This Oc belongs to @Aqziiea-

Apologies for posting this so late, this school year has kept me very busy and if I'm honest I kind of forgot about Wattpad. It's been pretty dead lately :(

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(Rated with Points)

Name: Applespring
Personally, I don't like the prefix Apple- but I know a lot of people do and use it. -spring is a nice suffix though!
5/5

Past Names: Applekit, Applepaw
5/5

Name Reason: Apple, because she was born in the hollow of an apple tree, and -spring because of her long legs.
Huh, that's not what I was expecting. I thought she would definitely be named for being ginger or a calico. I wonder how here mother was able to get in an apple tree though? Unless the "hollow" was really at the bottom between the roots or something.
4/5

Appearance: Applespring is a thin-furred white cat with black splotches. She has a black patch over her front-right leg and her back, and smaller "speckles" on her scruff-area, between her ears, and on her back legs. She's naturally skinny and has long legs, which is why she's good at leaping through the trees of BerryClan territory. She has tufted white ears and a little floof on her tail-tip. She has a scar on her shoulder, a small nick in her ear, and a big scratch on her left-back leg that ends near her paw. She has bright, forest-green eyes.
P E O P L E. This is exactly what I've been asking for in detailed appearances! Great job! There's only a few things you could add detail to, like face/eye shape, skin color, etc. but that's just if you want to be really thorough.
9/10

Gender: Female

Age: I usually say she's about 28 moons, since she's a command game/roleplay OC, but she's about 96 moons at death.
Kay 5/5

Personality: Applespring is stubborn, determined, and fierce. She doesn't enjoy fighting, but is pretty good at it. She thinks kits are cute, but thinks they're too much work, so she'll never plan on having any herself. She's loyal and honest, sometimes too much so. If she values you as a friend, she'll never betray you. If she hates you, well, she'll never look at you again.
Definitely getting Gryffindor vibes here XD. I like her base personality, but it's kind of basic and boring right now, I think she needs just a little more flavor to liven her up.
6/10

Sexuality: Demisexual, Panromantic

Clan: She was born as a loner but joined BerryClan:
-The founder of the clan is Berrysplash, a calico she-cat with blueish sort-of-purple-ish eyes.
I have one character with those. I describe it as "blue-violet".

-BerryClan lives in an oak forest with many berry plants. There are many flowers there and barely ever snows.
Mmkay

-They ate shrews, mice, squirrels, voles, and most common birds, such as sparrows, robins, and thrushes
Makes sense for the territory

-There is a Twolegplace, lake, and valley nearby, all mostly inhabited by rogues and loners
I wish there was more detail on WHICH side each place was on

-They're good climbers and leapers to get around the dense growth of the forest
Ooh, okay!

-BerryClan has the same warrior code + StarClan, but medicine cats are allowed to have kits if there's another fully trained medicine cat ready to help.
I have this same rule（╹◡╹）

BerryClan was okay, it had a good base and pretty much all the details you need when STARTING with a Clan, but in this form I was looking for something a little more detailed and interesting.
6/10

Rank: She was born a loner, then became a kit and apprentice (obviously), and then became a warrior.
I wonder what age she joined, and if her parents did too.

Family:
Mother: Snowdash - A fluffy, pure-white she-cat with blue eyes. Her fur conceals most of her scars, but there's a very bold one on her muzzle. She was named after her pelt, and her hyper and bright personality. Formerly from MintClan, (another clan that I had for Ivyflame so it doesnt matter now), became a loner, now a BerryClan warrior. (Legacy naming wasn't a thing in her generation)
I wonder why her mother became a loner for a small period then joined another clan within Applespring's kithood. Why didn't she switch over in the first place? I like the name though. Her base appearance is cute, but very basic. I'm going to ignore the legacy naming thing because I do remember it from Ivyflame, but I don't think it'll be relevant in this story.

Father: Forestrain - A short-furred black tom with green eyes. He has two scars on his shoulder, a nick in his ear, and a scratch on his left-front-foreleg. He has long and skinny legs. He was named Forest because it fit with his littermate's names, Streampetal and Meadowheart; -rain for his calm nature, like a gentle rain. Basically the same status as Snowdash, except he was from LakeClan.
So... he also switched his clan? Kind of odd and confusing. Again, I like the names and appearances, but it needs more detail. HIs personality could use a little extra and you should include on for Snowdash as well since he has one.

Applespring has a decent relationship with both of her parents.
I would like to know a little more than that. Does decent mean good? She has no issues with them, but they're not super close? Were they involved parents? That kind of thing. Hopefully this will be gone over during backstory.

Sister: Creeksong - a fluffy silver tabby she-cat with a white underbelly, muzzle, and paw. Her eyes are a crystal blue. She has a thick scar on her back. She was named Creek- for her calm nature and the creek where she was born, and -song for her level-headed tone. Applespring considers Creeksong her best friend.
So, Creeksong was born by a creek. Is she Applespring's littermate? Or just sister? I assume just sister since Applespring was named for being born in an Apple tree, and it would feel kind of weird if there was also a creek nearby her sister was named after. Is she from an older or younger litter? I need these details to really understand her family. Anyways, kits don't have apparent personalities at birth so.... Creek being for her personality doesn't really work. The appearance is fine, but again basic and a little boring since, you know, silver tabbies are very common.

Sister 2: Lavendersky - A lithe, fawn-colored she-cat with yellow-gold eyes, very short fur, and long legs. She has a small scratch across her muzzle. For some time, Applespring hated her, but right now they're neutral. (Genetics? Out the window)
Awww, I like the name. I don't really care about genetics as long as you can kind of rationalize the appearance, so where do Lavender's colors come from? And why would Applespring hate her own sister? She doesn't seem like the type to do so for no reason, so maybe Lavender betrayed her at some point? Also, is Lavendersky her littermate or part of Creeksong's litter?? And you don't have to put "Sister 2".

 6/10

Crush: She's a bit of a cmd game oc, so none :')
Kay
5/5

Mate: None
5/5

Kits: None
10/10

Mentor: She was trained by her mother for a while, but had a clan mentor:
So, she was old enough to be training by the time she joined the clan? I thought she was a kit in the clan.

Sparrowfrost - A sturdy brown tabby tom with green eyes, dark brown stripes, and only one (standing) ear. He's strict, but only because he wants Applepaw to learn. She was his last apprentice because his hearing was worsening.
I wonder why his name is frost when he has no white? Personality? Anyways, he seems fine, I don't have too much of an opinion about him. I would like if there was more about what Applespring thinks about him, but hopefully that'll be in the backstory.

3/5

Apprentice: Applespring's pretty young so she's never had an apprentice yet, but in the future, she'll have:

Cloudpaw/Cloudstep - A thick furred, very light gray tom with white swirls all over his body and blue eyes. He has long legs and a white muzzle and belly. He was named Cloud- for his white-gray pelt, and -step for his very quiet pawstep. He's calm and collected.
Gray with white stripes is more overused than you think, so why not just make him a marbled gray tabby? He could have paler instead of darker stripes if you want to be more true to the original design.

4/5

Friends: Creeksong (Listed above)

Cloudstep (also listed above)
But doesn't he not count?? Since he's not even her apprentice yet?

Windstreak - A dark gray tom with yellow-orange eyes. He has thick and fluffy fur that always looks windswept. He was named Wind- for his dark gray pelt (like a windy storm), and -streak for his quick thinking and strict nature. He's part Maine Coon.

Appearance is a little lacking, I think he should be described as maybe "semi longhaired" instead of fluffy, because those two things have different meanings in my opionion, and the former makes more sense for him being part Maine Coon. Besides that, there wasn't much about his personality besides the name meaning. 

Nightmoon - A lithe black she-cat with amber eyes that look like two moons. She has many scars on her shoulder. She's fast and flighty but knows how to outwit enemies easily, because she looks skinny and easy to defeat. Night- for her pelt, and -moon for her eyes. Sister of Ryeseed
How exactly do her eyes look like "two moons"? Because they're round? Like all eyes? They're shaped like eyes so therefore moon-like???

Ryeseed - a brown she-cat with yellow-green eyes, a long tail, and tufted ears. She has tan and white speckles that sorta look like scattered seeds, which was why she was named Rye-. She was named -seed because she always seemed to be distracted (even if she wasn't).
I like this character, she reminds me of one of my own named Seedflurry, both in name, appearance, and personality. I think it's a little odd she doesn't look anything like Nightmoon though, they don't have any shared characteristics

3/5

Backstory: *deep breath*

Applekit was born in early leaf-fall, when the apples from the apple tree were just beginning to fall. She grew up listening to stories of her mother's and father's lives in a clan, but was never tempted to ever find one. One day, a group of rogues found the family in their home and threatened to kill them. (The kits were sleeping.) Snowdash, not wanting to alarm her barely 2 moon old kits, told them that the family would be moving away because it would be too cold to stay. Applekit was distraught. She loved her life, even if she could barely remember it when she was an adult.

The rogues seem kind of random, what exactly did they want? The territory? Did they give the family time to leave since Snowdash could apparently lie to her kits nicely before they left?

Snowdash and Forestrain moved the kits at new moon and ran out of the forest, past the river and into a field with a forest on the horizon. They travelled for half a moon with frequent rests. Lavenderkit and Creekkit had fun inventing new games to play, but Applekit never joined them. She missed her old home too much.

Hm. I feel like that young of a kid would love being distracted if they're sad.

Finally, the little family made it to the forest, where they lived for a few days. Forestrain found the BerryClan border, and after some discussion, Snowdash and him took the kits to the border to wait for a patrol.

They were found and taken in by the BerryClan cats. Creekkit and Lavenderkit got on well with the other kits, Ryekit and Nightkit, but Applekit never wanted to play or even talk with them.

.... Okay. Does she have trauma about moving?

Lavenderkit, Creekkit, and Applekit were apprenticed a quarter of a moon early, so that they would become apprentices at the same time as Ryepaw and Nightpaw. Lavenderpaw was apprenticed to Willowleaf, Creekpaw was apprenticed to Snowbreeze, Ryepaw was apprenticed to Beepelt, and Nightpaw was apprenticed to Lakestorm.

Applepaw loved training. It gave her something to focus on. Sometimes, she asked Sparrowfrost for extra training lessons just to make sure she had perfected the move. But she still thought that the hollow was better than BerryClan, even with her new friends and training lessons.

She was such a small kit I feel like she's making her memories better than they were. You think at 6 moons she'd be getting over it by now. I moved when I was a little kid and I don't remember missing it this much, but *shrug*. Whatever.

However, Sparrowfrost's hearing was getting so bad, that sometimes Applepaw was trained by Willowleaf or Snowbreeze. She still learned lots, but it wasn't the same.

Her new-leaf assessment was watched by Owlstar, the leader of BerryClan, instead of Sparrowfrost, who had moved to the elder's den. She caught a mouse, and was tracking a sparrow before she ran into a loner. Applepaw wanted to chase her off, but then remembered her assessment and returned to hunting.

I'm pretty sure telling a loner off would be impressive on your assessment. 

 After Owlstar had told her she had passed, they both went to confront the loner. She introduced herself as Destiny, and asked to join the clan.

Owlstar decided to let her, as the clan was still small, but Applepaw could tell that she didn't like the former rogue, even less after she had refused to take a warrior name, deciding to stay as Destiny.

Applepaw, Creekpaw, Lavenderpaw, Nightpaw, and Ryepaw became warriors, and they all wanted to hear about Applespring's assessment. 'Where did you find the rogue?' 'Did you slash her?' 'Do you think she'll have to take a mentor?'

Sounds like typical apprentice (I guess new warriror) behavior. 

In the moons after, Applespring noticed Lavendersky and Destiny becoming close. She already didn't like Destiny for "staying so rogue-like" (even though she didn't like being in a clan for a long time), and now she hated her.

Jealousy I'm guessing.

On a solo hunting patrol, she heard Lavendersky and Destiny talking together. She listened until she heard Destiny criticize Creeksong for "being boring, at least Applespring is okay." She burst through the bushes and confronted them, shouting...insults.

Seems like an overreaction but okay.

Lavendersky and Applespring never really talked after this point.

A few moons later, foxes attack camp. The clan manages to fight back three of the five foxes early on, but the last two were vicious. Lavendersky was cornered by one, and Applespring & Creeksong were by another. Destiny leapt out of a nearby tree onto the fox which was attacking Applespring, killing it. The other fox flees, and the injured warriors and hidden elders come out of their hiding spots.

After Applespring's wounds were treated, she visits Destiny in the medicine den and thanks her. They become acquaintances and sometimes talk about the lives they lost.

At least they kind of made up.

After a season, Sparrowfrost dies of old age. Applespring grieves for him, but knows that he would want her to be the best warrior she could be. She then finds out that Lavendersky and Windstreak have become mates, and a few moons later, Lavendersky has two kits, a gray tom with yellow eyes, and a fawn colored shekit with golden eyes. They name the tom Sparrowkit, after Applespring's mentor, and name the she-kit Destinykit.

Oh, I thought it was implied Destiny and Lavedar were mates. Alright then. Also why did Lavendarsky name her child after her sister's old mentor? Seems a little odd. And her other daughter after her friend? I guess Windstreak didn't want to name any of them?

Barely a moon later, Applespring finds a little kit near the border, and takes him in, naming him Cloudkit. Owlstar lets Lavendersky and Windstreak take care of him, and later apprentices him to Applespring. She trains him as Sparrowfrost trained her, through tough exercises and honest praise.

Kay. Seems a bit like a Cloudkit/Fireheart situation.

Applespring watches Lavendersky's kits grow up, and then grieves for Creeksong when she drowns in a river.

oh-

At 97 moons, Applespring dies to a falling branch and join Creeksong in StarClan.

Other: Applespring's Tribe name is Apple Springing from Earth, and Ancient Cat name is Apple Sprigs

Aw, cute! I love making alternate names for my cats too.

15/20

Total Points: 91/105

Review:

Overall, not a bad score! That's like a solid, upper B+ (the total is 105 instead of 100 so it's a little weird).

Appearance & Personality

For the most part, the appearances in this were fairly descent. Nothing stood out to me as horribly wrong, and I actually thought Applespring's description was really good. Although Cloudstep's white stripes were kind of odd, but I already addressed that. Nightmoon also had the weird thing with her eyes, but that was kind of minor (although instead of renaming her you could just add a different meaning to -moon).

Applespring's personality was simple, but enjoyable. I like that she has kind of an intense personality, and that she likes kits but doesn't want to put in the work. Most of the time characters who don't want kids simply don't like them, so this was kind of nice and new.

Backstory:

Nothing was exactly wrong with the backstory, but for me it was kind of boring. The beginning was interesting enough, albeit a little simple, but after Apple made up with Destiny it seems like nothing happened. Even if was when her life stopped being super exciting I would have liked seeing more about her relationships, old and new (especially with her apprentice/kit she found). Especially how her grief affected her from the two cats that died in her lifetime.  

Oh, also one thing I forgot to mention is that it never seems clear if Apple's parents left her and her siblings by the border alone, or joined the clan with them. If they joined, then they should be included in the backstory as well.

Sorry if this review was kind of boring, I'm a little rusty 😅

Thanks for reading!