Song: Tous Les Mêmes // Stromae

And here's what you've all been waiting for...

•••

I quit my job.

I've been contemplating doing it for a while now, and I guess with the robbery and all, there wasn't a better time to do it. The opportunity presented itself, really.

Although I haven't told Dylan or anyone for the matter, I knew there was no way I was returning to that damned city. There was no way I'd feel safe; plus everything would probably remind me of Adam.

The job I had was demeaning. I decided to interview for the position as an assistant to an editor for some moderately known magazine so I could gather enough experience to apply to Fashionistique, but I ended up being assigned to the worst editor they had.

Sometimes, she'd give me articles to proofread and I'd end up scrapping it and rewriting it. She never noticed, and if she did, she didn't do anything but take credit for it. At first, I didn't mind doing it because I had a goal I was deadset on achieving, but when it became a common occurrence, I knew my passiveness wouldn't last.

Their magazine can go to shit for all I care, their sales had only improved because I wrote most of the articles she took credit for.

She even got a fucking raise.

And what did I get? Robbed– both by my ex-boyfriend and from a potential promotion.

It was a Saturday, which meant Rose and Dylan didn't have to work. I kicked them out of the house in the morning so they could do something without the kids, and I ended up babysitting them all. They weren't hard to care for given they absolutely loved me. Cody slept through most of the day (something he learned from me), and when Dylan found out, he almost blew a gasket.

"Them sleeping in the daytime means less sleep for us at night, Amber." He said angrily, but we both knew the kid would do nothing but sleep through the night too. His sister was the crybaby, not Cody.

Céline and Antoine followed me around the house the entire day. My niece and I were attached by the hip while Antoine walked behind me like a duckling. I ordered in takeout for lunch because let's be honest, I couldn't cook for shit, and showed my nephew how to feed his baby sister and brother.

Rose and Dylan were now in the kitchen, preparing dinner, while I sat on the couch, my new laptop on my lap. The twins were talking to each other on the playmat while Antoine sat next to me and watched as typed up my resumé. He'd occasionally press down on keys and add in unnecessary letters which I'd then backspace, but once I placed an iPad in front of him, he forgot all about me. 

The sound of whatever kid's show he was watching on YouTube was slowly driving me nuts, but if it meant he wasn't pestering me, I was fine. I had something to get done, and I was actually focused on it– that didn't happen too often, which meant I had to seize the concentration and use it until I got bored.

The three Amity children were all sporting the same gold chain around their neck. It looked really large on the twins, but they'd eventually grow into it. Antoine was adamant about them having the exact same piece of jewelry, and who was I to deny him his wishes? I couldn't say no to the kid.

A notification popped up on my laptop, reminding me to eat since I had to take the pill in an hour, and I clicked it away since I knew we were going to have dinner any time now. Rose and Dylan still don't know about the pills I've been taking, and I knew I'd have to tell them at some point.

I glanced from the screen of my laptop to make sure the twins were alright. Cody was sitting in front of his sister, who was shaking a plastic toy. He reached over and tried to take the toy away from her, but she hit him with her chubby hands. Cody furrowed his eyebrows into a frown and crawled away from her.

I chuckled at his antics. He was going to grow up to be exactly like me, and I didn't know how Dylan would deal with him when he became a teenager.

Céline, sensing her brother's anger, crawled over to him with the toy. She took a seat right next to him and passed it onto him. He took it and patted her shoulder before he started shaking it, making her laugh.

I awed at the sight and pouted my lips. They were just so fucking cute.

Rose walked into the living room and crouched down to sit with her children. The twins instantly crawled to the direction of their mom while making happy noises. Rose's smile widened at the sight of her youngest children and she pulled them onto her lap.

She glanced up at me, "How are you feeling, hon?" She asked in concern. She was referring to how Dylan caught me throwing up this morning after I woke up from another one of my nightmares. He called me down for breakfast through the intercom, but when I didn't reply, he grew worried and walked into the bedroom to hear me vomiting in my bathroom.

They also didn't know about the nightmares that haunted me every single fucking night, but I think Dylan was becoming suspicious.

I closed my laptop and absentmindedly started playing with Antoine's curls, "I'm feeling better," I replied with a reassuring smile.

She picked up her babies, one on each side of her hip, and tilted her head in the direction of the kitchen, "Come on, we made lasagna." She told me. I got up and gestured for Antoine to take my hand. "I'll make you a cup of tea later, maybe that'll help."

I nodded, not bothering to tell her I already tried that and it didn't work.

Dylan was setting the casserole dish onto a wooden trivet. The table was set, and there was a booster seat on one of the chairs for Antoine since he was too short to reach the tabletop. Dylan immediately took Céline off of Rose and I picked up Cody to place him on my lap.

Rose needed a break from taking care of three children.

I sat next to Antoine, and Dylan and Rose sat opposite us, with Céline on my brother's lap. I reached over for a jar of baby food and popped it open as Rose spooned the lasagna for us. I clasped a bib around Cody so he wouldn't ruin his clothes and picked up a plastic baby spoon.

The rest of the dinner was spent listening to Antoine babble on about the 'adventure' I took him on and how much fun riding a bus was. I focused my attention on the baby on my lap and fed him the 'sweet potatoes' flavored goo. I'd occasionally take a bite out of my lasagna as well, but I wasn't hungry enough to scarf it down like Antoine.

I glanced away from Cody and looked around the table. Dylan was on his seconds now while Rose was promising Antoine something about going to a park tomorrow. My brother was looking at me with a firm look and his eyes flickered from me to the food, silently telling me to finish my plate.

I pretended like I didn't see him and scraped the inside of the jar to get the last remaining bite of the sweet potatoes that Cody seemed to be enjoying, unlike his sister, who was putting up a fight now.

I wiped my nephew's mouth with a paper towel and removed his bib. I caught Dylan's eye again and this time he had his eyebrows raised. I rolled my eyes and picked up my fork before I stabbed into the pasta. He nodded in approval as I took a bite of it.

I took three more bites of the food before I resorted to just pushing it from one side of the plate to the other. It tasted good, but I knew I wouldn't be able to stomach it for much longer.

Rose stood up from her seat and picked up Céline from her husband, who was telling Antoine to wash up. She then came over to me and picked Cody up before she disappeared out of the dining room with Antoine hot on her trail.

Ignoring Dylan's burning gaze, I stood up and collected the dishes on the table. I stacked them above each other and left the dining room to walk into the kitchen. I dropped them into the sink and rinsed them off before I placed them into the dishwasher. I then opened the cabinet nobody ever opened and took out the box of pills from behind an ice cream maker we had laying around. 

I swallowed the pill dry and turned around to walk back into the dining room to bring in the casserole dish when I saw the two parents standing behind me. I let out a yelp and jumped as I felt my soul escape my body.

Rose was smiling softly at me, but anybody can see her worry, while Dylan was staring at me with a calculating expression. His eyes were narrowed and his arms were crossed over each other. He glanced at the cabinet behind me and I wanted to slap my forehead when I realized what he just saw.

He stared at me and raised a brow, "Do you have anything to tell me?" He asked in an expectant tone. My eyes flickered between Dylan and Rose while I maintained my calm expression.

I was panicking on the inside, though. I didn't want to tell them this soon.

"Yes, actually, I do," I told them with a nod that was meant to encourage myself. I gestured towards the stools and they took a seat, their back facing the countertop.

I gave them an innocent smile, a nervous chuckle escaping my lips, "I quit my job." I decided to say. It wasn't a lie, and it wasn't what Dylan wanted to hear, but I just really didn't know how to tell him.

Rose and Dylan both blinked. I bit on my lip and fiddled with my fingers as I waited for their reply. An awkward silence fell on us, and I was stuck staring at them in anticipation. Rose furrowed her eyebrows while Dylan's eyes ran over my face, almost like he was trying to detect whether or not I was lying.

"What?" Rose broke the silence.

"I quit my job," I repeated slowly.

"Yeah, we heard that," Dylan snapped. "I think what she meant is why."

"I worked for someone who didn't deserve their job," I shrugged carelessly. "It was embarrassing if I'm being honest. They were always late on fashion trends and couldn't write a good article to save their lives. Plus my work was never appreciated or acknowledged."

Dylan went quiet as he thought over what I said while Rose nodded in understanding, "Okay, hun, but what are you going to do now? You still need a job for a steady income," She told me in a soft, motherly tone.

"I'm applying somewhere else, I'm working on my resumé," I replied. "They'd be stupid not to give me the position."

"And what position is it, exactly? Where are you applying?" Dylan questioned in that business voice of his. I could practically see his brain trying to process everything. He was probably going to ask to look over my resumé and the job description and benefits later.

"An editor at Fashionistique... in Paris."

 Rose's eyes widened, "Paris? You're not moving back?"

I shook my head, "There's nothing left for me there. Literally– they stole everything from me and I have no job."

"Don't joke about that; what happened to you is serious," Dylan warned with a hint of protectiveness. I dismissed him with a wave of my hand which just made him shoot me an unamused look.

I obviously knew what happened was serious. I was the one living with the nightmares and panic attacks. I just wanted them to stop worrying over it and me for a second. They had three children and full-time jobs– they had enough on their plate as is, I didn't need to add more.

"Alright, hun," Rose said with a soft smile. "I really hope you get the job."

I gave her a grateful look at her support. I glanced over at Dylan who was, staring at something behind me deep in thought and nervously bit my lip. Then, he looked at me and gave me a smile.

"Paris might be what you need; a new start may be good for you." He told me honestly making me release a sigh of relief. I liked having both of them support me when I made decisions like these– it made me feel like I was doing the right thing.

I clapped my hands and gave them a smile, "So, yeah. I'm just going to go and finish my resumé, now."

I went to leave the kitchen when Rose's voice stopped me, "Amber, even you know that's not what we wanted to talk to you about." I paused and felt my muscles tense. 

Oh, come the fuck on.

"That's literally all I have to tell you guys," I told them with a confused expression. I didn't know why I was even trying to act when Dylan was a fucking human lie detector at this point.

"I know you went to the hospital, Bee," Now, it was Dylan's voice that was soft and full of concern. I averted my gaze from his worried face and stared at the cabinet that hid my pills. "Rose saw you leave too."

"That could've been anyone. A lot of people look like me," I told him, refusing to admit to anything.

"But only you would bring a Chanel purse to a hospital, Amber," Rose commented teasingly, trying to ease the tension.

I swallowed loudly, "You never know, they're starting to make a comeback."

"Amber," Dylan started, looking at me like a parent looked at their child when they were lying. "Your insurance card is under my name. That means I get billed with whatever they covered. We don't know the specifics– all we know is that you had your blood drawn, went to a doctor, and picked up a prescription from the pharmacy."

"We're just worried about you, hun," Rose said caringly. "We don't mean to pry, but this is all really concerning."

"I don't have to tell you guys anything," I replied with a guarded look.

Her eyes softened and she shook her head, "Of course you don't, but if there is something serious going on, we want to help you."

I averted my gaze from my sister-in-law to my brother, who was staring at me silently, a worried expression plastered on his face. Fuck, I thought as I ran my hand through my hair. I didn't want to tell anyone, but they'd find out at some point. I couldn't hide it forever.

Without another word, I turned around to retrieve the box of pills hidden behind the ice cream maker. I tossed the box in my brother's direction and he caught it. He shot me a concerned look before him and Rose read the label.

Their eyes simultaneously widened and I screwed my eyes shut, not wanting to see any more of their reaction. I heard someone jump off their seat, and judging by their light footsteps, I knew it was Rose.

She gripped my shoulders and I opened my eyes to look at her. 

"You're having a baby?" She asked eagerly. She seemed ecstatic with the news, and I was glad that at least someone was happy with the news. I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. She grinned and wrapped her arms around my neck to pull me into a hug.

I returned the hug and glanced at Dylan, who was staring at the prenatal vitamins in disbelief. Although he was looking at the box, I knew he could sense my gaze, he was just choosing not to look at me. With a heavy heart, I plastered on a fake smile when Rose pulled away.

"This is so exciting! The kids are going to have a cousin!" She exclaimed happily.

Tyler and Claudia didn't want any kids, which was ironic considering the former worked in social services. His job was literally to make sure children were in a safe environment. I guess he must've seen things that put him off, so for the time being, mami only had three grand-children.

"Yeah," I whispered, glancing over her shoulder to Dylan, who has yet to say a word. I bit my lip and willed my tears to stay behind my eyes– I've cried enough times this past week; I was done.

Rose looked at her husband and frowned when he didn't seem as enthusiastic as she was.

I sighed heavily, "Anyways, I'm going to go work on my resumé now."

Rose shot me a sympathetic smile and nodded. I glanced at Dylan a final time before walking by him and out of the kitchen. I grabbed my laptop from the couch and gave Antoine's head of hair a kiss before I turned around to go up to my room.

I caught Rose talking angrily to Dylan as I walked by the kitchen to the stairs.

•••

I was sitting in my closet on the armchair. A blanket was wrapped around me, and my laptop sat on my lap. I was typing up an article on one of four topics they had as options. I felt like I was in my English class again, and the feeling brought me a weird sense of comfort.

The door to my closet was locked, and so was the bedroom door.

I glanced at the time displayed on my laptop and was surprised to see that it was eleven o'clock. Everyone must've been asleep by now, but I just couldn't seem to sleep anymore. Sometimes I felt exhausted, but as soon as my head hit the pillow, all I could see was someone pointing a gun at my forehead.

Sometimes, it was the unknown man, other times it was Adam.

My appointment with the doctor was tomorrow morning, and it's safe to say I wasn't necessarily eager to attend it. If it were under any other circumstances, I might be happy to be expecting a child, but I didn't know anymore.

How could I bring a child into a world full of criminals? Adam was the father, obviously, and he turned out to be part of a planned robbery. I grew up without a parent, and it wasn't the greatest feeling to be surrounded by a bunch of people who could talk about their mother's so openly while I sat in silence.

Sure I had papa too, but he died way too early for my liking.

I shook the thoughts out of my head and continued typing up the article. I already attached the one I wrote for my old magazine, but they also required a new one.

A knock at my closet door interrupted me from my work, and I gulped nervously. I got up and set the laptop on the island before wrapping the blanket around my body even tighter. They wouldn't knock if they're a robber, I reassured myself before unlocking the door.

I opened it and peeked through the gap. When I saw Dylan, my face fell and I slammed the door in his face before I turned around to walk back to my armchair. I'd gotten over my initial sadness, and now I was just mad he didn't say anything.

I tucked my legs beneath me as I took a seat, and watched as Dylan opened the door again to walk into the closet. His eyes instantly fell on me and his eyes softened as his lips tugged up into a small smile.

I didn't bother asking how he got through the bedroom door. He probably had a set of keys to every room in this house.

He stood a good two meters away from me and I don't think I've seen my brother look so awkward. He was staring at me with an unknown look in his eyes while I waited for him to say something. I sure as hell wasn't going to start this conversation.

"Why aren't you asleep?" He asked, and I restrained an eye roll at the question. Judging by his facial expression, I could tell that's not what he wanted to say.

"Why aren't you?" I shot back.

"Céline was crying, I was putting her to bed," He replied. I nodded in response and resorted to chewing on the inside of my cheek. We sat in a tense silence and I waited for him to say something.

"How far along are you?" He broke the silence.

"Five weeks," I replied curtly with a hard look in my eyes.

He nodded and we drifted back into a tense silence again. His gaze never wavered, but it lingered on my stomach making me pull the blanket closer to my body. I didn't know when my belly would start to show, but based on Rose's experience with Antoine, I was guessing it was going to be in more than a month from now.

He cleared his throat, and rubbed his nape, "When did you find out?"

"Like thirty minutes before I got robbed."

His eyes darkened at the mention of the crime, but he didn't comment on how I was throwing the word around.

"Bee, I just wanted to apologize for the way I reacted," He started after taking a deep breath. I watched him with glassy eyes. "I didn't know how to react. My little sister is having a baby– I just wasn't expecting it."

I chuckled humourlessly, "And what– you think I was? I didn't plan on getting pregnant, Dylan, and not by some criminal, alright? Do you think I want to bring a child into a world where shit like this can happen to literally anyone? When Adam took me to the resort, I wasn't expecting to come out of it fucking pregnant."

"Amber–" He tried to stop me from rambling, but I was on a roll.

"I can't take care of a child, Dylan; I can barely take care of myself. I can't cook; I can barely keep a room clean and organized, let alone a house; I can't keep myself safe. The only things I'm good at are academics, fashion, and spending money. I don't know the first thing when it comes to being a mother; I don't even fucking have one."

Dylan was now crouching down in front of me, his hands resting on my knee to keep him steady. He was looking up at me with a determined expression, "Amber, you're not going to be alone."

I reached up to a wipe the tears from my eyes and shook my head, "I'm not letting Adam anywhere near the baby–"

He cut me off by gripping my hand in his, "Bee, you've got me." He told me firmly. "You've got Rose, Nick, and Alexandre too. You and the baby will not be alone."

I stared down at our hands, "I can't do this, Dylan. I wasn't made to be a mother."

He snorted, "Rose and I would beg to differ. The kids love you, probably more than Rose and me. You got the hang of taking care of a child faster than any of us. With the amount of time Antoine spends with you, you'd think he was your son and not mine. Not to mention the fact that you managed to take care of a six-year-old and two new-borns all by yourself today, Amber. If that isn't mother-material, I don't know what is."

I smiled as the tears trickled down my face, "Yeah?" I asked, wiping the tears away with the sleeves of the hoodie.

His grip on my hand tightened and he gave me a genuine smile, "Of course, Bee. I remember how none of us knew how to stop Tony from crying, but as soon as you held him in your arms, he instantly stopped." He said sincerely, reminding me of the memory, before his eyes darkened. "As for Adam, you better believe I'm going to do everything in my power to help the police find him faster, alright? He's going to pay for everything he did."

I swallowed before nodding. Telling him the truth made my heart feel lighter. I was relieved he knew and was going to stick by me through everything. I sniffled and his features softened at the sound. He patted my knee before standing up. He pulled up onto my feet and hugged me.

"If there's one thing you should expect from your pregnancy, it's that I'm not letting you out of my sight for the next nine months." He muttered into my hair, and I laughed into his chest in response.

"Come on, you need some sleep," He said, pulling me out of the closet and into the bedroom.

I furrowed my eyebrows when he laid down on my bed, "You're not going to your room?"

"I missed your cuddles," He admitted sheepishly. I smiled at the confession and lay down next to my older brother. "Your baby is going to be so lucky to have you as a mother, Bee."

And for the first time in a week, I fell asleep without any trouble.

•••

– 20/06/20

Okay, listen, idk how you're gonna react to this, but...

Shoutout to mawsjw  for being the only one to guess this :p !!!