Name: Oakflame.

This is a somewhat unique name - as you probably know, I'm not a big fan of names that mix elements (if that makes sense). Oak is associated with a brown cat and to do with the earth, and obviously -flame would have connotations of ginger/russet fur. But that's more of a personal preference. Oak is a common prefix, but I've never seen it used with -flame.

Age: 25 moons.

That's a somewhat experienced warrior - about 2 years old roughly.

Gender: she-cat.

Fair enough.

Sexuality: bisexual.

Slay lol.

Clan: none, exiled from ShadowClan.

Ooh, this is interesting - we haven't had an exiled cat here before. Is she a rogue, loner or kittypet now?

Personality: Oakflame is a fierce, passionate and cruel she-cat with a constant thirst for revenge. She believes that she was exiled wrongfully, despite the horrors of the action that lead her to being exiled in the first place. Currently, all she wants is to kill Beetlestar, and make ShadowClan "rightful" as she calls it.

Wow, Oakflame needs to chill XD. I can see she has extreme ambitions and is so blinded by anger that she can't see the wrongs she's done - morally corrupt, I guess.

Appearance: a short-haired dark ginger she-cat with black ears, a black muzzle, black legs and a black tail. She has amber eyes, and a slender yet slightly muscular frame. Her appearance takes after her grandfather, Strikestar, with the black markings resembling those of her aunt, Duskflower. (I'm aware this is genetically impossible, but yet again, Darktail exists, and he is nowhere near genetically accurate-)

Is it actually genetically impossible? I have no idea how genetics work so when making kits or parents I just take some similar colours and do new patterns 😅. But other than genetics, which as we all know the Erins love to follow, I like the detailed appearance. A dark ginger cat with black limbs is uncommon in the fandom in my experience and I like how she gets her appearance from other family members too. One thing I have a problem with, though, is the fact that none of her fur markings or colours imply the name Oakkit (as her parents would have called her that).

Quote: "Oh, little Russet, someday you'll be the leader that ShadowClan deserves."

I'm guessing here she's speaking to a young cat. Maybe she believes they're the right leader for ShadowClan? I'm intrigued.

Mentor: Moonsong - a grey colorpoint tom with blue eyes and a long tail.

I absolutely adore the name Moonsong and colourpoint cats. The blue eyes compliment his fur well and I just like long tails XD.

Father: Viperstrike - short-haired greenish-grey mottled tom with amber eyes, pointy teeth and large ears.
Mother: Primroseleap - short-haired pale brown she-cat with a bright ginger stripe on her forehead, which ends at her tail. She has amber eyes.
Siblings: Loudsnout - plump, short-haired pale brown tabby tom with golden eyes.
Stumpyleg (short-haired greenish-grey tabby tom with amber eyes and three legs.)

Viperstrike is kind of a common name combination, but I like the greenish-grey mottled fur (and large ears). The amber eyes go well, too. Primroseleap is quite a nice name, I've rarely seen Primrose used before - and never with -leap. But her appearance doesn't quite fit with the prefix - primroses are really bright and colourful flowers, and a brown cat with a ginger stripe doesn't really work well with it. Though you could say Oakflame got her ginger fur from the stripe? Idk.
Loudsnout is a hilarious name, I won't lie. I like how he's plump unlike most warrior OCs, and I can see where he got his brown fur. Finally, Stumpyleg. His name is quite cute, and similar to the cannon cat Stumpytail, he has only three legs (while Stumpytail has no tail). I can tell where he got his fur and eyes from too. The only question I have is this: Was he born with three legs or was it some sort of injury?

(Former) Mate: Cloudflight - white tom with grey, ginger and black spots, alongside blue eyes.

Cloudflight is a sweet name, but the ginger and black spots kind of put me off it. I feel like a different prefix would have worked better with his fur pattern. And I'm guessing when Oakflame was exposed/exiled, he broke it off with her?

Kits: Russet - small, tortoiseshell tom-kit with amber eyes.
Violet - dark ginger she-kit with blue eyes.
Night - black she-kit with striped legs and amber eyes.

Ah, so this is where Russet comes from. Was she expecting kits after being exiled, and gave birth as a rogue/loner - giving them non-Clan names? I feel bad for her if so. Russet has an adorable and simple appearance, fitting with the name. I don't think Violet works well with hers - despite it being nice. I think Violet is more for black and white cats (like Violetshine). And Night's appearance is nice and simply, working with her name - but what colour are her leg stripes?

Backstory: Oakkit, Loudkit and Stumpykit were born to Viperstrike and Primroseleap a few moons before their uncle, Beetleflower, became ShadowClan's new deputy.

Already I'm excited to read on as Beetleflower is an amazing name - and obviously Beetlestar later on :D.

Oakkit's father, Viperstrike, was a neglectful and hateful cat towards their brother, Stumpykit, to the point where he would simply look away when she and Loudkit picked on him, and at points, even encouraged it! Despite Primroseleap's attempts to make them play normally, all Oakkit and Loudkit did was rough house. However, soon enough, the two kits would begin to walk upon a path of true evil.

Gosh always the father XD. Poor Stumpykit :(. I guess being a bully could help steer them onto the wrong path.

One night, the night before they would become apprentices, Oakkit and Loudkit awoke in a strange and dark forest. The only two cats they saw were Viperstrike and strange grey-and-white tom. His name was Frogthroat, and he was willing to train them to become the best warriors in ShadowClan.

I'm really annoyed because I swear I remember the name Frogthroat but I can't remember from where or tell if I'm making this up. But I guess he's linked to Viperstrike and - obviously - indenting to train the kits to be evil.

Of course, being naive, they accepted. Oakpaw and Loudpaw would end up spending more time in their dark forest training than their actual training, much to Viperstrike's dismay. Primroseleap was upset by Oakpaw's lack of focus with her training, though the young she-cat didn't care, as long as it pleased her father. However, something slowly came between her and her loyalty to her father, a tom named Cloudpaw. She and Cloudpaw were best friends, but of course, they slowly became lovers of sorts. Once Oakpaw was a warrior, she instantly became mates with him. Oakflame and Cloudflight's relationship was off to a very, very rocky start. Frogthroat's dark forest training was intensifying, thus causing a strain onto their relationship.

Damn, they basically sleep more than warrior train? And why is Viperstrike dismayed - was it more than he expected, or is he worried for them? And in comes innocent Cloudflight to not know why Oakflame is causing strain on their relationship.

However, a few moons later, Oakflame's life would suddenly change for the worst. At the infamous gathering which has been mentioned in a few other past submissions. During the brawl that took place at the gathering, Oakflame would end up assisting Viperstrike with attacking ShadowClan's cats.

Oh wow - does Oakflame even know why Viperstrike did what he did? And I just remembered Beetleflower/star and Viperstrike are littermates XD.

However, Loudsnout would suddenly not be visible at this gathering. Stumpyleg pleaded for Oakflame to stop, but she simply barged him aside. Eventually, Oakflame killed a warrior named Hootfrost, who happened to be one of Beetleflower's (now Beetlestar's) sons. After the gathering, Viperstrike was found to be dead, having been killed by Beetlestar.

Well, that's a bit rude of Loudsnout XD. I guess not everyone intends to get exiled while trying to fight the rest of the four Clans, eh? Poor Stumpyleg though - I'd have thought he wouldn't really care what happened to Oakflame after all the bullying he went through. And poor Hootfrost and Beetlestar!

Loudsnout had been hiding in the bushes in order to avoid combat. In other words, Oakflame was screwed. She was exiled, and Cloudflight angrily broke up with her. However, after Oakflame had found a sanctuary in the form of Carrionplace, she discovered that she was pregnant with Cloudflight's kits. Luckily for her, she would soon find herself being visited by Loudsnout.

Did she still receive dreams in the Dark Forest from Frogthroat and Viperstrike upon exile? And good to know how she became expectant. I feel bad she went to the Carrionplace of all places though, and I don't think that would work. ShadowClan use it for prey in Leaf Bare and it's part of their territory.

Loudsnout explained that he hid from the combat in order to fool the Clan into thinking he was still loyal, and he was ready and willing to spy for her. Oakflame gladly allowed him to do this. Eventually, a few moons later, Oakflame was about to have her kits. Luckily, Beetlestar was merciful enough to allow his medicine cats to assist her. She had a litter of three kits: Russet, Violet and Night. And now, she's going to use them as an advantage as she plots her revenge. And once she kills Beetlestar, she'll make ShadowClan "glorious", just as Viperstrike and Frogthroat had wished.

Damn, Beetlestar is certainly merciful. What I went to know is how Cloudflight felt about her having his kits - did he ever wish to see them? Despite what their mother did, they did nothing wrong. And Loudsnout was pretty smart to realise Oakflame would be exiled and him hiding would be an advantage so quickly. I hate cliffhangers though - I really want to know what happens! Have you written a book here on these OCs?

Cause of death: Alive.

Makes sense.

Legacy: Oakflame's legacy is a sad and pathetic one for most of ShadowClan, but Loudsnout sees his sister as a cat who simply wanted to make the Clan better. Nowadays, cats like Breezestep and Sparkwhisker use cats like Oakflame as ghost stories to scare the kits into staying in camp.

I've forgotten - if I knew them from a previous submission - who Breezestep and Sparkwhisker are XD. I like these kinds og legacies though - more interesting.

Strengths: One of Oakflame's biggest strengths is her ability to seem intimidating to almost every cat, with a ferocity that burns bright like a wildfire.
Weaknesses: Oakflame is a cat who often forgets about the idea of a backup plan. She often believes herself to be worthy of doing any plan right, despite how her last one backfired. She also still has a slight form of naivety, in the form of her loyalty to Viperstrike.

Strengths: That does make sense with what happened in the story - you mentioned she was passionate and fierce earlier.
Weaknesses: This explains a lot. Her naivety could also explain why she's so confident in her plans and never thinks up back-up plans.

Likes: Herself, Viperstrike, Loudsnout, Frogthroat, her kits, revenge, combat.
Dislikes: Primroseleap, Stumpyleg, Cloudflight, Beetlestar and his family, Shadowclan, weak cats.

Maybe you could add more likes and dislikes that are less related to the Clans - even evil cats have favourite prey, weather conditions, so on. But these likes and dislikes do make sense. And I can tell she's arrogant from her liking herself.

Hunting: 7/10
Fighting: 10/10
Swimming: 0/10
Climbing: 2/10
Running: 5/10
Stalking: 1/10
Memory: 8/10
Healing: 0/10
Leadership: 6/10

These all flow nicely, are evened out and make sense with the rest of the story. Although I feel she'd be a bit better at stalking due to being formerly ShadowClan, her lack of back-up plans could hint at her lack of subtle plans.

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Overall, Oakflame is a really interesting and morally corrupted cat. I loved her interesting storyline, and the fact she's not finished with her revenge yet. The only things I could think of that could be changed were some of the names and appearances - they could fit better after some editing - and a few questions dotted around here and there.

Thanks for sending me your OC   - I hope my advice helps! - and feel free to send in more!

- Grey