I was on the verge of a constant breakdown.

I didn't want Gray to worry about me, so I put on a brave face and left for University early morning on Monday. When I reached, I wanted to return to him. I hated how everytime I left home, I felt like a lost puppy.

The morning classes were effective to take my mind away from everything for a while. I returned to my room in the evening, exhausted and terrified to be left alone with my thoughts. When I entered my room, to my shock however, I found Jeremiah laying on his bed. I walked over to him.

"Hey, Easton," he smiled but looked like he was in pain, making it look like almost a grimace. His face was pale, his eyes dull. "Good...weekend?"

I gently touched his forehead and found it burning. "Jem, you have a fever."

He shut his eyes and groaned. "Man, I can't fucking-"

"We should take you to see a doctor, Jem."

"No," he shook his head. "It's probably just exhaustion or something, man. If...if it persists I'll go."

"Do you have an appetite?" I asked, studying him worriedly. "Any other discomfort?"

"Yeah...my appetite is fine. In fact-" he glanced at me. "Would you mind getting me some dinner? I think I'll be staying in."

I nodded. "Also," I went over to my side of the room and picked up the bottle of water. I placed it on his table. "Make sure to drink a lot of water."

He chuckled. "You sound like my mom, dude."

"Well she's not wrong. And neither am I," I walked towards the door and turned to look at him again, my heart seizing with worry. "I'll bring you dinner. And, in case you feel worse don't try to hide it alright?"

He didn't answer but nodded slightly as I left the room.

Thankfully, despite his fever, Jeremiah had an appetite and chatted with me genially. I checked his temperature again and was relieved to find out that it had normalized. I waited till he fell asleep and then decided to go on a run across the campus.

It was dusk. I loved the golden, orange light of the sun as it bathed the grass. People were milling around in the serene atmosphere. The rain during the weekend had lowered the temperature to a pleasant one and the breeze that was blowing was still cool. I spotted Caleb walking across the grounds and towards the lab. My heart fluttered slightly.

I watched him disappear into the building and making a split second decision, decided to follow him.

I entered the chemistry lab and saw him bent over the counter, his eyes narrowed as he keenly studied whatever was in front of him. His eyes snapped up towards me when I entered, a dazzling smile spreading on his face. "Hey, Xavier. Nice of you turn up."

I shrugged, wondering why the fuck I had followed Caleb Kingsley. I shoved my hands into my hoodie and walked over to him nonchalantly. "How come you're here?"

He sighed and shook his head, raking a hand through his hair.

"I have a practical exam next week, just thought I'd practice," he smirked slightly and I felt my cheeks heating up. The light of the dusky sun reflected on his chiseled features. "What about you? Were you just attracted by my raw sexual magnetism?"

Yes.

"Don't flatter yourself," I said as I went and stood beside him near the counter. I saw a number of chemicals that I hadn't got to use yet. Some beakers, test tubes and droppers were also kept neatly.

"I hate trying to create something of a specific concentration," he shook his head. He lifted a test tube with a colourless liquid inside and swirled it. I gazed mesmerized as the shimmering sunlight reflected off the water like little sparkles. He grimaced. "I hate it."

I glanced at the several containers kept there. "Polysaccharides."

"Yep," Caleb said, setting the test tube back in the holder. "Biochemistry is a bitch."

"You should get to it. See you later," I nodded at him and started making my way out before he called out loud.

"Wait!"

I turned around at his voice and saw him gazing at me intensely. He smiled softly, almost shyly. "I wouldn't mind the company. You should stay."

I gazed at him for a while, my stomach knotting nervously due to some reason before finally nodding. I propped myself up on the counter, my legs hanging off its side as he got to work, mixing a variety of compounds.

"How was your weekend?" he asked, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. "Met the police man?"

I laughed. "Yeah, It was great. Although-" I caught myself just in time. I was about to tell him about the phone call that had ruined the weekend. About the sudden, panic attack I had had. "Um, yeah it was great."

He was quiet for a while as he mixed some more ingredients and finally looked at me, his eyes concerned. "What's wrong?"

I gazed into his mesmerizing yes, almost willing myself to tell him everything. I took a deep breath and just when I opened my mouth to speak, my phone rang. He sighed softly when I apologized and reached for it.

Gray ♡

I picked up the call, my heart racing nervously, feeling like a criminal who had just been busted. "Hey, Gray."

"Hi, Xavier," he said. His gentle voice almost put me at ease before my eyes travelled to Caleb. He was leaning over the counter, working, his jaw set. Gray spoke again. "Just wanted to make sure you're okay. Did you have dinner?"

I answered in affirmative. He launched into a questionnaire, asking me if I had had any other panic attack. If I drank enough water. If I was getting nervous or anxiety fits. If I ate properly. If I attended classes properly. If everyone was treating me nicely. By the end of it, I was getting irritated.

"Also, I talked to Andrews since he knows your most recent medical history. I told him about-"

My heart lurched uncomfortably. "I told you not to."

"Xav, I know. I just want to make sure-"

"I'm not a child, Grayson. It was nothing. It was a momentary thing that's all."

He was quiet. "He said that, you're physically fine but if these kinds of attacks continue, you could consider therapy-"

I felt anger flaring in my chest. "I fucking told you not to," I said, my voice laced with suppressed rage. "Can't you respect my decision for this once?"

"Xav, sometimes attacks like these are indicative of a heart problem," he defended himself. The calmness in his voice only made my anger mount further. "I just wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything to worry. And for that I had to tell Andrews about what happened and he suggested-"

"Gray," I spoke in a voice of forced calm. "It was an isolated incidence. I do not want you parading it around to everyone just because you think-"

"Xav," he spoke, sounding hurt. A twinge of guilt pierced my heart. "I wasn't...parading it around, love. He's a doctor. I had to tell him-"

"You need to stop making decisions for me, Gray. Going behind my back-" I shook my head as I continued. "You need to stop acting like I don't have a functional brain. You made me come to this university. And now you're making me seek treatment when I don't need it, all under the garb of 'wanting the best for me.' I am capable of knowing what's the best for me-"

"Xav," he began, sounding stunned. "Xav, You're not thinking str-"

"I am not comfortable with letting everyone know about something like that, Gray. Is it really-"

"He's a doctor, Xavier," he spoke. I was angered further by his voice. He sounded as if he was talking to a petulant child. "I'm not going to force you to take therapy or anything. I am just telling you the options-"

"I said, I am not interested."

I hung up, my heart sinking and settling around my naval. I was shaking slightly. Andrews already knew way too much about me. I felt violated that Grayson had told him about the attack already. I sighed, raking a hand through my hair.

Cal spoke softy. "You are capable, Xavier."

I gazed at him. "I...I hate it so much when he does this," I shook my head. "Just...making decisions for me like I'm some pesky child who doesn't know what's good for him."

I felt venomous anger in the pit of my stomach. I had been independent ever since I was sixteen. Earlier, Grayson used to look out for me, now he was becoming this overbearing boyfriend who was making decisions for me. Had I overreacted? Was I trying to jeopardize 'us'? Was I really that pathetic?

"Wow, that really got on your nerves, huh?" Caleb said as he walked closer to me. I looked back at him. He reached for my arm and stroked it gently. My stomach knotted at the simple touch. "I think it's good on you that you stood up for yourself," he sighed softly. "Can I ask you something? It's something really personal. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I nodded at him, desperate to take my mind off my sinking heart. "Sure."

He took a deep breath, gazing so deep into my eyes that I suddenly felt like I was naked. A tingle ran down my back when he spoke. "Why did he get a divorce?" I sucked in a deep breath as he continued. "I have no interest in gossiping. I'm just saying that...if he and his wife were having problems, he was probably at fault too, you know? Stuff like that...it's rarely one sided even if it's like, twenty eighty."

I was quiet. I wasn't sure if telling Caleb was the best idea. He spoke again. "Xav, you're really young. I just...need you to open your mind just a little and think about what's good for you. Things like these can often turn into toxic relationships. Plus, he already has a history so he's bound to have issues. Which is fine, but you need to know and ask yourself if you can live with those issues."

I bit my lip, tearing my eyes away from him. My chest felt uncomfortably tight. I hated that I had been having such thoughts. If things might be different with someone who is as new to this as I was. With someone with a clean slate.

Someone like Caleb.

I wanted to slap myself.

"I...it was a violent relationship with his ex," I began. I knew under no circumstances would Gray ever know about me telling Caleb, and somewhere deep inside, I could feel the honesty behind his words. "She had a drinking problem and started sleeping around with others."

"Did he try to get her help? She seems like she was struggling. Did she have any reason to go down that spiral?"

I took a shuddering breath. "They weren't in a very good place financially. So...he had to work a lot and was out a lot, to keep them afloat. Then..." I spoke the last words quickly. "She...she had a miscarriage."

"Fuck," he cursed under his breath, his eyes haunted. "That...that is horrific."

I bit my lip and nodded at him. "And then things got even worse. She got violent and unpredictable."

"You know...it is hellish for someone to go through that," he shook his head. "The physical...and the mental trauma is immense. Plus she was already having issues. Did he get her help?"

I didn't know. For a second, I was stunned how little I actually seemed to know about him. "I...I don't know," I shook my head. "Therapy is expensive. I don't think they could afford it."

Caleb leaned forward slightly, stroking my bottom lip with his thumb as he gazed intoxicated into my eyes. I was aware of his gentle breathing. His seductive scent. The way the low light accentuated his lips. "What would you do, Xavier?" he spoke softly, almost in a whisper that made my skin tingle. "What would you do if someone you love is going through hell like that?"

I spoke at an impulse. "Drop everything and be with them for every second of every day."

"You know," he shook his head, smiling softly. "That's not always possible. But...the moments that you are with them, they should feel your presence. Know that you are there. And it seems to me that you are someone who would give the person you love everything. Or atleast...try."

He continued as I gazed back at him, entranced. His hand travelled lower to my waist. He stepped closer, parting my legs till he was standing between them. "Grayson is perfect in your eyes and. It's not healthy for you, Xavier. I understand, that he's your first love but...it's rarely the fairy tale that it appears to be."

"I know he's not perfect..." I whispered, my heart hammering at his proximity. His scent making me feel slightly dizzy. "He's...the only person who has ever loved me."

He leaned closer, his lips slightly parted. His eyes burning with lust and longing as he whispered. "Did you give someone else a chance, Xavier?"

I felt like Caleb spoke nothing but the truth. All of his deductions made sense to me. And I was scared. I had so far only known Gray's side of the story, but I knew, he would have done something as well for Victoria to go so off track. She had to give up her dreams, her job, and then with her health failing miserably, it wouldn't have been easy for her.

"I didn't...really have..." I bit my tongue. What the hell was I saying?

A demonic voice in my head snarled. The truth. I was saying the truth. I never gave anyone else a chance. I never had the opportunity to do that. I didn't know if I actually wanted to give anyone else a chance. I glanced up at him, suddenly breathless. But if I did have to give someone a chance...it would be Caleb Kingsley.

He leaned in closer, so I could feel his hot breath on my mouth. "Maybe...there's someone better for you, Xavier."

He sounded like he was in pain. My body felt hot all over. What was he doing to me?

He leaned in and kissed me. And like a fool, I let him.

His mouth opened against mine. He grabbed my waist, holding me in place as I kissed him back. My lips moving fervently against his, refusing to listen to my brain. A zap of electricity seemed to course through us as the kiss deepened. I gripped the counter tightly, losing my senses when his tongue traced my lip gently. His mouth was hot. Soft. Tasting like all my forbidden thoughts. All the sins I wanted to commit.

He pushed me gently, turning me around so I was lying flat on the counter top. He climbed on top of it, his lips never stopped moving against mine. He bit my lower lip gently, his hands entwining with mine and pinning them on top of my head. I gasped softly, breathless when his lips finally left mine. He trailed his mouth along my jaw, to my ear and nibbled it gently.

"You drive me fucking crazy."

He growled softly. My breath caught in my throat when he moved and I felt his rock hard arousal between my legs.

"Caleb..." I whispered in ecstasy. I didn't know what was happening to me. I was aching for him.

He pulled the neck of my hoodie lower, sucking softly on the part just below the ear. He moved lower, each contact sending sparks radiating through me. He grazed his hand along my thighs, pulling my legs closer around his waist.

"Fuck, Xavier..." he whispered, his voice strained as if he was in physical agony. "You're so fucking sexy. I want you so damn bad it fucking hurts."

His lips were back on mine, kissing me hungrily. It was slow. Sensual. Wild. Somehow, all at once.

My entire body was tingling when his lips finally left mine and he leaned backwards to look at me. I saw lust dancing behind his irises.

He touched his forehead to mine, the somehow tender action made my heart ache. Whether it was from longing, or guilt, I wasn't sure. "Just...think about it, Xavier."

He was quiet for a long while before he leaned back and got down from the counter. I gazed at him as he busied himself, his cheeks flushed. I gazed at the high ceiling, my heart thundering in my chest. I was breaking.