Chapter 12: Expectations
~

Siannon plucked my phone from my hands and spun me around, lifting it up so we were both in the cameras frame. My eyes squinted against the bright sun but she wouldn’t release me.

"Say cheese!"

"What are you doing?" I laughed, trying to pull away again and shield my eyes against the glare.

She yanked me back and grinned, her tone telling me she thought it was obvious. "We need a before and after photo, dummy. Before Raeghan goes into the wild, and the mess she returns in!"

Rolling my eyes, I resisted the urge to tease her back and allowed her to take the photo, putting on a bright smile. Maybe it would be nice to see if I’d changed at all when I got back.

"There. Beautiful!" She winked then tucked my phone into her back pocket. "I'll keep it safe for you, don't worry."

I didn't doubt that, but I did doubt her intentions for wanting to be the one to hold onto my phone...

Shaking my head, I looked over at our small leaving party. Of course Siannon had come to see me off, helping keep nerves at bay when I could so easily decide this was a huge mistake, run back to my room, and lock the door to keep the world at bay. But she wouldn’t let me do that and I was grateful.

Fenna was clinging onto her mother while Orin said his goodbyes to Bjarke and Freydis. Basjan sulked with his arms wrapped tight around Gisli's leg, still pleading with her to stay. I watched as she crouched down and hugged him, feeling a little guilty. We were only leaving earlier than planned because I'd decided I wanted to get away.

Siannon swung her arm over my shoulder as we waited and I became ever more fidgety. It felt odd, wrong even, to be leaving home and not bringing more than the clothes I wore with me. I thought Dad might have argued for me to take my phone but he'd been the one to tell me to leave it. It would be difficult to take anyway. Being in fur didn’t exactly come with pockets.

My gaze flicked towards my parents and I frowned as they whispered to Orin and took him away from the group to speak. Far away enough that I couldn't catch a word of what they were saying. Threatening him to keep me safe? Or maybe warning him about me for all I knew. Orin nodded at whatever was being said and I spun round to say my own goodbyes.

Siannon did her best to keep the tears at bay but I didn’t miss the glimmer in her eyes. It made it harder for me to keep my own emotions in check as we said goodbye. Oria came over to me next and held me tighter than she looked like she should be able to, my bones creaking. I hugged her back, inhaling her familiar lavender scent.

“I think you’ll find more out there than you think you will, you know,” she teased, brushing hair away from my face as she pulled back. “Don’t worry about the pack. I’m sure Theo will keep your space warm for you.”

I laughed, but agreed. Theo would bat away any male or female that thought to take my place while I was gone. It was good to have him on my side and he’d seemed genuinely upset when I’d explained I was going to follow in Fenna’s footsteps. He’d at least cracked a smile when I’d suggested all his past bedmates seemed to leave the pack after being with him.

Quillan gave me an awkward hug too but I was quickly scooped away by Ben who ruffled my hair until I was sure I’d never be able to fix it. “Take care of yourself.”

“I will,” I promised, smiling at Liam over Ben's shoulder. He winked and patted his mate’s back.

“Let her go, sweets. Or Cathwulf will fight you for her.” He chuckled.

It was hard to turn away from him to face Mum and Dad. Side by side they walked towards me and the rest of the wolves slid away to give us privacy. Despite my conviction that I wouldn’t cry, tears blurred my vision anyway. Two sets of arms wrapped me up tight and the mingled scents of my parents, sweet cookies and strong forest earth, enveloped me.

I clung onto them both. Because even though this had been my choice, I still felt like they were sending me away, even if it had been my idea, even if I knew it was all for me, for what I wanted, to make me stronger. Better. Worthy. But I couldn’t get rid of the horrible feeling in my gut that told me not to leave.

“My silly females, why are you both getting so upset?” Dad rumbled, his fingers stroking through my hair while his other held Mum's hip. “We’ll all be back together before you know it.”

Wiping my eyes, I nodded, glancing up at him. All I wanted was for him to see me. Properly. Without the worry that always creased his brow in fear of my future. He smiled and leaned down to press his cheek to mine, uncaring that my skin was wet with tears. “Don’t push yourself too far.”

“I’ll push myself as much as I need to in order to prove myself.”

“You don’t need to prove yourself, Raeghan.” Mum's cheek pressed against the other, both of them taking in my scent. “Take this time to breathe. Learn how to tow the line as an ordinary member of a pack. . .Then show them why you could be amongst the few females that could ever call themselves Alpha.”

I laughed as Dad gave her a look but she simply shrugged. She knew I’d never give up, no matter what. I’d find a way to get what I wanted.

“Make sure you do as you’re told. The journey North is long and sometimes dangerous. You do exactly as Orin, Fenna and Ebbe tell you on your way there. I love you, my pup.”

Another nod and a murmured ‘I love you too', my arms wrapped tighter around them both. They ended up having to peel themselves away and Oria quickly came to my mother’s side and took her hand.

The rest of our group reappeared and I looked over at the house once more before taking a deep breath.
I was ready now.

***

Crammed between hundreds of boxes, I sat with my arms folded as I glared over at Fenna. She'd forgotten to mention that because the pack lived outwith human society, that a lack of passports made travel. . .interesting. With links to wolves who worked on boats that shipped stock for big shops across the world, we were smuggled on-board a huge ship on its way to Norway. I’d pointed out that they’d managed to get Orin on a plane before, but one wolf was easier to sneak on than a whole group.

“What did you expect really?” Fenna said through a yawn, lounging back against Orin quite comfortably.

I said nothing. She had a point. What had I been expecting? That we’d take a plane or ferry? There was also the comfort that the boat docked not too far from the forest that would take us deep into the mountains. My journey to the Norse Pack would be easier than the one Fenna had taken with Orin when they first met.

Settling back, I closed my eyes and decided to try and catch some sleep. It had taken us two days to travel to the port and though I didn’t feel worn out, I was certain our next leg of the journey would test me. It didn’t help that the overwhelming smell of so many different foods in here with us made me feel like I couldn’t get a proper breath. I’d already been struggling with the strain on my bond with the pack that felt like an elastic band that could snap at any moment.

I was officially further from home than I’d ever been before.
My heart twanged and I fidgeted a little more, rubbing my arms to try and warm them up.

Something soft tossed onto my lap and I opened an eye to see a shirtless Ebbe moving back to his spot close by. We’d been given borrowed clothes by the female who’d snuck us on-board but it was still freezing below deck amongst refrigerated food. I took the shirt and slid it over the one I wore.

“Thank you,” I murmured, tucking my arms inside to try and heat up my fingers, pretending not to inhale his scent that clung to the fabric and softened my fur a little.

I wanted to shift to my wolf but leaving any fur behind wouldn’t be a good idea.

Ebbe nodded his welcome, propping his arms on his knees and resting his head back a little. Gisli cuddled into his side, already fast asleep and snoring. She'd struggled to keep up with the pace set by Orin. I struggled to get comfy against the wooden crate behind me, my neck already cramping from the awkward angle.

When I shifted again, Ebbe chuckled, moving a little closer to me without waking his sister. He patted his shoulder. “You can rest against me.”

“I’m good, thanks,” I mumbled, looking away from him.

He sighed and I thought he’d leave me alone but he grabbed my arm and dragged me closer.

“Ebbe!” I growled quietly.

“What?” He huffed. “You’re already a wolf with a short fuse, a bad night’s sleep won’t help that. I won’t touch you, promise.”

My eyes narrowed but with the quirk to his lips, I wasn’t sure whether he was entirely serious or purely joking. Blue eyes looked almost black in the low light and I glanced at Fenna and Orin before making a decision. They were both asleep now too. . .

Tentatively, I rested my head on Ebbe's shoulder, the warmth of him seeping into me. He was quite comfy really, and pressed against him, I could feel the strength of him.   Closing my eyes, I was glad he couldn’t see me smile as I began to drift off. And I pretended I wasn’t awake when his arm slid around my waist, fingers stroking over the exposed skin of my waist. I swallowed, trying to ignore the tingles that followed.

It was either a growl or a chuckle that had his chest vibrating beneath my hand, and I quickly dropped it to his lap. Staying awake until I was sure he was asleep, his hand still resting in my waist, my own hand slid back up to his chest before I fell asleep.

I wasn’t sure exactly how long we’d slept for but I was awoken by a loud horn that rattled my teeth and about scared the living shit out of me. Orin was already awake, standing with Fenna at his side while they watched the loading door, speaking quietly to each other. She cast me a smile when she saw I was awake, one eyebrow raised before she chuckled and looked away again.

Rubbing my eyes, I frowned at the leg I’d somehow ended up sprawled over. A warm hand was resting at the base of my neck, fingers twisting in my hair. I sat up quickly, nearly crashing against the crates as embarrassment took over. Blue eyes looked smug as Ebbe watched me fix my hair, tugging it behind me.

“You murmur in your sleep,” he stated.

My cheeks burned hotter and all I managed to get out was a very unladylike choking sound. Twisting my body away from his, he chuckled and turned to gently wake his sister who grumbled and swatted at his hand.

“I’m tired, Ebbe.”

He laughed and shook her again. “I know, but we need to move. A run will wake you up.”

She sighed as she pushed herself up and I offered my hand to help her to her feet. Her grin was wide and contagious, her gaze darting shyly back to the floor but she took my hand and allowed me to help her. Ebbe's expression changed, darkening ever so slightly, and she tugged her hand away. My gaze flicked between the twins in a question that I didn’t dare ask.

Thankfully, the female that helped us on-board appeared, confident and smiling, breaking the tension I’d felt building. Hopefully everyone would forget I’d slept on Ebbe like a satisfied cat.

“Follow me, troops, I’ll let you off where nobody should spot you easily. We have to be quick though!”

Orin looked over at us and we immediately fell in line. Out here, he was our Alpha, for now. Jumping through a small door off to the side, we trailed down narrow halls with echoing metal walls until we got to another door with a huge Emergency Only sign.

The female grinned, swinging the lever to push it open and my stomach immediately fell. We were going to have to jump from the ship to the dock. And between each point, was crashing waves. Even from our height, I could feel how cold the water was as it thrashed against the boat, the spray flying high.

“It’s not as far as it looks,” the female promised.

I nodded slowly, allowing Fenna, Ebbe and Gisli to go first. They all jumped easily and Orin smirked when I still hesitated.

“Shall I throw you?”

“Ha ha, very funny,” I muttered.
Fenna laughed and wagged her finger at her mate. “Didn’t you know? Nobody tosses a dwarf!”

The quoted line from Lord of the Rings made me roll my eyes and the female next to me snorted. Taking a deep breath, I steadied myself on the doorframe and jumped. Ebbe caught me, steadying me on my feet but I quickly pulled away. Fenna nudged me with her hip and grinned down at me. “See? Easy peasy.” 

“My ass,” I muttered, shuddering at the thought of how easy it might have been to miss my footing and topple into the sea.

Orin thanked our helper, grabbing her forearm and whispering quietly before he jumped over too. Suddenly we were all running. Sneaking along the docks, behind huge metal crates and lorries, I couldn’t help but feel a little bit like a spy as we crept around. Humans milled about and I could hear their laughter but that at least let us know exactly where they were as we moved.

It was easier once we reached the city proper but we skirted round the outside of that too, heading for the tall fir trees that covered the land in a sea of dark green. I could breathe easier back in nature, my body relaxing, wolf prowling beneath skin, ready to run free. A freedom like I hadn’t ever tasted before. The packbond still flickered and tensed but it was overwhelmed but giddiness and a nervous energy of being so far from any civilisation. My hands trembled by my side but I tried not to let it show. Especially with Ebbe watching me so intently.

My thoughts drifted back to how I’d woken up and I nearly groaned. I couldn’t let anything like that happen again. But I had slept well...better than I’d slept in so long. I did groan this time, rubbing my face before picking up my pace to try and exert some energy. Ebbe was manipulating me and I was letting him.

I ended up walking next to Gisli as we left the world I knew behind. She spoke more easily now and I listened intently with a smile as she spoke of her duties in the pack. She was a favourite of the parents because she was more than happy to watch over the pups at anytime. I’d seen myself how great she was with pups and when I told her so, her cheeks flamed such a bright red, I was almost concerned.

Hours passed by with us travelling in skin. The sun rose and set, brambles and trees grew thicker, and I was sure we were miles and miles away from the nearest human. Up ahead, Ebbe and Orin spoke and I realised that I was still wearing his shirt. The dark brought colder winds so I was glad of the extra layer but I worried Ebbe would freeze.

“I better give your brother his top back,” I said to Gisli.

She waved a hand, her gaze turning to him. “He’s alright. He hates having to wear clothes, believe me he’s happier without it.”

That explained why he constantly stripped around me. Did that mean he wandered around his pack starkers at all time? Plenty of chances to get an eyeful. A flutter in my stomach caught me off guard and my jaw clenched.
Come on, Raeghan, what the fuck has gotten into you?

Once we’d reached a spot where, ahead of us, I could see huge mountains with sheer cliffs that reached above the clouds, Orin finally called for us to stop. I wasn’t too tired, but I was sure the exertion of the day would catch up with me eventually. Poor Gisli looked like she was about keel over.

“We’ll spend the night here and push on tomorrow. If we make good time, we could be eating with the pack tomorrow night,” he announced.

Nerves bubbled up again at the thought of meeting this new pack where I would be at the very bottom of the hierarchy. It unsettled my wolf but I reminded myself I could fight my way up just like Fenna had.
Helping kick away branches and small rocks so we could sleep comfortably, Ebbe and Orin disappeared to bring back food. Sticks were collected for a fire to cook with and I wondered why we didn’t just shift, hunt and sleep without needing any human commodities.

“Come sit, Raeghan,” Fenna called over from where she was building the fire. 

I sat next to her, watching what she did closely because I was sure at some point, I'd need to know how to start a fire when there were no matches available.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, quietly enough that Gisli couldn’t hear.

“I’m okay,” I replied, snapping a twig in half before admitting, “I’m nervous. I know you’ve told me what to expect but I can’t shake the feeling that. . .” I shrugged helplessly, unable to voice the strange feeling that had settled in my bones. “I don’t know. Ignore me.”

Nudging her shoulder against mine, she gave me a comforting smile. “I was nervous too you know, terrified even, but determined like you. Remember that you can decide to go home at any time if you need to but I’m sure you’ll be fine. Signy has been so eager to meet you.”

That was comforting, and in all honesty, I was looking forward to meeting Signy too. Fenna spoke about her with such admiration and I wanted to talk with the female that helped Fenna become a true warrior and leader.

Besides, going home early was too much like failure, and I didn’t handle failure well. One way or another, I’d get through this.

Handing me two bits of strange, black rock, Fenna motioned to the pile of small twigs and dry leaves. “First lesson, starting a fire. Can you handle it?”

I snorted and rolled my eyes, so certain of myself. Less so when I heard the males returning with a few rabbits. More eyes watching me. I’d seen this done before, how hard could it be?

The answer? Harder than I thought.
Snickers and muffled laughter grated at my ears as I repeatedly struck flint together, getting no more than a small spark every time. Even the shy Gisli had to turn her back to me so I wouldn't see the laughter on her face. Ebbe however, didn't bother to hide his amusement. His shoulders shook from where he sat across from me, disbelief in his expression too.

Yes how funny, the pack wolf doesn't know how to light a fire without matches.

"Give them here," he finally ordered, reaching out a hand.

"I can do it."

"No you can't. So let me show you." He kept his hand out, and there was something earnest in his expression that at least didn’t make me feel like he was teasing me for once.

Begrudgingly, I dropped the flint and sat back.

Moving onto his knees, he caught my gaze to make sure I was watching. He did it slowly at first, too slowly to work but I got to see the movement of his wrist. The next time he did it so quickly his hands blurred and the spark caught the small leaves and dry moss that burned and set the bigger twigs on fire. I settled for slowly tossing in bigger sticks and logs until we had proper, roaring flames.

"You'll get the hang of it," Fenna said. "At least we know you can hunt."

I nodded glumly, watching the fire spark. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this. Apart from having gone camping a few times with friends, what did I know about living out in the wild? But she was right, I was a good hunter, hopefully that would count for something.

Orin cooked the rabbits and once we ate, we were all ready for sleep again. At least, they all fell asleep easily. I fidgeted, tossing and turning until I could have screamed in frustration. It wasn’t like it was cold; a warm evening summer breeze and the fire still burning made sure of that. Maybe it was the prospect of meeting the pack tomorrow, or being so far from home.

“You’ll keep up half the forest,” a deep voice grumbled.

My eyes snapped open to meet Ebbe's startlingly blue gaze. I hadn’t realised he was still awake.

Arms behind his head, he looked over at me with a smirk. “Would you like to use my leg as a pillow again? You seemed to enjoy it this morning.”

Gritting my teeth, I gave him my back and muttered to myself, one hand flying up to feel the heat of my cheek. Was I blushing?

“Sorry.” He sighed, and I heard the sound of him shifting. “You don’t have to be so stubborn. I’m teasing. Come here.”

Turning slowly, it was to see him patting his lap for me. I narrowed my eyes, waiting for the joke or jibe that would send me wanting to tear his throat out like usual. But he simply had that daring look on his face again, the one that told me I was too chicken to do as he wanted.

Chewing on my bottom lip, I decided I might as well. Fuck it. I’d already been caught cuddling up to his leg, who cared if Fenna and Orin caught me again. At least I’d be comfy.
Something flashed in sapphire eyes as I crawled over, something that almost had me reconsidering when my body reacted with another flush of warmth. Resting my head on his lap, I made sure that as little of me touched him as possible. He chuckled again, flopping back to his position of hands behind head, looking up at the canopy of rustling leaves above us.

The denim of his trousers was rough against my skin but I didn’t mind. It was oddly comforting to know I was close to another in case something came barrelling towards us through the trees. Like the twisted monsters that haunted my nightmares.

“Why can’t you sleep? Are you excited to be going home?” I asked quietly, struggling to keep my hand still above his knee.

Turning my face to look up at him, he was still gazing up at the star-studded sky. I knew he was awake, his body still held so much tensions. Finally he answered, “I guess. Your pack was nice though, I’d never been inside a house before. I never got the chance to see how all the technology Fenna talks about works.”

“You show me how your pack works, and I’ll show you how to use technology if you come back to my pack one day,” I offered.

His lips pulled up into one of his rare true smiles and I didn’t resist when he dropped a hand to my hair. His fingers threaded through the strands, and I had to swallow a sound of contentment. He didn’t answer my offer to teach him though, and after another few minutes of silence, he uttered, “Goodnight, Raeghan.”

I smiled, allowing myself to settle in, moving up a little to rest my cheek against the warm skin if his abdomen. The hand in my hair stilled, a shuddering breath leaving the mal I was using as a pillow. I smirked. “Goodnight.”