I Love you Siddu, I love you so much that I had to let you go. I know you must be hating me now for what I did to you but it was the only way for me to save you from me and my death.

One month ago if someone had said to me that I denied loving you and gave you a heartbreak, I wouldn't have ever believed them instead I would have slapped them for saying such things about us.

One month ago I was diagnosed with this dreadful disease which made my whole world upside down. I was shocked to know about it. The fact that I would be leaving my parents and you made me cry more and more.

I had to gulp back my pain, tears, love and had to act in front of you that I didn't love you and seeing the hurt on your face was more painful to me than any death in this world.

I didn't know that a day will come where I have to let you go. Trust me Siddu, the pain I am going through now is thousand times more to the pain I have caused you.

I have promised myself that I would never let any pain come near you but I never thought that I would be the one who will be giving pain to you.

I broke the promise of being forever with you.

I am Sorry Siddu.

But you will be always in my heart and you will be the only one that I will love till my last breath.

I always loved you, I still love you and will love you forever.

Siddharth sobbed loudly clutching the diary to his chest tightly. Her words made him cry more. Looking at the tear stained page made him cry even more.

The guilt and regret of misunderstanding her and hating her came back to him like a slap on his face. He couldn't bear this pain. The pain of losing her is suffocating him and pain he is going through looking at her tearful words is making him hard to breath.

Neha told him to read the diary so that they might get some clues about where she is. So they all got back from Anu's house after finding nothing. Siddharth took the key to her house from Raj and diary with him to his house.

He was dreading to read the diary as he doesn't know whether he is prepared to read it or not. With lot of hesitation and fear he opened the first page. It looked like she had started writing this after they got separated.

But now after he read the first page he couldn't bear it. He broke into sobs. He is scared to read more and at the same time curious to read more but for now he closed the diary as he is not in a position to read more.

******

Days have been passing but they couldn't get any clues about Anu. Siddharth was restless. Raj and Neha insisted him to come to the office but he denied. He involved himself searching for Anu day and night.

It was the day of the appointment for Anu. All were anxious whether Anu will come or not. Siddharth was so tensed that he didn't sleep before night at all.

Raj, Neha, Karthik and Siddharth waited for her in the hospital hiding in the different places. They waited, waited and waited but she didn't come.

They all were disappointed deeply especially Siddharth. He went to the doctor and said to him to inform him whenever Anu comes for her check up.

******

After a depressed week, Siddharth has been coming back from his search when his phone beeped in his pocket.

Siddharth parked the car on the side of the road and looked at the number calling. He doesn't know the number but anyway received it.

" Hello?"

" Hello Mr. Khurana, I am Dr. Ramesh Gupta." He heard.

Siddharth sat up straight.

" Hello Doctor, any news about her?" He asked hopefully.

" Yes! Infact I called you for that only. She came today for her check up." Doctor replied.

" What? " Siddharth asked stunned.

" Yes."

" Ok I am coming.....keep her waiting, don't allow her to go." Siddharth said hurriedly and started the car.

" She is not here now Mr. Khurana. She just left now." Doctor informed.

" What? How can you let her go when you know that we are searching for her?" Siddharth shouted angrily.

" Calm down Mr. Khurana. Today wasn't her appointment day. She just came uninformed. How can I call you in front of her?" Doctor reasoned.

" You should have stopped her saying something." Siddharth said in rage.

" She is a patient for God sake and I can't keep her waiting. As a doctor looking at her condition, I couldn't think of anything else than to treat her. I even tried stopping her but she said that she is in a hurry and she need to go." Doctor explained.

Siddharth sighed disappointed.

" She wouldn't have gone far away as I called you just as she left my cabin. Come soon you can catch her." Doctor encouraged him.

" Thank you Doctor, I am coming in few minutes." Siddharth said and hung up the phone.

He kept his Bluetooth in his ear and started calling Neha, Raj and Karthik. He told them to come as fast as they can to the hospital and check the surroundings.

He picked up his speed and drove past the speed limit. Within minutes he reached the hospital and parked the car. He checked the parking lot, near the gates and medical shops but he couldn't find her.

He checked every person going in and out of the hospital keenly to find her. He ran into the hospital and checked everywhere. He also checked where many patients are waiting and the room where the tests are going on.

He didn't find her anywhere. That's when Raj, Neha and Karthik came running to him who was panting and sweating heavily.

" Oh my God! Siddharth what happened?" Neha asked looking at his condition.

" Sid?" Karthik looked concerned at him while Raj excused themselves from everyone who were looking at Siddharth who was running madly a while back.

" No! She is gone...... Again." Siddharth cried falling onto his knees.

Everyone's heart there clenched looking at him crying for his love.

" Siddharth get up. It's Ok we will find her definitely." Raj helped him to get up.

" Yes, this is our another lead to find her." Neha said smiling but tears fall from her eyes too.

" Come we will go and meet the doctor once." Karthik said.

Four of them went towards the doctor's cabin. They knocked and went inside. Doctor looked up to see a dishelved Siddharth with bloodshot red eyes and tear stained face.

" What happened?" Doctor stood up from his seat.

" We didn't find her." Raj said to him.

" First take some water." Doctor gave him a glass of water.

Siddharth drank the water silently and his silence is terrifying them.

" You should have called us when she was here, so we could catch her." Neha said narrowing her eyes at the doctor.

" Hey! I am a doctor and the patient's condition is more important for me. I tried stopping her in the name of doing some tests after the check up but she left abruptly." Doctor defended himself.

" How is she? " Siddharth whispered.

All of them looked at him in concern.

" She is......Okay." Doctor said and he didn't believe him.

" How is her condition? " Siddharth asked this time looking at the doctor with hurt and sadness.

Doctor stayed silent.

" Please tell me doctor." Siddharth asked.

" She is not good but she isn't bad also. Like she is hanging in the middle. Anything might happen anytime." Doctor said sighing sadly.

Tears rolled from Siddharth's eyes while others just looked at doctor to continue.

" But as we consulted different specialists, I prescribed different medicines this time as they are more advanced and powerful. I warned her that they may be some side effects like feeling nauseous, dizziness...... and told her that to take proper meals everyday. I told her if she feels anything abnormal then come to me immediately so we can treat her." Doctor explained to them and they listened to him silently.

" If she comes again then I atleast try to message us discreetly." Neha pleaded him.

" Ok, I will inform you this time definitely and will also stop her till you guys reach here." Doctor said smiling at them.

They all nodded and left disheartened.

Siddharth went home and laid on his bed. He looked at the diary on the side table and took it. He opened it and read it........

I didn't know that losing you will be this hard. I am not able to bear this pain of being away from you.

You know when I broke up with you and came home, I thought I will be relieved that I saved you but no..... being away from you, not being able to talk to you, not being able to see you daily made me insane.

I locked up in my room, shut all the doors and windows where no light could reach me and spent days in the dark room bawling my eyes out.

Depression caught me. I wanted to sleep all the time and never wake up. The effects of my illness, depression and the darkness in the room made me go mad. Eventually my parents helped me to come out of it with the help of some doctors and therapists.

I stayed in that closed room and darkness so much that I couldn't bear it anymore. Then the claustrophobia hit me. Whenever I am in a closed room or in darkness all the pain, tears, grief, anxiety rushes into me and I couldn't even breath.

I decided that I could not allow my parents to suffer because of me than they are already suffering. So I took counselings and met therapists who helped me to come out of my depression.

They told me to write everything I feel and that I cannot share with anyone. So here I am writing the diary.

Its really helping letting it out all.

I Love you.

Now he understood how she got claustrophobic. He cursed himself many times for making her suffer that day. He just stared into the space from his window thinking about her.

******

Another week has passed without them getting any information about Anu. He searched everywhere he could. He sighed lying in his bed and took out her diary to read.

Good News! Siddu I got the job!

After many pleadings and cryings my parents accepted for me to go to the job. I am excited so much.

Sitting at home all day reminds me about my illness all the time which is leading to depression again. So after consulting my doctor, I decided to do the job to distract myself.

And I am also missing you so badly.

I saw you on a magazine cover story today. I am happy for you that you took over your father's company.

I cried looking at your photo in that. The bags under your eyes and that deep frown on your face made me sad.

I know that I am responsible for that.

I am Sorry.

And I Love you.

Siddharth wiped his tears away and kissed her photo.

" I Love you too."

He whispered looking at her photo and drifted into deep sleep.

Siddharth jerked up from his sleep when he heard his phone ringing. He frowned at the unknown number and let it ring. But when it again started ringing, he thought that it might be from Anu and his eyes widened.

He answered the call desperately.

" Hello?"

His face fell when he realized that it's not her.

" Hello Sir." He heard.

" Who are you?"  He snapped.

" Sir, Mr. Karthik gave me your number to talk as he is in a meeting." She said in fear.

" What do you want?" He asked sighing rubbing his eyes.

" Sir, this is detective Akanksha..... May I speak to you for a moment?" She asked cautiously.

" Yes." He answered.

" Actually I want to speak to you about Ms. Ananya's case." She said.

" Wait! Are you the one whom we hired as our detective? " He asked her frowning.

" Yes Sir, Any problem?" She asked him.

" Nothing. Tell me what's the matter."

" I think we found the lead."

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To be Continued...........

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