I didn't know how lonely I had been...
Until I had him

Okay it's time to relinquish my pride and approach to the person I'm in love with.
Disconcertedly I shifted a bit to the front edge of my seat, straightened my posture. My heart frenzied. I cleared my throat. I took a glance, Neil is sitting, engrossed in reading the script. He was over there an empty chair away me and Raj sir walked towards Pooja to describe her the scene she would shoot next.

Taking a deep breath before I close my eyes, I swallowed in consternation gripping the table edge firm both sides. And then I perceived....

"I...could.....
May I have a little talk with you?
I mean......
You know what....
I mean....Please....look" I left my sentence unfinished, gulped and I slowly closed my eyes.

While talking to Neil the condition of my heart was something I had never experienced before. Not even when I told him I love you, for the first time. It's something pounding inside me extremely violent.

Not getting any response from his side. I opened my eyes very causiously, pirrotted my apprehensive gaze over his empty seat.... Yes his empty chair.

He has gone.

*********

Gnawing my lips my anxious gaze scanned around and then stopped at some spot. I spotted him. A heavy, grevious sigh blew out my chest staring at Neil.
He is few metres away me. Some journalist has gathered around them. They were interviewing him and Pooja, asking them about the upcoming episodes.

"One week more and he will be gone" I winched on my seat dissolving my state of daze, my eyes snapped at the person said these words. Raj Sir, threw me a vague, curved lips smile. In hiding my indomitable mayhem heart I appeared my facade impassive, focused back to the monitor in pretention being busy. I felt a huge lump in my throat along with my excruciating chest.

Yes I have totally forgotten, Neil will be leaving us soon.
My eyes slided back to his beaming face. His hands went up to Pooja's shoulder in a friendly gesture. He leaned his shoulder, his eyes danced jovially speaking something amusing to that lady reporter, I surmise. That reporter and her camera man chuckled in response to his words.

Nothing clearly audible their conversation from the spot I was, only there abrupt voices.

His fake charming smile none can detect. He is a great actor I must say.

See you know he is not in peace either. Heaving a long melancholy sigh my subconscious shook her head twice bereftly. And I felt a tear threatening to drop down at the corner of my eyes.

His hands stayed on the spot for few seconds around her shoulder, in return Pooja flashed him a broad smile, then Neil towed his hold away her and shoved them in his trousers pocket, straightened his posture.

Neil wore a black three piece suit, looking scorching handsome as always. That's his today's costume. Today they were shooting a flashback scene.

I tore my gaze away him, landed them at the distance then back to him. I'm surprised, surprised seeing him so much unfazed after what has happened between us. Don't he suppose to look sad a little! I again darted my eyes off him.
You may think of me battling concentrate on my work but it's just a battle to keep my mind straight not to think of him, us.

Not more than a minute passed but I have to frowned in response when Raj Sir made this statement "doesn't he look too much impassive these day!"

"Is there anything you want to share with me?" his brow scooted at me away the monitor screen. Sir waited for my reply. I blinked my eyes rapidly few times being jittery.

"Umm..." I'm in lost of words.

"You people are not fine! Are you??" His two brows knitted closer in doubt, he cocked his head to have a good view of my facade. My heart leaped.

I opened my mouth then close in search of a complete sentence for an answer but again I failed.

"I...umm...." I struggled with some neutral reply but ended with some vague syllable for my own good to appear inconspicuous. But sinked in despondent at the end.

"It's okay, you both are adult. I won't bother any of you. But sometimes you just can't sort out things of your own Avni. There should be someone you would need beside you, to help you to find the exit out of that conundrum or chaos whatever you say" blowing a deep, contemplated sigh Raj Sir patted my head and next moment darted his focus back on work. I held my gaze over him for a moment then blinked away.

And my chest puffed, blew out a heavy sigh I was holding, I did recognise just not when his hand slided off me. I know I need someone to talk about everything but not him, not Diya.

May be Rehaan. My subconscious raise her brow with a suggestive tone and I refrained not to admit she is right.

And then something unexpected, unforseen happened with me next hour that knocked the breath out of my chest.

Trust me.

I have tripped off and Neil Khanna on top of me. Crap.

Yes I have tripped off...and he is on top of me. My top tug down and my cleavage is on full view. God damn I have ample bust. I had a scream in my head but nothing came out my mouth. Double Crap.

His eyes didn't leave mine, mine didn't leave his. First few seconds they stood still then he dropped them on that voluptuous spot. Shameless.
His Adam apple jumped caused my anderline rush at his darkened gape. My mouth dried up, body taut, scalp prickled. His gaze swept through my neck to my lips then back right into my eyes. Holy god. I know this gaze. He is turned on. Neil Khanna is turned on. My subconscious did arabesque across the spot.
Now it's time for me to swallow harder.

His body contact, intensified gaze sending me shiver after shiver all through my veins. A stubborn lump from no where appeared in my throat.
Is he genuinely aloof of this effect or he is doing it purposely. Would he go off me anytime soon or he is enjoying this way.

My head is in chaos.

He is enjoying the view love! It's been long time he has sucked you, he must be dying to get a good grip of your assets. My subconscious gave a contemptuous grin and my heart leaped, I felt a hot breath down there. Ooh so hot.

Wait how did I trip!

Forget it. Concentrate. Neil is on top of you and you can have him if you slide down your ego an explicable step down and grab him by his face and....

Shut up that mouth of gutter you bitch. I snapped at the little voice in my head.

I have tried and he chose to walk away. I'm never going to talk to him after this incident.

Wait I was striding forward with my eyes downcast I was in rage strangling him repeatedly in my head and suddenly a figure came in front of me from no where and next moment we are on the ground with a thud. That figure is no one else in this whole world but Neil. The man I'm hating right now and loving at the same time.

What rubbish I'm talking. Did my head hit on the concrete? Is that the reason I'm talking all piffle. Have my brain got internal swat by the fall?

I would kill this hotshot of mine. I muttered defiantly. My teeth never gritted this violent before.

Hotshot! Like seriously Avni. My subconscious stifled a laugh and I felt tickle.

Tickle!

Wait.

Ouch! ouch! my back. It's hurting.

And his hand under my head, protecting me not to get my head thwack on the ground by this unanticipating fall and get hurt.

Silence.

It's my imagination. Okay! He is not keeping me safe, nor he intended to.

He is. A little voice in my brain asserted dreamily. And she is the most irritating among this superfluous conspicuous scene.

Bloody hell.

His finger quivered on a dangerous spot at the back of my neck and I felt tickle.

His finger moved tenderly over my back. My breath caught my throat.

Didn't he tell me to stay10 feet away him!

Neil

So ladies what did you think? I would make her jealous and she will be mine!

Ooh c'mon...Aren't these stuffs a bit outdated these days. Apparently it is.

And now what do you think? How did she fall down?

Think.

Think.You people are smart enough.

Yes I tricked her to stumble and she toppled. Purposely I did it to her so that I can take a look of her face that close. It's been a couple of days passed I have touched her, seen her this close. It took me some homongous spiritual power of self-control not to nibble her lips with mine. Run my tongue down her throat to her cleavage. My hand was itching to pull off her that round neck mauve top over her head and devour my mouth in her bosoms until my heart doesn't get adequate of it. I swear.

It's Just an imperceptible way to show her.....

To show her...

She miss me. So I am.

I threw an askew glance over her, saw Avni stepping this way, her gaze on the ground and I can't miss that opportunity.
I pretend to be busy talking to Nisha ,a crew member I took few quick back steps. And my planned succeeded when suddenly reaching close to her our steps crossed over eachother.

And the result is just in front of everyone.

I'm on top of my girl.

Just like my dream every night.

It has gripped back my repentant, desolate mood after talking to my Mom last night. She is really my breath giver in all sence. She actually knows how to dissolve worst me. Another lady I don't want to figure out, what would be my life without her, My Mom.

Let her decided Tillu what she want. Emotions are very delicate, intricate. We just can't force anyone to trust us, love us. End of the day it's up to her, free all the spaces as broad as you can for her to choose between what she would believe and what she won't. This was my lovely Mom's little advice to me over my presently messed up love life.

I would. let. her. decide. But not leaving out of my sight.

***

Suffice of being cosy cosy. It's time to get up.

And with this thought next second I jerked up my body off her. I turned the opposite side Avni was. My lips curved a conceited smirk before I forwarded my steps to amble farther that spot.

How's that my little bachha! Have you enjoyed!

Avni

And that hubristic, incorrigible piece of lofty jerk abruptly got up off me like I'm some contaminated virus lying on the ground and he had to stay away as far as me. With his countenance indecipherable he nonchalantly swaggered away dusting his trouser and shirt.

That bull dog.

Dd moved forward, extended his hand to get me stand. His expression solitious but I dodged him and got up my own with a jolt, dusted the invisible dirt off my clothes. I don't need any male's help to get on my feet. I can be steady by my own.

Before DD had thrown me a nonpluss frown in response of my behavior towards him, I'm out of his sight.

Bloody Men. Hate you.

Only Adi, Raj Sir and Rehaan out of this traitor group. I muttered in my head.

*******

"Hi babe" as soon as I opened the door to my room on the way to emerge down the hall Diya's voice came up, she greeted walking out of her room.

"Hello" I replied dryly.

"Why don't you invite Neil to join us this Sunday? Rehaan was asking for him." She beamed, stated coherently then walked past me. Diya plopped her back on the couch, grabbed a cushion landed it on her lap. Her legs extended over the centre table. She peered up at me for a reply.

"Don't ever take his name in this house. That chapter is over. We broke up" my voice castigating and Diya halted, quietly pulled down her limbs off the table, looked at me as if she has got news of world war. As my peripheral vision noticed her move.

"Avni" her voice tentative like a whisper and I felt like assassinating someone.

"And he is a bulldog, a cheater, rhino and zebra" my tone berated.

"What!!!" her face wrinkled in shock when I marched past the spot and thud my back on the couch beside her. My teeth gnashed, my facade straight.

"Zebra because he changes colour. Yes he does. Black and white. White and black" my chest up and down in hostile. A soft cushion on my lap under my tenacious clutches, in envisioning disembowel a man.

"Avni. Have you lost it!" Diya crossed her arms below her chest, scowled.

"Yes I'm" I paused, sucked a harsh breath and resumed.

"Lost my boyfriend. And now I'm dealing with a Leo. Definitely he is. That supercilious jerk" I snarled through my exasperation and had my friend winched by my aggravated words.

Diya

"It is him who kissed someone else.
God damn not me....how could he...." Avni growled venomously, couldn't complete, her eyes teary. I discarded the distance between us with a swift move, engulfed her in a hug. Her muffled voice came through my neck. "I hate him. I so love him D. It's hurt..." She mumbled, her voice cracked. Second time in two days she is in tears. I have hardly seen her cried. What the hell is going on!

A deep frown grew on my face I freezed on that spot while my grip absent-mindedly stroke at the back of her head in comforting her down.

Did I hear it right? Neil kissed someone? What?

My face wrinkled, I couldn't help next moment my chest exhaled abhorrent.
If this is true I swear you Neil Khanna.

My jaw clenched, I felt something revengeful shifted inside me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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