This Oc belongs to Kekoworld
______________________

Note: I split up the form a lot on this entry because there was so much to comment on, and I did that with the ridiculously long review as well; Also border thingy is still here 🙃

Name: OzzieEcho
Oh, boy it's gonna be one of those characters

Past Names: OzzieKit, Leapkit, Ozziepaw
She had two names as a Kit?? Ok....

Name Reason: Ozzie: Her parents wanted a baby boy so they picked Ozzie but went they saw she was a girl they wanted her name to be leapkit but they liked the name Ozzie
Wtf is Ozzie? That's a human name. That's what you call an Australian. It's definitely not a name Clan cat parents would know unless they knew a loner/Kittypet with that name but even then why would they name her after that?? Point is it's bad. Change it to something else, like a reference to her appearance (nvm, this is an impossible with the current description. All of this will be discussed in review)

Echo: She has very good hearing but she hate having it because if she doesn't want hear thier cat talking.
"Hear thier cat talking" What? Who is she hearing? What cat? What's wrong with good hearing? It's not like it's Dovewing level

Appearance: A white, black, brown, and dark gray stripes.
It's starts with "A" but never says anything else, so I'm assuming she is a white, black, brown, and dark gray striped void

Short fur.
At least now I know how long her fur is

Tan on left eyelid, front and back right paw, Tail, muzzle, Left Ears, underbelly, and left leg.
Very complicated

Yellow on neck, front and back left paws, tip of tail, muzzle, Right Ear, right leg.
This design is even more complicated and also extremely unrealistic

Golden/Yellow eyes.
This, I will except

Black stripes on her face and ears.
Gray and black stripes??

Brown stripes on legs and paws.
I stand corrected

Gray stripes on tail. White stripes on chest, muzzle, and neck.
Oh, look white too

Very sharp teeth and Claws.
Reminds me of all the other cats in the world

(Okay, fine some Ocs have usually sharp teeth/claws but that's usually because they're long or hooked. My point is she doesn't need this detail unless you're going to tone down the cacophony of colors on her pelt)

Her underbelly is orange.
You forgot to mention her purple whiskers

She very skinny but she eat a lot.
I don't know how to put this other than I don't like it because it reminds me of "I like girls who eat" but also how they want them to stay skinny. Sorry, this is a really random criticism but it just came to mind.

Also! I made a drawing to show you what Ozzie potentially looks like

As you can see, it's pretty complicated and hard to follow. I also wasn't given a base color in the description so I assumed it was tan. Moving on, all the different colored stripes are confusing, the yellow patches are random, and you said the underbelly was orange and tan so I tried to do both (same with the yellow and tan muzzle). I'm not really sure why you decided to make the stripes so many different colors, but I would go with either black or brown (that's all I'm gonna say for now because I want to elaborate in the Review)

Gender: she-cat ( likes to go by Non-binary )
How quirky

(She could be a Demigirl in all seriousness :))

Age: 65 moons( in towleg years it 45 )
At least her age is fine.
And I'll take your word for the Two-leg years cuz I'll be fricked if I'm gonna go all the way to google and search it

Personality: She very worried about her clan and family members.
Like always worried? Constantly fearing the worst? Mild anxiety? Just some ways to make it more interesting

She can feeel ashamed when she dose something bad to her clan.
Almost everyone feels bad when they do something wrong, so this isn't really a personality trait unless she guilts easily

She very loyal to her clan, maybe too loyal.
Eh, I don't know if you can really be too loyal. Loyalty is a good thing!

She very honest even when she dosen't want too.
~Pinocchio vibes~

Ok, but this doesn't really make sense. Can she never lie? Does she feel compelled to tell the truth at all times for some reason?

She Thoughtful of her clan. She willing to take risks for her clan even if it too risky.

Kind of sounds like every loyal warrior ever, so maybe she's a big risk taker in general instead

She very curious. She give up easily.
Hey, you don't see that as a personality trait to often:) Usually it's the opposite, like super determined

She easily angered or confused when kit or Apprentice ask her question she doesn't know
So, she's sensitive about being a role model? Or she just doesn't like not knowing the answer

Sexuality: Pansexual ( she want to give all a Chance)
100% more quirky

(No hate on Pans but this character is just so loaded with things that 12 year-old DeviantArt kids put on their Ocs XD)

Clan: BubbleClan ( The founder of BubbleClan was a Apprentice called BubblePaw.
Ok, but where do they live? I hope in an area with lots of water or else the name is out of place

The food chain-
(Not really a good chain btw. It was just a list of things they hunt)

Bunny is common
Okay

Deer is uncommon
Still find it unrealistic that cats could ever kill a deer unless it was a new-born or severely wounded (even then 8 cats at least)

Fish is very common
So they must be next to some kind of large water source

Fox is common
They eat foxes?!

Dogs is very common
This clan can suck my non existent *BEEEEEEP*

Leftover food from the park is very common
So they aren't true warriors. Clan warriors hunt there own food, not scavenged scraps from Two-leg (okay, that one time when they brought Purdy back, but they were super far from home and couldn't fine any food. These cats on the other hand, have a stable home and more than a couple "common" food sources)

Bubbleclan is near woodland with a few rivers and a park.
Near a woodland? They don't actually live in the woods? Are they by the rivers? By the park??

BubbleClan rules are not different than the are cat but 1 rule
If there a cat outside the boards they aloud them in.
Oh, I see they're skilled in board games-

Seriously though, this is a terrible rule. What if the cat is a murderer? What if they hate clan cats and steal their kits? What if they don't even want to join? Do the borders even count as borders if it doesn't matter who comes through? I feel like this rule defeats the point of borders

Rank: Greeter ( thier greet the cat at come in the clan. But the female cat like to sleep in her den. They give the cat thing them need )
Tf does this mean? They have a whole rank for saying "Hi" to the randoms they let in their clan? What's the female cat part? Are you trying to say they have a prostitute that sleeps with the new cat??

Kin:

BubbleStar(Mother)-
Is she the founder of the Clan? Please tell me no-

A white, black and brown cat.
That sounds kind of cute, I have an Oc named Lapwing that's a beige, black, and white calico

Fuffly fur. Tan splash on her body but it mostly on her neck, underbelly, and belly.
Okay, now she's a bit complicated much like Ozzie

Yellow spots on her tail,Paws, neck, underbelly, legs.
STOP IT. There's too much detail 💀

Ice Blue Eyes. White stripes on her tail. Claws are blinding white.

Cats can't have blinding white claws. And again with the white stripes (this isn't a bad thing, I have an Oc with white stripes, it's just that in this context she's sooo complicated)

Scar on her right paw. Pretty Skinny but she know it.
...wtf

Dark red Marks on her front and back paws.
No

A broken collar with the word " Leap ".
Oh, is this why they almost named Ozzie "Leap"? Also if it's broken it should be falling off, and since she's a leader she shouldn't have it lying around. I don't see Firestar with his old collar

BeeFeather (Father)- A yellow tom with black stripes that starts from the tip of his tail that go to his head. Very short fur. Golden/ Yellow eyes.
My only criticism is that he looks too much like an actual bee. Try making him a ginger tabby or golden tabby or black and ginger tortoiseshell, idk. Just something so he's not an actual bee because I see way too many Ocs like that

Orange on muzzle,Paws, ears, tip of tail. Brown on tip of ears
It was pretty much fine until this part which over complicates the design, I don't think he really needs it.

Cursh: GrayStreet
I'm gonna go rinse my brain with bleach and Bob Ross videos-

Ok, but that's a horrible name. Gray... street. They don't even know what streets are! They're called "Thunderpaths". His name needs to be changed ASAP

Looks: A gray fur. Yellow lines that start from the tip of his tail to his head.
*breathes in* BOI

He doesn't have to be a literal street 🙄😣  Please change him to something more realistic, like a gray Tom with cream streaks or a plain gray tabby Tom :) Both of those have the look your going for I think

White spot that start from his head to the tip of his tail.
THAT'S NOT A SPOT. But I do like the white on him

Claws are blinding white but short.
Excuse me? Blinding white? Are his claws the color of void? Did he dip them in white paint? No cat can have white claws, much less blinding ones. Why do him and Bubblestar both have to have "blinding white" claws. Maybe change it to both of them having unusually pale claws, if that's a trait your into

Green Eyes.
No skinny but not big.
Okay, he's average

Mate: Maybe, GrayStreet but in a 1 moon
Why even bother having him as her crush if they're gonna be mates in 1 Moon? You might as well put him in here and age her up 1

Kits: None
Ok

Past Mentor: BrightTail - A white cat. Yellow eyes. A yellow and orange Splashes on his.
Please look over your sentences, this one doesn't even finish

Yellow paws and ears. A bit Chubby.
Hey, another chubby lol

A heart on his chest.
Nope, no hearts. They can have a ginger splotch on their chest that vaguely resembles a heart, but not an actual heart.

Big eyes and tail. Claws and teeth are short.
Surprisingly the rest of the description is pretty realistic and makes a nice image. I would recommend changing how you describe them though, because as it is it's really hard to read. Use commas and make full sentences so your descriptions sound better

Friend: Swiper- A chubby fox
Hey! Just like my best friend Marble the Cow! Btw did I mention my favorite food is hamburgers?
(They eat foxes, remember? -.-)

Also, why is his name unoriginally the fox from Dora the Explorer?? Is he a pet fox? What's happening here

with orange mixed with yellow and red fur. Blinding pale blue eyes. White on muzzle,Paws,Ears, neck, underbelly, chest, and tip of tail. Claws are very sharp. Long fur. Chubby.
I'd say he looks like an average fox so you could put that instead of this long ass description.

Big Paws and ears. A black underbelly
His description sounded typical of a fox before this so... you might wanna change that.

Also, ignoring the fact she couldn't even be friends with a fox (they don't even speak the same language canonically) her only friend listed was the fox, so that needs to be changed. Get rid of the fox and replace him with a rogue cat (just a suggestion) of a similar appearance with a name relating to foxes like... Todd. Bam! Now it's realistic, but she still keeps a friend. Also more friends should be added

BackStory: OzzieKit was a girl but her parents thought she was a boy.
How. What about the medicine cat who would announces the gender of the kit??

When Ozziekir turn to a Apprentice ( OzziePaw) she wanted to Explore the outside of the clan broads.
*BORDERS

She came up with a plan
Let's see how this turns out

Plan: She wakes up in the night and goes to the park and steal food for her clan.
*not a Warrior

She meets a fox called Swiper(dora the explorer XD!)
Okay, so why is he named that?! Is it supposed to be the actual Swiper or his cringey Au cousin or something?

they talked for a bit their them walked off to their territories.
Why didn't they attack eachother

When Ozziepaw turn to a Greeter ( OzzieEcho) Swiper came to meet OzzieEcho.
Uh, how did he know she was... ranking up?

Swiper was scared with his clan.
Probably because he's one fox against like 40 cats-

OzzieEcho told her clan to come take a look.
Take a look at Swiper??

After they were gone. Swiper didn't moved. Ozzieecho told him to moved in with her cursh, GrayStreet.
She told Swiper to move in with GrayStreet?? What?

OzzieEcho was wanting to tell her cursh that she like him but failed one time.
She only tried once?

GrayStreer like her but he doesn't want to tell her so he said no.
That's stupid

Welp, not much happened in 60 moons of her life as far as a I could tell, either that or their was such a lack of detail you missed events. She was born, got a weird name, became an apprentice (without any mention of her mentor :/ Even though they were included in the Mentor section), met Swiper, ranked up to a greeter (again I still can't figure out what this rank is supposed to do other than say Hi) and failed to confess to her crush.

Other information: She plans her plan afterwards when she there
Repeat that sentence to me. Slowly. Now, tell me exactly what this means?

Review: Let's just jump straight into the review, shall we? Okay, I'm sorry to say, but OzzieEcho is overall not a very good Oc :/ There's a lot about her that's unrealistic or doesn't make sense period (*cough cough* Friends with a fox *cough cough*), so there's a lot to be changed if you want to keep her character. We're just gonna start at the top of the form and go straight down (unless I need to skip over something for reasons).

First off, her name needs to be changed. Ozzie isn't a proper prefix for a Clan cat, but echo could work. The prefix should usually reflect something about the kits appearance, so we're gonna jump over to the description real quick. *back* Alright, so her description (much like everyone else in the form) is over complicated and hard to follow. There's too many colors and patterns fighting for attention, so it's kind of hard to figure out.

I recommend changing her to something more realistic, like a brown ticked tabby she-cat (stripes weren't mentioned on the body so I figured she's ticked) with cream or ginger spots/patches. There, now she has a fairly unique design (the golden eye color can be kept) and is much easier to imagine. With her changed appearance, we can generate a couple suitable prefixes that should go well with her suffix. I thought of Robin, Hazel, Tawny, and Ochre (not the best but they're just some examples. Though I do really like Robinecho).

Moving on to personality, I'm actually surprised how much I like it. Sure, it's not super great, but I found some parts really unique: like how she gives up easily. Not a trait you see a lot, and it was honestly kind of refreshing. The main problem I see, is that there's some traits that are recycled over and over again (I'm looking at you "loyalty to your clan" 👀 I don't understand why that's even considered as a personality trait, because it's just the default. Like yeah, you're probably gonna be loyal to the clan you were raised in that had all your friends and family in it. Big deal) and it could be more detailed. I think you should bring some traits to the front, and move others to the back. For example: She is described as being easily angered and confused when she doesn't know the answer to a question asked by a younger clanmate, and I'd like to bring that further into her personality. Like maybe she's sensitive about how people perceive her intelligence or actions and wants to be respected/a good role model. Maybe she really wants to be a mentor, and is trying to broaden her knowledge for said apprentice (btw she should already have an a Apprentice or get one really soon since she's getting older).

Next, we're going to talk about BubbleClan and her rank. I'd like a lot more detail about her clan, because I wasn't really sure where they lived in the territory that was described. They're next to a Park (btw I think you should give this a Warrior cat name like how in the books they call Docks on the lake "Half-bridge") a Forest, and a few rivers. I'd like to know what there camp is like and where it is in relation to all the things you mentioned.
For example, they're called BubbleClan so I think it would make sense for the to be settled close or in the river, with maybe the woods around them or behind. Then, you could describe the camp like "The camp is on a high bank near the river with bramble thickets surrounding it. Most of the dens are woven into the bramble...". Boom, nice description that makes a clear image of the clan.

Then we get to where you describe the prey they eat, and I have 3 big problems with it. One, it says they eat Deer... How. If you're gonna give me an extremely unrealistic prey, I want to know exactly what kind of hunting techniques they're using to take that down (but to be fair you said it was uncommon so I assume it's injured when they find it. Still, you should probably change it's food status to "Rare"). Next, it says that they hunt Foxes... Which, is uh- I don't even really know what to say to that honestly. I'm just gonna point at now, among another billion reasons why a cat wouldn't hunt a fox is that, carnivores in general aren't going to want to eat another carnivore (yes, I know foxes are technically Omnivores but nonetheless their diet consists mainly of small herbivorous mammals much like cats). Think about it. A Wolf might eat a fox or something if it was hungry, but they'd probably like a deer or rabbit a lot more. And we as humans don't eat carnivorous animals most of the time. Pigs are omnivores and are mostly fed corn and plant materials (as far as I know), cows are herbivores and eat grass and corn given to them, and chickens are also omnivores I believe who mostly eat corn and feed. My point is, I don't think a cat would eat a fox unless it was starving, and the Fox was already dead or close to death. Yet it's listed as a "common" food source for BubbleClan. I think you should just take it off the list entirely, so as to avoid confusion (since later it say she's friends with a fox but that's like a ThunderClan cat being friends with a mouse).

And at last! We have the ABSOLUTELY WORST FOOD SOURCE POSSIBLE LISTED. DOGS. Just no- stop it, get some help 😰😭😡
I can't understand why in the world this would be listed as prey 😤🤮. Foxes were bad enough, but straight up dogs?! No. The first thing I want to point out is that, you said the live near a park. Cool, that's fine, and I'm guessing said park is used to walk dogs or something. But then we get to the question of, how are they eating dogs?? Are Two-legs just letting them run off without supervision and the cats are like "it's free real estate" (which then you have to wonder how the hell a group of cats would take down a healthy dog)? Or are there lots of strays or dead dogs just lying around this frickin park. But besides that, why would they eat dogs in the first place? There's lots of other things they can eat, like the rabbits mentioned and they live by several rivers, so I don't see fish being a problem. Honestly, just take this dumb thing off the prey list (along with foxes and deer) and add like water voles or something, and it's completely fixed :)

Okay, ONE more thing before we move on to her family, and that's her rank. It says she's a "greeter" and honestly I have no idea what they do, aside from the small description implying their only job is to say  "Hi" to new people. Honestly, it seems like pretty boring and useless rank in my opinion, so unless there's going to be privileges involved, and they can hunt and fight like a regular warrior, I'd say get rid of it. Or have the apprentices do it, since it seems like something really minor. But I do have a couple suggestions ready if you want to keep that rank. If you actually have a clear idea in mind feel free to explain in the comments!

Idea 1. Like I said, the apprentices are actually the greeters, and are each given a cat to "greet" when a loner decides to spend the night or something. The goal is for the apprentice to convince the rogue cat to join the clan by showing them around camp, explaining the warrior code, teaching them to hunt/fight, and befriending them. A process which is called "Greeting". Every apprentice will have to Greet once cat before becoming a Warrior (or if none are available for some time, when someone comes around). I also imagine in this one Warrior apprentices would be called Greeters (or maybe just the process) or the rogues who joined would be called the Greeted and have to prove themselves before becoming warriors.

Idea 2. In this Idea a Greeter is actually more like an advisor kind of position to the deputy and leader. They "greet" kittens by teaching them the way of their clan kind of like a story teller, as well as keeping tabs on cats in the clan and reporting back to the deputy and leader. If you went with this one you'd probably have to shift around the other clan ranks, but that just makes it more interesting!

Here at last!! The discussion of her kin and relationships 😉  Well, I'm going to start with the appearances and our first candidate will be her mother, Bubblestar! I really liked the first line of Bubblestar's description, but then you kinda spiraled again and lost me. I feel like you couldn't decided on a design for her and tried to combine all of them in one thing, which didn't really work that well. I think you should take the first part of the description with the eye color, and leave everything else (especially the horrendous red marks XD). That leaves you with "A black, brown, and white she-cat with ice blue eyes". Pretty good, so, now we can add some more traits to her appearance. You said she was thin (albeit in a very odd way) so maybe make her description include "lean" or "tall". Fur detail would also be nice, so going along with the water theme, sleek or thick fur could work. Also, we're gonna change the white claws to "unusually pale claws". Final description would be something like "Tall, thick furred black, beige, and white calico she-cat with unusually pale claws and ice blue eyes"

Next is the appearance of her father, Beefeather! Now, I've already gone over alternative descriptions for him, so I'm just gonna paste them here real quick and add on. "Try making him a ginger tabby or golden tabby with dark stripes, or black and golden tortoiseshell" Personally, I want to go with the tortoiseshell route, so that what I'm gonna do for the sake of examples. Oh, and I would change his suffix, or his fur type because I assumed Feather was for long or fluffy fur, but his description says he has extremely short fur, so... Anyways! I also want to talk about his body type. I think since his prefix is Bee, he should be shorter and stocky to match with it. Lastly, I would add a bit of white to his design so it's not so flat. Maybe a white dashes chest, white paws or tail tip. Final description would be something like- "Stocky, fluffy black and golden tortoiseshell Tom with a white dashed chest, paws, and golden eyes"

Moving on from the descriptions (but not totally), I think her parents should have another litter, or she should have some littermates. It's pretty rare in the series and in real cats to only have one kit, unless the others die, but even then two separate litters is common after awhile. Ozzie is already 60 moons old so I'd give her some siblings that are Warrior age or older apprentices. Also, when creating possible descriptions, don't be afraid to get creative! Obviously, there's a difference between a creative believable design and an unrealistic over designed character, but that's what I'm here for! Here's some descriptions I thought could work for the parents second litter :)

- Black, White speckled cat
- Black, beige, and white calico
- Brown and white cat
- Ginger-brown tabby
- Black, brown, and white Tortoiseshell

I mentioned this briefly in her form, but now where gonna go into more detail about the changes that need to be made to her friend. "Get rid of the fox and replace him with a rogue cat (just a suggestion) of a similar appearance with a name relating to foxes like... Todd." Basically that but in more detail. Maybe after a few nights of sneaking out to be in the park she meets a loner tom who teaches her how to get in the two-leg bins and take food. Possible fox inspired descriptions could be "Ginger tabby with a white belly" or "Reddish tabby tom with dark stripes". Maybe he has physical traits that are fox-like (i.e Bushy tail, lean face, tufted ears). For his name there's several fox themed names I can think of. Todd is a male fox, Reynard or Renard is another word for a male fox I believe but also the name of a medieval fox character, Crevan is an Irish name meaning fox, and Gekker is the sound a fox makes, but could be changed to something like Garret.

So, the backstory is honestly the worst part in this whole form. It's short, undetailed, and has so many mistakes and errors it's hard to understand.
Here's all the events I could gather from it.

- Her parents thought she would be a boy, but she turned out to be a girl. They decided to keep the name Ozzie anyways
- As an apprentice she was very adventurous and wandered outside the borers one day
- She decides to sneak out at night and steal food from I'm assuming trash cans in a twoleg park
- Somehow she understands and befriends a fox named Swiper while at the park
- After becoming a Greeter, Swiper comes to.... congratulate her on ranking up or something??
- Swiper was scared of meeting the clan but Ozzieecho had him come anyways
- Swiper was still scared after the meeting, so Ozzieecho told him to, uh live with her crush Graystreet
- Ozzieecho tried once to tell Graystreet she liked him and gave up
- Graystreet also likes her but won't say anything
Bonus!
- She plans her plan afterwards when she there
*wipes tear* Beautiful

Ok, sarcasm aside I think you get my point. Almost nothing in the backstory makes sense or feels genuinely connected to eachother. There's missing events, things are skipped over, and overall it's very underwhelming.

I made a little basic guide for you on events that should be included in the backstory to help you re-write/fill it out.

1. Introduce parents, kithood, siblings/friends
2. How her apprenticeship goes, relationship with mentor and friends
3. Becoming a Warrior (ceremony)
4. Anything important- meeting their future mate, injuries that lead to scars in their design, training their own apprentice, their parents having more kits, leader dying, plots in the clans, etc. All of these can also be applied to any of the events listed before, depending on when they happened

If this isn't helpful, I'm also gonna write out some questions that could possibly help.
What is her relationship with her parents? Who was she apprentices with? What was her relationship with her mentor? When did she start crushing on Graystreet? Why did she sneak out to see a park? What does she do in her free time? What's her relationship with the fox friend like?
I can't think of anymore right now, but you get the idea.

Lastly, the grammar is atrocious and really needs to be edited. Good grammar and spelling makes your form easy to read, and also sets the mood of "This is my Oc I've worked really hard on, and I want you to help me improve", you know? It's just a good basic quality for a form to have. I would  recommend writing this out on Google Docs and adding information and details as you get her rated, while also using spellcheck and grammar. This also makes it easier to fill out forms since you can copy and paste from the docs.

_________________
Wow, that was probably the longest review I've ever done 😌😂 Feel free to use any of the suggestions listed! You don't have to credit me on anything but I would appreciate it on the greeting rank ideas :3 But, only if you use the idea lol

I hoped you enjoyed my advice! And I would be thrilled if this was re-entered in the future as an updated form! :)

(Not gonna lie at first I really despised this Oc, but honestly it was my favorite to rate, so far)