کن کن بلندیوں کی تمنا تھی عشق میں،
طے ہوسکا نہ ایک بھی زینہ ترے بغیر،
تُو آشنائے شدّتِ غم ہو تو کچھ کہوں،
کتنا بڑا عذاب ہے جینا ترے بغیر۔
Afaaf

Clenching my jaw tightly, I resisted the urge to walk out of the room and never return back. Seeing the man gaze at me with a look that wanted me to puke my guts out. Disgust coiling around my neck like a snake.

Officer Saim sat arrogantly besides my father. His dark eyes trained on me and his moustaches standing out against his face. And his gaze on me was like a predator's gaze on its prey. Paying no attention to the man besides him. Abba was busy talking about something I was completely unaware about.

And I couldn't understand what spell the other man had done upon him, that he was seconds away from bowing before officer Saim.

" How are you, Afaaf?" The audacity of the man to ask me before my father.

I ignored the question completely. Abba faked a small cough and glared my way but I did not pay any heed to it as well.

" It must be very hard for you, adjusting back in life here. I am sure you're glad that you are back. God knows what that man could have done to you!" The fake worry in his voice made me want to smack him.

My eyebrows furrowed and I scowled internally.

" Excuse me!" I spoke in a low voice before getting up from the sofa.

" Afaaf, sit down! He's not finished yet." Abba's voice tore me to no ends.

Making me still in my steps and I turned back to sit down. Only for the sake of respect I had for my father.

" For your kind information, I am not at all happy to be back. I was very much happy the way, that man had kept me." I said meeting the man's eyes. Officer Saim's features turned red and he clenched his jaw. Sitting straighter, he leaned forward. His elbows resting on his knees as he rubbed a hand down his face.

" It's a shame that you disrespected your father infront of the world. The poor man had to face insult from the society."

I bit my bottom lip. I wanted to pull my hair strands. His words had made me silent but I hadn't lost the fight. And instead I distracted myself looking at my mother.

Seeing the woman almost shrinking in the sofa besides me. And the reality downed on me heavily. That my parents would have faced the society. My Abba would have heard taunts and mocks of people. He would have been insulted. But-

But if someone would want to trade the past months of my life for all the respect, I wouldn't do it. The past months was the life that I actually saw. And this was reality what I was facing now.

" I'll walk you to the door." The men stood up. And then shortly walked out of the door making relief wash over me.

Amma too walked out silently, leaving me to my thoughts. I closed my eyes for a brief second and the change in air made me tense. A short gasp left my lips as out of nowhere, officer Saim gripped my jaw tightly between his fingers.

His nostrils flared as looked down angrily at me. My fingers shook as I tried to push his hand away.

" That sharp tongue of yours, Afaaf, would lead you to disaster." The man seethed before moving back. Taking the phone from the glass table he stormed out. Leaving me shunned behind.

I could feel the touch of his fingers still lingering on my skin. Holding the edge of the duppatta, I rubbed it against my skin. Angry tears stung my eyes and I stood up. Walking into the lounge, I saw my father close the main gate and turn around. Once he was near enough, I spoke in a trembling yet fierce voice.

" He's not going to come here ever again, Abba. If you wish to meet him, entertain him outside. But not in this place."

" I don't need you to tell me what to do!" He said back.

My eyebrows drew closer.

" What has happened to you, Abba! Why do you have such blind trust on him. Why can't you understand me for a second." I was frustrated and battered. Brown eyes snapped my way and Abba glared at me dangerously.

" Keep this in your mind, he will come here. Whenever he wishes. I cannot stop him. And start behaving infront of him. Only he is going to support you."

My breaths halted and legs turned weak. Making me reach forward and grasp the chair.

" What do you mean?" My whispered echoed against the hollows of my heart.

" You know very well what I mean-"

" For Allah's sake, I am married." I half shouted as angry tears gushed from my eyes.

" You won't be in a few days. After your divorce, officer Saim is going to send a proposal for you."

" And I will reject it!" I banged my hands against the dining table.

" Afaaf, you inside your room." A soft voice spoke from behind me, seeing my mother signal towards the stairs.

" I am not asking you, I am telling you this Afaaf. You have brought enough disgrace to me. You should be relief that I haven't killed you. Otherwise, father's kill their daughters in the name of honour."

I should have been surprised, but I wasn't. I could expect this much.

" I don't believe you, are you even my father."

My mother held my arm and pushed me back but I stayed rooted to my place. Seeing my father sit down on the sofa. His jaw clenching as he seethed in rage.

" Were you my daughter when you decided to run away with some man."

" You were forcing me into decisions that time as you are doing now!" I said back.

" If you are under this roof, you do as I say. Otherwise I'll divorce your mother. Throw the three of you out and then you can take all the decisions you want!"

A gasp sounded from besides me. And I froze. My breaths halted and I turned to look at my mother seeing her features morphing into shock and then pain as she turned her eyes to me. Making me gulp painfully down my dry throat.

" I didn't mean that-" My throat clogged up as I spoke in a low voice, lowering my head.

" Listen here carefully, you ran away and got married to whoever rascal, I don't care about that. What I know is, and what the world should know is- you were never married before until officer Saim. And that is going to be the truth for the world. Whatever you have done all these past months should vanish from your life like it never happened. Otherwise, the door is open for you, mother and daughters."

The older man easily walked inside his room, leaving my mother and me to crumble down.

" Amma-" I placed a hand on her shoulder but the woman shocked me. Gently pushing my hand away she stepped back, joining her hands before me.

" For the sake of Allah, Afaaf. Don't do this to us. Don't destroy my house, at least." She said and turned around, leaving me standing there.

" Amma." I only managed to whisper to myself.

Pulling the curtains together, I lied down on the bed in darkness. Thinking about everything and nothing. Abba's words playing in the back of my head. And something in the corner of my mind kept pinching that there was something more to this. Otherwise my father wouldn't have gone this far.

And the more I thought about it, my head throbbed and something settled within the pit of my stomach. And it was fear. A constant fear.

A fear so strong that it had my hands trembling. And my heart racing and chills running down my spine.

Zaryaab

I sat up on the bed with a jerk, my hand cupping over my mouth as bike rose up my stomach. I coughed, running a hand down my chest, trying to calm myself. Regurgitation had me running down to the washroom and I leaned over the basin to get rid of the bile but nothing came out.

I rinsed my mouth and washed my face with cool water. The coolness of the water bringing some relief to my state. With a heavy heart, I walked inside the room only to fall back on the bed. And fat tears rolled down my eyes as I bit my bottom lips hard. My head burying in the crescent of my hands.

His name, his name alone could cause such havoc inside my physiology. His name could cause such a strong reaction out of me. And I hated him for that. I hated him so much that it hurts to even hate him. It hurts to love him and it even hurts more to hate him.

Black dots appeared in my vision, dancing before me. Closing my eyes tightly, I folded my feet and pulled the thin sheets over them. Trying to find solace only in sleep.

Soft fingers ran through my hair and I snuggled into the pillow. The touch of the fingers so soft that it seemed to be the most relieving thing in the world.

" Dadi Gul Jan." I mumbled feeling the fingers stop.

And I opened my brown eyes in protest seeing a figure lean over me. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I scrutinized the person seeing my younger sister look down at me.

" You're back." I exclaimed turning over on my back.

" Yeah." She said softly.

" You slept in, it's almost ten in the night. Should I bring dinner for you here?"

I shook my head in negative and yawned.

" Afaaf, you do know that you're are still burning in fever. And if you don't eat you won't be able to take medication."

" I don't want to take any medication." I yawned yet again, the dull throbbing returning in my head.

" You'll get severely sick if you don't eat. Look at these thin wrists of yours." She grabbed my hand, dangling it in air. Making me smile at her antics.

" I've always been thin, Shaya." She smiled and tickled my sides making me reciprocate a small smile as well.

" But it doesn't means that you'll starve yourself to death."

" I am not starving myself to death." I frowned.

" No, tell me honestly. Are you starving yourself?" She asked. Her wavy dark hair shaping her face as the long strands framed her shoulders. And her beautiful sweetheart shaped face filled with soft features looking down at me seriously.

" Tsk, I just don't have appetite. I don't want to eat anything." I turned my body, burying my face in the pillow.

" You know your turning into depression." She said softly and lay her head on my shoulder. I made space for her on the bed and she shifted lying besides me and wounding her arm over my back.

I interlaced my fingers with her, the darkness delving us into our own thoughts. Sleep was lulling me continuously but as Shaya rubbed her finger over my wedding ring, I jolted awake. My eyes turning round as I stared at the dark ceiling.

" Afaaf?"

" Mm."

She hesitated and I sighed loudly.

" What is it?"

" I am afraid my question would hurt you!" She said softly and I exhaled loudly with a small not so humorous laugh.

" It's okay. Go on."

" Um. How did you get- married?" I did expect this and it did hurt as all the memories came swarming back like a flood but I held it all in. And despite the tear starting to pinch the back of my eyes, I smiled.

For the next fifteen minutes, I narrated all the details of my runaway failure to her. How I ended up on the abandoned railway station, how I met him, the time of our marriage till we stepped into Swat. Dadi Gul Jan and Khan Dada, Norie and Mahzala, and everyone else who had become a family for me.

" Zaryaab was an enigma and I found it quiet hard to discover him out. First we used to fight alot. I was very angry for his actions of marrying me and then all the fiasco of the bad guys and all that. I thought of him as an evil mobster." I chuckled thinking back to the time I told Norie not to worry as I'll help her get rid of unjust.

" But slowly and gradually I found out that he was actually a nice guy. And I don't know how, just how I became attached to him. He asked me to trust him. And I did. With all my soul. I trusted him even when I had been betrayed by my father, by Murad. I still trusted an absolute stranger who was my husband."

" It sounds like a fairytale, Afaaf."

" Hm. He was a prince. A prince that not only ruled Swat but also a heart that was afraid to love. I did hesitate. But things started to change and it was almost like I was intoxicated on him. But love wasn't all fairy tales we did have our ups and down. And I wondered that in such a short time, how did we get so close."

Her hand played with the ring on my finger and I stopped.

" When did you find out that-"

" It wasn't as if one morning I woke up and I knew that I loved him. It was a lengthy process. Loving someone requires a time period. A period to finally accept the person as they are and to love them for what they are. And the same happened to me, the pieces of my feelings started to build up and then I realized that maybe my feelings were a lot more for him than I could decipher. And so-"

I sighed out loudly. Looking into dark space.

" But I don't understand now, Shaya. He made me feel things and now his name sickens me. I curse the day when he said that we'll part our ways. I curse that day now. I curse the day I stayed to feel things for him. I should have called home more frequently. In the past few months, I barely phoned here when Mama said that I should not call because Abba is very furious. Shaya, you know, in all honesty, I had started to forget about you all. I had stopped thinking about a home here."

" They really treated you like a princess, to cause all this."

" I think so. But what's the benefit when all he did was hurt me in the end. I could never forget the way he said it. That word. That word that would end our relationship forever. He didn't understand me. He always read me easily, he used to say that I was an open book for him but then why did he fail to read me when I needed him the most."

" Afaaf, the world is more crueller than you think!" Shaya spoke in such a voice that made me glance at her. What was she indicating at.

" But he's no longer my strength. He's my weakness now. And I'll hate him. Hate him for doing this to me." A lone tear slipped down the corner of my eyes, running the way down my temple and absorbing in my hair.

" If he comes to ask for forgiveness, on any stage of your life then?"

" My answer won't change." I stated blankly.

Shaya pulled me closer and all night long we kept talking. I told her more about Zaryaab.

It sounds like a fairytale.

I made sure that it sounded like a fairytale. Because it was one, something too beautiful to be true. But then fairytales do end and this one was ending as well. And before I slept that night, the words whispered against my ears as if he was sitting right besides me, holding my hand and running his fingers through my brown locks.

Show me your dark side Afaaf, and I'll tell you that black is my favorite colour.

***

Hey Lovelies!!

What are you reviews???

Whats going to happen next! Any guesses!! 💓💓

Do vote and comment alot!!

And yes please be very safe and keep yourself healthy, stay cautious. And take preventions because of Corona virus.
May ALLAH keep each one of us away from it, and under HIS best protection. Ameen!!

Until next time,

_Hafsa💕