I took a deep breath, drumming my fingers impatiently on the table. I gazed at the cup of coffee in front of me, which I had ordered just for the heck of it. I sat up straight, my eyes darting nervously around the cafe. What the fuck was I doing?

Part of my brain wondered if Gray would approve of my actions. I didn't think he would stand against me, but he would accompany me. Maybe sit a little further away to stop me from killing Michael in case I gave in to my natural instincts.

But it didn't matter now. They were just thoughts.

I almost clutched my chest in pain and took a deep breath, taking a large sip of the disgustingly cold coffee. I couldn't allow my thoughts to be led astray. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and gazed out of the window. The cafe seemed eerily familiar to the one where I had been at with Scarlett. The only difference was the blue and white colour scheme. My mind wandered to this morning and the papers I had found in Caleb's room. I couldn't understand why he would have the financial records of the hospital and something was telling me that everything was not like it seemed.

The only good thing about the cafe was that it was pretty much deserted. My sole companions were the bored-looking shop owner, a middle-aged man, and an older woman typing away on a laptop at the farthest table. I waited impatiently, glancing at my wristwatch again and again. A quarter of an hour was still left for it to be the prescribed time, but each second I felt like I was inhaling sand.

The door opened, the tiny bell sounding merrily as my heart stopped in my chest. I gazed at the man now striding towards me, his eyes hesitant. I almost got to my feet and ran away from there, but I wasn't sure my legs would move. I tore my gaze away from him, my body numb when he took a seat across from me. A solid, impenetrable silence fell. I concentrated on maintaining my breathing, waiting for him to speak. The long healed scars on my body suddenly opened up and bled, making me dizzy.

"Xavier," he began, clearing his throat. My blood boiled at the very sound. "I...how are you?"

How am I? I almost laughed in his face.

I looked at him straight in the eye, anger coursing through me. "I sold myself on the streets to gain money for food. I've been shot and stabbed and almost died a few times. And I recently broke up with my boyfriend-" the slightly shocked look on his face disgusted me to my core. "-I bet you didn't even know I was gay. Well anyway, now my fucktard of a father called me up to apologize apparently and he just had the fucking guts to ask me how I was."

He sighed, his blue eyes morose. "Would you believe me if I told you I was a changed man?"

I smirked. "Yes. But you should know that so am I."

He was quiet again. I gazed at him silently, my heart barely keeping together. Before the alcohol had ruined him, I remembered the rare good, moments we had spent. The moments I had thrown in the deep chasm of my heart along with all the hurt and abuse. The memories of learning to ride the bicycle with him. The memories of cheering on the latest match even though I didn't know shit of what was going on. The memories of riding in the car with him. The memories of Christmas. Of him cooking and putting too much ginger into everything. It rattled my core.

I took a shuddering breath. I could never forgive myself if I broke down in front of him.

"I believe that too, Xavier."

Xavier. Xavier. Xavier. He kept calling me Xavier. As a child, he gave me new playful nicknames each week. Most of them insulting, but my heart ached at the thought.

"I...have sought help. I'm doing much better now. I...don't really have much to say, Xavier. I would apologize to you but-" his voice broke as did my heart. "I don't think it means anything now."

"No," I replied shortly. Not knowing what else to say. "Is that all, Michael?"

"You used to call me that even as a child."

A tangible pain shot through my heart. "Yeah," I whispered, afraid I would start bawling if I spoke further.

"I thought it was funny," he said. The sudden kindness in his voice felt like a knife through my chest. "Before your teacher called me to the meeting and you introduced us as 'Michael and Mom Easton.'"

He chuckled. I had the sudden vision of throwing something.

"I...think it's great that you've done so well for yourself, Xavier. You're in university now."

"What do you want, dad?" I asked, shaking my head. The word felt alien on my tongue. I felt homeless and referring to him as father made my memories return with a suffocating force. "My money? Redemption? What the fuck do you want?"

"I...no, Xavier," he spoke gently. I was startled by how different he sounded now. His striking resemblance to myself made me want to puke. I couldn't believe I shared this loathsome man's genes. I couldn't believe I had ever fallen asleep next to him. I couldn't believe I had ever run into his arms as a child.

All I could see now was a mirrored monster.

"I just...thought we could-" he sighed, his voice agonized. "I would like to get to know my son, Xavier."

I took another sip of the coffee. My chest was a battlefield of emotions.

Silence fell when I didn't respond and he continued. "I...I made terrible choices. I got scared of the sudden responsibilities. We were seventeen when we had you, Xavier. I...I looked for an escape. You remember what it was like-"

I scoffed. "Yep. I remember fucking strangers just so I could get food and money." My heart, my body, my entire soul still stung at the memories.

"I...I don't know what to say, Xavier. I know I have no defence. I'm just saying... maybe...we can start-"

"You want us to be a happy fucking family or something, Michael?" I glared at him, repulsed. "How dare you even say that to me? Have you no fucking shame at all?"

"I honestly don't know what else to say, Xavier," his eyes looked pained. I was struck again with the similarly and familiarity of the blue irises. It felt surreal to have him sitting in front of me again. Ever since I was a child, I had been told I was a carbon copy of my father. It hurt to realize it was the truth. I had wanted to rip my face away if I could, but without it, I wouldn't have survived so long. I had lost any sense of family, of home, long ago. "Maybe...this was a bad idea."

I thought he would leave, part of me hoped he would. He didn't however and I sighed softly, feeling my heart crush under the weight of everything. "Where...do you live?"

"Pine fields, West. Just...a small apartment," he took a shuddering breath. "I...I live with a woman. Juliana. I...think-" he stuttered to a stop. "Pine fields, yeah."

I felt resentful. How dare he get another chance at life when my mother hadn't? How dare he return to me? How dare my heart yearn to forgive him?

"I'll leave now, Michael," I rose to my feet, turning my gaze away from him. "It's too late. Nothing is the same and I hate you more than I hate myself."

I opened the door violently and stepped onto the dark, empty streets. I had lied. I didn't hate him more I hated myself. That bit was impossible. I picked up my pace, keeping my head low and eyes stuck on the pavement. Memories of a forgotten childhood kept returning to me. I tried hard to stray my mind away from the laughter and joy that I still harboured in a dark, silent place in my heart. I struggled to remember the nights the devil had gotten hold of him.

But the little child inside me still wanted a family.

I sped up, my eyeballs stinging with hot tears. I knew I had been right. Everything was different now. Why then, was my heart ripping into pieces? Why then did I feel such a great sense of loss when I walked say from the man I had once called my father?

Everything was so heavy.

My mind was overcome with grief. A sense of loss. I didn't notice a black van roll uncomfortably close to the pavement. I turned to my side and before I could react, I felt strong hands reach for me and pull me inside the car. I lashed out at once, adrenaline coursing through my body. It took a while for my sorrow-stricken brain to function. I felt a hand slap forcefully onto my mouth and before I could react fully, my arms were pulled back ruthlessly as pain shot through them. My hands were tied behind me, a cloth wrapped around my mouth, preventing me from screaming. I instinctively held my hands as far away as I could manage as the unseen men tied my wrists together.

I stared, horror-struck as two strangers held me in place. One of them gripping my legs and another my shoulder, their calloused hands digging into my flesh. Their cold eyes fixed ahead.

The man holding my legs drawled. "Xavier Easton, you've eluded us long enough."

I couldn't recognise the face, but something told me they were the same men who had tailed my car. There were four men in total. One driving the car, one shotgun, and two holding me in place. I felt the cold metal tip of a gun barrel on my head and all my training left me, sheer panic caught hold of me. I still had Gray's gun in my pocket, the only issue was to reach for it. Even if I did, I would be facing four full-grown, possibly armed men. The odds didn't look too good.

"I think he specifically asked for you alive," one of the men yelled from the front seat as I struggled to breathe. I had stopped thrashing around, knowing I needed as much of my energy as possible to get out of the nightmare. "He has some colourful plans for you."

My skin crawled at their laughter. I didn't know when Reznick had come back to the city. I took deep shuddering breaths, hoping they would remove the binds around my mouth.

"Can you move this thing faster, Dave?"

The man on my left said. I didn't dare look at him, my heart in my throat. If they managed to get me to Reznick, that would be the end of it. He was out for blood. My blood.

I let my hands wander to my back pocket, my heart leaping when I felt the cold metal of my phone. I had no way of knowing what I was doing, but my excessive phone usage could come in handy. I unlocked it with my finger, feeling the tiny vibration. I put my finger inside the back pocket, feeling along the screen and reaching for the calling icon on the screen by memory. I could try to escape from a moving car but would need immediate medical help after that, assuming that I survived.

I shut my eyes, trying to calm my brain and picture the phone screen. I could feel the edge of it and shifted my finger to the left, pressing what I hoped was the last contacted button. I double-clicked on a random place at the screen after that, hoping it would work. There was no way to know if my little manoeuvre had worked, however. I hoped whoever it was would understand my silence and be on their way. I hoped and prayed I had reached Gray, but I hadn't called him for sometime.

I waited for a while, trying to adjust my eyes to the dark. The raucous laughter and rough touches made me gag. I shut my eyes, my taking deep, heaving breaths. I doubled over, shivering and gasping exaggeratedly. One of the men spoke in a panicked voice. "What..what the hell?"

I felt a hand grab a fistful of my hair as someone peered into my face. "Little fucker's bluffing!"

I felt a painful sting on my face as someone slapped me, my eyes watering at the sudden impact. I opened my eyes and gazed unseeing at the stranger. Pleading with my eyes.

My real-life experience with panic attacks had given me a pretty good idea of how to imitate them. After a while, the men on my other side spoke up. "I don't know man... he's shivering pretty bad. What if he dies or something?"

One of the men spoke from in front. "Remove the cloth on his mouth, let the fucker breathe. Can't have him dead before Reznick has his fun."

White-hot anger and revulsion knotted in my stomach. I vowed that once I was out of here, I would give Renick the fun of a lifetime.

I took in lungfuls of breaths, gratefully. I tried to look thankful for their kind actions. "I...I...have a problem.. panic...attacks...can't...breathe..."

I doubled over and started shuddering, gazing at the car door and studying the position of the man holding me in place. I was scarcely aware of the tiny click that meant the indicator had been set. It struck me as strange that he would use the indicator even on a deserted street, but it gave me an advantage. It was purely up to luck now. I hoped the child lock wasn't in place and that I could roll away into the nearby forest, and hopefully survive.

If I didn't, well I wasn't going to survive here anyway.

But I had to. I had to survive. How else would I ever get Gray back?

The thought of him fired my senses and I made the decision to go for it. The timing was the key. I had to attack at the same time that the car made its turn, and escape from the opposite side. It was a death sentence if my escape failed. "W...water..." I whispered. "I...I..cant..."

The men looked at each other, panicked. "I call his bluff."

"I don't know Tj," a different voice said. "Fucker's sounding pretty bad,"

I lay down, tensing my muscles, ready to spring into action at any moment of weakness. I breathed hard, my mouth open as I gazed at them, dazed. One of the men on the back seat leaned over me, gazing at me intently. At the same time, the car turned towards my right. "Well he's-"

It was now or never. The car slowed down momentarily, whether, from shock or the sharp turn, I wasn't sure and had no time to ponder.

With every ounce of strength in me, with every little bit of courage, I headbutted him in his chest. The car rattled violently as the driver jammed the breaks, screeching the car to a halt. My victim out with shock. The hands-on my legs loosened in the momentary shock and I kicked the man holding my legs sharply on his jaw. I didn't wait, managing to get into a seating position and plant my elbow hard into the other guy's face as he yelled out. I reached over him and swung the door open, my heart thudding in my chest as I jumped out of the car, trying to create an angle as my body flailed around, still bound awkwardly. I had no time to look for a soft landing and was afraid I would injure myself grievously, but the alternative was equally lethal. I fell onto the street, tucking in my body as much as I could and landing on my back as the wind rushed out of me. I bit my tongue in pain, electricity coursing in my veins.

Pain shot up my body, it felt like my entire skin was peeling off. I bit my lip to keep from screaming in agony, feeling what felt like my very bones breaking. My system was shocked from the impact, my organs going into shut down. Keeping the momentum, I managed to roll away and into the surrounding forest. I crawled as fast as my binds would let me and hid in a thicket of bushes, my blood icy cold. If they found me again, that would be the end of it.

I held my breath as multiple footsteps could be heard, their feet making a deathly crunching sound on the leaves. I hadn't managed to get far and had to pray to everything I knew to keep me alive. I shut my eyes, trying not to shiver. Why won't they go away?

I bit my lip to keep from screaming, my binds held me in place. I could feel the wet soil under me and begged to crawl under it lest they found me again. Heavy footsteps came closer to me. My heart hammered so hard that I was afraid they would hear it. I saw a shiny pair of boots through the gaps in the leaves, the tail lights of the car creating a stream of white light on the floor and realized wth a horrifying jolt that one of the men was standing right in front of me.

My blood ran cold, my senses paralyzed with horror. I hadn't learned to ever combat situations like these. I couldn't see any escape.

I was trapped.