If this was how it is to feel like being dead, then I would have done this long before. Everything is in a sense of euphoria. A white surrounding; a white feeling, something like bliss; I feel as if bliss has captured me and was dragging me away to someplace far. White light bulbs shot out in sporadic beat and I wondered what it was. Nonetheless, the tranquility soothed me, something which I have never felt in a very long time.

But; I don't remember anything. Who am I? Where am I being taken to? What is really happening? Anything!

I can hear murmurs. I can hear people talking. Is this how heaven is supposed to be? What is really happening?

After a while, I felt my whole body jerking to a sudden halt and felt like I was being dropped. What? The feeling of going downward scared me and made me laugh. I laughed. I really laughed, because it also felt funny. I was suddenly very anxious, scared even; because... I couldn't hear my own laughter. Is that normal?

When the feeling of being dropped and not hearing my own laughter vanished into the past, I felt the white calmness surrounding me again; and the sporadic flashlights. I think the angels are snapping pictures of me. That made me smile. At least, someone cares about me.

Slowly, I felt the change in temperature and light. Everything was smooth and calm now. The light was not flashy and bright, it was soft and dim. The temperature was not cold, it was comfortable.

The feeling of being caressed by something smooth, actually made me smile again, because I don't remember the last time I was being caressed, petted, appreciated or loved. But, it all changed when the sting of something burned where the caressing was felt. I hate that stupid insect now.

Once, again, I was dropped into the darkness. That is where I am always insecure.

Opening my eyes felt like a herculean task. But, I managed. And it burned my eyes to even look at the dim atmosphere. An incessant slow beep irritated me and I could see the machine which looked something like that we see in the movies. I shot up from my bed. There was an IV connecting to my hands. There was something else connected to my sides. My side hurt. My right side burned and prickled and itched and ached. When I tried to get out; I yelped softly which instantly alerted someone in the room. A soft rustling made me look curiously to the left foot side of the bed. I thought it might be Tom. But I was quite surprised to see Stephen looking at me as if I was a lion ready to pounce on him.

"You are awake. The sedatives were meant to keep you asleep longer." He said in his cute groggy voice while rubbing his eyes and yawning loudly.

"Sedatives...?"

"You don't remember anything?" he sighed a slow painful sigh. "Lucky that he was drunk and you were only grazed by that stupid bullet; otherwise, I don't know... What if you were actually shot? Huh! What will happen then?" he was suddenly angry. Whoa! What did I do now?

In the groggiest sense of myself, I was looking at him with scrunched eyebrows and a frown. But, my comeback was ready. "Why do you even care?" I don't want to know about bullets, why I am here and all. I just want to know why he cared all of a sudden.

He slumped in the seat and ran a hand through his face. I saw slight stubble in the dim light along with the street light coming from the outside. Apparently, he hasn't closed the curtains.

"You didn't close the blinds. You never sleep with blinds open." I stated. And he looked at me shocked from the windows. Must be because he wondered how can I even remember that? It was something he shared with me when he was so young. When we were young! He looked down at his shoes and looked at me again. "I couldn't. Then I will sleep and will never know if you woke up or not. The lights didn't help me sleep. It actually kept me... half awake."

"Where is everyone? Oh, let me rectify the wrong question." I scowled to even think that my family will be here, staying awake, to know if I am ok or not.

"Mom wanted to stay. But; Tom asked everyone to go. He is waiting in the guest room, probably sleeping. He doesn't know that I am here." Was that a tone of disdain, I felt when he spoke of Tom. That is a first.

"Oh!" I was shocked that Stephen took the risk of losing sleep, staying by side, without letting uncle know and its school day tomorrow. "Don't you want to sleep? It's a school day tomorrow." I asked slowly.

He looked up to me and smiled the smile that I always loved to see; the smile that assured me that my big bro was going to be there for me always; the smile which held too many meanings. But as we grew up, that smile was limited and was switched to frown. Plus, I never knew what I did wrong.

"I couldn't sleep knowing my baby sister is dying here." He smirked. Oh, suddenly he feels comfortable to joke with me in these situations. Well, I am not going to dive in with him. I don't feel like it.

"I am not dying. I have a lot to do before that." I said as a matter of fact.

"Oh really... like... what?" he taunted me.

"Paying revenge?!" he was certainly in a playful mood and I destroyed it. Well, I have not been a person for small talk either. I ditched my personality when everyone started to treat me as if I was a scum on earth.

He got up from the seat, poured a glass of water, came to me and sat near to me on the bed. When the right side of me dipped, I turned to face him. He looked at me for so long and then hugged me. Literally hugged me, hard and soft, being careful on the part where the bullet grazed.

Slowly, the last time he hugged me in the café rushed back to me and all that happened afterward came to like a bullet. And the white-suited guys. And that real bullet, I gasped.

Alarmed, he loosened his grip on me and said, "Did I hurt you. Does it hurt?"

"Who were those white-suited guys and why in the burning hell did that psycho shot me?"

"Look, I can't tell you about it all. You know that... But, I will tell... see, be careful. Don't trust anyone and when the time comes, that is on your eighteenth birthday; be ready with a backpack with your essentials; dresses, whatever!"

"Stephen, this is where I am bubbling. I don't understand. Why can't you tell me?"

"Because of greed, your life is in danger." He burst out in whisper yell and I was shocked. My life... in danger... I scoffed at him, but he continued. "I mean it, I have said too much. Look, lie back and be safe. Ring that bell; only after five minutes. I need to go before anyone sees me. I won't let anything happen to you. That dumbass was drunk when he fired at you, and uncle has sued him. Look, I have to go. It's close to sunrise, bye. I will come." With that, he kissed me on my head for a long minute and walked to the door, opened it, paused, looked at me and then disappeared. Without even waiting to hear if I have to say something.

I sat there for a while and wondered what was all that about. I could sense fear in him when he said that before he left. What is this fucking secrecy? Everyone seems to know about it, except me.

I don't know for how long, I was sitting in the same position because when a nurse opened the door and shrieked, I yelped back. She kept her hands on the chest and walked in with a scoff.

"You should have rung that bell."

"I never knew there was a bell," I replied just as rudely, as her impolite tone.

"Everyone knows there are bells kept by the side of the patient to alert the nurse when needed." She said in a very foul manner.

"Well, as far as I know, patients admitted into the hospital have families waiting for them in the same room as the patient and... I don't see any. Do you?" I said with such a badass attitude that I can conjure at the moment. She stared at me, and for a slight bit, I could see something pity or sympathy pass through her face, but it was quickly wiped off and the bad chick was back in town. She was not happy with the way I spoke.

"Whatever! You should have rung that bell. Anyway, you had a gorgeous hunk in here." She looked at me crookedly. I gaped disgustingly.

Did she actually call my brother a gorgeous hunk?

"Did you actually call my 'brother' a gorgeous hunk?" I scowled.

She stuttered when she replied but anyway said. "Well, he is handsome."

"Yea, right"

I was not in a mood to talk to this stuck up bitch of a nurse anyway. She did something with my hand, checked the IV, checked my eyelids, my wound, practically everything and said, she will notify the doctor and until then, she asked me to rest.

"I am hungry," I said quickly. How could she walk in that killer heels on such tiled floor are beyond me? And she was walking fast.

She turned around, looked at me with a smirk and said, "Breakfast will be served on eight, sharp!"

"What time is it?" I asked impatiently.

She didn't bother to look back at me; she reached the door, opened it and said, "Six". If it wasn't a hospital, I would have screamed at that bitch.

Lying down on the soft white beddings and pillows, I was marathon racing with my thoughts and... surprise, surprise... I reached nowhere. What is actually going on? I only needed answers for that one question. I know something is going to happen soon since my birthday is slowly crawling to me. I don't want anything else and I don't have any birthday wishes, I just want to know what is happening. What is going to happen and what should I be scared of. Whom should I trust? If I am right, my birthday is in a week. Oh, my!

Tears gathered all the molecules and dust in my eyes and rolled to the center of my eyelids, waiting for one more thought to cloud my brain and push the drop down. I didn't give it the satisfaction; I pushed my own upper lid down and pushed it out brutally. It rolled off my cheeks, wetting me.

After a while, Tom came in with a brown paper bag and I was actually elated. The delicious smell of Mickey's doughnuts screamed a loud growl from my tummy. Tom laughed. He gave me the bag. I quickly looked in, there was four medium sized chocolate ganache, and chocolate shavings covered, chocolate icing filled doughnuts. Just like the way I love. Death by chocolate! Yum!

"Eat soon; the breakfast will be served around seven or seven thirty."

"The nurse said, eight," I said with my mouth full. He laughed lightly watching me eat as if I haven't seen food for days.

"Oh, maybe... anyway, eat!"

"Yea, I am damn hungry." Few food crumbs flew out of my mouth and Tom curved his lips disgustingly.

"So, how are you?" he asked slowly, sipping on his Starbucks coffee. He got me a vanilla bean frappuccino and I couldn't be more grateful.

"Feeling fine; other than having an incessant urge to kill that stupid pot bellied white suited guy who shot me"

Tom relatively paled hearing me say that. I looked at him and he overcame the sudden change in facial expression with a quick smile.

"You remember that?" he asked me cautiously.

"Yes. I remember that but I don't remember why he shot me in the first place." I said between munches and strangely, he exhaled the air he was holding.

"Are you alright?" I asked warily.

He glanced at me too quickly for my liking and I stopped munching. "Yes, I am, I was really tensed about a project that I am assigned to do. It gives me the jingles in the stomach."

I joked, "Why, are you assigned to kill someone?"

He looked at me sternly. The vein n his forehead throbbed. I am being honest! I was scared of this man for the first time in my life. "It was just a joke, Tom!" I said too quickly.

"I know, but don't repeat it again!" he said firmly.

I remained quiet. "Eat fast, the nurse doesn't want to catch me giving you fatty foods at this time of the day." he was back to his old self. But, I was ever more cautious of him.

Stephen's "don't trust anyone" run through my mind like a broken tune. The same line echoed through me all the while. I finished eating two doughnuts and gave the remaining to Tom. I usually eat all the set; I have no problem with that, but suddenly, I lost my appetite. But, I didn't let go of my vanilla frappuccino.

Tom kissed my forehead as he prepared to go. I didn't respond, saying I am tired and he left without another word. When did I fall asleep? I don't know. But the nurse was back and she was shaking me lightly. I got up unwillingly, not knowing where I was.

"Your food!" she said hatefully. I looked at the bowl of measly looking lumpy oatmeal, the two slices of bread plus an apple. Seeing the food only made me lose my appetite for the rest of my life. I pushed the tray aside and said, "Not hungry."

That bitch of a nurse only smiled and said, "Lunch will be at one." And she left looking at me smarmily. The nerve!

I was left with my own thoughts which were increasingly dangerous in nature and not to mention the dimness. It was creeping up under my skin. Why didn't she open the curtains?

Moreover, I need to pee, so very badly. And I can't get down from the bed without any help. My side really hurts. Sigh! This remaining stay here is going to be so hard! Let's face it. And I begrudgingly pressed the button.

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Do tell me how you like my work so far. Once her birthday hits, everything is going to be one big drama! :D I am really excited :) But, please, do tell me if you love/hate this story :) Thank you!