Have you ever feel so unreal at something that is so fucking real?
Like it is a thought that would consume you for hours, or days or possibly your whole life. You try your best to figure out an explanation but your mind becomes blank paper that are drawn with unsatisfied art works so you decide to crumble them up and toss them aside. Slowly, they create this enormous mess to the point where it seems like a wall is built out of of them, which means all the lights are probably blocked, where exhaustion is the flame that is being fed in you. Overall, you are just a whole damn mess.
I am that mess right now.
I've been thinking about him, classic.
The question of "why loving him?" grows on me more each day.
My only answer was "I don't know"
And it still is.
But i mean, what is there to not love about him?
His eyes are warm, his smile is mesmerizing, his voice is so tender, his capturing laugh, his strange mood swing, his cold appeaance, his undescribe-able personality, ...
—Here comes another piece of paper to toss...
"That's not the answer, i told myself. That's what you like about him, you idiot, not why you like him."
Maybe, i can go back in time,
Okay so, i guess my first —
No, no that's not right... i've been using this "time machine" since forever to figure out the reason to this phenomenal feeling called uhmm... love.
It never worked.
Everything just appears to be unreal at the moment...
I hate this damn it.
Is this a dream where i am Alice and instead of falling into a pitch black hole, i fall into this wholehearted, yet absentminded love?
Not to mention, one-sided too haha
So... How do i get out?
—
The real question is... do i want to get out?
This love feel so perfect, too perfect to be true
—
Perfect isn't perfect.
Perfect as in the beautiful first love kind of perfect, as in the tight feeling in the chest kind of perfect, the butterflies in the stomach kind of perfect, the giving you everything i have because i trust you more than anything kind of perfect, the i am in so much pain because of you but it's perfect kind of pefect, the you are so imperfect and i still am fucking in love with you kind of perfect, the i feel so close to you but i will have to cross the world to see you, gather my courage to say "I love you" and you still won't love me because the longest distance between us is my heart to yours kind of perfect, the i look into your eyes and i can see myself laying underneath you arms, calling it my home kind of perfect...
Yea, I do prefer this kind of perfect.
—
It feels unreal
Yet the feelings are so real, it makes me feel like my heart can explode any second now.
[Then it would probably heal itself together so it can continue the job of loving you. /i guess this is my dream job~/]
—
I give up.
I will never be able to find a solid answer to this question...
But hey, i've been thinking maybe i don't need to...not as much as i need you, so that's really all that matters.
And you know, this is like the art of Surrealism.
I do love art, so i guess this was right after all.