Dear Chase,

I don't know why I'm doing this. Maybe trying to feel better about the situation? Maybe seeing if you can actually read this (probably not)? Maybe hoping for a reaction, or an answer to all of this? I don't know.

It's been a week. We've all been depressed, and probably will be for a while. I mean... you were our best friend. You were my best friend. Maybe I didn't act like that, but you were. When you left, I... I felt like I lost a piece of me.

Just... why? Why did you do it? Why didn't you tell me about it? You helped me when I considered and attempted it. Why didn't you trust me to do the same? I would've helped. I wouldn't have told anyone else if you didn't want me to. I swear.

I... I can't do this anymore. I love you, Chase. I miss you. Please come back to me in any way you can.

~Aya

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On July 3, 2019, an angel was sent to heaven. Chase, my best friend since kindergarten, killed himself by hanging by a rope in his garage. On that same day, I was with my "play family" swimming at a rock quarry two hours away. It wasn't until the next day when I had found out about it through one of his other friends. The funeral was about four days after, and he was cremated.

It's been hard on me ever since. We were supposed to graduate high school together. I always envisioned him at my graduation party, at my 21st birthday party, at my wedding. Now I can just imagine myself crying at graduation when they get to the Ws and he's not there to walk down and take his diploma.

It's slowly getting easier, though. I know I have people on my side that will help me every step of the way. One of my teachers knows what's going on and has agreed to meet with me every Tuesday to just talk about whatever's on my mind. He even gave me a journal to write about anything I wanted. There's a lot to look forward to in my life, and those are the reasons why I'm still here.

There's one sentence that I've been telling myself over and over since that day: "I will never have Chase's fate." So far, it's been working. So when life gets hard, I'll remember his smile, and his laugh, and remember that he made a permanent solution to a temporary problem and I will not do the same.