One of the dumbest and funniest things the group had seen was when Calli demonstrated that she didn't yet have her sea legs. She spent a few hours leaning over the side of the ship vomiting while the others laughed.

Thankfully conditions were pretty decent. The sea wasn't too choppy and the lack of Seagulls meant that there was relative silence...

Until Pine whipped out the bells.

Red had to keep the door to the bridge locked so she wouldn't come screaming in with a massive brass bell that was at least three times larger than her.

As the group sailed and as Pine made people want to commit a war crime, Red caught sight of something off of the forward bow. Another ship. This one had a wooden hull, white sails and a familiar black flag atop the mast.

Red: "... Shit, it's her."

The bridge door was then kicked open by Cheese.

Cheese: "Horny pirate, dead ahead."

Red: "I see her. *sigh* This is gonna be interesting."

Out on the deck, a single word echoed from the wooden ship to the crew of the battleship.

???: "Ahoy!~"

Rage: "... BOYS! HIDE YER DICKS!"

Red: "It's not you she's gonna be after!"

The wooden ship eventually rolled up alongside the Nagato. A plank was then pushed onto the deck of the Nagato and a few people boarded. One of which was a woman in a burgundy pirate outfit, with an eyepatch to boot.

???: "Ahoy there!"

HOUSHOU "VERY NOT SEISOU SENCHOU" MARINE

Red sighed as he walked to meet her.

Red: "Marine. I thought you were in the Caribbean."

Marine: "I was... But I got bored and came back. Look! I even got new crewmates."

Behind her were four individuals. One of which was absolutely fucking tiny compared to the others. However she and two others had shark tails protruding from their rears.

???1: "a."

GAWR "a" GURA

Next on the list was a taller shark, though her skin was paler. She also had sharper teeth and a grey hoodie rather than Gura's blue one.

???: "Hi."

ARTEMIS "TALLER a" OF THE BLUE

Red: "O... Kay. What about these two?"

???: "Hehehehehehehe."

MOENAOMII "GREMLIN TRAP SHARK"

Finally, there was the one who looked as though her forehead could reflect the suns rays with the accuracy of a magnifying glass.

???: "Hai~"

NINOMAE "PETTAN CTHULHU-SPAWN" INA'NIS

Red: "Okay, so you have three sharks and a tenticular person with a forehead that can blind a person."

Ina: "It's not that big... right?"

Rage: "Bitch, I can see that shit from space."

Ina: "Ymg' ah ahnah."

Rage: "Bitch, I can speak R'lyehian too! Ai ehye cahf ahogog ephailose ph'nglui uh'e."

The two then proceeded to yell at each other in alien tentacle speech for a further hour as Marine explained that she heard there was treasure on the nearby island.

Said island also happened to be where the fleet was heading.

They continued to talk while Gura and the others wandered around. Soon however, the target came into view.

Red had to cut the conversation with Marine short before giving orders to the others to prep for interception. Cheese was happily sitting atop one of the turrets when it started to turn towards the island.

The ship was eerily still for a few minutes as munitions were loaded, then the eardrums of all weebs that were on deck were collectively burst as the cannons fired their first volley at the island.

The beaches exploded in a could of sand and dust as the other ships unloaded their first volleys. After waiting a few seconds, the island defences fired back as bullets filled the air. Pine put up a massive barrier spell to keep the crews of the fleet from being sent to God.

Cheese then spun up his minigun and laughed maniacally as he returned fire. Smol produced a couple of rocket launchers from the void of fuck knows where and fired a few shots of his own towards where the bullets were flying from.

Reaper would occasionally slash his katana in the general direction of one of the turrets, which was soon followed by an explosion. Nobody knows how it works, but they just went with it.

Following that was a loud mechanical roar that came from beside the Nagato.

Red: "Oh good god, what the fuck is this?"

A massive golden portal then opened as a two-thousand foot tall steel behemoth trudged out.

RW -714 ARMAGEDDON-CLASS TITAN "BECAUSE FUCK YOU AND EVERYONE IN THE SAME COUNTRY AS YOU."

Red: "I hope that thing doesn't have nukes."

Bridge Crew: "Sir, with all due respect. It's Rage you're dealing with. That thing's a walking violation of the Geneva convention."

Red: "I know... Explaining this one's gonna cost me a few braincells."

The titan then whirred to life before it's primary guns were trained on the island. In the seconds following, all hell broke loose as the titan fired cruiser sized shells at the island, tearing up any and all defences that remained standing. The cannons were then lowered as it lumbered towards the island. The other ships in the fleet then began to surround the island and the strike teams were all sent in. Cheese and Smol moved in with Echo while Reaper moved in with Alpha. Rage was still on cloud-nine on that titan's shoulder while Pine remained on the ship.

The teams searched their respective zones on the island until Echo team reported finding the door to the lower laboratory. They radioed their coordinated and one of the titan's secondary cannons appeared from one of the church spires atop it's back.

A deafening shot rang out after the area was cleared and a crater was all that was left of the doorway. The team then moved into the lab.

The interior of the building was a sterile white, however moving further into the lab revealed holding cells, each marked by a security level.

Echo Leader: "1-X, 1-Y... Security level one must be the weakest, so what's the strongest?

Smol: [Let's be honest, you probably don't wanna find out.]

Echo Leader: "True. Let's keep moving, but don't put your weapons down. Keep 'em up. Activate thermal sights if you need them."

With that, the team moved further in. On board the titan, Rage was doing multiple scans of the complex while casually looking in on the operation via the soldier's helmet cameras.

Rage: "Oi, boomer. Looks like this thing's at least thirty floors deep."

Red: "Fucking brilliant. I'll radio to Alpha and Foxtrot teams that they're to assist in clearing out the lab."

Rage: "Got it. I'll keep an eye on things here. If shit goes sideways, I'll light the island up."

Red: "Just what weapons are on that anyway?"

Rage: "... You want the full list?"

Red: "... No."

The bridge crew sighed in relief as they'd have to explain the sheer insanity of the weapons on board the Titan.

Red: "Pine, any magic signatures on the island?"

Pine: "None that I can find. I think it's mostly just robots on there."

Red: "Right."

The ships sat on standby for the next while as the strike teams cleared each floor. Echo was the furthest down at level 25.

Cheese was at the front with his gun trained ahead of him. Visibility was low due to the power being disabled on the lower floors so the teams had their flashlights up.

Passing by a viewing station, the team saw what looked like a massive weapons platform. Easily a few kilometres wide.

Echo Leader: "You seeing this, sir?"

Red: "Yes. That looks worrying. Rage, as the resident weapons expert, what's your thoughts?"

Rage: "About five hundred railguns, ion derived core processor... looks like this guy was paranoid enough to build this thing to survive a nuke to the face. Nobody touch anything down there, I'll go down myself and scrap it for parts."

Red: "Rage, if I get more complaints from the guys that manufacture our tanks saying that you're trying to mess with their vehicles again, I'm going to slap you."

Rage: "Bitch, you know I'll send your jaw to Jerusalem if you even try."

A few of the bridge crew laughed as on the upper floors, some of the teams were scavenging parts of the robots for further analysis. Some of the technology would probably be put into circulation among Red's fleet since they had the fanciest toys. As they cleaned up, they found some old reports in an office space. It detailed the experiments that went on here. Robotics advancements as well as viral weapons testing.

Bravo team gathered up these reports before radioing to signal they were bugging out to get the reports to Red ASAP.

As they did that, Echo team finally reached the bottom floor. Cheese found some old reports detailing one experiment in particular, Project Blacklight. Apparently the subject was a young girl who the owner of the laboratory had kidnapped from Russia. Designated as 30-A, real name: Olya.

Cheese crushed the paper in his grip before heading out to find Olya's cell. Smol also found another report that detailed the weapons platform. Designated as 30-B, or the Guardian.

Smol read through it's specifications and realised how absolutely fucked shit would be if that thing woke up. Then he read further into the report.

"The guardian platform has thus forth been fused with project Blacklight, with the main subject serving as the "brain" of the guardian."

Smol: [... Fuck.]

He then turned and sprinted out after Cheese, who was still looking for Olya. Smol was faster though and caught up relatively quickly.

Smol: [Cheese, Imma need you to listen. If you try and get Olya then you'll wake up that guardian thing.]

Cheese: "The fuck? What does that mean?"

Smol: [She's serving as it's primary processor. It's brain.]

Cheese: "Shit... So we gotta get her out without making that thing activate."

Smol: [We can't brute force it either. Armour plating's too thick.]

Cheese pondered to himself for a second before remembering something. Whenever it came to heists, he would break shit down. Smol would take out electronics and Rage would do some kind of fuckery.

Cheese: "Smol, I want you to try and find the main circuit breaker for this place. Contact the other teams as well as Rage. He'll have a full 3D view of this place by now."

Smol: [You want to take the power out so the guardian doesn't wake up.]

Cheese: "I at least wanna try. As long as we can get Olya out of there we'll be in the clear."

As they spoke, a low rumbling filled the air around them. They looked through the observation window and saw that the guardian was lit up like a christmas tree.

Cheese: "WHO DID IT!?"

Echo-1: "Nobody touched anything."

Smol: [Then it was activated remotely.]

Cheese: "Shit. Red! We got a problem!"

Red sighed as he heard the sound of the guardian waking up.

Red: "Alright. All ships, get into battle formations. Pine, I know this is asking a lot based on mana consumption, but I need you to keep a barrier up around the fleet."

Pine: "I can try, but I'm not sure if I'll last very long. It's a large area after all."

Red: "Just do what you can. Rage, I assume you're ready for a fight?"

Rage chuckled before clicking a button causing more windows to open on the titan as an absurd number of cannon barrels emerged from within the church atop the mech's shoulders.

Rage: "We got three hundred tertiary cannons, a hundred and fifty secondary cannons, seventy five primary cannons, thirteen plasma launchers, four sun cannons, eighteen magma trebuchet cannons... Oh yeah, it's all comin' together."

Red: "... How the fuck and why the fuck?"

Rage: "Do not question me. MY INSANITY KNOWS NO LIMITS!!"

Part of the island ahead of the fleet opened up like a massive hangar door as the gargantuan guardian weapons platform emerged from beneath the island.

Cheese radioed up to the others as soon as he could.

Cheese: "Try not to damage the head too much, Olya's serving as it's brain!"

Red: "You lot hear that!? Try and aim for the body!"

Rage's laughter echoed across all frequencies and then the realisation kicked in.

Insanity Enhancement.

Much like a berserker, Rage had a madness enhancement, only his was dialled up to retarded levels and the longer he spent in battle, the more his true colours would show. Thankfully, he would usually sleep as soon as the battle ended.

But shit was about to get explosive.

Rage: "FIRING EVERYTHING!!"

Cheese managed to get up to the surface of the island in record time thanks to his innate speed as a part-bear hybrid.

He looked out at the ocean and saw every single weapon aboard the titan light up.

Cheese: "... HOW COME HE GET'S THE COOL SHIT!?"

For a moment, all was silent. But in the minutes following... the sun was blotted out by the sheer, sundering firepower that this WORK IN PROGRESS titan was able to deliver.

The guardian was hit by an insane volley of fire and concentrated nuclear ordinance. It took a few dents, but the brain was still intact.

Smol: [He still has some control at least.]

Cheese: "Then we need to take it down before he loses it completely. Otherwise Olya's gonna be in danger."

The two nodded to each other before Cheese made a leap of faith and grabbed on to the guardian before he started climbing.

Cheese: "Rage! I'm on here, so don't shoot at me!"

Rage: "YOU'LL JUST RESPAWN ANYWAY!!"

Cheese: "... Oh shit, yeah. A'ight, fire away!"

Rage clearly didn't need to be told twice as another volley of what can basically be described as crimes against existence was fired at the guardian. This time though, the platform fired back. The on-board railguns took aim and shot several rounds at the titan and the fleet. Pine was able to use her barrier to tank a few of the shots, but they were incredibly strong and even managed to push her back a bit.

Red wasn't surprised, the owner of this island was the person that experimented on both Cheese and Smol. He had innate knowledge of how stupidly powerful those two were and his weaponry was clearly designed to be able to handle people like them.

Too bad they had a deicidal maniac with access to technology and an imagination borked enough to create a crime against humanity in the form of a handgun.

Do not. Under any circumstance. Ask.

Red: "Return fire! Aim for the railguns!"

The battleships all fired several volleys at where the railguns were, they managed to take out approximately thirty seven of them. Four hundred and twenty three remained.

Red: "We're reloading! Rage! Aim for the railguns!"

Loud maniacal laughter told Red all he needed to know. They were getting shorter on time.

The titan unleashed a volley of hellfire upon the guardian. Most of the shots managed to take out the railguns eventually leaving only a hundred remaining.

Cheese however, managed to commandeer one as they were prepping to fire. He pushed it round and used it to shoot a panel off of the back of the guardian's head, exposing the brain.

Cheese: "Brain's open! I'm goin' in!"

Red: "Right. Reaper, get onto the titan and calm Rage down. He's slipping faster than we can take the guardian down."

Reaper nodded and Pine teleported him up onto the titan's cathedral.

Reaper: "Rage! This fight's basically over. Stand down, pal."

Upon a golden throne, the crimson haired maniac gazed down at Reaper before sighing.

Rage: "... I suppose. If the brain's done in then that thing won't be able to-"

*BOOM*

Both of them froze as one of the railguns had landed a hit on one of the other ships.

Reaper: "... On second thoughts, maybe shoot the rest of the guns."

Rage: "My thoughts exactly... and I have just the thing. Keheheheh!"

Reaper was confused until the plasma launchers of the titan all aimed to converge at a singular point.

Reaper: "... Oh shit."

Rage: "FIRING ECLIPSE CANNON!!"

All of the cannons lit up as a larger cannon barrel emerged from the middle of the titan's abdomen. This thing looked like it could fire a shot the size of several aircraft carriers.

Red merely sipped his tea as he watched the ocean light up.

Red: "So... anyone wanna explain this to the U.N.?"

Everyone shook their heads fervently.

Red: "Thought as much."

Rage: "EAT THIS, FAGATRON!!"

A blinding light was produced as a gargantuan blast of plasma was fired at the guardian and hit it square in the core. Cheese managed to get into the brain and locate Olya, who was currently suspended by cables. Cheese managed to tear the cables out of the brain housing and carry her out as the guardian began to collapse.

Cheese: "Red! I need some backup!"

Red: "On it! Charles, get in the air!"

Charles: "Alright! Battle-Bus heading out!"

Red: "... I fucking hate that nickname."

One of the pilots on board the ship, Charles, sprinted to his helicopter and took off to go and catch Cheese and Olya. He was a fast flyer and thanks to the newly developed Heli, the RW-166 Vulture, he was able to get to the two in record time.

Cheese jumped aboard as Charles flew down to collect the other teams.

Echo, Alpha, Charlie and Delta managed to get on the helicopter as fast as they could with Smol managing to get on just in the nick of time. Thankfully, they managed to take off again before the guardian crashed down on top of them.

Reaper managed to get Rage unhooked from the titan's weaponry and Rage walked the Titan back into his laboratory pocket dimension. He emerged a few minutes later on board the Nagato's deck. Marine and her crew were all aboard as well, having lost their ship to railgun fire. She had lost a few men from the attack, but other than that her crew was mostly intact. The horniest pirate of modern times was understandably pissed.

Cheese was on the bow of the ship with Olya in his arms. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around at the engineering mechs that were deployed to clean up the guardian's mess.

SUBJECT 30-A "BLACKLIGHT DAUGHTER" OLYA

Cheese: "Hey, you okay?"

Olya was confused and pretty wary of everything around her, but she nodded her head slowly. She continued to watch as the mechs went about their clean-up operation.

Cheese then began to hum a tune as he looked after her. Medical teams helped to get her cables disconnected from her. She then spoke the first words she ever had in years.

Olya: "W- What... song is that?"

Cheese smiled at the girl before waiting until the medical teams had cleared out to tend to others who needed assistance.

Cheese: "It's a lullaby that I use to calm myself down whenever I get stressed."

Olya: "Can... I hear it?"

Cheese laughed to himself before he began to sing.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

By the time Cheese had finished singing, Olya had fallen asleep again. He carried her to one of the cabins so she could rest comfortably before heading up to the bridge. Passing by one of the other cabins, he saw Rage getting some sort of injection by an absurdly large needle.

???: "This is the first time you've seen the aftermath of this, isn't it?"

Cheese looked up and saw Red walking over.

Cheese: "What's that stuff they're giving him?"

Red: "Ketamine. Lots of it."

Cheese: "FUCKIN' HORSE TRANQUILISER!?"

Red: "Believe me. For the safety of everyone on board, he needs it."

Cheese: "I knew about the insanity enhancement thing. But this is technically my first time seeing it in action. Scary shit... Anyway, I wanna-"

Red: "You want to let the girl move in with us."

Cheese: "Uh, yeah actually. How did you-?"

Red: "Smol."

Cheese: "Ah, right."

Red: "Means you're gonna have to cut happy hour with Smol short."

Cheese: "Fuck you, we're keeping happy hour. Just gotta move it is all."

Cheese inwardly fist pumped before Rage fell off of the bed and hit the floor with a thud. Red sighed as the engineering mechs collected the scrap from the guardian and loaded it onto the ships. When Rage woke up he would want to have a look at it so he could make more things to play with and completely piss off the united nations.

After a full night of sailing back to the mainland after everything was cleaned up, the ships finally docked back at the base as the sun slowly rose above the horizon. Red stood on the bridge of the ship as the others woke up and started to help unload the munitions. Engineering crews got around to fixing up the rest of the ships that were heavily damaged by the guardian.

Olya was taken to see the medical staff so they could more thoroughly examine her. Cheese stood outside the infirmary impatiently tapping his foot as he waited for results.

Pine was using some air magic to help move some of the heavier munitions crates with ease. Rage was still knocked out with the horse tranquiliser, though he was beginning to stir.

After another day of unloading and debriefing and Red getting his ears chewed off by an angry and horny pirate, the weebs all got into the minibus and drove home.

As they pulled into the driveway, they found a familiar face waiting for them outside the garage.

Rias was standing just next to the garage door with Sona.

Red stopped the car and stepped out with the others.

Sona: "Mind explaining where you've been?"

Red: "Classified. Can't tell you."

Rias: "Well what's with all the scrap metal in that trailer?"

Red: "Don't ask."

Rias: "I'm gonna ask."

Before anything else could be said, Rage jumped out of the minibus, now fully awake. He walked over to the trailer before summoning a certain katana. He then slashed in a cross formation and the trailer fell into the rift that formed with the scrap metal.

He then turned to the group with a deadpan.

Rage: "... Mine."

Red: "What kind of stuff can you come up with using that?"

Rage: "Every war crime imaginable."

Sona: "Aside from where you've been. I'd like to inform you that I've gotten reports of someone wearing a Kuoh uniform stalking around the teacher's lounge and around here."

Red: "Alright. It's either the dark brotherhood or a yandere. Who did it?"

Everyone. And I mean EVERYONE present, just looked at Red with a deadpan.

Rage: "Your first thought. After hearing that you have a stalker. Is that it's either an assassin organisation that DOESN'T EVEN EXIST IN THIS WORLD. Or a fucking horned up psychopathic lunatic. What. THE FUCK?"

Red: "The first one is because I'm a high rankin-"

Rage: " THIS ISN'T FUCKING NIRN YOU BOBBLEHEADED BUFFOON!"

Red: "I KNOW, BUT IT CAN STILL HAPPEN!"

Rage: "I HAVE ACCESS TO THE ENTIRE ASSASSINATION DATABASE! YOU AIN'T A TARGET!"

Red: "YET! KEYWORD BEING YET!"

Cheese: "Wait, how do you have access to the network?"

Rage: "How do you think I afforded three thousand RTX 3090 graphics cards?"

Red: "Rage. Have you been assassinating people again?"

Rias/Sona: "Wait, again?"

Red: "*Sigh* Putting it simply, the reason I met Rage is because he had a habit of kill-stealing to say the least."

Rage: " I used to yoink assassination targets."

Red: "You also used to attack anything that even remotely resembled a boat."

Rage: "Wait, did you find out about-?"

Red: "Yes. I found out about the fishing village that you slaughtered."

Rage: "... I'm not apologising."

Red: "Should I also bring up the fact that you attacked one of MY ships!?"

Rage: "It looked better with a giant metal dick impaled through the hull anyways."

Red: "MOVINGSWIFTLYALONG!! Sona, mind telling me what else you know about this stalker?"

Sona: "... I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear any of that. But yes. Apparently this person has long black hair. At current, that's all I know of."

Red: "Get me a list of all students that fit the description of what was seen and I can narrow it down from there. *mumbles* More fucking paperwork, not a single days peace."

Rias: "Did everyone forget that I'm here?"

Rage: "I've been staring at yer tits this whole time. Does that count?"

Cheese: "No subtlety, huh?"

Reaper: "Lewd."

Rage: "Bitch, you know what I'm about!"

Pine: "I'm gonna go study."

Red: "Reaper. Lock the library."

Reaper: "I already did."

Pine: "WHAT? WHY!?"

Smol: [Because you stayed up all night for two nights in a row as well as for the full day doing nothing but writing notes and reading through textbooks.]

Reaper: "That's not even mentioning the fact that you didn't even eat the entire time."

Pine: "But... But... I enjoyed it."

Reaper: "Not falling for it. You're gonna march upstairs and go to sleep."

Everyone just snickered behind Reapers back as he scolded her.

Smol: [Anyone wanna tell him?]

Cheese: "Nope. This is a joke we'll keep bringing back to haunt him."

Red: "I've got this whole thing recorded so you can use it later."

Sona: "What the hell even are you people?"

Red: "Weebs. We're fucking weebs."

Rias: "CAN I TALK NOW PLEASE!?"

The others went silent as Rias sighed.

Rias: "Right, now-"

Rage: "So how's life?"

Rias: "OH FOR FU-"

End of Chapter.

Next Time: Fire Pigeon Shooting.