CHAPTER 9

ALL my life, I always wanted to be free. I wanted to choose what I want, what makes me happy, and what I think is best for me. 

From the very first beginning, I never felt like I live my own life. I never felt like it was me, Selenn, who’s living in this body.

Never.

I never own my life, my father does. He controlled me like I”m sort of his puppet. I was never free. He took away my freedom. I love my father. 

Really.

But sometimes…I get annoyed at him for being a control freak. Kung ayaw niya, ayaw talaga niya. Just like what he told me, hindi niya gusto ang mga kaibigan ko, he said that I should stay away from them but this time, I didn’t obey him. Maybe at this time, he’s planning something to get rid of my friends but no, I won’t allow him.

What he wants, he gets.

Tanga din ako, eh. Hindi ko gusto ang kinokontrol niya ako pero…wala, eh. Mas nangunguna ang pagiging mapagmahal kong anak keysa sa kalayaang gusto kong makamit.

While my Mom…she’s the best.

She may be sometimes strict but she’s a loving mother. What I want, she gives it to me. 

Exactly opposite of Daddy.

Ang hindi ko lang gusto kay Mommy ay pangingialam niya sa gusto kong damit and most of the times, she’s so girly. Kikay, in short.

Grabe, hindi ko siya masabayan.

Minsan nga iniisip ko kung anak ba talaga niya ako. Hindi ko namana ang kanyang pagiging kikay.

But despite their imperfections, I love them. 

Nobody is perfect but your imperfections makes you perfect, they say.

But at this point…I never thought that even fate will unite with Daddy.

“Guys…I’m leaving.” Kiara broke the silence.

Napahinto kami sa pagkain nang marinig ang sinabi ni KIara. Tumunghay ako at tinignan siya. Seryoso itong nakatingin sa hawak niyang plastic cup na mayroong lamang street foods na binili namin kay Tatay Gab.

I looked at my wrist watch. “Hmm, yeah, we should go. HIndi na natin namalayan ang oras, 5:10 na pala,” mahinang sambit ko. “Baka naiinip na si Tatay Lando.” Tumayo ako’t nagpagpag ng palda. Sumabay namang tumayo ‘yung lima.

“Here, your bag.” Nginitian ko si Luther nang inabot niya sa akin ang bag ko. Kaagad ko naman itong tinanggap. I murmured my thanks to him. He messed my hair, making me frown.

Ginawa pa akong bata.

“Hoy! Tama na landian!” Saway ni Wence.

“Oo nga! Aba, mahiya naman kayo sa mga single!” Tarius agreed. “Mga walang puso. Naglalandian pero wala namang label.” He murmured. Iniwas ko naman ang tingin ko at nagpanggap na hindi narinig ang kanyang sinabi.

“Mga epal talaga.” Diancia hisse.

“Okay, lovebirds, enough na!” Kiara laughed, making me blush. Inilayo niya ako kay Luther. She winked at me then smirked.

Nang magtama ang mata namin, I noticed something.

Why does her eyes…look sad?

"As much as I want to watch you do your landian kineme, need nang umuwi ng iyong prinsesa, Prinsepe Luther." Kiara grinned, teasing us.

The side of Luther's lips rose. "Take care of her." Pagsabay niya.

"Sir, yes, sir!" Kiara saluted at him.

"On it!" Diancia giggled.

“S-Stop it!” I hissed. “U-Umuwi na nga t-tayo!” Napanguso ako nang mautal ako.

“OMG! Yieee! Kinikilig!” Tumawa si Kiara.

“Stuttering, eh?” Ngising saad naman ni Diancia.

I mentally slapped myself for stuttering.

Gosh, bakit ba kasi ako na lang palagi ang trip nilang asarin?

Ilang beses pa nila kaming inasar bago kami nagpaalam sa isa't isa. Kung hindi ko pa sila hihilahin, wala silang balak umalis, especially Diancia. Mukhang mag-aaway na naman.

We’re currently on our way to the Parking Lot while having a small chit chat when suddenly, Kiara changed the topic.

"Girls, 'yung kanina…'yung sinabi kong aalis ako," she trailed off.

Tumaas ang isang kilay ni Diancia. "What about it?"

My forehead creased. "Ito na nga, sis. Uuwi na tayo," I said, stating the fact.

"Hindi…iba ang ibig kong sabihin." Umiling siya.

I looked at her, confused. "What do you mean?"

I, together with Diancia stared at her but Kiara avoided our gaze. "I'm leaving…for good," she announced in a small voice, trembling. "S-Sa States na raw kami tirira sabi nila Mommy." Sambit niya.

I gasped. "W-What? W-Why?" I asked, almost hysterical.

I heard soft sobs kaya nahinti ako sa paglalakad, gano'n din si Diancia. It was Kiara, she's crying. We immediately went to her and gave her a tight hug, comforting her.

"Why the hell are you crying?!" Diancia blurted out, annoyed. "Wala kang karapatan na umiyak!" Pumiyok siya sa huling salita na kanyang binanggit.

Humigpit ang yakap ni Diancia. "I-Ikaw ang mang-iiwan sa a-amin tapos ngayon i-ikaw ang iiyak?! Ganda ka?!" She cried. Napatawa naman si Kiara dahil sa kanya.

Ramdam ko rin ang pangingilid ng aking luha but I gave them a smile like what I used to do when they're sad. I ain't faking my smile because for me, faking a smile is just like faking yourself. Paano ka magiging totoo sa iba kung ngiti mo pa lang ay hindi genuine?

"Hay, stop crying na girls!" I tried to cheer them up.

"Crying won't do anything, okay?" Mahinahong sambit ko.

As much as possible, I don't want to cry in front of them. If we're all down, who's gonna pull us up? No one. Someone needs to stay strong and show them a smile for them to feel better.

"H-Hey…enough na," I chuckled. "Stop spreading bad vibes! Ano ba kayo." I smiled.

Napailing ako nang hindi sila tumahan. I held their hands then say, "Cheer up, hmm? Kiara may leave but that doesn't mean that she'll cut strings with us. Instead of crying, try to look at the bright side! Aalis si Kiara because it's for the better." I chirped. "And, oh! May social media naman! We can contact each other through that!" I smile widely, but still, they're still crying and sniffing.

I blew a large amount of breath as I looked up at the sky, preventing my tears to fall.

I also don't want Kiara to leave but its her parents choice. You know…parents knows the best for their child, while me, I am just a mere friend of her.

Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa kanila nang may maalala ako. "Kiara, malapit na ang exam natin, ah. Graduating na din tayo…bakit ngayon pa? Hindi ba pwedeng kapag na tapos na lang ang Graduation natin?" Mahinang sambit ko.

Umiling siya. "H-Hindi, eh…as much I wanted to stay longer, I can't because I know that this is the best for me…just like what Mom said."

I bit m lower lip as I slowly nodded. "Okay…" I whispered.

"K-Kailan ang alis mo?" Sumisinghot na tanong ni Diancia.

"Sa sabado." Maikling sagot ni Kiara.

I felt my world shattered after hearing that. Parang noong isang araw lang ay humiling ako na sana walang aalis o mawawala pero bakit hindi natupad? Does fate hates me?

I'm sad but I still manage to give them a wide smile. 

Smile, Selenn. Just smile. You can cry later, not now.

I raised my hand to dry their tears. Nang matapos ay masaya ko silang inakbayan.

"Tama na ang iyakan! Sige kayo, papangit ang mga feslak niyo niyan!" Biro ko. "Tignan niyo, oh! Namumula na ang mga mata niyo! Para kayong naka-drugs!"  I laughed while pointing at their eyes.

Sabay nila aking mahinang hinampas sa hita at sumabay din sa aking tawa.

Sa wakas, tumawa rin sila.

"Tara, uwi na tayo?" Masayang saad ko. Ngumiti sila sa akin ng kaunti at tumango.

WHEN saturday came, I was hurriedly fixing my flats as I run. 

I'm late! Why did I woke up late?! 

Nang madaanan ko ang kusina where my parents are having a breakfast, I greeted them and eventually left. 

Nagpahatid ako kay Tatay Lando sa Airport. Napagplanuhan kasi naming lima nila Wence, Tarius, Diancia, Luther, and me na salubungin si Kiara sa Airport bago ito umalis pero na-late ako ng gising.

I was patiently tapping my foot while biting my lower lip. Kanina pa rin tunog ng tunog ang cellphone ko pero hindi ko ito sinasagot.

Ayoko masermunan!

Mabuti na lamang ay hindi traffic kaya hindi nagtagal ay nakarating din ako sa Airport.

"Guys, I'm here!" I greeted them when I saw them. "Sorry! I overslept!" I exclaimed, huffing.

Sakto ring pagkadating ko ay ang pagtawag ng flight nila Kiara. Diancia began crying again, making Kiara's parents laugh.

"By the way, Mom, Dad…before we leave, I want to formally introduce to you my friends." Kiara flashed a small smile.

"This is Wence, Tarius, Luther, Diancia and Selenn." Tinuro niya kami isa-isa as she mention our names.

I waved at her parents. "Hi po! Ingat po kayo sa byahe!" I smiled.

Naging masaya ang saglit na pag-uusap namin ng mga magulang ni Kiara. Too bad, aalis na sila.

When Kiara turned her back at us, my tears started to flow like a river, falling one by one like a rain.

I closed my eyes and dried my cheeks when I felt a pair of arms hugged me. 

"L-Luther…"

"Hush, she'll come back. Stop crying…" he murmured. 

Kinulong niya ako sa kanyang bisig at buong puso ko naman iting tinanggap. Ibinaon ko ang aking mukha sa kanyang dibdib. Naamoy ko ang pabango nito.

Kiara…'till we see again.

I smiled.

But for now, susulitin ko muna iting yakap ni Xyrex. Magiging kerengkeng muna ako ngayon.