Rias: "-CK SAKE!!"

Red: "Even got cut off by the chapters. Damn."

Cheese: "*sigh* I'm not fixing it this time."

Red: "I have the insurance, I can break it. What I don't have insurance on however is the amount of random "Gas explosions" that go off around the city."

Weebs: *Innocent whistling*

Rias: "Please, just let me talk. This is serious."

Red: "We're all tired as shit after that thing that we're not allowed to talk about."

Rage: "Speak for yersel, cunt. C'mon. I'll hear you out and relay it to these lazy fucks later."

Red: "Who the fuck you calling lazy!?"

Cheese: "yeah, you slept for two whole days!"

Rage: "WELL SORRY FOR BEING FUCKING TRANQUILIZED!!"

Weebs: *Incoherent autism noises*

Sona: "... I'll leave you to it then, Rias."

Rias: "Oh no, you're not leaving me here alone with them!"

Sona just smirked as she walked away while Rias pouted. Rage then locked on and literally dropped to the floor before slithering his way over to her. He didn't even move his hands or anything, he just fucking willed himself to slide along the concrete.

Nobody knows how he did it, nobody wanted to even question it. He just did it.

Anyway, when he was right behind Sona, he reached up and delivered a loud slap to her rear end, causing it to ripple after the impact. Then he fucking sprinted inside the mansion while Sona gave chase.

Rias: "... Is nobody gonna-?"

Cheese: "Nope."

Smol: [Best not to.]

Red: "Too tired to understand."

Reaper: "He can do it because... yes."

Rias just sighed in annoyance as everyone headed inside. Red retreated to his room, as did the others. However Rage brought her and Sona to his room so they could talk.

Sona: "If this is a ploy to get us to take our clothes off, it's not going to work."

Rage: "Bold of you to assume I need a ploy. Anyway, we can talk in here."

Rage opened the door to his pocket dimension and lead the two inside as they found themselves in a conference room of some kind. Only there was one major difference.

THIS ROOM WAS LINED WITH GUNS.

Rage: "Don't mind the mess. Just take a seat and for the love of god don't turn on your phone because that turret will swing round and aim at you."

The two devils nervously sat down before Rias started talking.

Rias: "Okay, putting it as simply as I can. I need help with a certain... fire based issue."

Rage leaned in at the very mention of fire so Rias knew she had his attention.

Rias: "I'm sure you're aware of the situation with noble houses, not just with devils but with any noble house."

Rage: "Pompous with a fifty foot pole rammed into their sphincters, Yeah I know about that."

Rias: "Well, do you know about the situation when it comes to marriage?"

Rage thought to himself for a second before standing up and walking over to a handgun that was resting on one of the racks on the wall. He then placed it on the table. Sona and Rias both noticed that on either side of the gun barrel, ornate golden feathers were inlayed in the metal.

Rage: "This'll fix your issue with no problems. It's a work in progress admittedly, but the rounds are made of hallowed steel that I may or may not have stolen from an old crusader tomb. Don't bother asking how I got in."

Rias: "Holy rounds?"

Sona: "You're suggesting that Rias shoot a high ranking devil?"

Rage: "It's like all life's problems. Violence solves it immediately. If it doesn't then you're not using enough violence. The gun has three settings; Little problem, big problem and massive problem."

Rias: "I'm scared to ask but what makes the third setting so special?"

Rage: "well the magazine has thirty rounds despite being a handgun. But the third setting ramps up the RPM to three thousand rounds per second."

Both devils went completely silent for a solid five minutes.

Rias: "Three..."

Sona: "Thousand..."

Rias: "Rounds..."

Sona: "Per fucking second?"

Rage nodded proudly at his war crime given physical form.

Rage: "Mhm! Three thousand rounds per second."

Sona: "How... Why... Wh- I'm so confused!"

Rias: "Y'know what? Fuck it, this'll do."

Rage just smirked as Rias stood up and walked to the firing range that was conveniently attached to the conference room.

Rias: "Okay, just hold the trigger and- OH SHIT!!"

Rias was sent flying back by the sheer recoil of the firearm and she was knocked out by the impact of her head hitting the wall. Sona remained composed while Rage laughed uncontrollably.

Red then stormed with a large wad of paperwork and froze as he saw the scene in front of him.

Red: "The fuck happened in here?"

Sona: "Rage gave Rias a gun. You can figure the rest out."

Rage: "... There was more recoil than she was ready for."

Red: "Rage. What rounds does that one use?"

Rage: "... RW-H60's."

Red: "In English please."

Rage: "... Holy infused 60-caliber high explosive rounds."

Everyone: "..."

Red: "... You have issues."

Red had nothing more to say at that moment and simply walked away.

Sona: "I'm not even going to question it at this point. However, I was recently contacted by my father. I didn't want to discuss this while Rias is here, but since she's currently in a hell of a state due to that... thing you call a gun, I'll say it."

Rage: "your father found out I beat you at chess, didn't he?"

Sona: "Yes. Yes he did."

Rage: "Wait! Lemme guess. He's pissed that some shitposter human beat you?"

Sona: "He's livid, yes. But, he was the one that laid down the agreement that any man that beat me would be my husband. As such he's going to pay a visit tomorrow. It's apt timing as well since he's going to see Riser Phenex get shot by what is essentially a missile condensed into a bullet."

Rage just nodded while looking at some blueprints on the screen behind his chair.

Sona: "... What the hell are some of these?"

Rage: "That's a tank... That's a walker... That's a future terrorist attack... I don't remember what that was supposed to be, think I was on LSD when I drew it up..."

Sona: "Wait, run that by me again?"

Rage: "Hm? Run what by you again?"

Sona was stunned by Rage's quick switch-around. Once he was finished looking through his blueprints, he helped Rias off of the floor and headed back out to his room.

Sona: "Are you going to fight Phenex?"

Rage: "Why would I do that? I gave Rias one method of solving her problem. If I feel as though I should step in, I'll do so."

Sona: "... Meaning you're gonna fight him."

Rage: "I'm finna whoop his ass. I called dibs."

Sona laughed lightly as Rage set Rias down on his bed.

The next day rolled around faster than anyone would have wanted. Red was the first to head to the school since he had to set up for classes during the day. From the looks of things, he was gonna have his hands full with first year all day aside from the last class being class 3-C.

The weebs headed out shortly after breakfast. Rias and Sona accompanied them since those two stayed the night. They already knew the amount of gossip that was going to be spread about it. Unfortunately, so did Rage. I say unfortunately because he had his arms round each of their shoulders for the sole purpose of pissing off every male student in the school.

The main issue wasn't the fact that his 6'1" compared to their heights of 5'8" and 5'5", but the fact that he knew exactly what he was doing and he knew exactly how to get the most salt possible out of the other students.

Secretly, Sona actually enjoyed it, but she'd never outright say it. There was also the slight, uh... Issue before breakfast.

I'll let the flashback speak for itself.

Marine: "WHY IS ALL THE BOOZE LOCKED IN THE CELLAR!?!?"

Rage: "Because it's too early to start drinking. It unlocks at 2pm every day."

Marine: "BUT WHY THE RUM AS WELL!?"

Cheese: "Because the last time we had Rum out in the open, SOMEONE tried to blow a hole in our ship!"

Marine: "I'll blow something else if I need to! Just gimme the booze!"

Rage: "Or someone."

Marine: "EXACTLY!! Speaking of which, where is he?"

Pine: "At the school. Working."

Marine: "Ah, so he's a teacher?"

Reaper: "Yes, he's a P.E. teacher."

Marine started to giggle for a bit, said laughter then turned extremely lewd before she sprinted out of the mansion.

Anyway, back to the present. The weebs struggled to contain their laughter as Cheese and Reaper both used Pine's head as an arm-rest. She did not appreciate the short treatment but it was her punishment for two all-nighters of nothing but studying.

Everyone had pulled an all-nighter that night however, minus Red who had to sleep to deal with teaching.

Reaper just played with his axolotls, Cheese looked after Olya. Smol browsed R34 all night and Rage made an ungodly abomination.

Y'know how he said he bought three thousand RTX 3090 graphics cards?

He made an ungodly powerful pc using all of them. He wouldn't need to upgrade his pc for the next eight millennia. Mostly because his pc was LITERALLY BUILT INTO THE WALLS OF HIS ROOM.

Anyway, the weebs arrived on campus and, as expected, a lot of stares were aimed in their direction.

The group merely laughed before splitting off and going to their respective classes.

During chemistry Pine and Rage were both handling chemicals that, if handled incorrectly, could explode.

Needless to say that multiple explosions were set off.

In maths for second-year, Reaper was casually doing work that the class wasn't supposed to cover for another three months.

Finally, first year had P.E. Cheese and Smol weren't doing much, instead opting to sit on the sidelines while the others played basketball.

Finally, the day ended and the weebs headed to the occult research club. Red was waiting at the door and the group was brought inside by Kiba.

They looked around as it was their first actual visit to the clubroom. The décor was very gothic and the main sources of light were from the windows and a few candles. It was fairly bright outside so everyone could see well.

Standing by Rias' desk was a woman in a blue maid outfit. Her silver hair was neatly braided and her cold blue eyes locked on to the six idiots that walked in.

GRAYFIA "NTR TARGET ACCORDING TO WATTPAD DEGENERATES" LUCIFUGE

Grayfia: "Rias, who might these be? I don't recall you having any more pieces."

Rias: "Grayfia, these people are friends of mine. They're fully aware of what we are and are more than capable of fighting off every one of us, so we don't really have a choice in what they do. Besides, the one with the red hair is Sona's fiancé and I invited them."

Grayfia: "You... Invited them? You realise that they're human, yes?"

Cheese: "OI! He's a boat, I'm a bear and the others are goblins!"

Reaper: "I'm not a goblin."

Pine: "You are a tsun though."

Reaper: "Exac- Wait a minute, no. I retract my statement!"

Rage: "Too late, it's on wattpad. Suffer."

Red: "also, Cheese. Pine's a gremlin."

Cheese: "The difference being?"

Red: "Gremlins are tiny."

Pine: *small anger noises*

Grayfia was taken aback by the sheer stupidity of the six individuals in front of her.

Red then turned to Grayfia and took on his usual professional attitude.

Red: "Anyway. It's as Rias just said. We're allies of the ORC and the student council. I'm Admiral Red. These idiots are Cheese, Pine, Reaper, Smol and Rage."

Rias: "Rage is Sona's fiancé."

Grayfia: "I see. This is still rather unprecedented since Lord Riser will be here momentarily."

Rias: "Good. I get to test the new toy Rage gave me."

Rage: "Please do. I'm at half mast as it is."

Red just deadpanned before recomposing himself as he stood by the door. Said door then opened and knocked him on his ass as Sona walked in.

Sona: "Oh, my apologies, Red."

Red: "It's good. Nothing's broken. Should've seen that coming to be honest."

Smol: [heh, dumbass.]

Red: "Shush, you."

Smol: [To be fair, nothing was actually said. I just write shit out.]

The others laughed as Red deadpanned at Smol.

Red: "... Cease making good points."

The others started laughing loudly and lightheartedly, however any and all laughing ceased immediately as a ball of fire emerged from behind one of the couches. From said ball of fire walked a fucking buffoon of a man.

RISER "OVERLY PROMISCUOUS FRIED FUCKHEAD" PHENEX

Riser smirked as he spotted Rias. However, Rias smirked in return as she gripped the handgun that she had hidden behind her back.

Riser: "Ah, I see you've been waiting for me, Ria-"

Rias: "No."

With that said, a single shot was fired into Riser's leg, basically crippling him and with the holy imbued steel that the round was made of, it was not a good day to be Riser Phenex.

Rage: "... aaaaand... Yup, we're good."

Rias: "... Did you actually-"

Rage: "Pop a boner? Yes the fuck I did."

Grayfia was already several levels of confused when a blue magic circle began to glow next to where Riser had appeared. From it stepped a more respectable looking man. He had short black hair and a pair of round glasses that made him look like a complete fucking nerd. No, it was not Harry fucking Potter going through a midlife crisis. It was Sona's father.

Grayfia: "L- Lord Sitri!"

Sona: "Father."

Rias: "Graeme. It's been a while."

Red deadpanned for the millionth time today (If anyone's taking a shot every time he deadpans, your ass finna be dead.) and looked at Rage.

Red: "I wasn't aware you were meeting her parents."

Rage: "Are you really that surprised though? Especially after the chess match?"

Red: "I'm supposed to be kept informed about this stuff."

Rage: "So cry about it, dick sniffington."

Graeme looked at the resident "humans" and frowned as he saw Red.

Graeme: "Admiral Scorpion."

Red: "Do I know you?"

Graeme: "Not personally no."

Graeme then stepped on Riser's back and walked over to Red before extending his hand. The two had a surprisingly amicable handshake before Riser interrupted.

Riser: "Is nobody going to help Riser up!?"

Rias: "Sure. Here's another bullet."

Rage chuckled as Rias fired another round into Riser's hand. Grayfia then stood between the two in order to prevent any more harm from coming to Riser. Not that she actually cared, but she at least had to act impartial.

Graeme then turned to Rage with a frown.

Graeme: "I assume you know why I'm here?"

Rage: "Yup. You're here to see what kinda moron managed to beat your daughter in chess."

Graeme: "Precisely. I must say, you're not at all what I expected. I was fully expecting to see someone with a bit more professionalism."

Red: "Trust me, that's about as professional as he can get."

Rage: "You shut your face."

Graeme: "While I was expecting Sona to be beaten at some point, I wasn't expecting a human to be the one to do it. Tell me, did you cheat?"

Sona: "If he did, I would've seen it coming from a mile off."

Rage: "Except for the part where I totally cheated."

Sona: "... What?"

Graeme: "You used a method that not even my daughter could see through? Hm... That changes things..."

Sona: "How the dicks did you cheat!?"

Graeme: "Sona! Language!"

Sona: "..."

Rage then got an idea. A terrible, awful idea.

Rage: "So I shouldn't mention that she swears like an Englishman after taking it up the rear from the Italians? Yes I am still on about that and NONE OF YOU WILL EVER HEAR THE END OF IT!!"

Just as Rage laughed maniacally, another circle opened with a burst of flame. Riser's peerage had arrived and they were shocked to find their master on the floor with two bullet wounds.

PHENEX PEERAGE:

QUEEN: YUBELLUNA

BISHOPS: RAVEL, MIHAE

ROOKS: ISABELLA, XUELAN

KNIGHTS: SIRIS, KARLAMINE

PAWNS: ILE, NEL, NI, LI, BURENT, MARIA, SHURIYA, MIRA

His sister and queen both rushed to his side while the others were on guard. Graeme managed to quell their hostility however.

Graeme: "Now now. There is no need for any sort of fight to break out. Just know that Riser had it coming."

Ravel: "Did he open his mouth at the wrong time again?"

Rage: "He existed in the wrong place."

Yubelluna: "And who might you be to judge that, other than a lowly human?"

Rage: "Lowly, eh?"

Rage's smirk widened before he turned to the others.

Rage: "Yo, can y'all like, turn away for a sec?"

Red: "... What are you planning?"

Rage: "Just turn around and don't question it."

Red sighed before he and the others turned away from Rage. What they heard next was the sound of a zipper being undone followed by a chorus of gasps. When they heard the zipper being zipped up again, they turned back around and saw that every female there was bright fucking red in the face.

Red: "... I'm not even going to question it."

Smol: [Probably for the best.]

Cheese: "heh... Penis."

Graeme: "Okay... That happened."

Yubelluna: "But-... How would-... I don't-... HUH!?"

Rage: "Ask Akeno. She has first-hand experience."

Graeme then cleared his throat and Riser's peerage stood behind the couch as Riser was dragged onto it. Rias, Sona and Red sat on the opposite couch while they discussed the main topic of the day.

Marriage.

The bane of every man's existence.

Unless the concept of marriage is a total meme to you like in the case of the monolithic mongoloids.

Anyway, Rage and the others just sat playing YuGiOh! while Red and the devils talked like civilised people. Or, well... As civilised as you can be around the failure Phenex.

Rias would occasionally flash the barrel of the handgun Rage gave her in Riser's direction, making him panic like a little bitch while Grayfia would have to physically hold her back from pulling the trigger.

Pine: "Blue eyes white dragon attacks your life points directly."

Cheese: "How many of those fucking things do you even have?"

Pine: "Yes."

Rage: "And that's a fifth match with Pine as the victor. Did nobody bring Exodia?"

Smol: [You're the only one with those cards.]

Cheese: "... Reaper?"

Reaper: "I only have the legs."

Cheese: "... Huh. Shit."

Graeme watched the group interact with each other before asking the question that plagued his mind.

Graeme: "So, if you don't mind my asking. Where and how did you meet such a... colourful group of people."

Red: "On islands most of the time. Cheese and Smol were found outside a genetic splicing facility. I'm sure you're already aware of that place because we found some devil remains in there."

Graeme: "Ah yes. That man's hideout."

Red: "As for Pine. We initially thought she was a Cthulhu cultist of some kind due to her infatuation with tentacles. Then we found out that she's fused with a demon and that she's generally just a gremlin in human skin."

Pine: "I'm not!"

Cheese: "At this point we should just lock the fridge after midnight."

Smol: [She doesn't multiply when she gets soaked in water though.]

Cheese: "Who ever said we use water?"

Everyone: "... What?"

Cheese: "I know what I said."

Red: "... I'm going to have to check the water supply when we get home."

Graeme chuckled before turning to Sona, who was pinching the bridge of her nose out of a sheer retardation induced headache.

Red: "As for Reaper, same again. We found him on an island after he was dropped off there by some contacts he has in the supernatural world."

Graeme: "And Rage?"

Red: "Well... That's another story. My second-in-command, Jean, and I first met Rage after he attacked a cargo ship that was delivering supplies for my fleet. The bugger blew a hole in the side of the hull and proceeded to yoink everything out of the hold. He still has the booze. I don't know where he's hidden it, but he still has it."

Rage: "And you'll never find it.~"

Graeme was slightly disturbed, but he continued to listen as Red told him of how the idiots had managed to pull off some of the dumbest heists in modern history before being found. From stealing the Queen's crown to managing to steal an entire fucking hospital for no reason other than needing to populate Rage's pocket dimension with buildings.

Graeme mostly found it entertaining, but some of the crimes Rage had committed were slightly...

Disturbing.

For example, he managed to Ted Bundy an entire prison purely out of spite. The guards found each prisoner with their neck snapped and with the bars to their cells jammed into both of their eyes while being hung by the crown jewels.

Yeah, Rage is a fucking moron.

There was also that time that he unleashed a dolphin on a news broadcast so the world could watch an aquatic Bill Cosby do it's thing.

Many people were scarred that day.

Sona: "... So that's why I can't trust those things."

Rage: "OH! Tell them about the bipolar murder horse!"

Everyone: "The what!?"

Rage: "You'd know them as Hippos."

Red: "Oh... OH..."

Graeme: "Why do I feel like this is going to be extraordinarily dumb?"

Red: "To make a long story short, he removed the glass on a hippo enclosure at the zoo."

Rage: "Yup. So many bodies."

Graeme: "So why the name Bipolar Murder Horse?"

Rage: "Well they can go from calm to violence in a millisecond, they look like chubby horses with the devil's overbite and they catch bodies for no reason other than vibes."

Graeme: "Hm. I see. Well I think I've seen all I need to here."

Sona: "I assume you're not giving any sort of blessing."

Graeme: "What gave you that impression?"

Sona: "The fact that he's human and his general attitude."

Graeme merely chuckled in response.

Graeme: "Heh, no. I expect Grandchildren by the time you graduate."

Sona: "WHAT!?"

Rage: "HAHAHAHAHA! YOU'RE FUCKIN' STUCK WITH ME!!"

Graeme's smirk persisted as Sona contemplated what she had just heard. The other all saw it coming from a mile off, so they weren't that surprised.

Grayfia: "Now that that issue is settle. I'd like to ask how you plan to move forward with Phenex, Rias."

Rias: "As I've said multiple times. I will not, under any circumstance, be marrying that thing that calls himself a man."

Riser: "Tch, Riser believes that you have no choice in the matter."

Rias: "And Rias believes that she has a gun with holy missile bullets ready to remove you from the underworld census."

Riser flinched as Rias held the gun up again. Grayfia stood between them until Red spoke up.

Red: "I believe that we should have some say in this."

Riser: "HA! A mere human such as yourself has no place to speak of underworld affairs!"

Red: "Maybe I don't. However there's one crucial thing you're forgetting here, Riser."

Riser: "And what might that be?"

Red: "We have sacred gears."

Everyone's eyes shot wide open as each of the group showed off their shards of the red dragon. They hadn't started training with them yet, however the shards had slowly been adapting to the fusion between the sacred gears and the individual powers of their wielders. Each taking on a form that would be more fitting for each member.

Cheese had a small dragon-shaped red earring with a green gem embedded in it. Pine had a scaled choker with the green gem in the middle. Red had what looked like a military medal, however it was red with the green gemstone. Smol had a dragon ring that followed the same theme, red with a green gem. Rage had his dragon-shaped pendant with the gem serving as the dragon's eyes. Reaper's sacred gear manifested in the form of a bracelet on his right wrist.

Red: "As you can see, all six of us wield the Red Dragon emperor."

A snicker from Rage told Red that something was up. But it was something to discuss at a later time.

Red: "Put simply, if we say we have something to put in here, we're gonna do it."

Riser: "Tch, very well. What is it that you humans wish to say?"

Rage: "Ever heard of the interdimensional law of dibs?"

Riser: "W- What!? Are you being serious!? This is a marriage that will shape the fate of the underworld and you're calling dibs like a child!?"

Rage smirked before taking a seat between Rias and Sona. He relaxed himself on the couch before closing his eyes. A series of bright red lines then glowed from underneath his skin. Riser's eyes widened as Rage smirked.

Red: "I'd take the hint, Phenex. Whether you like it or not. Dibs has been called."

Riser: "Tch, fine. We'll settle this the old fashioned way."

Grayfia: "Are you calling for a rating game?"

Riser: "Riser is. A rating game shall be held against the house of Gremory in ten days. The victor shall decide the fate of the loser."

Rias: "HOW ARE WE GETTING DRAGGED INTO A RATING GAME WHEN YOUR FIGHT'S WITH RAGE!?"

Red: "There's an easy fix for this, Rias."

Cheese: "He's right."

Rias: "How? How can you-... Wait a minute."

Rage chuckled before summoning a chess piece out of thin fucking air.

Rage: "Handy wee things to have, dontcha think?"

Rias: "Rage, if you do this, there's no turning back."

Rage: "If I can bullshit my way out of destroying a sun, I can bullshit my way out of becoming a devil."

Sona: "There are no temporary contracts, Rage. Red, are you seriously going to allow him to go through with this?"

Red: "At the end of the day, it's his choice. As he said, he can pull some bullshit and become a human again whenever he feels like it."

Rias say in silence for a few seconds before nodding slightly. Rage smirked at Riser with eyes that promised pain.

Riser: "If that is all, Riser will return to the underworld."

Rias: "Go lick your wounds back home."

Riser scoffed before teleporting away in a burst of flame. Grayfia sighed before taking a seat on the couch next to Graeme.

Sona: "Father, I-"

Graeme: "Hm? If this is about my decision to allow your marriage to Rage, then I haven't changed my mind after watching that. To be able to stand against Phenex in such a way is highly uncommon."

Red: "Rage, you know your weakness will be holy magic, right?"

Rage: "Yup. Don't worry though, I'm on way too many drugs to feel pain."

Cheese: "Ayo you tryna share?"

Rage: "Naw. Fuck off."

Rias sighed before turning to Grayfia.

Rias: "He said we have ten days, right?"

Grayfia: "Indeed. I would use that time to train your peerage."

Rias: "Alright. In that case I want the six of you to come with us. If Rage is joining us, then there'll need to be someone on standby to handle him."

Red: "Understandable. Alright, as long as you're aware that it'll be us training you and your peerage."

Rias: "That works out for me just fine. Besides, I think you guys know what you're doing more than I do."

Rage: "Then what the fuck are we waitin' for!? LET'S GET A SHIFT ON!!"

Rias and the others deadpanned as Rage crashed through the wall.

Rias: "... This is going to be a very long ten days, isn't it?"

Red: "Yes. Yes it is."

With that, everyone went to prepare for the hellish ten days that were to follow. Meanwhile, in a bar in downtown Kuoh, a man groaned as he prepared to open the bar for the night.

???: "Right. Now all that's left is to keep the bucket ready."

His assistant walked in with a worried look.

???: "What is it?"

???2: "I don't want you to get mad... but the bucket broke."

???: "... Was it one of the regulars?"

???2: "No... I mighta been me..."

???: "*Inhale* ...MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!!!"

End of Chapter.

Next Time: Chaotic Training Arc