Songs :
Youth - Daughter (“And if you are in love, then you are the lucky one”)
Find Home - The Honey Trees (“You were the one who woke my heart, and kept it alive. You were the one who took my fear, and let me go”)
Higher Love - James Vincent McMorrow |cover| (“Let me feel the love come over me. Let me feel how strong it can be”)

| forty-seven |

“Your father, he was such a great man. But cancer- oh Ava, cancer is a cruel disease. The tumor in his brain hit him so fast that he didn’t have much time left.” Her mom sniffed into her handkerchief. It had been ten years since her father had passed away. Ava had just turned twelve and asked her mother what happened to her father. She barely remembered him, given that she was only two when he passed away. But now she wanted to know who her father was. She missed him, even though she didn’t really know him. 

“Your father loved you very, very much. I’m so sorry that you didn’t get to really know him, sweetie. But he is in a better place now.” 

Ava shook at the distant memory. Her mother had lied to her face. The claims that she had made that her father had brain cancer and only a week to live - it was all a lie. The years that she had lived thinking that her father was looking down on her had been wasted energy. He was alive. 

A violent shiver coursed through her body. Her hands shook as she held her mug of tea to her lips. It was monday morning. The weekend had flown by quickly. Regardless of comforting words and soft touches that Harry had provided for her, she didn’t feel any better. If anything- her heart broke more. 

He was alive. 

He was alive. 

He was alive.

The more she would repeat the words to herself, the more surreal it felt. 

Ava called in sick that morning. She did not feel up to being surrounded by people. All she wanted to do, all she craved to do, was to stay bundled up in her queen sized duvet and Harry’s sweater. 

It smelt like him. A scent that she adored so much. Even though she didn’t know where they stood in their relationship, she was so thankful that he was here with her. She needed him. His scent alone brought the reassurance that she needed. She was breaking in the inside. Her mind becoming numb to the real world. Yet he still was able to bring her back out. He didn’t let her completely sink into the unknown. His hand was firmly grasping her and held her tight. He was her anchor. The storm of her father’s reappearance was ripping her sails a part. She can feel herself drifting off, but he was holding her back down into place. He wouldn’t let her drift off into sea. He was her hope. 

Jacey had called her earlier. She couldn’t believe that Ava’s mother had lied to her and that her father was alive. It all felt like a bad movie. The cliche of it all was sickening. But it was a reminder that life wasn’t perfect. Life will undoubtably throw you a curveball. But it is up to you if you are going to allow it to bring you down. You can choose to surround yourself with people who will hold you up and not let you fall down. Ava had that; she had Jacey. But most importantly- she had Harry. 

When she told Jacey that Harry was back in her life, she giggled. A string of “I knew you two would get back together” and “I am so happy for you” had been repeated throughout their short conversation. 

“Ava, I know you are going to hate me for saying this. But, I told you that you two were meant to be. I knew that he didn’t give up on you. That man is crazy about you. Absolutely crazy about you.” 

Little did Jacey know that Ava was equally (if not more) crazy about him. 

- 

The room seemed to be spinning. Her head was pounding and her stomach felt queazy. She clutched her stomach as she ran to the bathroom. All of the contents that had previously remained in her stomach had oozed out. Her body shook as she violently heaved. A layer of goosebumps covered her skin like a second skin. Her skin was covered in sweat. She pulled her knees to her chest as she rocked back and forth. 

As she sat on the cold bathroom floor, her mind recalled all of the events that have occurred over the past four days. She felt anxious, nauseated, sad, and confused. The more that she thought about her father the sicker she felt. She could feel her stomach churn at the reminder of her fathers reappearance. “Please body. No more.” She pleaded to herself. 

She looked over at her watch. The time had read half past two in the morning. An inner battle had commenced inside of her as she debated whether or not she should call Harry. 

Harry. She couldn’t help but once again wonder what they were. She knew that she wanted to be his once again. She wanted to be able to freely kiss him, hold him, and call him whenever she wanted. To be able to hold his hand in public whenever she pleased. She had missed him and to know that he had too made her smile, even amongst all of the nonsense in her life. 

Ava didn’t give it another thought. She grabbed for her cell phone that sat on top of the bathroom counter, and dialed the number that she was so thankful to have back. After a few rings, a groggy voice answers. 

“Ava?” 

She missed the sound of his voice. The way that it sounded when he first woke up - groggy, raspy, and incredibly sexy. 

“Hi.” The voice that came out of her lips did not sound like her. It was croaky and scratchy. It was evident that she had been throwing up not to long before. 

“Are you okay?” He voice suddenly sounding more awake. 

“No, not really.” She lets out an awkward laugh. “I know that it’s late but... do you think you could come over?” She pauses. “I need you.” 

“Yes.” Harry doesn’t take a moment to think it over. He had promised himself that whenever she called, whether he be busy or not, he would be there for her. He wanted to prove to her that he was going to be the rock that she so desperately needs. He would do anything to prove that to her once more. 

“Are you sure? I’m sorry. I know it’s late.” She hesitates. 

“Don’t be silly, Ave. I told you. I will be there for  you no matter the time or place. You will always have me.” Her heart swells at each word that he speaks. 

“Thank you.” 

“Always, Ava. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” 

- 

Not even ten minutes pass by before Ava hears a knock at her door. She looks at her reflection in the bathroom mirror and cringes. 

Her hair is a disheveled mess on top of her head. Her irises are red and her skin is pale. Dark circles rim her eyes. She looked like a mess. A broken, disheartened mess. But she didn’t care. It was Harry. She knew that he would love her even in her worst. He had proven that to her countless times before. 

She opens the door after another knock and Harry is standing on the other side in a loose blue sweater and grey sweats. He has a black beanie holding down his curls. She smiles at him. Regardless of how crappy her body may feel, she smiled. That was the effect he had on her. 

“Thank you.” She whispers. He steps closer and pulls her into his chest. He smells like smoke, cologne, and spearmint. He smells like home. 

“Always, baby.” He speaks into her hair. His hands meet her back and begin to rub comforting circles. He steps in closer and shuts the door behind him. After locking it, they walk over to her bedroom. 

He pulls her close to him as he steps inside the bedroom. He slips her sweater and sweatpants off. Her body had been heating up and needed to drastically cool down. He walks into her bedroom and wets a small cloth. The water is cold against her burning skin. Automatically she can feel her body cool down. He leans down and kisses her on the forehead. 

Harry pulls the cloth away. He walks over to her bathroom once more and fills up a glass with water. “Here, drink this.” She takes a few quick sips but eventually gulps the rest down. It feels refreshing as it slips down her burning throat. 

“Thank you.” She says once again. He smiles at her whilst leaving another kiss to her forehead. 

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?” She nods and crawls under the covers. 

Harry pulls her now shivering body against his own. He wraps his arms around her tightly. Ava shifts over and entangles her legs  with his long ones. She feels an overwhelming sense of peace as they lay there. No longer does she feel nauseous. All of the anxiety and the overwhelming feeling of grief that she was only hours before harbored inside sinks away. It is replaced with a sense of contentment and tranquility. 

Harry was that for her and she knew that she was that for him. They were each other’s safe haven. It just took a period of distance to remind them of that. 

- 

The next morning, Ava felt something strong hold her down. She opened her eyes to see a mop of curly hair. Harry’s arms hold her tight against him. She feels cramped underneath his heavy weight. She awkwardly shifts her body to the side and brings her hands up to his waist. “Harry,” She says in his ear, hoping to wake him from his deep slumber, “Harry, you are squishing me!” She giggles as he begins to groan. 

His eyes flutter open. He looks tired. He begins to shift to the side and flops over. She takes a deep breath. Her arms stretch above her. She rocks her body from side to side, feeling the muscles stretch out. She climbs over the big pillows that had managed to come in between her and Harry. Her hands reach over and slowly slide up his risen shirt. Her hands are cold against his hot skin. 

“Baby,” He moans as her hands move up and down. A small moan escapes his lips as she begins to leave small kisses along his lower back. Without giving her any notice, Harry quickly flips over so that he was now hovering on top. “That was one way to wake me up.” 

“You were squishing me.” She giggles. 

“Sure I was.” He winks back. He bends his head down and leaves sloppy kisses along her neck. He bites down on the sensitive spot just below her earlobe. A moan slips out of her rosy pink lips. He leaves more kisses along her jaw line, up to her forehead, down her cheek, and on the side of her lips. He shifts over so that his body is now right above her own. He puts his weight on either side of his arms so that he doesn’t squish her once more. 

“Please kiss me,” she moans against his chest. 

“So needy,” he jokes back. He does as she wishes and kisses her softly. Their lips against one another feels right. He pulls back, teasing her, until he leans back down and kisses her more fervently. She wraps her arms around his neck, intertwining her fingers into his unruly bed head. Ava’s body lifts up as it slightly grinds into his. She can feel him against her leg and she smirks to herself. 

“You will be the death of me.” He breathes against her lips. 

“What are we?” Ava asks. She knew that they needed to discuss this. It was the elephant in the room and as much as they wanted to ignore it, they honestly couldn’t for much longer.

“I’m Harry and you’re Ava.” He replies sarcastically. 

“Very funny.” She rolls her eyes at his cheeky response. “I’m serious, Harry.” 

He moves from above her and sits up. He runs a hand through his curls and scratches the back of his neck. He takes his bottom lip by his teeth and thinks. “You know that I love you, Ava. I only want you. And if you have me, I want to be with you forever.” 

“You want to marry me?” She asks hesitantly. 

“Eventually, yes. But not now. You just found out about your fucking dad being alive and we just got back to... well, whatever this is. I want to take it slow. But I want to marry you. If not this year, then next, or five years from now. Whenever we are ready. I’m not leaving you Ava. I'm all in. It's up to you now.” 

Ava takes a moment to process all of this. She knew that she wanted to be with Harry. But she never seriously thought about marriage. The thought had crossed her mind once when she was going through her own self healing and revelations. She thought about what would have happened if Harry and her were still together. She concluded at the time that she would have wanted to marry him eventually. 

Looking at him now, and how he had been there for her over the past few days, she knew that she wanted to marry him eventually. She could not see her life without having him in it. 

“I want to be with you.” She spoke slowly. “I always have. Letting you leave me was the worst mistake that I ever made. I don’t expect us to be back to where we were months ago, but I want to get there again. I want to be with you Harry. And eventually I would love to marry you. But right now, can we please just start over?” 

“Of course.” She smiles at his response. “One more thing.” He gets up and leans down one one knee, “Ava Hastings, will you be my girlfriend, er... again?”  

Ava couldn’t help but roll her eyes at his cheesy gesture. “Yeah, of course.” She giggles as a cheeky, wide grin makes its way to his face. He gets up and leans over, planting a big kiss on her already swollen lips. 

“I love you so fucking much.” He speaks against her lips. 

“I love you.” She says as she kisses him back. 

Harry pulls away from their kiss. He wraps his arms around her body once again and brings her to his lap. She leans her head against his chest. “Tell me what happened last night.” 

Memories of throwing up and crying uncontrollably begin to resurface to her memory. She begins to pick at her nails nervously. “Please?” He asks softly. 

“I was thinking about my dad. Flint.” She begins to speak, her voice shaky with each word. 

“What about him?” Harry couldn't help but feel angry at the mention of his name.

“I was just thinking about the whole damn situation. My mom told me that he died of a brain tumor. Then I find out it’s all a lie. That he was actually alive and was hiding away from me. Not once did he come to me and fight for me. Instead, he hid away after their divorce. I just felt sick when I thought about it all. My mom lied to me. My dad lied to me. I just,” She hastily wipes away the tears that begin to fall down. “I just don’t understand what happened. Did he not love me? Is that why he left? Is the reason why mom lied to me and told me he died? To spare my feelings?” 

The tears that she tried so hard to fight back began to fall relentlessly. Harry rubs soothing circles across her back as she stains his shirt with her tears. “I don’t know.” He says. “I don’t know baby.” 

“I just,” She hiccups as she tries to speak again. “Ugh. I hate this! I hate that my life is like this. I’ve believed my whole life that my mom was all that I had. When in reality, I had a fucking dad that was alive. Where the hell was he when we were homeless? Where the hell was he when my mom died and I was left to fend for myself at fucking seventeen years old?!” She begins to yell. Harry holds her tightly against him as she shakes with anger and sadness. “I hate him! I hate him so fucking much.” She cries even louder. 

“I know baby. I know. Shh, it will be okay.” He continues to whisper in her ear as she cries against his chest. 

It broke him to see her like this. Weak as the tears relentlessly flow down her cheeks and staining his shirt. He didn’t care though. She could cry on all of his shirts and it wouldn’t matter. The more that she cried, the more he began to hate this man that claimed to be her father. He wanted to kill him for doing this to her. Ava didn’t deserve this hurt. He hated that the two people that claimed to love her the most lied to her and in the worst way possible. 

He was going to do everything he could in his power to make sure she never felt this kind of pain again. Whatever that meant of him, he was going to make sure that it happened. He loved Ava with a love that was so strong. And when you love someone you will do everything that you can to make sure that they are happy. She needed him to be a stronghold for her and to fight with her. And that was exactly what he was going to do. 

-

A/N: I HATE WRITERS BLOCK. Okay. This chapter wasn’t the best; I apologize. But I wanted to update today because I’m trying to finish this story soon and ugh. Alright, enough of that. Ha. I hope you like it regardless. Side note, Ava will be confronting her father soon-- yikes. 

Vote + Comment your comments have been brightening up my day. Some of you are absolutely hilarious!! Thank you! 

Ps: How are you all? I’m doing alright. Feeling kind of sick but other than that I’m not too shabby.
Pps: I also just wanted to say again that I think you are all the bomb diggity.