I was glad I'd told Sonnet I loved her. It was too soon. I'd known deep down she wouldn't say it back. I thought maybe she'd say it back one day, but I was glad I knew.

I always knew I was a colossal fuck up, but this beat it all. I had messed up more than I'd ever messed up before.

I could hardly stand to look at her on the morning train. I'd hurt her without meaning to. I was so sure that she liked me that I forgot to actually ask if she liked me.

My sister would've given me an earful for it. I needed to ask for consent. I knew that. I knew that, so why hadn't I? I was a terrible person. I wanted to cement my terribleness by running away as fast as I could. I was sure Sonnet wouldn't hold it against me.

I jumped out of the train when it arrived at the school. I was in the wrong place; I knew that now. I needed Mr. McShane.

I turned around, nearly bumping into Sonnet.

"I shouldn't be here," was all I could get out of my mouth before I moved away from her.

I wasn't sure if I meant that I shouldn't be in the future or if I shouldn't be at school. I felt her eyes following me, but she didn't chase me. I was glad for that. I'd bothered her enough already.

I tried to run all the way to Mr. McShane's office, but I was winded soon enough. I wished I'd done the exercises he'd recommended. I walked as quickly as I could toward his office.

I burst through the doors, not waiting for the robot to show me to the office. It chirped in protest, but I ignored it.

I burst into his office. He was talking in hushed voices to someone else. He flicked his hand and the man left.

"Robert."

"I need you to cancel the engagement."

"Cold feet are perfectly natural."

"No, that's not. You don't understand. I made a mistake."

"Don't tell me you've broken up."

"We did."

"Did she break up with you or did you break up with you?"

"It was mutual."

I was lying, but what was the point of telling the truth now?

"She broke up with you, noted."

No, he couldn't think that. That'd only be more trouble with Sonnet.

"No!"

"It's okay. There's no shame in it. You know how fickle women are."

"I broke up with her. She wasn't a good fit for me."

"This is coming out of nowhere."

He looked as though to blame my panic on teenage hormones.

"I thought it would be different, you know, now we're engaged."

"It rarely is. If that's all this is, I can set you at ease. You'll build a happy marriage as you go along."

"That's not how we do it where I'm from."

"Well, you're here now, not there."

"I'm aware," I replied dryly. It wasn't working.

"Will she take you back?"

She hadn't broken up with me, so of course, she would take me back. She didn't have a choice. I realized that now, and I hated myself for it. I hated that I hadn't realized that I was taking that from her.

"Yeah, she'll take me back."

"Wonderful, then go to school and woo her."

"You don't understand. I don't want her back."

"This is an extremely bad time for this."

"I know, but can you please just cancel the event?"

"We will not cancel the event. I'll set you up with my own daughter before we cancel the own event."

"Isn't your daughter really little?"

"That's why you need to marry Sonnet."

Mr. McShane wasn't going to marry off his daughter. I knew that much. He was bluffing, but I was afraid to call it.

"I can't."

"Of course, you can."

"Why are you so firm it has to be her?"

Mr. McShane didn't answer. He pressed a button, leaning down.

"Bring up some calming serum."

"I don't want a calming serum." I protested.

He looked me in the eye. "I'm not having this conversation until you've found your head."

Of course, he was shutting me down. He was chalking my despair up to hormones. I knew in my heart I wouldn't be able to call off the engagement. It had to be this weekend and it had to be Sonnet.

I waited until his calming serum arrived. I downed it with a big gulp. My muscles relaxed. I had been tense. I had needed the serum after all.

I took a deep breath.

"I need to cancel the engagement."

"There, that's much better. But no, we're not canceling the engagement."

"Why not?"

"We need this event to help stabilize our current climate."

I looked down. He didn't care about me. Of course, he didn't. He cared about what I could do for him. He was using me. Why had I only seen it now?

"I can't change your mind?"

I already knew the answer to that. But he answered anyway.

"I'm afraid not."

I nodded.

"So, what do I do now?"

"Go to school. Win Sonnet back. Come here when school's done and we'll work on setting up for the engagement ceremony."

There was nothing else to then. I had tried, but it felt like I hadn't tried nearly hard enough. I had failed. It seemed like I couldn't win.

I stood up.

"Thank you for meeting with me." I needed him on my good side. I needed to suck up if I had any hope of fixing my mistakes.

I walked out of the building, my fists clenched. I couldn't face Sonnet, but I would have to learn how. I'd dedicated my life to her.

I couldn't imagine anyone else who I'd rather be tied to, but if she didn't want to be there, it was pointless. I hadn't seen it. How had I not seen it? She didn't love me.

I arrived at school several periods late. I grunted when Ted greeted me.

"What's wrong? You're the guy of the year right now."

"Girl problems."

"Oh, I hate those. That's why I'm glad I got paired with a guy."

"Good for you."

"Wow, must be quite a problem."

I nodded.

"Can you just be single here? Is that an option?"

"Only if no one pairs with you or if you mark down aromantic."

"But I'm not aromantic."

"So, then you're stuck with a smoking hot girlfriend. Sucks to be you."

"A girlfriend who isn't into me."

"Well, you learn that kind of stuff, dude. Don't stress it."

I nodded. No one seemed to understand. I felt like a fossil.

"Hey, look there she is." Ted pointed over my shoulder.

That was my cue to leave.

Sonnet was following me now. I didn't want to talk to her. Not after what I'd said. Not after what she'd said.

Her hand was on my shoulder before I knew it. I turned around.

"Where were you?"

I shrugged.

"Rob, where did you go?"

The look in her eye was panicked. I took a deep breath.

"I went to talk to Mr. McShane."

"You did?"

"I told him we can't get engaged."

She looked at me with wide eyes. "What did he say?"

"We're still getting engaged."

"I could've told you that."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged, as though to say, it is what it is.

I felt like I should've been able to do better by her if only I hadn't trusted Mr. McShane. There wasn't anything more to say. I mumbled something about needing to get to class and left. I felt uncomfortable in my skin, as though something was crawling over it.

The day went by in a blur. One guilty blur. Sonnet didn't seek me out again. That made avoiding her so, so much easier.

We sat on opposite ends of the train going to the government building. We only stood side by side to get out of the train. We walked up the stairs to Mr. McShane.

"Did you two get everything worked out?"

I nodded. Of course, we had. We had to.

"Great, we'll be going over what you two will say on Friday."

I nodded. He went over some canned script, handing us each a screen with words broadcasting in the air over our faces.

Would Sonnet read a canned sentiment about how she loved me? I wondered. She was a rule follower. She probably would. There wasn't any surprise there.

After we read the document enough time to satisfy Mr. McShane, we each went separate ways, to play dress up for someone. The outfits had to be perfect. We had to be perfect. I wouldn't be perfect. The event wouldn't be perfect.

I had a sinking feeling something would go terribly wrong. And for the first time, I almost wanted it to. For the first time since coming, I felt homesick.

I'd been living as though in a dream. I had a feeling that the time to wake up was coming soon. I took a deep breath. It wasn't there yet, but it would come.

I stared at the wall. It felt almost like each heartbeat was counting down to it, to some disaster, or to going home.

I just hoped I knew when it was time. And I hoped Sonnet knew.