As the weeks passed to months, I began to spend all of my time in the kitchen or the nursery complex. No more did I return to my own sleeping quarters except on occasion to grab fresh clothing or a shower in the main facilities.

In the morning I would rise early to nurse my child before heading to the kitchens to start my day. As soon as noon arrived I would grab my allotted midday meal, bringing it with me to the nursery where Dreda would be waiting with Mary and we could enjoy the hour before I was sent back to my afternoon chores and dinner prep. As soon as dinner was plated and sent up to my Master and his family I rushed back to the nursery where I would spend the rest of my evening, only catching a few hours of sleep in Dreda's bed before beginning the cycle all over again.

The first order of business was always Mary. In Dreda's oasis, I would be helped to the rocker and offered a cup of tea to sip as I nursed my child. Dreda would eat her own meal beside me, offering me secreted sweets if she had been gifted any by her own overseer. In these precious moments of privacy, we would talk. We shared our days and trials, exchange gossip and news we'd gleaned from other humans in our purview or from the whispers of our masters. It was impossible to believe I had found a true friend and the wonder of it was intoxicating. Speaking with Dreda every day, the reservations I held towards trusting the older human woman soon faded entirely.

When our meal was complete and the other infants in Dreda's direct care fed, we would go next to check on the toddlers. Though there were plenty of humans assigned to oversee the young, Dreda was ultimately responsible should anything be amiss among her wards. She took her job seriously.

"I leave older children I trust in charge of the younger," she explained to me as we made our rounds the first night I became an unofficial member of the nursery team. "They have a way of understanding the little ones I fear many lose as life wears upon them. It might not be much, but I hope to give every child a semblance of happiness here." I admired her efforts greatly.

With the children, young and old, Dreda was brisk in her manner, inspecting teeth and hair, asking after each's behavior in her absence, how they were eating, ensuring there were no signs of illness among them. Yet, through her feigned indifference, an undeniable warmth pervaded each touch and action.

As she helped the younger children to bed, she would take the time to offer them a smile and often a kiss on their small brows. A touch of love for those who would never know true mothers. In each child's cherubic expressions I imagined the faces of my own lost children, of the girl I hoped Mary would grow to be.

Helping the older woman with her wards I learned to copy each of Dreda's actions and cherished the small smiles I received in payment. All soon referred to me as "Miss. Alice" and I found myself growing more eager to visit not only my own daughter but the other children as well, feeling more and more attachment and care towards each. Of course, it was only females who lived under Dreda's direct protection. I saw no males aside from the infants.

"The males are taken quite young if they are to be breeders," she explained when I asked her about the absence of boys among her older brood. "As soon as males are weaned they are transferred, either to cages or to training." The sorrow in her eyes was tangible as she stated the fact.

"Those who are selected to survived are condemned to a loveless existence. They are tested for strength constantly and those found lacking are sent immediately to the vealer cages. They are forced to compete against one another for their lives every day. Those who manage to reach maturity are true monsters, breeding machines with no soul or conscience, creatures who take out the frustrations of their existence on their mates in cruelty."

Rage replaced pity in her tone and expression as Dreda spoke her accusations, judgments of the grown human males on the estate. I wondered at the ones she'd been forced to lay with. Everett had taught me well how a male might abuse a female. It was luck and compliance that had kept me from experiencing too much pain from a human mate, but I did not doubt that my friend had been badly hurt.

"I thank God I am well past breeding age and that my male babies were all ended before they could be destroyed so," Dreda said. "Better their bodies lie upon a sibla table than be used to hurt others of our kind. I can rest peacefully knowing their souls are in heaven."

As we moved on to look in on the large room of infants with their blue and pink labeled bassinets that night, Dreda's comments would not leave me. It seemed she was one who was still a worshiper of the God above, just as my mother had been, hanging onto the dregs of faith that remained from the Time Before, when humans still ruled the Earth. I myself had long since questioned any deity's existence. God was for the sibla as owners of the earth. I had little faith that a divine presence cared for insignificant animals like myself, only permitted to live in service to our superiors. And it was hard for me to imagine wishing that my boys had been quickly slain even though the alternatives were gruesome.

I knew that unlucky children might spend years in confinement before slaughter. Were my poor babies still suffering? Denied even a kiss goodnight by a strange woman who could only provide limited affection. Did they still reach for a mother in their sleep as I saw the infants do, crying out only to be offered a perfunctory feeding or diaper change? Or were my boys long dead, their bodies consumed, bones thrown away like so much garbage...

I could at least agree with Dreda on one thing. Better that my offspring had never been given the chance to become the frightful breeders they might have. Mary was my legacy and I would give all my care to her. If I could help other children in the process, I vowed to do so. I even began to imagine that in my new role as helper within the nursery, I might once again find an existence where I could be content, paying back the gratitude I felt in finally having a child of my own to care for.

———

It was nearly five months after I began helping in the nursery that I saw my first "harvest." Death was a constant on the Dulane estate for his livestock. My Master ran a successful operation and processed hundreds of animals a year. I knew well enough that Dulane enjoyed human veal and that the product was valued as a specialty meat. Still, I had never fully connected the horror of the nursery operations before I saw them in practice with my own eyes.

The sibla men arrived early, well before dawn, armed with clipboards, clubs, and ropes. Dreda caught sight of them first, grabbing my arm and pulling me away from the entrance of the nursery.

"Damn it," she said in a whispered hush. "I thought it would be a bit longer before the next cull."

My stomach dropped, heart thudding in my chest as I watched Ms. Garen, the nursery overseer, come out to greet the workers. The men showed her the paperwork they held and she nodded before escorting them towards the infants' room.

"How many will they take?" I asked, dreading the answer. I thought of the innocent babies I had helped look after for weeks, the toddlers whose sweet smiles and laughter had given me so much joy.

"There are at least thirty infants they might be here for," Dreda answered. "They tend to come for the babies every four months or so. They took from the toddlers not long ago and I'd hoped the rest would be safe till fall now, but if there are orders for larger animals...

A shudder ran through me as she trailed off, the panic of impotence filling my mind and making my heart thud loudly in my ears. These men were about to take these precious children to cages and slaughter and I could do nothing but watch.

"Come," Dreda said, calling my attention back from my dark thoughts. "We have to stay out of the way, but Garen might be looking for me to aide her."

Aide her

Did that mean that Dreda actually helped the overseers in their bloody work? It seemed impossible. I'd been so certain she loved the children in her care. That she was an ally to them.

"No dallying," she admonished when I slowed my pace. "Keep up if you wish to continue working here."

I felt a shock travel through my body at the comment. Was it a threat? No doubt she had perceived my reservations in witnessing what I knew was about to happen. I could hear her tone hardening. Dreda was responsible for my privileges in the nursery. I didn't dare risk ignoring her command. Taking a deep breath I increased my pace.

The sight I beheld entering the infants quarters was horrific. I watched as the human nursery helpers stacked the plastic bassinets on top of one another, ignoring the waling of the victims inside as they loaded them on to carts at the sibla overseers' commands. I listened to the plaintive cries of the older babies as some of the men reached into the playpens in which they were kept and picked up them by their chubby legs testing their weight before tossing them into cages. The poor creatures were barely old enough to sit up! Dreda, however, seemed entirely unaffected by the chaos and cruelty, her face entirely stoic.

"Ah, Dreda, good."

I turned to see Garen walking towards us.
"The youngest are nearly loaded but Mr. Dulane is looking for some older creatures as well. Two years of age would be preferable, or three if they are on the smaller side. About twenty-seven pounds live weight."

As Dreda nodded I stared at her in shock. How? How could she be so complicit in murdering the children she had raised herself! There was not an ounce of hesitation, no a hint of sorrow or regret in her expression.

"How many?" Dreda asked, as if she were not being requested to condemn children to death.

"Two," Garen answered. There are orders to be filled and none of the vealers on hand met with the buyer's approval. Not the right size for their purposes."

I watched as Dreda nodded again and Garen handed her a clipboard.

My friend made no attempt to hide the paper as she scanned a list of names, their numbers beside them along with a brief description. The names of the young we had been caring for. The sweet children whom she'd kissed goodnight and spoken to so kindly.

"Number 7568 and 7600," Dreda said, marking the form. "Both should fit your specifications." She didn't even refer to them by name. These girls she condemned to death so casually, as if they were not human beings at all. I thought of the accusations others had made against myself and my mother, of their hatred and judgment that we were greyskins. For the first time, I truly understood them. I looked at Dreda now and saw nothing more than a traitor.

"You would prefer to bring them yourself I'd imagine?" Garen asked.

"If I am permitted," Dreda answered.

The sibla woman gave her a small nod.

"Come, Alice," Dreda said. "You can help me."

I felt bile rising in my throat, threatening to choke me. I couldn't imagine doing as Dreda commanded but the sharp glare in her eye was enough to force me forward. As I followed her to the older children's area my mind screamed in protest. I couldn't believe I had missed it. Dreda was a greyskin. She was evil. She was a monster.

The children had all awoken by the time we arrived in their quarters, the wails of the babies and commotion in the nursery enough to rouse all from slumber. The older girls who slept with the toddlers were trying to comfort the poor whimpering young ones. Some of the children stared ahead in blank-faced terror, others wept, still others had curled in on themselves as if trying to hide from the terror just outside their door. I wished I could take them all in my arms and offer them comfort but what comfort might I give? I myself wanted to break down in tears.

Dreda, however, was unmoved by the scene of terror and fear.

"Jane," she said, addressing one of the older girls who kept watch over the children, "can you help Agnes and Gretta? They have to come with us now."

The redheaded teen nodded slowly, wiping the tears from her own eyes and gathering up the condemned. Both little girls looked terrified but they responded to their caretaker's quick hugs and proffered hands. Jane came forward, each of the young ones toddling along by her side.

"You know you have to be brave now right?" Dreda said, crouching down to meet them. "No matter what happens. The scary part will be over soon. I promise."

My heart shattered as the two little faces met Dreda's gaze with such trust.

"Remember the stories of clouds and castles and toys," the woman said as she smiled at them. "All of that will be there. You will both be able to play forever."

The children's tears began to dwindle though my own threatened all the more at the lies. How could she deceive them so!

Dreda's false smile disappeared into an apathetic chill as she picked the first of them up and asked me to take the other child. The moment I took Agnes in my arms she buried her face in my chest, clinging to me with such hope. I wrapped her small frame in a tight hug, wishing I could take her and run. Anything to stop what was about to happen.

"Alice and I will take the girls from here," she said, addressing Jane again. "Why don't you start helping all the others get washed up and dressed for the day. We will be back to help with breakfast soon."

I had no choice but to follow Dreda down the long hall and back towards the entrance of the nursery. The sibla men were already outside, transporting the young towards the vealer barn and the processing facility that lay by its side.

"Bring them here," Garen said, catching sight of us. I felt my body freeze. How could I relinquish this small life to death? A child. A little girl, not so much older than my Mary.

"This is your duty, Alice," Dreda whispered sharply under her breath. "Do as you are told."

My feet moved forward as if they belonged to another. I knew I had no other choice. Dreda followed close behind.

As I set Agnes down on her feet I felt her little hands immediately clinging to the cloth of my skirts. Dreda helped pull her free, standing both girls up straight. I could see them shivering in the cold chill of the early morning, terrified as the sibla men came forward to look them over.

"Decent heft for the size," one of them commented approvingly as he prodded their small forms. "They'll do well enough."

Another one of the men roughly grabbed the girls each in turn, tying their tiny wrists tightly before forcing them into the larger cage they had brought, just big enough to accommodate the two children together.

Agnes and Gretta were weeping again now, but they did not cry out, instead, moving as close to one another as they could, huddling together in spite of their bound hands.

"Come, Alice," Dreda's sharp voice pulled my attention again. "There is breakfast to distribute and your daughter must be fed. If you are too late to the kitchen Madam will not be happy."

I allowed her to grab my arm and drag me towards the nursery. I had to go to Mary. I could do nothing about the two lives we had lost. And still, it was hard to turn my eyes from the horror I had been party to. That I'd been forced to participate in.

"Since they have been selected for a specific order their pain will likley be ended before the end of the day," Dreda said quietly as we walked. "They are lucky."

I could find no words to answer her as I followed in a daze. The Agnes and Gretta were each less than three years old. They would be slaughtered, forced to face a horrific end all alone at the hands of those who would care nothing for their tears. I wanted to scream at the injustice of it but somehow managed to keep my mouth shut, trapping my protests in the churning discomfort of my stomach and the ache in my heart.

Once inside, I went to Dreda's room and fed my daughter, unable to face the toddlers again. Dreda did not protest nor ask me to do otherwise, simply ensuring I was set up with Mary and then leaving me alone. I was numb as I stared at my little girl, the warmth I usually felt replaced by cold fear. She could still be ripped from my arms. My love for another could still cut me deeper than any knife. As I lay Mary in her cradle and went to my chores in the main house the echoes of the children's cries rang in my head like sirens, warning me of the danger and horror that ran Dulane's estate and the fate that would one day find myself and my little girl.

I plunged all thought into my work for the rest of the day, trying to ignore the sick feeling bubbling all the more in my stomach as I dressed a large turkey for my Master's dinner table, the shape and size all too similar to that of the yearling humans who had been taken. I was only glad no human flesh appeared on the menu that evening. I wasn't certain I could have managed it without retching and such a showing of weakness could be disastrous to my position. Still, in spite of my best efforts, I could not erase the morning's events from my mind.

When I went to collect my lunch rations I found that the food looked entirely unappetizing. I took a glass of water instead. I was not pregnant and no one would protest a kitchen slave consuming less food. In fact, our portion was often decreased to save on costs when we were not reproducing. With shaky hands, I forced myself to breathe deeply, trying to prepare to return to my daughter and Dreda but when I went to leave the kitchen and set off towards the nursery, Madam was there to stop me.

"Alice," she said, eyeing me closely, "I noticed you did not eat your midday meal."

I tried to parse out the expression on her face before answering, surprised she had been watching me that closely.

"I am not particularly hungry, Ma'am," I answered carefully.

Madam continued to eye me and a strange feeling of foreboding began to travel through my body.

"I have heard from the nursery overseer that you might be unwell," she said. "The slave who cares for your daughter suggested that it might be dangerous for you to return until it is clear you are healthy again. Young humans are quite susceptible to illness and we can not have you infecting the flock."

My stomach dropped. My flesh felt cold and clammy, as if I really were ill. This was Dreda's doing. She was keeping me from my daughter!

"Truly, I am fine," I protested. "I was just a bit tired this morning. I feel much better now."

"Can't be too careful," Madam said. "Perhaps it was a poor idea to allowed you to take on two jobs if your body is not capable of the excess work. I think it's best you rest for the rest of the afternoon and keep to your kitchen and household duties for the rest of the week. I would ask as well that you stay away from the stove. You may continue to oversee as long as your condition does not worsen, but I can not allow you to spread your illness in food preparation."

I nodded my head slowly feeling a mix of betrayal and cold fear take me. I could hardly disagree with the surly kitchen overseer. I couldn't risk angering her and being sent back to Everett for more "training." I couldn't let her see me as anything other than the perfect human slave, desperate to please and entirely devoted to my Masters, even if it meant separation from my child. Dreda had endangered my life out of petty revenge. She saw the judgment in my eyes and was punishing me for it. As I went back to my dorm to rest as, Madam commanded, I thought of the traitorous greyskin who was now feeding my baby her bottle. I had been a fool to trust Dreda and only hoped it was not too late to rectify my mistake.

____
*Well that escalated quickly... what do we think of Dreda now? Is Alice right to condemn? Too judgmental? Dreda was a big influence on Alice and her impact will continue but I do wonder what people think of her after this chapter