This Oc belongs to Brindleshine
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Name: Ashclaw (yes I'm aware it's overused. Blame the stupid leader)
So first off I'd like to point out this name is overused- *gets assassinated*

Past names: Ashpaw, Ashkit
Ok

Name reason: Ash- her dark flecked pelt
Claw- her efficiency in battle, and her quick, scathing words
Mm alright good enough

Appearance: A muscular, thick furred grey she-cat with a darker dorsal stripe that goes from her nose to her tail tip. Dark grey ticking at the edge of her fur, and lighter undercoat. She has three scars that wrap around her left cheek, down and across her throat. She also has many scars clustered at her shoulders, and a few stretching down her side. Her right ear is missing the tip, and has a small nick from when the Twolegs took her. She has deep amber eyes, and another scar stretching across them, through thankfully, she did not get blinded from it
Whoah, nice description! And she has so many scars :0

Gender: Female
Mhm

Age: 87 moons (7 years, 3 months)
Oooh, I think that's the oldest Oc we've had so far (I'm too lazy to check though 🤪)

Personality: Ashclaw was a fairly happy and peaceful kit, and was overjoyed when she became an apprentice.
Like most kits so it makes sense 👍

Sadly, despite all her training, it was her sister, Charblaze, who seemed to excel.
Interesting name

Now, she is a cold, disinterested cat who only has time for two others, Maplestar, and Owlblink. She has a quick wit, but also a short fuse, so almost anything could set her off. The only time she is calm is when she is with Owlblink.
I'm wondering, does she have anger issues? Or like some kind of mental disorder? Anyways Owlblink is probably her crush right? Also it's the cutest fucking name I've ever seen. I really hope I get to see a description of him.

Sexuality: Straight
K

Clan: So I've actually never decided on her clan name (oof)
What a mood Brindle

but I know there are three clans at the place she lives, and they all are in the pine forest. Her clan (we'll call it needlclan for now, it *will* be changed later)
Reminds me of my main clan how they all live on the moor because it's huge XD

Needleclan is on the edge of the pine forest, and they have a few streams running through their territory. The trees slowly fade into open grassland for a while, before turning into farms. The cats don't tend to venture out of the forest, as they find open sky unnerving.
Makes sense 👌

As for the clan itself, Needleclan thrives on one saying "Might before Mind," and they often make fun of Rootclan, (on the other side of the forest) for never fighting, and often getting attacked for how weak they are.
Okay to be fair RootClan needs to step it up. Like damn what kind of warriors can't fight for their clan

But just because they value battle skill does not mean Needleclan is dumb. No, the train since kithood to recognize attacks, and to think fast in emergencies, which has saved many lives when disaster strikes.
Ooh so a clan trait would be battle strategies or quick thinking

They tend to eat whatever the can get their paws on, as certain patches of the forest are more open, it's easier to catch birds. Squirrels are insanely rare, but rabbits can be caught time to time. Fish is also a good food, if one can brave the rushing waters of their creeks. Lizards are also popular.
All the prey makes sense 😌

Most cats in Needleclan cannot climb trees, as the bark of pine is too flaky and unstable. Occasionally, a cat will teach themselves on one of the oaks and other trees that are sprinkled in the forest
This also makes lots of sense

Rank: Ashclaw is currently the deputy (and secret assassin for Maplestar)
Assassin? :0 I'm interested

Kin: Leafgaze is her mother, a thick furred russet she-cat with darker dorsal stripe, and green eyes. Leaf- she was born in fall (I forgot the cat word for it, lol)
.... leaf-fall

and named after the burning red leaves that danced aboveGaze- she has a slightly unnerving gaze, as if she is looking through you, instead of at you
Name makes sense, and by dorsal stripe do you mean going down her spine? Also more description~

Currently deceased Hazefoot is her father, a sleek but long furred grey tabby, with dark marbled markings, and silver ticking. He also is missing his left hind paw, from an accident while he was an apprentice. He has bright amber eyes Haze- for his silver ticked grey tabby furFoot- for his missing paw, at the time, it was a humiliating, but now, he sees it as a strength, as cats underestimate his strength
I like him! Also I like how her description matches well with these too so it's pretty obvious they're related.

Charblaze is her sister, a bright russet tabby, who has a thick dorsal stripe, and broken marbled markings. She also has blazing yellow eyes, a mixture of her father and motherChar- her bright fur made her parents think of charred wood, and how it still glowed with heatBlaze- her blazing determination, and excessive personality
"Excessive personality" lmao. Good description on her

Maplestar(glare) is her uncle, a tall russet tom with dark green eyes, and a lighter underbelly and inner legsMaple- his sister was named after the leaves of a maple tree, so he was named after the tree itself Glare- he constantly seems angry, with how he glares all the time, but it was a defect since he was a kit, his eyes are perpetually narrowed, Star- he is the leader of Needleclan
Aww I like how him and his sister have matching names <3

Crush: Stagdust is her crush from when she was an apprentice. He is a tawny brown tabby tom with broken mackerel striping, and darker ticking. Bright yellow/green eyes (he eventually gets together with Charblaze)
Nice appearance and name

Mate: Owlblink is her (secret) mate, who is actually a med cat. He is a sleek white tom with long whiskers and dark rosetted markings, soft yellow eyes Ashclaw cannot have kits, as she was picked up by Twolegs once, and spayed (hence the top of ear cut off, it's a marking to show she's already been picked up)
Oh, that's so cool! I love that they can be mates and theirs literally no problem. And Owlblink is a white bengal correct?

Mentor: Her mentor was Nightbloom,
Mmm yes using that -Bloom suffix.
a sleek black she-cat with short fur and a white patch on her chest, scars from previous fights, and green eyes. She is a very kind and understanding mentor, and tried to be supportive of Ashpaw, especially when Charpaw got all of the praise. Is very disappointed in how Ashclaw turned out
Disappointed because she knows she's and assassin or because of her personality change?

Apprentices: Sagepaw(spot) A pale grey she-cat with white stomach and dark dappling, folded ears, and a fluffy tail. Green eyes
Pretty good description

Twigpaw(leap) a tall brown tabby tom with white paws, dark points, pale scars on his face, yellow eyes. She used to be a friendly cat, and knew the other apprentices pretty well, but after her sister's betrayal she turned cold
It says Tom but then uses she/her pronouns so....?
Also what sisters betrayal? I'm confused

Note on the apprentices, you can just put their full names because for a second I was confused if she was training two at the same time

Friends: Butterflysnap- a fluffy light tan tabby with amber eyes, who is very kind and likes Patch
Ooh I like the description and name but it needs detail

Yellowwhisker- a faded yellow/tan tom with long, wrinkled whiskers, dark yellow eyes, a goofy tom who used to have a small crush on Ashclaw
Cute <3

Patchtail- a white tom with brown tabby patches and cap, soft blue eyes
He sounds sweet

Doestep- a soft tawny she-cat with lighter ticking, white back paws, and yellow/green eyes, sister to Stagdust
Oh hey! I have an Oc almost exactly like this, name and everything 😂

Troutbite- a fluffy silver tabby tom with green eyes, from Rootclan, one of Ashclaw's best friends (till she accidentally killed him)
Oh-

(Yeah I'm aware that the descriptions for these guys are prolly lacking, but I *loathe* doing insanely detailed descriptions)
Haha sorry Brindle. Best way to do it is write down semi detailed appearances on a Google docs and slowly add on to them as you get criticism 👌 For me anyways

Backstory: Blazeclaw and her sister (Charblaze)
I'm assuming the "Blazeclaw" is meant to be Ashclaw lol

were born while a fire was happening in the forest (horrible timing if you ask me) and so were named Ashkit and Charkit, both for the fire, and their corresponding pelts
Interesting

They grew up fairly happy, the only home they ever knew was one dead, black, and haunted by the shadows of former lives.
....

Not that they cared.
Oh alright 😂😭

When they did become apprentices, the differences between Charpaw and Ashpaw became startling clear, as if night and day. Charpaw was patient, and a good hunter, and always knew how to get on Ashpaw's nerves. The only thing Ashpaw seemed to be better at was fighting, and even then, Charpaw could taunt her and make her unsteady. Trying to reclaim the waning connection with her sister, she proposed a truce, and that they wouldn't try and show each other up.
Yesss trying to be a good sister Ashpaw

Everything seemed fine for a while, until she caught feelings for Stagpaw. Unable to keep it in anymore, she confided in her sister, who seemed understanding (at the time). They continued in their apprenticeship, and started to fall back apart, with Charpaw becoming almost like an enemy, someone to beat. After their warrior ceremonies (in which they became Ashclaw and Charblaze) Ashclaw built up the courage to finally tell Stagdust how she felt. However, when she did find him, with was in the forest, with her sister...
We're they doing the cat equivalent of making out? 😂💀

Betrayed and heartbroken, something inside Ashclaw snapped, and she ran off, finding herself in Rootclan territory. There, she got caught by a lone warrior, and, panicking and not wanting anyone to find out about this, she killed him, and dropped him in the creek, making sure not to leave any evidence. 
BRO CHILL WTFRICK. "

RootClan Warrior doing his job: "Hey you can't be here!"
Ash: 🔪 🔪

Time went on, and Stag and Char became official mates, which only added to the anger boiling in her. She started sneaking out of the territory, to take out her anger where she wouldn't be caught by her fellow clanmates.
Is she a serial killer or does she just claw a specific tree really angrily like my cat does when I won't let her do something

On one such occasion, she got captured by Twolegs, and they spayed her (not that she knew). She just remembered waking up back in the forest, with her abdomen hurting and dull.
Aw :(

She slunk back to Needleclan, and tried to speak with the medicine cat about it. (The meddie boi was Owlblink) For some reason, she couldn't stop staring into his eyes, and he felt the same. Eventually, she began getting hurt, just so she could have excuses to see him.
THATS SO CUTE OMG YES

The other medicine cat, Yarrowtuft, did not approve of how often she was in, and said she could only come back if she was actually hurt, and it wasn't just a thorn in her paw, or prickles in her pelt. She then began slipping into Rootclan, picking fights with their warriors, and then killing them and cleaning up after herself.
Girl this ain't cute no more 😐

She would then return to be healed by Owlblink. Yarrowtuft became suspicious of her, and found her slinking back after a fight at the border, and to shut him up, Ashclaw killed him.
*sigh*

It was only a matter of time until Maplestar found out, and instead of punishing her like she expected, he asked her to go on missions for him.
Ooh interesting I hope I get to know more about who and why he wants killed. At this point though you think RootClan would be up their asses at a gathering about like 5 of their warriors turning up dead and Ashclaw being super scarred....

She agreed. Maplestar wanted Ashclaw to go on her first mission for him, but she had one condition; that she could be mates with Owlblink, even if only in secret. He agreed.
Makes sense, they don't know it but she can't have kits so yeah. I wonder if Owlblink knows his wife is a serial killer though

It was around this time that she got her first apprentice, Sagepaw(spot). She attempted to train her exactly like her own mentor had, to be cunning and fast. She also enjoyed the fact that her sister still didn't have an apprentice, though Charblaze was expecting Stagdust's kits.
Ha ha Charblaze got f a t

Her first mission was to kill Troutbite from Rootclan, and it was the first time she ever felt remorse for her actions, when she slit his throat.
Yo, what's up with him? I know he was listed as a friend but he hasn't been mentioned up until this point so....

After Sagepaw became a warrior, Stagdust found out from Charblaze that Ashclaw once had like him. Being an unfaithful, stupid tom, he stopped Ashclaw in the forest, and offered to be in a relationship with her.
Bruhhhhhhhhh

Angry at his betrayal of her sister, and just annoyed in general, she killed him, dragged him to the border of Rootclan, and blamed it on them.
Alright I will say killing him was a bit far 😢😩 I kinda liked Stagdust 😂😬

This caused an all out battle between the two clans, and during the chaos, Ashclaw snuck up on the deputy of Needleclan, and murdered him.
W h o a h then

When the fight was said and done, and Foxsnarl was found dead, Ashclaw was chosen as the new deputy.
I wonder if Maplestar had implied he wanted them dead before so Ashclaw knew he wouldn't care if she killed them

She also took her next apprentice, Twigpaw. This began a reign of terror, the two of them becoming the most ruthless cats in the territories. Ashclaw's forays to go kill slowly extended into Barkclan, forcing cats to live in constant fear. In the middle of the night, Maplestar launched an attack on Rootclan, and Needleclan took over the unprepared clan.
Not surprised since Ashy has killed like 1/4 of their clan by now

All protesters were brutally killed by Ashclaw, and her new assistant, Twigleap. 
Oh damn Twigleap be evil too 😳

I wonder what happened with Sagespot, is Ashclaw disappointed in her and does Twigleap think she's better or...?

Moons pass, and the new Needlclan prepares to take over Barkclan.
How do they control three clans at a time. Even if their numbers are sliced in half. I guess Ash, Twig, and Maple could all be in a different territory?

The end of the book is Ashclaw standing on a ridge, preparing to lead into battle.
Wait this is a book-

Review: Ok, review time!

To be honest, I really like this Oc. I think she's interesting, has a good backstory, and I'm engaged with the characters featured around her. This probably has to do with the fact she already has a book written about her, but regardless it's a good OC 😂

Moving past my positive impression there were a few things that could be improved ∩^ω^∩

Descriptions
Brindle you did mention yourself that most of the descriptions were lacking 😂 I would use my suggestion form earlier of writing a main description and slowly adding detail as you think of it or receive criticism. I like all the base appearances of the characters though, and finding reference pics for them could help you with the descriptions!

Backstory
The backstory was really good in my opinion, it answered most of my questions and was consistent but their is some additional information I think could be put in there. Specifically her feelings on killing and how it stated because for me it was really sudden, like was she born with a disposition for sociopathy or...?

Personality
I don't think this is long enough to have its own section, but I couldn't put it anywhere else 🤷‍♀️

So, my quick note on the personality is that I'd like to know more about her from the period of her being and apprentice and her first kill. You describe her current personality, but not much about what she was like before that (besides being a Kit) so I think including that would help smooth out the transition a little more.

That's it! Thank you so much for entering this character, I had such a good time rating her Brindle ❤️✨

(Also go check out her book! I know I will 😌)