The guilt I felt for Rebecca's fate would not leave me, even weeks after she disappeared from our midst. No one knew what I had done, but Madam treated me with just enough kindness now that I wondered if they suspected. Every one of my kitchen staff now seemed to regard me with just that much more weariness. Or perhaps it was merely paranoia on my part. Anxiety would not let me rest.

Though I went about my daily tasks with as much precision and care as was expected, my mind was unfocused and restless. It had of course been long since I had established myself as one willing to work with our overseer but still... I knew somthing had changed.

The fall cull came and went and four members of the kitchen team were taken from us. All were younger than myself. The morning we heard the news, Madam gave me a knowing smile, sending an odd mix of both elation and discomfort running through me. I had accomplished my goal. The dream I hadn't dared wish for. It was possible I might be allowed to remain even though I was not reproducing. It was possible I could stay in life to protect my daughter. But the cost would be high. I now belonged to Madame completely.

As news circulated I had survived the cull and remained barren, my status among the human flock was sealed. I was one of the chosen. A human kept for her value yes, but also her loyalty. One who would do anything to maintain her place and thus had the love if her Masters.

I tried to console myself, reasoning that it was, in fact, a lie. I had acted to protect the kitchen team as well as myself and my daughter. There'd been no other choice. Lying unsleeping in my bed each night, I reasserted my personal vows to do everything I could with my power to help others, staving off true betrayal of my own kind. My first act of penance would begin with Rebecca.

Now that my position was such that no human would question me, I had nearly unlimited freedom to roam the estate and ask whatever I wished any other slave with an expectation of obedience. Though I was still bound by the same scrutiny that fell on all humans, those under me would be far more hesitant to question my authority. I knew I could use this to gain the information I craved and assuage my guilt for the part I had played in the wild one's downfall.

From my snooping, I was able to ascertain the woman's location and health. Rebecca remained in a barn stall, locked away at night but permitted to leave her cramped accommodations during the day. Her pregnancy was said to be progressing well and her obedience had increased in return for more time in the fresh air.

Given her state, no hard labor had been assigned to her. She spent most of her time sewing, a task she apparently had skill with. I was glad to hear my actions had not led to her experiencing too much suffering. Of course there was still the matter of the lost limb.

As Madam had reported, Rebecca's foot had been amputated just before the heel, allowing her to manage to get around on her own, but not very far. She had been granted a prosthetic to aide her during hte day so she might still work. The limb was taken from her each evening and kept locked away far from her reach.

"But she is adjusting," the human girl I'd asked assured me. "I think miss Rebecca has learned to be happy here."

The words gave me no comfort. Perhaps she had given up on escape, but Rebecca would never be content as a slave. How could any born to freedom be so? Though I could not bring myself to regret uncovering her rebellion, I did nonetheless feel for her plight.

Fearing that in visiting her directly my sympathies might be too obvious, I instead turned to Madam to see if I might send along some good food for the woman.

"In spite of her transgression, the wild creature's offspring is a valuable product," I told her, hiding care for the women in concern for my Master's business. "I fear the baby might not be getting the sustenance it needs." I further suggested that Rebecca might do better with the company of her fellow humans once again.

Madam agreed to allow Rebecca better provisions. She took my suggestions of what dishes might best nurture the growing child and even permitted me to send along extra blankets to the woman so that she might be more comfortable and warm. But though Madam vowed to consider making a recommendation that Rebecca be returned to the dorms once the child was born, she would not relent further.

"Until then, it is too risky," she said. "The animal must be watched constantly to ensure she does not harm herself or the product she carries."

I didn't argue. I'd done what I could and was glad for whatever improvement I might be able to help facilitate for the woman I'd betrayed.

Yet all the guilt I harbored seemed to disappear when Mary was in my arms. Her smiles and kisses washing away any doubt that I had done what I had to do. My child, so happy and carefree, would remain with me, not cruelly ripped from my side as I had been from Mariana. If my descent into mindless servitude to the sibla was required to protect my daughter, I knew I would do it. Anything to keep Mary safe and happy.

Now that Mary and I had both ascended to the highest of heights a human might hope to obtain on the Dulane estate, I felt my fears of death dissipating. I even began feeling more warmly towards my overseer and for Madam's part in extending my life, I was indeed eager to show gratitude.

In serving more readily, I found myself having less and less in casual contact with the other humans around me. I could feel their distrust and did not like the discomfort I felt in their presence when we were not at work. I knew the whispers surrounding one established as a "greyskin". My own mother had faced the same.

Instead, I spent more time with Mary and even Dulane's young daughter when free time permitted. The two were inseparable and Mistress Dulane seemed pleased with my ability to help watch and entertain the girls. But of course, no happiness in the life of a human could remain so uncomplicated for long. With all my hopes and dreams achieved, it was a far from a welcome surprise to see Dreda herself descend into the kitchen one evening.

I'd never sought my former friend out, not since Mary's departure from the nursery. Dreda was too much of a reminder of my past. Of the cold-hearted greyskin I prayed I would not become, though my current trajectory seemed to assure it. Worse, Dreda's presence could not help but reminded me of dangers still lurking in spite of my new high station.

I'd lost another set of twins to her gruesome industry just two years prior and, though I knew she'd been attempting to protect me, I resented that she'd never revealed their fate, denying even basic knowledge as to whether or not they had yet to be sold or slaughtered when I pressed her on the matter.

I was an important human now and yet she still had the ability to restrict information and control me entirely. Favorite though I was, I still did not have her seniority. Her dire predictions for Mary's fate had done nothing to help my favorable opinion and with my breeding days likely at an end, the one consolation I'd held was the chance to finally severe ties from the nursery operations for good.

For her part, Dreda had offered me the space I craved, never forcing interactions between us nor seeking out Mary. At nearly eight years old, my daughter was nearing adulthood and had no business with the nursery head in any case. And yet there she was, invited, standing in my kitchen, encroaching on my domain.

Madam Rin had already gone for the day and it was a skeleton crew that remained but Hattie, my greatest rival, was among them. I knew I couldn't afford to let on that anything about this visit was out of the ordinary nor allow the humans in my command to sense any lack of confidence in my demeanor. Dreda was one who could still reduce me to the state of underling and such weakness could not be shown.

"Dreda," I said, hoping my voice sounded calm and sure. "What a pleasant surprise. It is long since you had any business in the kitchen." A not so subtle message of warning. She was where she ought not be and I had the advantage in my domain. "Madam Rin has gone for the day if you were looking for her, but perhaps I can help you with whatever you need?"

"Indeed," Dreda responded with a nod. "I do believe you can answer my query in your overseer's absence, but I would prefer that we speak in private. I have a request from Madam Garen but cannot share it with any bellow your station."

I nodded though I suspected her words were a lie. I could see the hint of some emotion lurking just behind her stoic gaze, though I could not quite parse it out. This was not official business sent from her overseer. A mix of self-consciousness and worry filled me as I stared into the familiar face.

She must know what had transpired between myself and the wild one. She knew that her prophecy had come to past. She would see my morals as compromised now and I resented her for it. But was she coming to gloat? To blackmail? Or was the matter somthing more personal. A favor? I was not yet so compromised that I would acquiesce to any greyskin request even if she now thought I might.

"Miss Dreda!"

I was startled by the sound of the high pitched excitement as my daughter came rushing from the larder where she'd been cleaning and wrapped her arms around the nursery head. I tried to fight back the tinge of jealousy warming in my chest.

"Mary," I said, interrupting their embrace, "Miss Dreda and I must speak privately. You will go with Hattie and Carol back to the dorms and ready for bed." I watched her smile fade, no doubt disappointed I would not allow this little reunion but she nodded obediently nonetheless.

"Yes, Mama," she answered.

"It is good to see you, my little Mary," Dreda said, placing a hand on my daughter's shoulder and giving it a small squeeze. My jealousy flared all the more when Mary's smile returned. I had been unwilling to fully taint Dreda's memory in her mind, allowing my daughter positive memories of the woman who had helped raise her, but I knew the truth of Dreda's checkered past and actions. I knew the blood of so many children that she could never wash clean of.

I remained silent as my daughter and the others left, waiting until the door had closed behind them to turn my attention to Dreda.

"You have my attention," I said, keeping my focus upon her face for any tell of her intent. True to her nature, the woman's expression was hard, but I knew her well enough to read her state as uneasy. The hesitation to speak was clear, though I could not determine what motivated it.

"You have done well for yourself, Alice," she said. "News travels here and by all accounts, you have established yourself as indispensable to our Master and Madam Rin."

I didn't answer, resentful of the implications of her words. Perhaps she had indeed come to gloat. Still, there was no sign of joy, nothing smug in her expression.

"And you look well."

"I assume there a point to this visit?" I asked, cutting her off abruptly. She was dancing around whatever had brought her here but I had no time to indulge in frivolous chatter.

The woman frowned, clearly surprised by my brazenness, but I was no underling anymore. I held equivalent rank now and intended for her to understand that. It was then however that I saw the cracks in Dreda's expression. Her face fell, eyes looking to the ground, body sagging more than I'd ever seen before. She looked hurt. Broken.

"It's Clara," Dreda said, her voice hollow. "She's gone."

My eyes widened in shock. I thought of the sweet child I'd come to know during my time in nursery. Clara had been groomed as Dreda's successor. She was favored by Garen as well. It made no sense.

"Her first child was sickly," Dreda said in response to my obvious surprise, "he didn't survive more than twenty-four hours. The overseers were to give her one more chance at breeding but it seems Dulane decided it would be more profitable to fatten her for sale. I had no idea what was planned. I thought she was being fed more so that she might reproduce again. They took her this morning. I don't even know where. Garen would tell me nothing more than the detail that a buyer had purchased her and she left the estate already."

The old woman's eyes grew glassy with the threat of tears and I felt the tinge of empathy stinging. The child had been innocent. One truly dedicated to the young she cared for. But though I felt sorrow for the lost girl, I recognized the hypocrisy in Dreda's despair. How many others had the old woman condemned to the same fate? Should I feel sympathy now that she was facing the death of one she'd believed would be spared for her sake?

"I'm sorry for your loss," I said simply, my tone neutral, not betraying the mixed emotions overtaking me. "Clara was a sweet girl and I know she will be truly missed."

Dreda nodded and I saw her mastering her sorrow as she met my eyes. "I need your help, Alice," she said. "Please don't deny me."

I looked at my former friend in confusion, uncertain what help could she possibly ask that I might provide. If even she could not protect Clara, there was certainly nothing I could do to bring the girl back. Or was she hoping to use my pity to extort my aide with some dangerous favor I might have otherwise rejected? I was on guard again in my suspicions. I could not risk myself or Mary with favors for another. I'd made that decision long ago. Still, I could not deny the woman outright without first hearing her.

"I'm not certain what I could do," I answered, hoping I did not sound too cold. Dreda had done much for me in the past and I didn't wish to seem ungrateful.

"Clara's mother was a close friend," Dreda answered. "Before she was sent to slaughter, I promised her I would care for Clara and keep her by my side. I've failed and fear my friend's soul will never rest if I cannot now protect her other child. You see, Clara has a sister, Lina."

I didn't speak, waiting to see what Dreda's story might have to do with the favor she was begging.

"Lina is not well suited to the nursery and is still at least three years from breeding. I worry she might be taken before she ever has the chance to secure her place here."

"And how am I possibly supposed to help?" I asked. Dreda's story was sad, but we all had our sorrows. Moreover, I couldn't imagine what she thought I would be able to do for the young girl.

"I believe I can manage to get Lina transferred to the main dorms and on assignment in the kitchens. She will be under your watch, Alice. I ask for nothing more than aide in protecting an innocent life that I hold dear. Just as I looked after Mary when you could not, I beg of you to do the same for Lina. I assure you that she is a hard worker. She will do everything she is told and only needs the chance to prove her worth."

How could I possibly say no? If the child was transferred to my purview I would have little choice but to care for her wellbeing. I would have to trust that this "favor" might not threaten myself or Mary in any way. That this girl Lina was indeed a hard worker and that in supporting her I would not be promoting one that might fail to meet Rin's standards. Even with her extended favor, the cold overseer had never truly warmed to me as Lexia once had. My position with her was entirely provisionary and I knew it well. And yet, I found myself nodding my head almost immediately.

"I will do what I can," I answered.