Chapter 7: Stay

When was the last time someone begged for me to stay? I don't even remember if it even happened before. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam na 'yon. Iyon bang pakiramdam na importante ka sa kanila - na kapag lumisan ako ay may bahagi silang dala ko.

"What do you want me to do just to make you stay?"

Sinubukan kong alisin ang kamay niya sa balikat ko at umiwas ng tingin pero hindi niya ako hinayaan. Mas iniharap niya pa ako sa kanya. May kaunting distansya na lang sa pagitan namin at mula rin dito ay kitang-kita ko ang kanyang kumikislap na mga mata.

Suminghap ako ng hangin. "You don't need to do anything, Arch. I am leaving."

"Look." He let out a heavy sigh. "I'm really sorry for treating you badly. I don't know why I did that. Siguro ay dahil nasabik lang ako. Nasabik akong may ibang kausap. I don't want you ignoring me. Damn it. That's why. But if you don't want me like that, fine. I'll stop being annoying."

Ibinaba ko ang aking tingin sa kanyang labi. His eyes... I hate them.

"Or tell me what will make you stay with us. I'll do it." He sounded desperate this time. "I'll do it for the sake of Rich. He is sick. I am selfish when it comes to him. I only want the best for my brother that's why. But I'll share him with you now."

I pushed him hard. Saktong pababa na kami ng ferris wheel. Tumakbo ako pero mabilis niyang hawakan ang braso ko. Sinubukan ko pang magpumiglas pero masyado siyang malakas para magawa ko.

"P-please..."

That's the moment I looked at him. "If you want me to stay then promise me..."

Lumunok ito. "Anything."

"Promise me that you will never talk to me again. You will live like I don't exist and I will do the same. That's the only way, Arch."

Without hesitation, he nodded as he said, "Tell me when to start."

"Amira! Arch!" Napatingin kami kay Rich na tumatakbo palapit sa amin. Malawak ang ngiti nito sa labi habang hawak ang isang rabbit na stuffed toy. Sa likod niya ay si Cams na nakatingin sa lalaking nasa tabi ko.

Lumunok ako bago hinawi ang kamay ni Arch sa braso ko.

"It starts now," I said.

"Kanina ko pa kayo hinahanap," hinihingal na sabi ni Rich nang makarating sa amin. Bumaling ito ng tingin sa ferris wheel. "Sumakay kayo diyan? Whoa. I've never ridden that before. Was it scary? Hmmm. It must really feel scary at the top."

"Where did you get that?" Turo ko sa rabbit na stuffed toy.

"Napanalunan ko!" masaya niyang sagot at itinaas ang hawak niya. "Kanina ko pa kayo hinahanap kaya naglaro muna ako. Talk about lucky. Gusto mo?" alok niya sa akin.

Umiling ako.

"Sige na!" Pinilit niyang tanggapin ko 'yon. "What's his name?" tanong niya pagkatapos.

Tahimik lang si Arch hanggang sa lumapit sa kanya si Cams. Hinawakan ni Arch ang kamay niya at hinila ito palayo. Hindi ako bumaling sa direksyon na tihanak nila.

"Ayos ka lang?" tanong ni Rich nang mapansin na natahimik ako.

"Ah? Oo. His name is..." Napaisip ako ng pangalan para sa laruan na ito. I don't play childish games but for Rich, I'm in. "Chon?" I winced.

"Cool. Hey Chon." Rich waved his hand.

Napangiti ako sa ginawa niya. Cute.

"Do you want to have a walk?" I asked.

"Sure!"

Tinabihan ko siya habang dahan-dahan kaming naglalakad. Hindi ko mapigilang isipin ang nangyari kanina. It is for the best but... it is giving me strange feeling like uneasiness. Parang may mali sa ginawa ko.

Fine! Maybe my conscience is telling me that, that move is unfair. Titira ako sa kanila tapos ganito pa ang kundisyon ko? The audacity, right? But I would always play unfair just to save myself. I would always choose what's best for me even it's not for others. This is how I live my life. This is me.

"You did a great job, huh?" biglang sabi ni Rich.

Sinundan ko ang tingin niya at dumapo ito sa dalawang tao na nakasakay sa ferris wheel. Nakapikit si Cams, mukhang natatakot. Kinuha ang pagkakataon na 'yon ni Arch para halikan ito sa labi. Napamulat si Cams at hinampas sa braso si Arch. Sabay silang tumawa.

I smiled. "Yep. I told you I'm good at this."

"I couldn't agree more," he whispered.

"She really loves him," I uttered out of nowhere.

"How can you say if it is love?" biglang tanong ni Rich na ikinalingon ko. "I mean... is there any sign?"

"I think so?" I responded, unsure.

Probably when you start to care... to feel hurt... to feel scared... towards that person.

Love? The strangest word with no exact definition.

"You haven't been in love yet?" There was a bit of amusement in his voice. "I doubt it. You're cool plus pretty. You could make any man eat grass if you want to. Siguro naman ay meron, hindi ba?"

"You're feeding my self-confidence." I chortled. "But... maybe? Maybe."

"Weird. Parang 'di mo kilala ang sarili mo, ah?" Tumawa siya.

Nang mapagod ay nagpahinga kami sa bench. Lumapit din sa amin sina Cams at Arch. Ngumiti sa akin si Cams at ngiti rin ang isinukli ko. Nagpaalam lang si Arch na ihahatid si Cams. Hindi ko nilingon si Arch at alam kong gano'n din siya pero napansin ko ang hawak niyang bote ng alak.

"You're drinking," puna ni Rich. Sinubukan niya pa itong agawin pero iniiwas ito ni Arch. "Kuya. Kapag napansin bukas ni Mommy na uminom ka, malalagot tayo. Huwag mona ng ubusin 'yan."

"I'll get back. Wait me here." That was Arch's only response before they walked away.

I could feel how frustrated Rich was. "He's at it again."

"Hayaan mo na. Baka celebration lang dahil sa pagbabalikan nila," biro ko.

"He doesn't drink to celebrate, he drinks when frustrated."

Natutop ako sa kinauupuan ko. Was he affected by that promise? No. His frustration was probably caused by the fact that he needed me now. He was frustrated that he can't be a jerk towards me anymore.

"What happened?" Rich asked. "May iba bang nangyari kaya siya nagkakaganoon?"

Umiling ako. "How did you get here?" pag-iiba ko sa usapan. "Dalawa lang ang bisikleta niyo, hindi ba?"

Ginamit namin ni Arch ang dalawa. Maliban na lang kung naglakad siya.

"May isa pa kaso hindi namin ginagamit dahil medyo may problema sa preno."

"Yet you used it. Should I be impressed?" I mocked.

"Would you be even more impressed if I walked instead?" He raised his brows.

"Baka. Saan ang CR dito?" tanong ko.

"Samahan na kita," aniya at hinanda na ang sarili.

"Hindi na," sagot ko nang aktong tatayo na ito. "Baka dumating si Arch at wala siyang maabutan dito. Ituro mo na lang sa akin. Sandali lang ako."

Nang malaman na ay umalis na rin ako agad. Hindi ako nahirapang hanapin ito. Napangiwi ako sa dumi ng loob. Hindi ako nagtagal sa loob dahil baka masuka ako. This is why I don't usually use public comfort rooms. Madalas ay hindi marunong maglinis ang mga gumagamit.

Natigilan ako sa paglalakad nang mapansin ang dalawang taong nagtatalo sa hindi kalayuan. Nang makilala sila ay pasimple akong lumapit at nakinig.

"A-Akala ko ayos na tayo..." umiiyak na sabi ni Cams. "Why are you breaking up with me now?"

So, Rich was right. Something is wrong with Arch. And I think this answered it.

"I can't feel it anymore," Arch responded. I could feel the lack of energy in his tone.

"L-Lasing ka lang. Mag-usap tayo kapag ayos ka na."

Nakatalikod ako sa kanila at nanatili lang nakikinig.

"I am not drunk, Camille. Remember when I pushed you? Why would I do that if I still love you?"

Jerk. Just because you don't love a person you have the right to push her.

"This is just one of the fights we had before. We will get through this, Arch. J-Just don't breakup with me." Mas lalong lumakas ang hagulgol ni Cams. "K-Kung galit ka sa akin, sabihin mo. Kung may nagawa akong mali, babawi ako."

"We are over, Camille."

Mabilis na naglakad ako palayo sa lugar na 'yon. Nakakuyom ang mga kamao ko. Dahil doon ay mas bumigat ang dahilan kung bakit tama lang ang desisyon kong huwag na siyang kausapin. He's a jerk. And I don't want to be one of his victims.

I don't want to end up just like that girl.

I fulfilled the promise to help Arch and Cams get back to each other again. I did it. Siya lang ang sumira ngayon. Still, I did my part. I hope he will do the same on his promise to me. I really do hope.

And he did it. It's been days since that promise has been made and we never talked again. Minsan ay kapag magkakasalubong kami'y parang hangin lang. Maging sa hapag-kainan ay hindi kami nagpapansinan. Mukhang hindi naman 'yon pansin ni Rich na lagi kong kasama. And Tita Minerva was too busy to even notice that.

"I-I'm scared." Pinipilit akong pasakayin ni Rich sa bangka.

Kanina pa kami rito pero hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ring nangyayari. Pumayag ako pero nung andito na kami ay bigla akong napaatras.

"Come on." He frowned. "Hindi ako marunong lumangoy kaya sinigurado kong hindi tayo lulubog. I know how to ride a boat. Marunong akong magsagwan. Nothing to worry about honestly."

I gulped as I shook my head again. "I can't. Ikaw na lang. Papanuorin na lang kita."

He held my hand and pulled me closer to the boat. "Sige na kasi. Ako ang bahala sa 'yo."

Siya ang unang sumakay bago inilahad ang kamay sa harapan ko.

"Trust me." He smiled.

I gulped my fear when I held his hand. Inalalayan niya akong makasakay sa bangka at makaupo. Napapikit ako nang naging mauga ito. Narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa ni Rich at gusto ko siyang batukan dahil nararamdaman kong mas inaalog niya pa ito.

"Not funny." I glared at him.

"Sabi ko nga. Hehe."

Humigpit ang kapit ko nang hawakan na niya ang sagwan. Magkaharapan kami. Kitang-kita ko ang tuwa sa kanyang mukha. He's making fun of me. He even winked when he caught me staring at him.

Sumilip ako sa tubig. The thought of how deep this lake is making me anxious. I tried not to think of anything that will cause me to panic. Nag-umpisa na ring magsagwan si Rich. Kauumpisa pa lang namin pero gusto ko nang bumalik.

"You good?" I heard him asked.

"If you would stop annoying me."

He chuckled. "You're cute when annoyed. How?"

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay.

"Joke lang. Hehe."

I rolled my eyes. "Gaano ba ito kalalim?" tanong ko.

"Not sure. 654 feet?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at mas hinigpitan ang kapit sa bangka. Tinanong pa ako ni Rich kung gusto ko ba raw magsagwan pero syempre, hindi. Kailangan naming tumayo para magpalit ng pwesto at kapag tumayo kami ay magiging magulo ang bangka at dahil doon ay tataob ito.

So... no!

"So... what's the tea between you and Arch?"

Bahagya akong natigilan. "H-huh?"

"You've been avoiding each other. Is it a bet? A challenge?" Hindi ako nakapagsalita. "No talking to each other challenge? The first one who talks to the other one loses? What's the price?"

He noticed it. Of course, he would.

"It's for the better, isn't it?" I asked as I plastered a feeble smile. "Kapag nag-usap kami ay puro pagtatalo lang. We can't have a calm conversation. It always leads to... fighting."

"I would lie if I would say he just wanted to annoy you. You're giving him the thrill of fighting back and that makes him satisfied and happy. Kilala ko si Kuya Arch, Amira. He won't give up on something that makes him happy." Binigyan niya ako ng makahulugang ngiti.

Iniiwas ko ang tingin ko. "I made him happy, too?" I asked while staring at the water.

"Sino kaya ang unang susuko sa inyo?" natatawang tanong ni Rich. "Nasa iisang bahay kayo. You really think you will last like this?"

He's right. We won't last like this.

Pero ang pinakamalaking tanong ay... sino ang unang susuko?

If it's Arch, then they lose me.

If it's me, then I'm fucked.