For darkmoon636

(This OC goes with my other OC, Jericho.)

Great.

Name: General Staurolite

Interesting name. I've never seen it before, so good job on originality!

Age: 48

Oh! This is nice, you don't see older OCs very often.

Gender: Male

Okay.

Sexuality: Asexual

Also nice. Haven't seen many asexual OCs.

Tribe: MudWing

The most underused tribe of them all! Hooray!

Abilities: Strategist, logician, all of a Mudwing's talents, although not as strong as most

That's pretty cool.

Position/Role: General, Jericho's right-wing dragon.

Makes sense.

Appearance: Staurolite is rather short for a Mudwing, and not as strong as most. His tail is large and short, setting him rather off balance. Staurolite's legs are stocky and strong, but not fast and not flexible. His large horns are almost a jet black, and curve dramatically, giving him a devil-like appearance. His eyes are a warm caramel, but he suffers from Coloboma, a deformation of the pupils, causing them to be almost shaped like a cross. This only affects his eyesight by making the iris's natural adjusting to light much slower, and he is easily blinded by bright light, and it takes longer for his eyes to adjust to the dark.
His scales are a dark mocha on his back, and caramel on his belly, with his claws and tail being more of a yellow color. 

Okay. This is quite cool, and I really like it for the most part. I've never heard of Coloboma, it's a very interesting thing to add to your character. Though, the cross shape seems a bit extra, like... his appearance just seems to scream "bad guy!! Villain!" I think you could tone it down a bit. Another thing I find a bit weird is the yellow. I haven't heard of MudWings being yellow. Do you have a reason for that? I think his claws should just be the same color as horns (they usually are, I'm pretty sure) and his tail the color of his scales. Unless you have a good reason for it. Because like, it seems too much for him to have just been born with. The horns and the cross-shaped eyes and the weird colored scales are all really interesting details, but when you put them all together it just seems like too much.

I don't know. I'm just rambling now. I'm probably going too hard on you; it actually is a really cool appearance.

Personality: Staurolite is calm, cool, and logical, an unfeeling dragon with only a desire to serve Jericho and his gods. He is almost sociopathic, as he never feels guilt or regret for any action, but this might just be a side effect of war. He hates personal relationships, and will sometimes react with anger and disgust towards flirting or approaches of such manner. He is genius of war strategy, but war is all he's ever known, and has trouble with social, personal, and almost any other situation. This is why Staurolite prefers to hide behind soldiers and be the puppeteer of a situation instead of on the front lines. It is easy to make him flustered or uncomfortable by asking him about feelings. Talk to him about strategy, and he can go on for hours.

You're good with personalities. This is pretty good! I like that he doesn't really feel things (a stereotypical trait for a villain, maybe, but let's be honest; a normal dragon isn't going to just decide to join a cult) and I like that he is awkward and uncomfortable with social situations. Though, one thing you could add is more positive traits. I say this all the time: your OC should have a mix of both. Not all negative or all positive. The only strength he really has here is that he's intelligent and strategic, which is good, but I think you could add more to it. He's obviously very loyal to Jericho, and I think loyalty is something you could stress more in his personality.

So.. basically what I'm saying is add more good traits. If you need help you could always google lists of traits and find ones that you think would fit him, then find a way to work those into his personality.

Backstory: As he was born rather deformed, Staurolite was picked on most of his life, which caused him to develop his sociopathic qualities and dislike of personal relationships. In desire to prove he was just as good as anyone else, Staurolite entered the army and began training. It was soon obvious that he was not a good soldier, and he became an assistant to one of the higher-ranking officers. His talent for strategy was not discovered until Staurolite offered his insight during a meeting of the officers. They tried out his suggestion, which won the battle in favor of the Mudwings. This earned Staurolite a significant promotion, and he steadily climbed the ranks until he was a general in the Mudwing army.

After the end of the War of Sandwing succession, he had no idea what to do with his life. When Jericho arrived in Mudwing territory with her small collection of Rainwing followers, he jumped at the opportunity for a new purpose and joined the cause. He has been a loyal companion for many years, and has gained Jericho's absolute trust.

Okay. This is alright. I like that he started out as a regular soldier. It explains why he's such a good general for Jericho. One thing I'm curious about is his childhood, though. Did he start out as a normal dragon but then just... become an emotionless monster because of bullying? Because that's what you make it seem like, which is pretty unrealistic. I think something more significant would have to happen in order to change him so drastically. I'd like a little more info on that. Like, his family for example. A lot of awful people like serial killers and stuff come from pretty horrible families, so I think that's something that would be pretty important.

Otherwise, this is okay. It has the same problem as Jericho, where you leave out all of what happens after the army is formed. But I like that he joined the army, and his reasoning for joining Jericho.

Overall
I give Staurolite a 7/10. I like his appearance, but I think it's a little much. His personality is pretty great but I feel that you could add more positive traits. His backstory is where the main problems are. I'd like a lot more information on his early life and how exactly he came to be the sociopathic cult member that he is today.