This Oc belongs to HopefulstarTC

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Name: Nightsong
Nice name

Past Names: Nightpaw; Nightkit
Alright

Name Reason: Night for his mainly black pelt, and song die to his Mainly Calm nature
Interesting, I've never seen -Song used for calmness before

Appearance: A slim, well-muscled Black tom With a White underbelly and tail tips and emerald-green eyes
Nice base but he needs a much bigger description

Gender: Male
👌

Age: 27 moons
Semi young 🙃

Personality: Calm and quiet tom who is good at listening, however her has haunting sin his mind and doubts. He can also be seen a semi-gullible
"Haunting sin" Whoah, okay. Like what, he has to constantly restrain himself from mass murdering or being a serial rapist?
Also more traits and explanation in the personality

Clan: ShadowClan/No Clan/StarClan
Alright

Rank: Rouge/StarClan member
I would add in Warrior to avoid confusion

Kin: Sky (Biological Mother): A slim and lite black she-cat with a white underbelly and tail tip and dark blue eyes.
Pretty~

Also I'm too lazy to say it more than once so all the cats need better descriptions unless said otherwise

Multi (Biological father): A broad-shouldered and well-muscled orange spotted tabby with emerald-green red and scars crossed across his pelt.
Multi is a super odd name. I don't really have any opinion about his appearance

Changed (Biological sister): A broad-shouldered and lithe orange spotted tabby with dark blue eyes.
Changed is also a very strange name. But she makes sense with the parents

Jackalpelt (Adopted Mother): A lithe dark brown she-cat with black spots and green eyes.
I like her base <3 She reminds me of Leopardfoot a bit

Toadeye (Adopted Father): A semi-plump and broad-shouldered Dark gray tom with toad-green eyes.
Cute

Crowtalon (Adopted Sister): A lithe Black She-cat With dark blue eyes.
Mkay

Sprucepelt (Adopted Brother): Dark brown tom with green eyes
Nice

Mate: Hopefulstar: A slim and lithe brown she-cat with green legs and yellow eye
Uh, interesting name...? Also I'm going to assume you meant green and yellow EYES

Kits: Darkbite: A broad-shouldered And well-muscled brown tom with a white underbelly and tail tip and green eyes.
Again interesting name. His appearance isn't bad though

Midnightclaw: A broad-shouldered and lithe Black tom With a White underbelly and tail tip and yellow eyes.
This one feels kind of meh for me. His appearance and name are very boring and overused

Friendlystar: A slim and lithe Black She-cat with a dark brown underbelly and tail tip and green legs, yellow eyes.
Ehhh black cats with brown under bellies are kind of off limits because of Spiderleg being the only cat in the series to look like that. And again the grammar mistake of "green legs" I hope to god that was supposed to say eyes. Also her name is super dumb, and I guess she became leader after her mother?

Mentor: Darkstar: a well-muscled and slim Black She-cat with amber eyes.
ok

Apprentice: Shadedpelt: A slim and lithe dark gray she-cat with a white-spotted pelt and green eyes.
Alright

Friends: Gingernight: Semi-plump Dark ginger she-cat with brown eyes.
Only one friend?

Backstory: Nightkit was born to Sky and Multi. Sky always wanted to be in a Clan but never found the courage to ask to join one.
Jeez she's probably too wimpy to be in a clan anyways lmao

When her kits were born she decided she'd give Nightkit to a friend of hers in ShadowClan when he was four moons old.
Alrighty

This caused fights between her and Multi. When Nightkit and Changed were four moons, Multi and Sky had a final fight and separates the two kits. Nightkit grew up in ShadowClan, mothered by Jackalpelt with two adopted siblings. He waited an extra six moons to play the part to become an apprentice.
What?? He was 10 moons then when he was apprenticed? That's stupid he's wasting his youth and probably taking up space in nursery.

He is mentored to Darkstar,
No reason given so this seems cliche

his siblings are apprentices to Dawnmoon and Pantherclaw.
Not sure if I like the names

During his apprenticeship, Nightpaw's Clan goes through a hard time with prey. He tries a few ways to get them to relax more as they're all a little too anxious to sleep.
That's.... interesting? He just decides he's going to relax everyone in the clan, and by doing what? Wouldn't the medicine cat just give the worst of them some poppy seeds??

During one of these tries he attracts a ThunderClan apprentice.
Still confused on wth he's doing but ok

The apprentice stops on the Thunderpath and is almost killed by a monster but Nightpaw saves her. Him and Hopefulpaw begin meeting at night and he receives his warrior name: Nightsong.
So, just gonna go off and say names like Hope-, Brave-, Strong-, Etc. Already scream Mary Sue, but extending it to Hopeful- is worse. Honestly I would just change her name to something else starting with an H

One day his sister comes. He's extremely hopeful that Changed will join ShadowClan with him. She heads into the nursery and comes back out and leaves. It is learned are murdered a queen and her kits.
What the fuck? 😂 The warriors just let some random she-cat stroll into camp and go into the nursery? Not just unlikely, impossible. And it's not like queens can't fight, unless they were all asleep but even then someone would've seen the blood on her claws. Which reminds me that the camp would've never been empty and everyone being asleep is highly unlikely too. Also why would she do this? I hope we get a motivation other than her being evil for no reason

Nightsong was sent to kill her and bring back proof of her death.
Alright, because sending her brother makes the most sense.

He's obviously not going to be inhibited by any emotions.

Nope. :)

No connections between them :DD

He goes after his sister, not pleased to have to do it. Wen he reaches her he begins to get closer and she threatens to kill him if he takes another step. At this point, Nightsong is deflated and grief-filled. So, he tells her to do it because he's rather die than live in a world where his sister is a murderer.
What a drama queen he barely knows her 😂 He could legit just denounce her.

This reaches Changed and she begs him to kill her before "she" gets back through.
.... ok. That was easy

Nightsong does so with a heavy heart. Later, Darkstar decides to launch an attack on ThunderClan in the dead of night.
Time skip by how much? Also why are they attacking??

ThunderClan is, however, somehow prepared and they fight.
Adding a throw away reason like a cat who was taking a night walk smelled them or something would be better than just "lol somehow".

During the fight Nightsong injured the deputy (Note Hopefulheart is now Hopefulstar- leader of ThunderClan).
Wait, wait aren't they still really young? Like she needs to be 50 moons at the A B S O L U T E least to be a proper leader.

Aaaand I just checked and he's 27 moons, assuming she's around the same age (maybe even younger because he started his apprenticeship late) then it's absolutely ridiculous she would be deputy much less leader. This also makes him having kits super weird because they're already warriors so he would've been minimum of 15 moons when he had kits. Ew. And Hopefulstar might've been younger. AND BECAUSE SHE DOESNT HAVE KITS YET THAT MEANS SHE'S ABOUT 15 MOONS RIGHT NOW WHICH IS SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS I CANT-

OH. OH. WE ARENT DONE YET. ONE OF THEIR KITS IS LISTED AS LEADER SO EITHER THEY TAKE OVER SHADOWCLAN SOMEHOW OR THEIR MORHER DIES AT 27 MOONS LEAVING THEM A 12 MOON OLD LEADER
*throws laptop*

Hopefulstar brought him out of the battle and anxiously Nightsong follows. Due to his unfamiliarity with the terrain he looses them along the way. Wen he finds his way back to them a bear is attacking.
...

bruh.

Hopefulstar is defending Silentstrike (The deputy).
Let me guess, they're 10 moons old

Nightsong leaps in to help and eventually the bear is defeated.
Just change this to a dog or something, like honestly this makes no sense 😭

Silentstrike runs as best he. Can to get help from ThunderClan.
Can to get help.

Yup, makes sense

Hopefulstar is gravely injured and it is her last life.
Wtf. She's been leader long enough to lose all her frickin lives?? Firestar was like 8 years old before that happens and this bitch is like 30 moons at best

She tells Nightsong to "never stop being the song in the night" before she dies.
How clever

ShadowClan failed to take territory and Nightsong starts having nightmares. He has the same one each time: Hopefulstar's spirit leaving him for StarClan. Eventually the "She" Changed was talking about comes to him and convinced him that Silentstar is the reason Hopefulstar died and that he needs to kill him.
Oh, come on. Also who is this "She"? Is it God? Why do I feel like it's God

So, Nightsong leaves to become a rouge. In his quest to kill Silentstar he ends up killing many others.
UwU soft dangerous boi who's hurting and murders people because he just can't control the sadness, UwU rawr XD XD ( ^ω^ )

When he finally gets his shot at killing Silentstar, he takes it. He manages to take his first life but he is killed himself.
Lmao, you dumb bitch. Go Silentstar 😎

He realized what he did and felt horrible for it. He ended up in StarClan.
Mmm... Nah. He shouldn't be in StarClan. He killed a bunch of cats for no reason. So yeah, maybe not Dark Forest material but definitely not StarClan. He can float in the abyss other rouges and Kittypets are in and maybe sometimes go to StarClan to see Hopefulstar (like Jake does for Talltail). But yeah. Even if he was all emotionally distraught and whatever that doesn't justify his murders.

Later Hopefulstar is granted a tenth life to raise their three kits.
Are you kidding me. She's fucking dead. She has been for at least a couple of moons. How in the world does her buried body get a tenth life and come back up all healthy and pregnant. As far as I know StarClan doesn't have the power to raise the dead and I doubt they would even in an Au.

He watches them from StarClan, however he is powerless to stop his son Darkbite from trying to kill Silentstar to "Fufill his father's goal" (As stories of his bloodlust had been spread).
Alright, so this cat was born a psychopath and there's no other explanation. Like- how Hawkfrost was born a psycho who idolized his murderous father who he never met (up until Power of Three obviously but that wasn't in life)

Later when Silentstar dies they make up in StarClan and Nightsong apologizes for his actions.
At least he apologizes, but how did Silentstar lose all his lives so quickly? I guess it was at least 12 moons until Darkbite could try and murder him but that's still only a year. What kind of leader dies in a year. Also also wtf happened with Hopefulstar. She's just gone. If she was leader before why didn't she resume her duties? And what are her feelings on Nightsong being a murder and stuff? Did she know about the stories' influence of her son?

Review: Hmm, how to describe my feelings about this Oc..... Well, to be honest I think it's bad. Like there's potential here for a good Oc, but the way it is now is underdeveloped and not very well thought out.

Descriptions:
All the cats definitely need more detailed descriptions, and half of them should get revised designs/names as the majority are boring and overused.

I would recommend changing the designs (and names) specifically for Midnightclaw, Friendlystar, Darkbite, and all his biological family really (they're just really really generic and boring, and the names are weird). Darkstar, Crowtalon, Shadedpelt, and Sprucepelt should also get more interesting and updated appearances. Also you should consider coloring a base for you characters to get a real idea of what they look like once your descriptions are done (or hell while you're doing it, I sometimes get inspired from color palettes I come up with).

Personality:
His personality wasn't very long, and it was hard to get an idea of the character, the backstory actually did most of the work for me. You should lengthen it and add more traits and also take out the random sin part since I think that should be removed in the backstory.

Backstory:
My biggest problem with the backstory is just how young everyone was, so much so that it was vaguely disturbing and didn't make sense (a new Warrior being leader??) Literally just go back and add a bunch of moons to the characters. I'm gonna go through this (quickly I hope) and give a revised backstory plus some suggestions.

To start, Nightsong should come to the clan 1-2 moons and become an apprentice at a regular time. You should also mention his adopted family in the backstory and what their relationship is like, as well give him more friends (the one listed wasn't even in the backstory) Oh, yeah and neither was his apprentice, so make sure in the future the cats in his form are included in the backstory. Anyways, Darkstar should probably not be his mentor since there's already a great deal of leader/deputy characters in the story and she doesn't add anything to the story or character atm. Later, when his sister attacks the camp or whatever he should be around 15-17 moons. A young warrior but old enough to follow her if he wanted (I don't think he should be told by the leader to go, perhaps he sneaks out while they're still discussing it). Then he can start meeting up with Hopefulheart maybe a moon or two after this, and she could end up with kits maybe at 19-22 moons. Like, give them a few moons to actually fall in love because even though the Erins like to pretend sleeping next to your crush gets you pregnant, we all know how it really goes down 😭👌

Of course, you can alter it to be she has kits as deputy but that would make her considerably older and I think it makes more sense if her kits are already grown up by the time she becomes deputy (35-50). Also since her time and appointment as deputy wasn't mentioned once in the backstory I'd throw that in somewhere. Later, after probably about 10-20 moons of being leader they can have a badger or dog or something attack ThunderClan (I guess you could still have ShadowClan attack but like give a reason at least) and either you pick between her dying and losing a life (or if you extend the time she's been leader it would be more probable for her to be closer to losing her last lives) or her deputy is killed.

Alright, now here is where I wanna say just completely get rid of the weird Nightsong-goes-on-murder-spree-because-of-random-ghost-cat (and ghost cat herself) and replace it with like, anything else (that makes sense of course). Depending on whether Hope is killed or not her daughter can become the next deputy, and after that just come up with an ending I guess 🤷‍♀️

Thanks for listening to my review! 😌😃✨