This Oc belongs to ArenaTyke

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Name: Thunder
Common, but not a bad name.

Future name: Thunderstar
um- I just hope this cat isn't too much like Thunderstar from the series.

Name reasoning: She was born during a storm and was the only kit in the nursery not terrified by the thunder.
Interesting. So the rest of her litter was like squeaking and moving around or something?

Gender: She-cat

Age: 9 moons (at the moment)
Hmmm. Young Ocs typically have more problems in my experience, but I'm interested.

Appearance: Thunder is a calico she-cat, she has shimmering emerald eyes, her fur is messy and all over the place and a strong build. Her whiskers are usually splayed wide in a cat grin and her eyes bright with excitement. After hunts or patrols she's usually found with bits of leaves or twigs stuck in her pelt.
Sounds nice! It would be better though if there was a little more about where exactly her calico pattern is, the exact colors, height, etc. I like that she has a "strong build" although I'm not quite sure what that means. She's small and sturdy?

Personality: Thunder is bubbly, happy and excitable. She's the positive, always look on the bright side one in the group but unlike Sky who's friendly and happy, she's also sarcastic and a bit of a joker. Thunder's clumsy and always gets into a mess, sometimes she doesn't even notice if she crosses the border. She's also very perceptive towards other's feelings.
Interesting that she's bubbly and sarcastic, I'm trying to imagine how that would work. Sarcasm is usually directly tied to cynicism, pessimists, etc. Add in some examples next time so we can have a better understanding. Otherwise, it's pretty much fine.

Sexuality: Lesbian

Past ranks: Kit
Kk

Clan: Zari's group
Oooh

Rank: In training (apprentice)

Mmhm

Desired rank: Leader
Ambitious 👀

Kin:
Mother: Leaf- delicate tortoiseshell queen with green eyes, mentor to her son, gentle, sweet and kind, she has soft fluffy fur that even as Trainers her kits still like to cuddle into for warmth and reassurance.
She's sounds very pretty! "tortoiseshell" isn't very descriptive so I imagine her small and rounder and a mostly dark cat with orange mottling.

Father: Clue- large dark grey Tom with green eyes, he's the group's medic, he's  patient and clever assessing every situation beforehand, just like her brother does, he's happy in his position and loves surging his group and spending time with his family.
Oooh, I like him, reminds me of another character in a fanfic. I would like more detail in general for his appearance and little more on personality since you decided to include that, but it seems solid. Also, why is name Clue?

Brother: Lichen- large dark grey and white tom with green eyes, Lichen has a strong sense of what's right and wrong, he wants to be deputy but nothing more, she's ambitious but would never hurt anyone because of it, he has a crush on one of Thunder's friends Kyia.
I think it's cute they and Thunder want to be leader and deputy together, I like seeing positive sibling relationships. I am a little confused on what gender they are however, because at first they're referred to as a tom and then a comma later as she-cat and it keeps switching back and forth. For the rest of this form I'm going to use they/them pronouns because I'm unsure.

Crush: Shadow- Black she-cat with white paws, tail tip and freckles, bright green eyes. Shadow seems cold and distant when they first meet but Thunder can tell she's hurting for some reason and wants to help, even though Shadow's from Piper's group.
Not crazy about the names since they're all kind of basic, but I suppose that's to be expected.
Her appearance is too simple, so far I've gotten at least one extra trait on every other cat but hers is just pelt and eye color. I'm excited to read how their relationship starts/develops though.

Mentor: Twist- lithe black and white Tom with yellow eyes who somehow puts up with Thunder's antics and they get along pretty well, Thunder sees him as an older brother.
Aww cute. Twist is a name I haven't seen before. Again simple appearance, but I don't want to spend a whole bunch of time on that. I hope we see his relationship with Thunder in the backstory described well.

Friends:
Kyia- Sandy tabby she-cat with white paws, chest and blue eyes, her Thunder and Feather have been friends since kithood and she's always had a crush on Thunder's brother, she's shy, timid and sweet, both of Thunder's parents (as well as Thunder herself) think Kyia and Lichen would be perfect together and with they would just get on with it as they obviously like each other
Is her name pronounced like Kyee- uh?.
Her description is more boring to me than the others for some reason, I think because that she's just described as "Sandy" instead of Sandy-brown, Sandy-grey, etc. So I'm not quite sure what color I should be imagining. Cute that she likes Lichen back, if only they could build up the courage XD.

Feather- silver tabby she-cat with green eyes, her and Thunder are basically partners in crime, the group jokesters, they have a bet as to whether or not Lichen and Kyia like each other and Thunder wins knowing her brother has had a crush on their friend since kithood, meaning Feather has to take her place de-ticking the clan for the next moon. Thunder and Feather are chaos in flesh, they know and get along with practically the whole clan.
Pretty, although I see a lot of silver tabbies, so it needs more detail to set her apart. Typical prankster personality with not a lot of extra detail, so add onto that.

Shadow- see crush

River- silver Tom with stranger swirly tabby markings and blue eyes, he's cold but not like Shadow is, Thunder sees him as a cat trapped under ice like his outer coldness is hiding a nice cat inside, he's cold and violent, ready to fight at the first opportunity, half of the time you don't know if he's being sarcastic or serious.
And... He's a friend of hers? This guy seems confusing, so I'm just gonna leave him to the regular criticism of more detail in appearance/personality.

Wind- brown tabby tom with gleaming amber eyes. He's the calm and clever one of the group, he and Thunder get along well as they are united in the opinion that they should all work together. Thunder sees him as being a bit like Lichen and takes him as a brother figure. Wind is calm, persuasive and patient he's usually the quiet observer only stepping in when entirely necessary but is also plainly the leader of the group.  
I like his personality, but needs more detail in appearance.

Sky- light grey Tom with a blue collar and blue eyes, none of the others in the group though a kitty pet should be necessary but Thunder and Sky get on well, Sky is the happy-go-lucky cat in the group.
So.. he visits them during the day? Also regular criticisms.

Dariah- a once beautiful black she-cat with one green eye, her other eye is milky white and half of her body is horribly disfigured and scared, he's missing an ear and a bit of her tail, she's a medic in training as she can no longer be a warrior, she's the carrier, or the prophecy giver. Her disfiguration was caused by a horrible accident involving two ruthless German Shepards and a Great Dane. She apart from Wind is the calm one, confidence radiates off of her despite her appearance, Thunder was the only one in the group who didn't immediately judge her or freak out Because of what she looks like, Dariah is calm and commanding, she knows what she's doing and Isn't afraid to answer disrespectful question sarcasticly or sharply.
Interesting...... I'm just suprised she survived that kind of attack. Anyways, how old is she? I would imagine she's at least warrior age compared to Thunder and her other friends. I do like her personality though.

Explanation- this is a time after the fall of the four clans, there was a judge battle, a fight and the four clans tore themselves apart, the cats split and it was a time of bloodshed, hundred of moons later,
DAMN THAT'S EIGHT YEARS

there are groups living around the lake, Zira's group, Piper's group, Jay's group, Dark's group and Blaze's group.
Hmm, I'm interested to see who is occupying which clans' territory.

Blaze's group are notoriously prey stealers and killers of trespassers, if a cat was to die in a border skirmish it would be because they crossed Blaze's groups border or even simply got on one of the cats nerves.
....Sounds like a great neighbor. Low-key I feel bad for whichever two groups are next to them.

Zari's group are forest hunters, all the cats are very close with one another but most of them, apart from Thunder, keep themselves away from the other groups, Zari is a fair and just leader along with her mate Tundra.
Cool! I assume Zari has the majority of ThunderClan's territory then.

Piper rules her group wisely, she wants all of her cats to be the best they can and is always ready to help them achieve that, when talking to the other leader she can be snarky and rude but is kind around her clan mates.

Dark is mysterious and prefers the secrets of the waters, he and his clan keep to themselves,
RiverClan?

Jay is a moor runner along with his group and the most friendly of the leaders, he will gladly let others rest in their camp but will not stand for prey stealing.
Loving Jay, you go man.

In this time Starclan calls on Dariah, Blaze's groups medic in training
Wait, she's friends with someone from Blaze's group? Isn't Blaze like, the worst?

and tells her that the five clans must be reborn from the ashes, before its too late. The five trainers
Trainers??? The leaders of the groups??

struggle to get along finding it hard to put their differences aside, especially when a kittypet, a cat so decidedly different from them joins their group.
Joins which group?!

Threats of the old clans are reawakening and the question is, will these six trainers be strong enough to survive?
I though it was 5 trainers.

I'm writing the first book and when it finally gets published it'll be called Broken Ground :3
Ah, so that's why there isn't any backstory. *sigh*

Review:

Appearance/Personality:
So, I do actually really like Thunder, but at them moment she's a bit bare bones. Her appearance definitely needs a lot more detail, especially since she's the main character and you should have a pretty good idea of her markings/colors. Include more detail about that and also her build/height/fur texture. Basically the same goes for every other cat in this, none of the current descriptions need changed besides adding detail. But also, I would like for everyone to have a reason for their name, unless it's like- obvious. I'm taking about cats like "Dariah" and "Clue".

For her personality, I do quite like it as well, but again- more detail. Specifically, I was a little confused about how she is both sarcastic and bubbly, because usually those two traits are opposites. I think just adding some examples and a couple more traits would really flesh out her personality even more. For all the characters, I think they also had very good personalities from what we got as well, but a couple of them (Leaf, Lichen, Twist, Kyia) were more bare than the rest. Leaf was actually lacking a lot in personality and appearance, especially compared to Thunder's father Clue (who I really like <3). Just add some more defining traits to all those characters and you'll be good. ALSO, I couldn't get through this without mentioning River. I-uh, don't know what's up with him. Honestly everything about him needs to be explained way more, like all the other characters when they were listed because he seems confusing and unnecessary. From what I can tell, unless you really want to keep him, I'd just get rid of him. Unless, uh he's important in the backstory?

Backstory:
So I would like to say, that I was immediately interested in the idea of this story. The clans disappearing and needing to be remade is something that's been done before many times, but the concept hasn't gotten any less interesting. I think that since it is used so often, it's important to plan carefully and really think about the likelihood of events that happen (within reason of the world of Warrior cats of course.)

Firstly, I would consider making the time between the fall of the clans and the rise of new groups shorter. 8 years is quite a while in cat time, so maybe aim for more like 6-ish? Seems like enough time for the land to change a bit and recover, and for Kit stories to be made about the clans. Then I would think in detail about how each group came into the old territory. Why did they come? Where are they from? Who settled first? What were all the original  groups of cats? Consider that some of the groups have made some new ranks or order their group differently than just your average, clan-paralleled-rogue-group, OR that there is an uneven number of groups at the Lake. Maybe the smaller ones will be forced to merge and the old leaders either have a new rank created or become deputies? I don't know, it could be pretty cool.

Honestly, I'm not too upset over the lack of backstory for Thunder right now, since I'm having fun with this concept, but the form should've included it and it is a little unfulfilling in my opinion I couldn't give my advice. I would have really liked to read it. 😔 Rereading this I'm slightly more annoyed at not having it, since it does affect my perception of certain characters and I don't get to see the role they play in Thunder's story. Backstory really helps you get a good idea of the relationships the character has, more than the lists before it.

Going back to the "explanation" I would have also really liked to know more about each leader and exactly what part of the territory they have. So far I've been mostly spitting out ideas for your story, but this is where I get to more of actual criticisms. I think you really need to add more detail about which cats have which part of every territory, especially because I was confused on some of the leaders as they don't have any territory listed. I also didn't understand what the "trainers" were in the explanation- leaders?? Anyways, the fall of the clans should also be described in detail, as well as what happened to the survivors (there's way too many cats for them all to die). Also I would really love if the old leaders from StarClan visited Thunder and guided her. I know a lot of fanfics do this, but it just makes sense?? Like how else is she gonna get the motivation to recreate the clans XD.  Oh also, following my idea of there being too many groups maybe Blaze could be one of those? Since they're evil?? Or they could be the main antagonist. I don't have the backstory, so I don't know if they already are though.

Oh, last thing! Dariah is mentioned as having a connection to StarClan, so maybe she seeks out Thunder around the same time Thunder starts being visited in her dreams. Maybe Dariah is actually forced to be part of Blaze's group?? And then when Thunder recreates the clans Dariah can be her medicine cat? I hope that's already in the story, cuz I really like that idea.

That's all for now! I'm a little salty about the backstory, but to be honest this is one of my favorite characters I've rated! I feel like the vibe and imagery I had for this Oc was just right, you know? Thanks for entering💕!