I arose early the next morning, determined to act as if it were a normal day, dressing in one of my finer dresses and ensuring that Mary too looked her best. Anything to remind our Masters of our worth and merit. Perhaps the fact that Dulane had not dragged me from my evening chores the night before was a sign that he would indeed let the incident go. Even if he would not, I was determined to face my final moments with dignity.

Aveline and my Master's wife were again to be gone for the day, setting off on an overnight trip to visit relatives and so Mary had been assigned to help with the animals in the barn that morning. I was glad for it. Best that she was temporarily removed from the kitchen and my presence. There was still a true possibility that before the day was out, I might be summoned for "official punishment," as Dulane called public flogging. Any of my team that was present would be forced to bear witness and I didn't want Mary to have to watch that. Seeing my own mother in chains had traumatized me for years!

I tried not to think of the other possibility. That my Master might, in fact, end my life before the day was out. That nothing I did would protect my daughter from my downfall and the repercussions.

"You know how much Mama loves you, don't you Mary?" I said, hugging her tightly once I'd finished braiding her hair.

My sweet girl smiled wide as she nodded her head.

"I love you too Mama!" she answered with her pure childish earnest.

"And you know that Mama is always with you, no matter what. That even if I go away, I will still be there in your heart."

Her smile faltered at the later statement. She was a bright child. I had done what I could to shelter her as much as possible, but she had still grown on Dulane's estate as a slave. A favored slave perhaps, but there was no immunity to the horrors of our reality.

"Are you," she stopped, clearly understanding the ramifications of my words, "are you going away? Is that why you were upset last night?"

All too observant for her own good. I hated that she had to suffer this worry. I hated more that all of her fears and more would likely come true so soon. Crouching down so that we were eye to eye, I took her arms firmly in my hands.

"We've talked about this before, Mary," I said. "Every human's time is limited. We have to make the most of what we have. You had I are so very lucky. We have one another right here and now. Whatever might happen beyond that is out of our control."

My brave girl nodded her head and forced a smile back to her face. I gave her one more quick hug before I stood and inspected her appearance as I did every morning before she went to her chores.

"Now hurry along," I said, assuming my more stern tone. "We mustn't be late to work."

Mary's arms wrapped about my waist for a brief moment before she took up her jacket headed out the door. I followed behind. As my child set off to the barns I took a deep breath and forced myself to head to the main house, dread curdling in the pit of my stomach as I imagined what might await me there. I was prepared for the worst Dulane might have to offer in punishment.
———

Arriving at the kitchen I could not help but feel a distinct sense of deja vu. It was as if the scars on my body from Everett's old punishments were suddenly awakened, burning in warning. I knew what I had done. I knew what I would likely face. And yet? The kitchen was entirely quiet in the early morning.

A few other girls had already arrived before me, but my station by the stove was still open, my apron hanging exactly where I'd left it the day before.

When Madam came she did not give me so much as a glance before pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting at the table to take her breakfast while we finished preparing the food for our Master and his family. Was it truly possible she knew nothing of what had transpired the day before? It seemed too good to be true.

I tried to take in a deep breath and calm myself, focusing my energy on my work. Perhaps if I continued like nothing was amiss, it would be so. But my mind could not quite accept it. Dulane was not one known for mercy. It seemed impossible I would simply be forgiven with no repercussions. I had laid hands on him! I knew just how great the offense truly was.

As the hours passed with no indication of my Master's wrath, my mind would not rest. Perhaps Dulane expected me to come to him? To own up to my crimes and accept responsibility. But the idea of willingly requesting punishment was too much for me to fathom. Some part of me still held out hope that I would be offered true forgiveness, even if I would suffer lashes first. That I might remain with my daughter just a bit longer.

By the time I'd set aside our midday meal, my hands were shaking with fear and anxiety of my impending fate, the tremors so bad that I had to quickly wipe up the water I'd spilled multiple times trying to fill our glasses. I knew only the embrace of my child would calm my nerves. I needed Mary to ground myself again. To remind myself for whose sake I was surviving. With our places set at the table, I went outside to gain a breath of fresh air and greet my daughter as soon as she arrived.

The day was fair and I felt sweat forming beneath my armpits. The sweater I'd chosen was still too heavy for the season but it had successfully covered the cuts on my arms from the glass. In the darkness of the basement I'd been comfortable enough, but now the wool was cloying. I wrapped my hair in a quick bun beneath the kerchief I wore on my head to lessen my discomfort but the sun continued to rain down on me.

Looking at my watch I was all too aware of the passing time. Mary was more than fifteen minutes late and if she did not arrive soon, we would have used up our entire break. While Madam might still permit us to quickly eat our rations, I had been craving the chance to actually sit with my daughter and enjoy the few precious moments we had left.

Though I knew it might be risky, I set off from the house. Maybe Mary had been sent to another work assignment. Maybe my concern was unwarranted, but I could not shake the sense of deep foreboding that had filled me. I needed to make certain my daughter was not hurt.

As I walked, barely able to contain myself enough to stop from breaking into a run, I thought of all the worse possible accidents that might have befallen Mary. She'd been assigned to work in the barns that morning. What if one of the cows or horses had kicked her! Would someone have come to tell me if she was sent to the infirmary barracks? Or what if she had fallen on some errand and was hurt, unable to complete her task with her overseer fuming nonetheless for her tardiness. In spite of the danger of seeking her again so soon, I want to the only other human on the estate who might have status enough to have heard should anything have happened to my daughter.

By the time I arrived at the nursery I was already sick with worry, but I knew I had to be cautious about who I approached. I'd already journeyed there the day before when I should not. I couldn't risk any becoming suspicious of my frequent visits when the nursery was outside of my purview. It would be dangerous for Dreda and keep me from being able to use her as a resource in the future. Of course, it was impossible to avoid notice. I had barely stepped foot within the barracks before I heard a voice calling out to me.

"Are you looking for Ms. Dreda again?"

I turned to see Cacey just behind me. I did my best to remain calm. Dreda had been cagey around her and I had no idea why. It could be that Cacey was a girl ambitious enough to be vying for Dreda's position as Hattie did mine. I could not afford to put my friend at risk.

"Good afternoon Cacey," I said, speaking as if it was entirely ordinary for me to be in the nursery. "Indeed I have more business to discuss with the nursery head. Have you seen her?"

The girl eyed me suspiciously but then shook her head. "She was called away to other work," she said. "She took some of the older children with her."

Hope filled me. Perhaps Mary was simply on assignment.

"Do you know if my daughter was among them?" I asked as casually as I could manage. With a small nod, this girl could relieve all of my fears! But Cacey only shook her head.

"Mary?" she asked, confusion evident. "Its been months and months since she's come here. Master Dulane's daughter likes to play with her from what I've heard. Maybe that's where she is."

My stomach sank. I knew Dulane's daughter had left just after breakfast with her mother. But watching Cacey's questioning gaze I could feel the danger. She must be wondering why I myself didn't know where Mary was. Why I would be asking...

"Yes," I said quickly. "You must be right. I must have misunderstood what the nursery head told me yesterday."

Cacey nodded, but I could see her skepticism.

"Do you know when Dreda might be back?" I asked.

"I don't think they were planning to come back here until dinner," the girl answered. "Sewing lessons perhaps? Maybe they were sent to help with the other animals. Sometimes they have to clean stalls and help with feeding. I stick to my own assignments."

I felt her stare intensifying on her last proclamation and again the danger was clear. Indeed all were meant to concern themselves only with their own tasks. To inquire too much about another, even if it was one's own child, was suspicious.

"Of course," I answered. "I'd simply thought Ms. Dreda might be here but clearly she is busy. I should have told her that Madam Rin ordered me to come back today to speak with her again."

A lie to be sure, but Cacey was unlikely to ever cross paths with Rin and confirm my deception. With any luck, she would maintain her own code and concern herself with her own affairs.

" I will send a message to her later when she has returned."

"I could deliever a message," Cacey said.

I could see the increased curiosity on her face and felt instantly ill at ease, regretting I had come to the nursery at all.

"No no," I answered. "No need to trouble yourself. Perhaps Dreda has already seen to the matter herself."

"What matter?" The girl asked, clearly unwilling to let me go without answers. But as frightened as I might have been I still knew I outranked Cacey significantly. I was still head house slave.

"Discussions between heads on this estate are privileged, Cacey," I said, forcing myself to assume the air of authority I had learned to project long ago when I had first taken my position under Lexia. "I will speak to Miss. Dreda and you have no need to concern yourself."

Relief washed over me as I watched my words and tone take effect. The girl lowered her head and nodded.

"Of course, Miss. Alice," she answered.

I was tempted to assert my power even more and command that she not tell anyone of my presence there today, but too much force could backfire if she mentioned this meeting to one of her overseers. I simply turned and left the building with confidence. But the moment I was outside again, I felt the crushing fears overtake me again.

Mary was missing. Dreda was nowhere to be found. I couldn't think of no one else to safely ask where she might be and my break was long ended. I would have to return to the kitchen if I was to avoid punishment. Even now I would certainly be scolded for running off. But how could I go back to my work until I knew Mary was safe! Whatever the consequences I knew I had to find my daughter. I set off for the main house again.