This Oc belongs to Shredthorn

________________

Name: Darkshadow
Alright, it sounds nice. A bit redundant though and shadow is super common, so consider changing it?

Past Name: Darkkit, Darkpaw
Makes sense

Gender: Tom
Ok

(Dark) Because of his dark brown coat and (shadow) because when he hunts he's as silent as a shadow.
Both make sense

Sexuality: Straight
Nice

Appearance: a slender medium size dark brown tom with black stripes on his back, tail, and legs with a pin sized jagged scar on his left shoulder and a ripped right ear.
It's a nice description, but there seems to be unnecessary and left out details. Like you could shorten it to "dark brown tabby" instead of describing every stripe, and say he's slender and average height. Also I'm assuming he has short fur since it's not given.

He has two white toes
Where might I ask?

and a tufts of white on his ears and tail.
That's cute

He has the typical amber eyes as blue is a very uncommon color in cats.
I think it's funny you included the thing about blue eyes

Personality: As a Kit he was mischievous, goofy, and a noisy kit. He was playful but annoying. Yup, like most kits are

As a Late Apprentice, Warrior he stays by himself due to an incident that got his mother Dapplesky killed, he social when talking to, he doesn't like kits and that's a negative on his son Eclipsedagger.

*doesn't like kits* *has a son anyways*

He want's his mother and is super depressed. The only cat that can talk to him is Whiskerwillow his extremely late Mate."
There's a lot of dead cats and we're not even halfway through the form XD

Age: 98 Moons Old (He dies at 124 Moons old by his son's claws)
Alright so he's up there.

Sexuality: Straight for awhile but turned gay
Wait what. There's no such thing as "straight then gay" XD More like he thought he was straight, but then realized he liked toms better. Maybe he's Heterosexual, Homorantic? If that makes sense.

Why is the sexuality here again?

Clan: Wolfclan
The name is kinda common and a bit boring, but it's hard to be original XD

Clan Info: Wolfclan is a like a mixture of Shadowclan and Skyclan. They are extremely good climbers and hunters, but are very close to the code and has a disdain for kittypets Whisperwillow and Dapplesky are exceptions.
Interesting

Like Shadowclan they have a bad history of leaders all of them abandoning their duties or becoming a tyrant. They only had 3 good leaders, Wolfstar (First Leader), Ferretstar (Fourth Leader), and Lizardstar (Current leader).
That seems mildly unrealistic depending on how long the clan has been alive. Are 50% of the deputies chosen evil or something??

Darkshadow lived a peaceful era which will change when his son Eclipseheart becomes leader.
:0

Clan Enemies: Petalclan, Riseclan, and Birdclan
I really like the names for some reason

Mentor: Freezefrost-
I'm getting the idea that redundant naming is just your style

A white tom with black paws and chest with green eyes. Scars are on his back and chest. Best Friend: Whisperwillow
A little more detail, like fur length and height. The rest is good, but I would recommend getting rid of the black chest. It's pretty unrealistic and a little weird in general. Black tail or legs instead?

Rank: Warrior then Elder
Checks out

Kin: Dapplesky- a brown tortoiseshell she-cat with white paws and some ginger patches with amber eyes.
Oooh, pretty. A little more detail would be appreciated though like body type.

Not alot but a few.
The ginger patches?

She has her tail torn off from a badger fight and a stomach scar from a vicious rogue fight.
We love some scars (Mother)

Snaketalon- a greyish-brown
This is one of my favorite descriptions because gray-ish brown can mean so many colors

tom with white tufted ears and faded black tabby stripes with dark green eyes and scar on his
I really like his appearance, though it could use more detail.

two side.
Two side.

He got those scars from when he was a kit a hawk tried to take off with him. He also has a scar near his throat from a fight with a Petalclan warrior.
Nice scars 👍 (Father)

Sister:
Minikit-
Uh, not really sure about the name. If you wanna go with something size related, mouse, little, small, or Pygmy could work just as well

a very small sleek dark brown she-kit with grey paws and amber eyes. She died at birth due to size and deformities of the heart and her cord was cut to early.
Sad T-T. I'm guessing she's from his litter?

She now watches over Wolfclan in Starclan with her Mom Dapplesky.
Aw, they're both dead

Grazeclaw- a very slim and sleek dark grey fluffy she-cat with white chest, paws and under tail the top of her tail is a lighter shade of grey with green eyes.
I like her monotone color scheme. I wonder why her prefix is Graze though

She has a scar on her foreleg from where she fell into stream as an apprentice.
Oop

She is lesbian and some cats bully her when Darkshadow is not around. She adopted two mysterious kits with her mate Foxflower.
Fuck off bullies. And Foxflower is a super cute name. 🥰

Brothers:

Shadowfrost- a large dark grey tom with light brown dapples on the back and bottom.
I totally would've assumed his suffix was fall or dapple based on that

He has dark brown tips on his toes, ears, and tail with a white underbelly, but you won't notice the white unless he's on his stomach. He has a scar on his chest from when he was a kit and fell into the thorn wall. There jagged and looked like an x on his chest. He is super uptight and disowned Grazeclaw because of her love for Foxflower.
Nice description, and I like how he doesn't accept Grazeclaw. Adds some controversy

He is the one who convinced Darkshadow's son to kill him.
Oh-fricking-kay

He hates Darkshadow and thinks Darkshadow killed Dapplesky.
Jesus, issues much?

Flightpaw- a very small medium grey tom with fluffy white underbelly. He has one scar on his face where a dog had killed him. It tore off his muzzle, one of his eyes and a ear. He had green eyes like his father.
I'm confused, he has scar on his face but also has his muzzle, eye, and ear torn off. Is it really a scar if he died?? I'd just describe the damage done to his face like you did before the scar thing and say he died without mentioning the scar.

Crush: Whiskerwillow- a dark ginger tom with white underbelly, chest, and tail with shocking hazel eyes. He's extremely fluffy and was once a kittypet. He's cheery and the total opposite of Darkshadow. Darkshadow acts like he's a pest, but he secretly loves him to death.
Aw, that's cute. And I like his description though body type and stuff would be nice. Also, why is is prefix whisker-?

Mate: Greydapple- a dark grey she-cat with light grey dapples and a missing eye, missing half her leg and a right ear from the dog attack that killed Flightpaw. Darkshadow only loves her because he sympathizes her. She originally loved Flightpaw.
Oh, wow okay.

Niece: Heatherkit, Heatherpaw, Heatherlily- A light ginger she-cat with very blue eyes. She has a scar on her underbelly from a badger who nearly killed her. This is one of Foxflowers and Grazeclaws kits.
Pretty name, but I'd like more detail on her appearance like body and fur type.

You don't need to go through all her names, it's inferred.

Nephew: Blazekit, Blazepaw, Blazewhisper- a black and white tom with dark green eyes and a scar across his right eye from a Flightclan skirmish that kills Foxflower.

Is there a reason his his prefix is Blaze-? It just seems odd for a black and white cat. Also I'd like to know more about his appearance than pelt and eye color.

Kits:
Son: Eclipsekit, Eclipsepaw, and Eclipseheart- He looks like Dapplesky and its hard for Darkshadow to even look at him without trying to cry.

Um.... I mean even if it looks like his dead mother he shouldn't have to cry at his appearance. Also, you should still describe him even if he has almost the exact same appearance as Dapplesky. Add some detail in to differentiate the two, and you can even tack on "very similar to his grandmother Dapplesky" somewhere

Eclipseheart has a scar on his face that Shadowfrost his uncle and mentor gave him for not killing a kittypet named Bee.

Evil mentor, nice.

Clipkit, Clippaw- He is a copy of Darkshadow except he has a few ginger spots and a dark grey chest. He has no scars due to Greencough that killed him. He admired his father so much he even sulked like Darkshadow to impress him.

Odd, name is there a reason for it? And like on Eclipseheart, even if he has a similar description to someone else it still needs to be written and elaborated on. Also, the dark gray chest is kind of weird with the rest of his appearance I would change it to beige, cream, or white.

Daughters:
Dawnkit, Dawnpaw, Dawndapple- a dark brown she-cat with dark grey dapples. She has a scar in between her shoulders and amber eyes.

She gives birth to batch of kits after her father dies and names one Darkkit.

Aw, that's sweet. But it's litter not batch. Her appearance could use more detail, it's kind of boring right now.

Apprentice:
Jaggedkit, Jaggedpaw, and Jaggedstrike- a dark reddish brown tom with short and almost spiky fur. He has long black ears, one single black stripe down his back and black socks. He has ear tufts and a extremely long tail with long legs as well. He's got a long scar on his left side and a scar from a no venomous snake on his back right leg. He has dark golden amber eyes.
This is a really good description, but body type!

Friends:
Leapkit, Leappaw, and Leapfang-
Again, all the names are unnecessary unless they were something different at one point

a large dark grey and white tuxedo tom with dark mint green eyes. He has long silky fur and a half-white; half-grey feathery tail. He has a scar on his shoulders from a Riseclan battle. Also a broken leg that forces him into retirement early.
I really like his description but body descriptions and which half of his tail is white would be great.

Foxkit, Foxpaw, and Foxflower- a slim soft dark ginger she-cat with white toes and tail-tip. She has a small white spot on her chest and a white underbelly. She has a scar on her face that starts at her chin and ends at her the tip of her shoulder from a fight with a patrol of Goldenclan warriors. She also a stomach wound that killed her from a nasty Mistclan fight. She has Dark emerald green eyes.
Also great description but it needs some other descriptions like height or large/small appendages.

Meadowkit, Meadowpaw, and Meadowfrost- a black and orange tom with faded greyish-white stripes and emerald green eyes. He has short fluffy fur that's as soft as a kitten. He has a permanent patch of missing fur on his right shoulder that he got from a fire and a torn left ear.
Umm I don't think this is a very good appearance since it's so unrealistic. If you want to keep the stripes and colors make him a torbie.

Grazeclaw (See Sisters)

Jaggedstrike (See Apprentice's)

Enemies:
Shadowfrost (See Brothers)
Oh yeeaaah he's the one who doesn't accept their sister and made his son evil

Butterflykit, Butterflypaw, and Butterflywish- white she-cat with black paws and black stripes with dark brown specks around the stripes with dark blue eyes. She has a crisscrossed scar on her muzzle that stretches to her eyes with long curly fur and a feathery tail.
This appearance is also very unrealistic. I think you should choose between the black stripes and brown speckles. If you go with stripes you should probably make her a silver color because white is not only unrealistic but also just kind of weird looking.

Backstory: Born to Dapplesky and Snaketalon, Darkkit was a trouble making lovable kit.
Pretty normal so far

Born beside Grazekit, Snakekit, and Flightkit. He did have a extra sister named Minikit. Minikit died as a sick kit during birth and a heart defect.
Wait, Snaketalon is his father not his brother. Fix that :)

For 6 Moons he was a goofy, mischievous, and curious Kit. Who got into everyone business no matter if it was his to know. He always tended to bother a cat named Leappaw. A older much popular Apprentice who showed off everything.
Aww cute

Darkkit was a fluff ball and followed him around as he was a easily manipulated kitten.
Umm manipulated? What was the apprentice doing exactly? I think you should put something like easily impressed or naive because manipulated implies Leappaw was using him in some way. Which probably isn't true since he's listed as a friend

Those were the easy days when he was a Kit. He had a few littermates that he befriended as a Kit. Foxkit and Meadowkit, he tried to befriend their sister Butterflykit, but she was to busy trying to be a Apprentice to notice that.
Trying? Did she think she could become an apprentice earlier or something? Or maybe she just didn't want to be friends in general.

Butterflykit was extremely stuck-up and always bullied Darkkit and his siblings, because she knew she was stronger. Then came Apprentice hood.
~Bully free zone~

Darkkit became Darkpaw and was mentored by Freezefrost. Freezefrost was a calm, but strict mentor that kept Darkpaw on his toes and in line when Darkpaw wanted to act up.
Yooo finally someone included what their mentor was like. Good job 👍

He and Shadowpaw tended to fight a little here and there as Snaketalon started to pay attention to his sons.
Why did that make them fight? Was Freezefrost jealous or was Darkpaw not listening to him?

Darkpaw managed to get in Leappaw's friend group as they started their last bit of training.
Do you know the age difference between them? I'm curious

Darkpaw as a Apprentice fought over a she-cat with Flightpaw, but eventually Flightpaw won.
Ehh that wording is a little weird. You might change it to something like "they competed against eachother for a she-cat, but she ended up choosing Flightpaw". Idk winning just gives me weird vibes

Darkpaw saw himself as the best one of the litter as he went on hunts and patrols. Which he usually ruined with his cockiness.
Ah yes, overly confident

While Darkpaw was training to be a warrior Wolfclan was having issues with a rogue group. Darkpaw never paid any attention to it till he was nine Moons old.
Wow, really? Not a lot happens in clans so you think he'd be all over it.

Dapplesky and Darkpaw went on a patrol with Greasemane the deputy and Freezefrost.
WHAT IS THAT NAME 😂. Maybe change that to Sleekmane, it sounds more respectable

As they were patrolling the kittypet border a few rogues from the group attacked them. Darkpaw not a well experienced fighter but not wanting to leave his mothers side stayed and fought for a bit till he was sent away.
I mean- nine moons is three moons of battle training and most rogues are sloppy fighter so.... he can't be too bad

As they were on the losing side Darkpaw ran under a bush and hid as one of the vicious rogues fighting Dapplesky swung his claws across Dapplesky's underbelly.
He just.... his under a bush?? To watch his mother get murdered?? If she sent him away why didn't he go get help? And besides Greasemane and Freezefrost are right there why aren't they helping? You should list how many there are, cus I can't tell if they're outnumbered or not

A second patrol showed up but not in time to save Dapplesky and Freezefrost.
Oh, he died too.

Darkpaw was extremely scarred by the way Dapplesky died and was numb on the way back to camp.
Symptoms of shock. Get this boy to the medicine den

That night as they mourned Shadowpaw snarls in Darkpaws face calling him weak. And how dare he let Dapplesky's mother die!
Ohh ok so Shadowpaw blames him

Darkpaw only agreed and wailed in grief as Snaketalon tried to convince both of his son's it wasn't there fault.
Snaketalon out here speaking the facts

Darkpaw gained nightmares from the attack and was to afraid to patrol the borders for a Moon. Flightpaw tried to confront Shadowpaw, but Shadowpaw was to far from understanding to listen. Grazepaw confronted her younger brother Darkpaw who now tried to push others away for the sake of his heart.

Like, he was afraid of being close to cats after his mother died?

(Few Moons Old Later)
As Darkpaw got older his brother Flightpaw and his brothers friend Greypaw was attacked by a dog near the Flightclan border.

*were attacked

The dog had been terrorizing the clan for 2 moons and was eating up their prey. Leapfang and Shadowpaw was chosen, but Flightpaw who just got out of a case of Greencough had wanted badly to go as it was rumored that his mentor Peacockheart abused Flightpaw in training.

I'm confused. Leapfang and and Shadowpaw were chose to do what?? And you should describe how his brother planned attacking the dog before it happens because it's confusing

So the night before their Flightpaw asked Darkpaw if he wanted to go. But Darkpaw blowed his youngest littermate aside and said. "Your a mousebrain." Darkpaw didn't take Flightpaw serious as Flightpaw was a goofy cat.

*sigh* He should've been more careful

The dog killed Flightpaw and damaged Greypaw who was secretly in love with Flightpaw.

*sobbing*

They didn't find Flightpaw and Greypaw until sunrise Darkpaw stumbled upon the shredded bodies. Darkpaw not wanting to leave their bodies called for help for which the searching party was looking for them. Again Shadowpaw blamed Darkpaw for the death of his brother for not stopping Flightpaw from dying. Everyone had grieved except Peacockheart who was out hunting for prey.

No one found that odd??? And yeah, it was kind of Darkpaw's fault this time.

Lizardstar made the Darkpaw and his siblings warriors that night Darkshadow, Grazeclaw, and Shadowfrost. Grazeclaw at that time also came out of the closet and told the clan with confidence she was a lesbian. As she admitted her feelings for Foxflower openly. Shadowfrost was a homophobic and disapproved of the disgusting act. (Fun fact his Son Tornadoclaw turns gay)

Hey, his son has his aunts to look up too! :D

Shadowfrost disowned his family and thread down a darker path. (A.K.A Dark Forest)

Rot in cat hell

While that happened Greypaw started to gain feelings for Darkshadow, but he didn't feel the same way as he felt that would be betraying Flightpaw.

THIS IS SO SAD AAAH

Greypaw tried to warm Darkshadow's saddening heart, but nothing could help this poor tom. As Greypaw became a warrior Greydapple she asked Darkshadow if he would be the surrogate father. Not knowing he would be tricked into being her mate.

But, he doesn't have to be her mate?? Just because they have kits doesn't mean they have to be together

Darkshadow also got his first Apprentice Jaggedpaw who reminded him of his younger self. They had a father and son relationship grow between them.

:DDD

Couple Moons Later)
Greydapple and Darkshadow had a few kits. Eclipsekit, Dawnkit, and Clipkit. Darkshadow not being kit kind of cat let Greydapple who turned to hate him in the end and fought alot.

Damn, well that's what you get for tricking someone into being your mate

Darkshadow had a hard time looking at Eclipsekit as Eclipsekit looked like Dapplesky. Everytime Eclipsekit tried to play with Darkshadow; Darkshadow would get angry and snap, but later on apologize to Eclipsekit. Darkshadow saw Dapplesky's death in his mind. This messed up Eclipsekit and Darkshadow's relationship.

Sucks, but he needs to get over it.

Eclipsekit took his mothers side and Clipkit and Dawnkit admired there father's dedication to his sister and clan. Clipkit was especially loved his father because the way Darkshadow held himself. Clipkit thought Darkshadow was the strongest cat in the clan.

Cute, and I can totally see that in real life

A kittypet named Ashy joined when found by a patrol he was leading. He saw Darkshadow as a secretly big softy and stuck around and teased Darkshadow everytime he sulked. He was eventually named Whisperwillow. Darkshadow later told Greydapple he had a new mate as the two were constantly fighting.

They didn't break up? XD He just announced one day he was leaving her

While never mentioning his name it was obvious that Whiskerwillow and Darkshadow was a couple. They constantly loved to patrol even though Darkshadow looked annoyed when Whiskerwillow so much as said something.

Cuties

As Time passed on some more Clippaw had died from a rough case of Greencough. Darkshadow could no longer keep up with his kits Dawndapple and Eclipseheart.

WHAT NO. And why couldn't he keep up with his kits? Grief?

He eventually retired when his Daughter Dawndapple had 6 kits. Naming one after her aging elderly father. Dawndapple also became mates with Jaggedstrike.

Aw, sweet

"lot of Moons Later)
As Darkshadow retires to elder at 98 Moons Old position he becomes cranky and angry all the time.

What's up with that? I know he's old but elders don't have to be cranky

As Dawndapple's kits become apprentices and then warriors, one day while sleeping in his den Eclipseheart who had stopped talking to him since he was a apprentice brought him a extremely large mouse. Darkshadow as a cranky elder told Eclipseheart. "What took you so long?" Eclipseheart only left with out one word. Darkshadow took a bite and noticed a red bulge in the throat of the mouse, but it was to late. Darkshadow choked and died.

Did he die from choking or poison? Also, that was very random. Suddenly he's being poisoned after not talking to his son ever? Was this normal for them? Otherwise he should've realized it was weird his estranged son brought him food.

He died alone as Whiskerwillow died of Kidney Disease before him.

Aw, poor thing. Why weren't there other elders though? Greydapple was almost the same age as them so where is she.

Grazeclaw committed suicide after Foxflower died, Shadowfrost died an early death, some say he bled to death in his sleep and Greydapple had died of old age.

UM WHEN DID FOXFLOWER DIE?! And good for Shadowfrost, but again where was Greydapple when Dark was an elder

Review: No intro because I'm fricken tired. Also I'm trying out a new thingy for organizing the review tell me what you think! (Should've thought of this for Ozzie-)

~Descriptions~
Darkshadow has a pretty basic description, not that that's a bad thing but it could still be more detailed in and interesting than what you have right now: More detailed descriptions with body type and stuff. Get rid of all the names on the friends and family unless they had a past prefix or non-clan name.

~Clan~
The clan should have more detail too, I didn't really know a lot about them besides them being similar to ShadowClan. Some extra info on their clan culture and stuff would be nice, especially why they keep having bad leaders??

~General~
There should be more detail on the relationships in backstory, and some editing with grammar and phrasing needs to be done. Recommending a Google Docs for the 1000th time :)

Ok, so I know this is like a super short review but honestly he's a pretty good Oc. I honestly don't think a lot needs to be changed besides cleaning up is character a little and adding some depth to his relationships. Aaaand I'm also kinda lazy and don't want to write a lot. I hope I talked about everything I wanted to but I refuse to re-read this-