it was pope's birthday. shit. tessa needed to get him a gift, but she didn't know what the hell to get a man fresh out of prison. she padded into the kitchen, overhearing the boys making plans to paintball, but to her surprise, pope seemed adamantly against it. "i call the pink paintball gun!" she announced, alerting everyone that she was awake. deran turned, speaking around a bite of sandwich. 

"tessa, nobody but you would want the pink gun. i literally got it for you for your birthday." the girl shrugged in response, grabbing a whole watermelon from the fridge, grunting from the weight as she set it on the counter. smurf rounded the corner, the random man she slept with last night passing tessa for coffee. she scrunched her nose, grabbing a knife for the fruit. "help me cut this?" she handed the knife to deran, and he expertly stabbed the fruit, slicing it up for her with ease, handing her a piece. she blew him a kiss, moving to slurp the fruit over the counter. baz shot her a look of annoyance, and when she froze in the middle of a bite and made eye contact with him, she knew he was fighting the urge to reprimand her. she grinned, seeds in her teeth. pope was complaining of the days events to smurf.

 "you like paintball, you like strip clubs, craig loves jumping out of planes." he said, matter of fact. "alright, asshole what do you wanna do?" baz offered. pope ignored them, walking past them out of the kitchen and out into the yard to work on the pile of bricks he was smashing down and rebuilding. he was in one of his moods-best to stay away. 

//

head buzzing with electricity as she crouched behind the corner of the house, hidden from sight, tessa held onto her pink paintball gun tightly. she waited, biding her time until deran was distracted going after an unamused pope, and she trotted into the center of the yard, dirty white converse pounding the pool deck concrete. her brothers poked fun at her for her shoes, telling her she needed some new kicks, but she refused. a few old pairs of converses were good enough for her. she pulled the trigger, eye squinting as she perfected her aim. the pink paint made a satisfying 'splat' sound as it hit baz in the back. he flinched, turning around and aiming his own weapon at her. 

"got you!" she cheered, receding back to safety, around the garage side. baz laughed, cocking his gun, ready to retaliate, when everyones phones began to buzz simultaneously. tessa slung the strap to her gun over her shoulder, pulling her protective mask up off her face. smurf had texted-cutback. "oh, shit. baz? did you get this?" she threw off her mask, throwing it carelessly to the ground, and setting her paint gun on the wooden table they often ate snacks or party dinners at. 

"yeah. let's all move-fast." baz instructed, and tessa knew this was something he was right about, and it was not time to question him. she went straight to her room, the others following suit behind her. they all had prepacked bags filled with some clothes, hygiene and cash hidden in their rooms. it was for situations just like this-a cutback. which meant that the cops had found something, someone snitched, etc. basically-they had been completely fucked over. 

tessa shoved her door open with force, heading straight for her closet, where the bag was on the third rack behind some storage boxes filled with old belongings from childhood. once she had that firm in her grasp, she ran back out into the hall, dodging past j, who was utterly confused. she pointed to the doorway.

 "we're getting out of here. follow me." she said simply, elbowing past him. "yo, deran. i'm riding with you. where's craig?" she wondered, tossing her bag into derans vehicle with ease-the bag was light. smurf had taught them the importance of what was a necessity or not in a case like this.  

//

the safe spot to meetup wasn't far-it didn't take long for them all to arrive, screeching in tightly and rushing inside to the empty garage like structure that only held food rations, water, some hidden weapons, and most important at the moment-a very pissed off looking smurf. 

a smurf who was supposed to be in jail-that was what she had said had happened in the text, after all. tessa bit back a 'what the fuck?' that she very much wanted to say as she followed her brothers in. the look on smurfs face told them they were in trouble-a silly notion when you thought too hard about it, considering their ages. smurf strode in casually, as if she hadn't just told them such a lie that made their hearts drop with panic. "did they let you out?" craig questioned, tossing back some hair from his face. baz gazed at his mother with a cool, concentrated calm-so very baz. 

"she was never in." he answered. "so this was what, some kind of test?" his anger was unable to stay out of his tone as he handed over keys and cash at smurfs request. "this feels light." smurf raised a brow. "someone must have dipped into it." craig offered, baz shaking his head. deran spoke up suddenly, voice dripping with accusation. "you put us through all this, for nothing!" he yelled. "hey, what happened to not taking risks?" baz asked her gently. j stood on the sidelines, eyes flicking back and forth. smurf paused, before walking over to each and every one of them.

 "you are running bullshit jobs behind my back! now that's what i call a risk!" she scolded. "we are not running any jobs." baz tried, with authority and firmness that he learned from the angry woman in front of him.

 smurf simply frowned, her lips a thin line. "i'm going to give you an oppurtunity to come clean. someone better tell the truth." it was silent as the womans fiery gaze met them all, one by one. pope met craig's eyes, deran chewed on his knuckles as he sat, avoiding her gaze. baz continued to shake his head in calm denial. tessa stood near j, leaning against a side table with her eyes to the floor. that was enough for smurf. "there'll be no next job." she decided. "we're gonna stop working?" craig asked, confused. "not me-you. there will be no more money. you're on your own." she grabbed the crinkled plastic bags of cash, shoving them into her purse with finality. "what?" deran was incredulous. "this conversation is over." smurf ignored him. "that's bullshit. what are we supposed to do?" deran yelled. "yeah, we didn't do anything!" tessa called from beside j. 

"this converation is over!" she yelled again, and tessa was filled with deep shame as she bowed her head. it was unfair, this control their mother still had over them. her brothers grown adults, her a teenager-and still their mother told them what to do and they did it. and if they didn't, they were in for a scolding. tessa had gotten better over the years at tuning smurf out, but right now it was impossible to, her voice reverberating on the steel walls-reminding them all of the cold truth. smurf was in charge.

 if you did shit behind her back, she would find out, and there would be consequences. 

//

tessa kicked rocks along the sidewalk, the sound of traffic passing her by a small comfort to tune out the noise of anger in her head. she had chosen to walk home, alone-she needed time to think. she passed by children on the strand, kicking their feet on the swings, and it reminded her of when she used to beg pope to push her, high as he could.

 he would oblige, but not without warning her not to jump off like craig and deran did. it could end in a broken bone and blood, he would say.

 blood was not uncommon in the cody household. tessa remembered lots of early mornings and late nights where she would find craig slumped over, in a daze, blood dripping from his nose, powdery white residue on the table along with rolled dollar bills and a credit card that was probably already maxed. 

she remembered when pope told her it was powdered donut sugar, and scooped her up off the floor and held her close, carrying her out of the room and grunting under his breath at craig to 'clean up his shit'.

 tessa was always grateful for that-the way pope had cared for her, been more of a present and positive parental figure than anyone else. 

but he was also fucked up-royally fucked up. and she was old enough to get that now. 

//

she skipped skydiving-she wasn't in the mood. 

instead, she decided to don a red one piece suit-the one craig said made her look like a white trash pamela anderson-and hop in the pool. she had only been swimming for about an hour when she heard the voice she least wanted to hear right now-nicky. she let herself sink underwater, ears muffled. when she broke the surface, the sun hit her face, the warm california air heating her skin. she eyed up nicky, who was settling onto a tanning chair. tessa crossed her arms on the scorching concrete deck, her chest pulled up out of the pool while her back stayed submerged in water, droplets dripping down the curve of her spine.

 "soooo. how much do you know about my family?" tessa twirled the ends of her damp hair. nicky laughed, a high pitched sound that grated on tessa's ears. "what do you mean? I know you guys are like, rich and stuff." the girl leaned into j as she answered the cody girl in the pool. tessa narrowed her eyes. "oh, yeah? what else do you know?" she moved her gaze to j, enjoying the sight of him squirming. nicky paused, cocking her head.

 "what do you mean?" she turned to j, brows drawn together. "do you know what our jobs are? do you think you're safe here?" tessa piped up.

 j coughed into his elbow harshly, at the same time that tessa heard pope behind her, on the other side of the pool. 

"tessa." he said firmly, and the girl shoved off the side of the pool and turned to see her eldest brother staring down at her. 

"what? don't you think nicky should know more about the family? or is it too soon. it's not like j is gonna marry her, right?" tessa knew she was being a bitch, but smurf was getting on her nerves lately, and she was itching to take it out on somebody.

 "that's enough." pope muttered to her, holding his hand out to her. she gazed at it, eyes flicking from his face to his hand, before sighing, and reaching to take it and let him pull her out of the pool. she grabbed a towel, pulling it over her shoulders and following pope inside, stepping through the sliding glass door. 

//

everyone toasted to pope's birthday, raising their shot glasses. j was sullen, and after everyone wished pope a happy birthday, j shifted in his chair.

 "it's not just pope's birthday. it's my mom's too." he spoke gently. tessa paused pouring her second shot, gauging what smurf would do. they didn't talk about julia, not really. she had been shunned, pushed out when she chose drugs over the family.  smurf gave a thin lipped tense smile that tessa knew was fake. it was a smile that said the conversation was slipping from her grasp of control, and she needed to reign it back in. 

"yes it is pope-blow out your candle." she acknowledged j quickly, before moving on. it wasn't in smurfs nature to give you a win-you never won one over on her, not really. and that was how life was, living with smurf. 

//

the boys were at a strip club. typical male bullshit. tessa didn't have any interest in it-in truth, she was breaking into deran's stash of weed, bare feet against the wall as she lay on his bed, flipping through a ratty gun catalog.

 deftones leaked from her headphones, and before she knew it, she was shaken awake by a cold hand. she flinched, pushing herself up on her forearms, relief filling her when she realized it was pope. "hey. sorry i missed half of your birthday-i just didn't really wanna go to the strip club-not like they'd let me in anyway." she snorted. "it's okay." he said gruffly, standing at the foot of her bed like a guard dog. "it's no place for a girl like you, anyway." his voice was gravel. "i didn't really get you anything for your birthday...i didn't know what to get." she admitted, glancing at her hands.

 "i don't want anything but you, tessa." he told her gently, his boots sounding lightly on the ground as he made his way around her bed, sitting next to her. "oh...okay." she was quiet for a minute, working up the courage to ask a question that had been on her mind for some time. "pope?" she took a deep breath. he raised his brows-inclining his head-his way of telling her to go on. "why did you never mail me any letters back?" she clenched her hands together, feeling shy all of the sudden. 

"letters? what are you talking about?" pope's brows scrunched together. "i-i sent you letters. when you were in...prison." the last word came out like a ghost on her lips, barely spoken but its presence was big enough to feel like a storm. pope's right fist clenched, the veins on his arms showing. "i never got them. those bastards must have kept them from me." he shook his head, looking lost. 

"hey...it's okay." tessa reached for his arm, but he pulled away. "no. it's not okay. you thought i abandoned you. you were just a kid. shit, you still are a kid!" his voice rose a few octaves, and tessa blinked, moving back ever so slightly.

 but pope saw it, and the intense energy that had built up inside of him in the last few moments burned out, and he looked defeated all at once. "i'm sorry. jesus, i'm sorry." he reached for her, arms enveloping her skinny body. he breathed in the scent of the surf, and of the bath and body works lotion she always wore-he always forgot what scent. if he'd asked he would know it was champagne toast. "it's fine. you're back. and even though you scare me sometimes, it's all i ever wanted, too."