time. Maybe Taehyung is changing him, giving him more courage. Or maybe he hasn't changed at all.

Jeongguk's surprised to find himself on his third glass of whatever fruity cocktail Taehyung keeps ordering, perplexed as to how he's not passed out yet. The more drinks they down, the touchier that Taehyung gets. On his fourth he moves the stool so close to Jeongguk that his legs are trapped in between Taehyung's. He's giggling and playing with the sleeve of Jeongguk's t-shirt.

Jeongguk can't think so he stares at Taehyung's long lashes instead. Pretty.

When he excuses himself to go to the bathroom and stands up, that's when the alcohol hits him and Jeongguk sways precariously on his feet. That's also when Taehyung decides that they have enough and once Jeongguk relieves himself they leave.

They stumble down the street. The moon hangs waxing above them, and Taehyung laughs sweetly like a birdsong. Jeongguk, too drunk off of three fruity drinks and three shots of soju, laughs too. He's not exactly sure what's so funny, but they laugh so hard that the houses turn their lights on and Taehyung is shushing him, but they're both still giggling and it's perfect. Too perfect.

Taehyung is rain on rooftops, someone that'll always slip through his fingers and evaporate, but Jeongguk has never been able to let go of the intangible. If they kissed, would they melt together? He wants to know. He wants to know because his ocean is overflowing. Taehyung leaves footprints in the sand and Jeongguk has been yearning for a ghost for too many years.

Someone opens their window to yell and Taehyung, in his drunken stupor, yells back. Walks backwards and flips them off, and the entire time Jeongguk is laughing and trying to tug him away. "Let's go before we get in trouble, hyung"

Taehyung looks at him with wild eyes, smiles. "Yeah, let's go."

And before Jeongguk knows it, he's the one being dragged as Taehyung latches onto his wrist and takes off into a sprint. He doesn't know why they're running. There's no one chasing them and they have no reason to, but they do anyway. They run through alleyway after alleyway and the entire time they're laughing.

Is this what it's like to be free? Jeongguk feels the wind through his hair. His feet heavily hitting asphalt rattles his bones. He doesn't know where they're going but he doesn't need to. For Taehyung, he'd go anywhere.

When Taehyung finally stops, Jeongguk collapses against a brick wall. His lungs ache with every gasp of air, and maybe it was an awful idea to run with nothing but alcohol in his stomach because now the world is spinning, but he feels good. Feels high off of adrenaline.

"A-are you okay?" Taehyung asks, just as breathless.

"Yuh-yeah."

They stare at each other for a moment, but then Jeongguk bursts out into another fit of giggles and he doesn't know why, but he feels so euphoric at this very moment. Like he's on top of the world and it all still feels like a dream.

"Jeongguk?"

"Hm?" he hums, still trying to get his bearings.

Taehyung isn't laughing anymore. He looks serious. A little dazed.

"I'm going to kiss you."

"What?"

Before Jeongguk can even react Taehyung strides forward and he's being pressed against the wall. Taehyung is on him, pressing their lips together. In this moment, all the noise in Jeongguk's mind dies. All he can think about is Taehyung. Taehyung.

There's no gentleness in their first kiss. It's hungry and heavy from the start. A deep yearning because perhaps Jeongguk isn't the only one who has wanted this for awhile. Taehyung devours him like a starved man and Jeongguk instantly melts. Under Taehyung's hands his body turns to putty. He hasn't kissed a boy in years and he feels like he's on fire, burning from the inside out. He kisses back with equal fervor, a confidence that he didn't know he had. Taehyung's hands are everywhere; his neck, his arms, thighs. It's intoxicating and Jeongguk can do nothing but grip fistfuls of his shirt.

When Taehyung presses roughly against him, bodies flushed together, his lips part in a breathy moan and Taehyung takes his chance. Slips his tongue inside Jeongguk's mouth. He feels like he's really about to die. It's scorching now—too much for him to bare. It's too much and he doesn't know what he wants, but he needs it now because he's desperate.

Jeongguk whines, the sound high in his throat, and when Taehyung pulls back they're both panting harshly. With the sudden rush of air he's more dizzy than before. Taehyung pushes himself off the wall and Jeongguk can't help but make a needy noise of discontent. Hazy with want.

"You good?" Taehyung's voice is deep and gravelly, a tone that Jeongguk has never heard before. His gaze is dark, foreboding and Jeongguk shivers. He doesn't know what to say, just knows that he needs Taehyung's lips on his again. His senses are overloaded and he feels himself starting to tear up because he isn't sure about what it is that he's supposed to do, but he doesn't want Taehyung to stop touching him.

Taehyung looks down, gaze growing darker and Jeongguk follows him. Notices the obvious tent in his jeans and oh, that's what's going on. He flushes in embarrassment and instantly shifts to cover himself up, but Taehyung stops him. Catches his wrist and puts his knee right in between his legs.

Jeongguk shudders, lets out something that sounds like a sob at the pressure against his groin. It's almost explosive. He's never felt this way before.

"Fuck," Taehyung groans. Wipes the tears from the corners of Jeongguk's eyes and then presses himself right up against him again. "You're too much for me, baby. All fuckin' hard for me. Shit. You don't know how long I've wanted this—wanted you."

At the petname, Jeongguk absolutely melts. "Wuh-wanna go home," he manages to slur.

And Taehyung wastes no time. Presses one last kiss, hard against Jeongguk's lips before he pulls him by the waist, out of the secluded alleyway. They catch a taxi and the entire time, Taehyung can hardly keep his hands to himself. Jeongguk tries to keep quiet, but he's drunk and Taehyung is too much.

Jeongguk hadn't realized how drunk Taehyung actually is until they stumble through the apartment, crashing into everything hands desperately searching for skin and impatient to undress.

Now he's laid out on the bed completely naked. The cold air against his skin sobers him up a little and he suddenly feels very shy.

Taehyung's peppering kisses down his chest, to the inside of his thighs and now that he's completely bare he finds himself a little hesitant. Shyly covers himself up when Taehyung parts his legs.

"You're cute," he chuckles. "Even like this you're shy and fucking adorable."

"'m not," Jeongguk mumbles. His conscious is beginning to weigh down upon him, causing him to falter. Because Taehyung moves with purpose, like he knows what he's doing and Jeongguk is a fish out of water.

"Do you really want this?" Jeongguk asks shyly.

"Yeah, for a long time," Taehyung answers honestly. "Do you?"

Jeongguk had been sure that he wanted it too, but now he hesitates. Taehyung notices and pauses, waits patiently for Jeongguk to gather his thoughts.

"I—" he swallows. "I've never done this before."

Taehyung's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "You've never been with a guy?"

Jeongguk shakes his head. Flushes an even deeper shade of red. "I've never been with anyone before," he admits. And then quietly, "you're my first."

It's scary but also a little thrilling, a little exciting because Jeongguk is in love. He's in love and he trusts Taehyung. This will be amazing, he knows it. He's ready and knows that the older boy will take care of him.

But then Taehyung's frowning and pulling away completely. He looks visibly upset. With the absence of his skin, Jeongguk feels cold.

"W-what's wrong?" he asks. "I don't have any lube but—"

"I don't think we should do this, Jeongguk."

He blinks. Once, then twice. Taehyung's words are cold, distant. The silence between them makes him feel sick.

"What do you mean?" Jeongguk flinches at the sound of his own voice, raising in tone and bordering near hysteria.

Taehyung clenches his jaw and looks away. "I just don't think that we should do this right now."

"Oh." The sensation starts from the pit of his stomach. It twists and turns until it turns into pain and spreads like wildfire, and just like that, all the fullness and warmth he's felt up until now is sucked right out, replaced by something dark and ugly.

Taehyung doesn't want him. He lied. Taehyung doesn't want him at all.

The air between them is thick with a different kind of tension. It's suffocating. Like he's back at that party, curled up on Hoseok's balcony again. Jeongguk feels as if he's going to throw up.

"Could you please leave?" he asks quietly, shakily.

Some kind of realization flickers across Taehyung's face. "Jeon—"

"I need to be alone right now."

Taehyung reaches forward. "Please, just let me—"

Jeongguk instantly recoils. "Please get the fuck out!" he shouts it this time.

Almost immediately, he slaps a hand over his mouth in mortification. He's never raised his voice before and he's ashamed. The last person who deserves to be yelled at is Taehyung, but Jeongguk is good at taking something beautiful and destroying it.

He sees, the moment Taehyung closes himself off and goes back to being the Taehyung from the first time they met again at the coffee shop. His shoulders sag in defeat and he instantly backs off. Climbs off the bed.

"Okay."

It's obvious how upset he is by the way he snatches his clothes from the floor and dresses quickly, angrily. And Jeongguk knows that he should stop him from going. He knows that the right thing to do right now is to talk things out because this could all just be one big misunderstanding, but he's a coward. He's too scared of what he might hear.

He thinks that Taehyung is about to leave without a word, but when he gets to the bedroom door he takes a deep breath, looks back over his shoulder. "Goodnight, Jeongguk. Get some sleep, yeah?"

And then just like that, he's gone.

The moment the door closes, Jeongguk's frame begins to violently shake. And then—and then he breaks down completely. Starts to sob and take big, ugly gasps of air. The pain is blinding. He throws himself back down onto the bed and turns to his side, curls in on himself as he cries.

Taehyung took one look at his naked body and didn't want him anymore. No one wants him, but what did he expect? Eight years ago, Jeongguk had ruined his life. Did he really believe that someone like Taehyung would want to make love to someone as disgusting as Jeongguk? Maybe it was all revenge. A way to humiliate Jeongguk and make him suffer just as Taehyung once had. But hasn't he suffered enough? Isn't this enough?

This was all a mistake. From the moment that he'd opened up to Taehyung about wanting to go back to music again, he'd fucked up. He was supposed to keep Taehyung at a distance. Apologize properly and clear things up, but he lost his focus. Had the nerve to think that he had a chance at love. A chance at happiness and forgiveness. But the thing is, he's not Yoongi. He's not bright and intelligent, nor kind.

He's cruel, always has been and always will be. Even right now, he's being selfish, wanting to mean something to Taehyung. Wanting to be loved back. A part of him had even thought that Taehyung could fix him. Could undo all the bad and fix him with a kiss.

He cries and cries until his head hurts and then he gets up and vomits in the hallway before he can make it to the bathroom. Slides down the wall and sits next to the puddle and cries more, even after he's emptied out.

Jeongguk just wanted to mean something to someone for once.

He thinks about New Years and hopes for it to come even sooner than before. Not everyone gets a happily ever after, he realizes.

Taehyung never wanted him to stay in the first place.

Jeongguk wakes up and forgets that it's Christmas. It's jarring, how empty he feels when being around Taehyung had made him feel alive. Warm. Except now the other side of his bed is empty and his eyes are swollen and crusted.

His mom calls him at eight in the morning. "Merry Christmas darling," she coos down the line and Jeongguk mutters a half assed merry Christmas back. He had completely forgot that he's supposed to be at the train station in an hour, and rushes to get ready after he hangs up. Stuffs whatever clothes he can into his bag—dirty or clean. Though it doesn't really matter because he's only staying for two days. He can't handle being around his father for anything longer than that. That man always has to find something to scold Jeongguk about.

He doesn't feel floaty the way he usually does when bad things happen. (Dissociation is what Yoongi had called it). He's hollow, but this time there's no alternate reality to escape to and it hits him full force. He just feels...completely numb. Like nothing matters anymore. Like he can't even pretend at this point. If his father hit him and he fell to the floor, he wouldn't get back up again.

Jeongguk gets on the train back to Busan. Back to a house that has never been a home and dreads every single minute of the trip. He doesn't even have the chance to gather himself before his mom opens the door and practically throws herself at him.

"I missed you baby." She's warm when she hugs him and still smells of the familiar rose perfume that puts Jeongguk at ease.

"I missed you too, mom."

His relationship with his mom isn't perfect but it's better than it is with his father, and Jeongguk knows that she does her best to keep their torn apart family together and make everyone happy—even at the expense of her own happiness. His mom has sacrificed everything for Jeongguk, and all he's ever given her in return is grief. He's sure that everyone will be better off without him.

His father's sitting on the armchair in the living room, next to the large white Christmas tree decorated with various ornaments. His mom always did go all out for the holidays. There are lights on the walls and stockings hanging above the fireplace.

"Hello father." He shifts awkwardly when his father's gaze falls on him.

He grunts. "It's nice to have you back, son." But he doesn't sound happy. His greeting flat and devoid of any feeling, as if he could care less if Jeongguk came home for Christmas or not. They both know that the only reason Jeongguk even bothers to come back to Busan is because of his mom.

And so, Christmas passes like this. In a tense environment where everyone smiles and acts whole, and no one says what they mean. His father is surprisingly amicable this time but it's only because Jeongguk had gotten all A's this semester, even if it was pointless to try.

Of course, they shower him with gifts in the way that wealthy parents do because that's the only form of love that his father will ever show. Gucci shirts, six hundred dollar Nordstrom dress shoes, and yet another rolex he will never wear because what the fuck is the point of having a watch when phones exist?

It goes as okay as it can between the two of them, until dinner comes around and there's a turkey in the middle of the table and his father asks, "are you seeing anyone?"

Jeongguk freezes. Instantly thinks of Taehyung and has a hard time swallowing. "No."

His father's gaze is critical. He observes Jeongguk like a hawk. "You're not still in that phase are you?"

Jeongguk feels his eyes prickle. It's just a phase. That's all it'll ever be to his father, because his son can't be anything less than perfect. Can't be an abomination. Can't be a faggot.

His mom looks uncomfortable but doesn't say anything. Smiles nervously and takes a sip of wine instead.

"I'm busy with my studies," he replies shortly. Tries to take another bite of japchae but he's not hungry anymore.

His father nods. "Of course, your studies are more important. But when you have time you should find a nice girl and bring her home to us."

"Yes, father."

When the night is over and his father has retreated to his office, Jeongguk's helping his mom wash dishes when she says, "you know that I know I love you no matter what? Whoever you decide to spend your life with, I'll always welcome them with open arms."

Jeongguk doesn't respond. Stares at the running water and silently cries instead.

"Your birthday is in a few days," his father mentions. They're having breakfast together, except his father spends the entire time reading a newspaper and never once looks up.

"It is."

"Would you like a new car? Mercedes? Or a jaguar maybe?"

"I'm okay with taking the bus," Jeongguk mutters.

His father snorts. "Do you know what kind of image that create? My son taking the bus like some kind of commoner. You should have your license by now. Me and your mother will be in Paris, so I'll have one of my assistants drop it off at your apartment on your birthday."

"...thanks."

"Make sure you sign up for driving lessons too."

Jeongguk sighs deeply. "Understood."

"If you keep your grades up I'll buy a bigger apartment during the summer."

But Jeongguk doesn't want a bigger place. He doesn't want any of this. He realizes that he'll never find a place to call home. Not here, not back in Seoul, not anywhere. He'll always be lost and alone with no place to go. He'll always take up too much space.

He forces a smile anyways.