Avni

When it's real you can't walk away.

I wish I could have curtailed my heartache. I wish I could have forbore the heartbreak he has caused me.

Everything is inscrutable around me, the people, this moment, this hour, the pain. Nothing able to wane anymore. Only the agony, the woe will suffuse.

I felt halves in my lungs, in my heart. They are bleeding.

Would I ever circumvent his presence around me? Is this heartbreak going to be incessant?

Oh god my heart can't bear this pain.

My body trembled stifling an unrestrained sob while my cheeks drenched in tears. I shook my head vigorously biting my lips. I can't break down, not here. This is my work place I can't shard into some easeless, fragile, soppy teenager in heartbreak.

This is nothing new to me that I haven't experienced before. I know how it feels when a heart breaks.

I had it, the first was when I got to know my Mom is not going to come back to me. She can't.
I had_that day when I realised my Dad would never keep his promise, attend any of my school events, ever.

Myriad of emotion aggravating my heart to blast. Why this time I am struggling to breath; there is a ripping ache inside my chest! My throat carrying some huge excruciating lump! I can't breathe.
Never felt before, the pain I'm suffering from. Not even the day I got to know my Mamma is dead when I was only seven.

Suffice of gloating over my melancholy state in my work place.

I ponderously wiped my face with the help of my sleeves, there was a cumbersome sigh blew out my chest, earned me straightened up my face. My visage determined, I have assembled back my strength I was loosing sobbing over that heartbreaker Neil Khanna.

I left the spot before someone could have noticed my absence, come in search of me and then see me in wreck.

That's how I got back, resumed the day.

It's gonna be a long day.

Neil

What I have with you
I don't want it with anyone else

Yes I don't want with anyone else. Only her.
I roughly scrubbed my palms over my face, my head hunched backward. I looked up at the ceiling. Only I know how the day I passed not talking to my love.

Why Avni!

For once you could have asked, for an explanation.

It was too much of panting, originated by my loyalty to the lady I'm so much in love with. My fabric less entirety was under the shower, the cold water cascading over my body creating burning sensations inside me with those thin streamlets travelling down my chest. I'm drowning into grief for throwing some unspoken challenge on her way not to show up closer me, while insomuch as I know I'm no way gonna survive a day without seeing her, talking to her.

My muscles flexed, I pushed my hair away my forehead. My face downcasted, eyes closed.

Love!! This gonna be worst of me.

How could she turn deaf ear my all entreaties before her! How could she shrug off my love, dedication just in a finger snap_
that any outsider could come and shake the foundation of our relationship. Is it this fragile, this shallow? Didn't she ever see how much I'm into her since the day I confessed! My heart twitched reminiscing that day.

It's hurtful when you love someone but fails to express the depth you have in your heart for that person.

I so wanted to call and spat on Simran Raichand for messing up with me. But then it will be an act of more like giving her a cue to get some pure sense of my misery. There is no way I'll let her flattered in complacent, she wouldn't get any clue of the confrontation,(me and Avni) roused between us because of her.
Superfluous it would be, to get into any contact with that preposterous woman.

I wish I could have prevented this ill feeling out my chest....

Wrapping the towel around my waist I exited the washroom.

My ph rang. I took a look at the caller ID and received the call immediately.

"Yes Mom"

*******

Diya was leaning to the kitchen counter other side at the back. Her solicitous gaze was over her bestie. Avni was turned opposite to her, sniffing. Her each snuffle causing terse winch to her upper body. It's quite apparent she is silently weeping in disguise of onion chopping.

When Avni came back home Diya was there on the couch scrolling her ph seeping her favourite drink coffee, she made a minute back before Avni emerged inside the house.

When her ears went alert by the sound of the keys juggling outside at the door her eyes whirled, they landed on the spot she saw Avni. Her gaze didn't fail to notice her bestie's crestfallen visage over the hall.
Discreetly Diya pulled her body upright and sat straight, her forehead grew a deep frown waiting for her bestie to greet her but instead bringing her gaze at Diya Avni shoved the keys inside her sling, her face impassive, straight towards the dinning.

Finally Avni noticed her and threw a faint smile on the way she trudged to the refrigerator. Silently she grabbed a bottle out of the freezer, took a small gulp, put it down on the dinning table and next moment She thumped on the chair beside.

And that was it, the moment she felt a concern tug over her shoulder she couldn't hold back anymore her shoulder shook in stiffle sob hugging Diya tightly with all her strength.

Diya squatted down to her level and Avni poured her heart out on her shoulder she was holding the entire day on the set.

"Shhhh....It's okay Avi. Calm down. Everything will be fine... uncle will be fine...he is already...out of danger now" Her words wheedled. Diya brushed her fingers over Avni's hair, rubbed palm on her back soothing her bestie, before Avni pulled away. Diya's words brought her weep with a brusque halt. Avni swallowed a huge sob down her chest, wiped her face using her palm. Her forehead creased staring at her flat mate, the girl always been there for her in her worst days.

"Adi had messaged me the day before yesterday...he said me to take care of you until they see you next week" Diya coaxed, took Avni's confounded tears strained face in between her palms delicately.

A pale, inconspicuous smile spread in her eyes by her confidante D's words. Avni frowned her fathomless gaze at Diya. Diya curved her lips in a thin smile assuring Avni, she beckoned through her soft gaze_everything will be fine.

*******

And it was an hour back incident. Avni came out from her room all freshen up, walked to the kitchen and started cutting the salad they will have for dinner.

Her chest swelled up, heart elated, it's feel like the entire zoo doing whirlwind inside her stomach when that security guy informed her of Neil's arrival at her place next after she left with Raj Sir this morning.

It was an hour before she came across that security guy on her way back home, inside the compound her building is.

Her face heated up, she inwardly quirmed. Before her heart would have fattened being gratify by the news she got contemplating Neil's arrival her mind retrieved her back to the present.

And then it comes the part that earned her body taut, alluded her entire attention to that guy who less deliberately proclaimed Neil's arrival last night.

"Neil sir had waited few minutes outside the main gate, probably might have he had dozed off in his car by any chance waiting for you to arrive..
After waiting for him to wake up of his own near about half an hour we were about to call him, tentative about to wake him up but luckily before us he woke, drove through the gate and got inside" that security guy implicitly informed with a smile in a manner super casual as if just letting someone know an incident happened very usual. And he next dismissed himself, ambled to his spot.

Avni stood there for few minutes registering his words in her dishevelled brain (since last night) Her heart expedited knowing it's all real, nothing was a dream. Neil came, tried clarifying her,stayed with her, holding her the entire night. Then the scenes last night as clear as water sequentially flashed in her eyes from the very starting_how she badly treated him not to give him a single chance to expound his side of clarification, how she kept her behaviour intractable, tormented him with her contemptible remarks. Lastly how she talked distasteful to him this afternoon.

Evidently If he wouldn't have had come back then how could she have got her phone with her this morning when it was with him all the night.

Ofcourse he came. Neil came, her love had come to sort out things with her. But she as bountiful stubborn, obtuse as always didn't let him speak to her. How could she appear this stone-hearted, vindictive when he is the one who kept persistently clarify her!

Avni

And so now that's how the result is, he has grown exceedingly disgruntled, incensed with me this noon.

But the best part is, he was with me last night..after we fought.
After I spat on him.

Before I feel cathartic, assuage, today flashed in my mind.

Oh god I messed up. I really messed up this time, With the man I love the most in this absolute world. My Neil.

And immediately then my eyes widened, breath constricted inside my chest when I recalled those exact words he said being extreme anguish over my cantankerous, aloofness to his efforts, before he pursued his day, shooting.

Oh Avni you hurt him so much.

This much that you can't just call him and sort everything. This time things have become quite impervious, insurmountable. It's no more effortless as passable, volatile as most of the time you people get into. My subconscious whinned with all her heart.

It's succinct, you are at the edge this time. A voice in my head asserted further.

My hands slammed over, cupped my mouth. I barreled to the elevator. I'm again sobbing. This time helpless of being my own superfluous obstinate self. Sometimes Adi says right about me. I create certain unnecessary fusses to myself where only I suffers the most from the beginning to the end. Usually it continues, hardly placate.

And disconsolately getting inside the house on my way to my room Diya saw my face and figured out the venerable sight of mine because of my Dad's health issue few days ago when she was in some outdoor shoot location out of city.
It's quite obvious my crony would think this way, when I haven't spill to her my current state.

It's not for onion chopping my eyes are all teary. It's my helplessness, reprehension of ownself flowing down my cheeks.

My heart at fault incriminating, condensing inside. And I have no courage to show that to my bestie few steps behind me standing at the kitchen counter. Because I'm abashed. Abashed for going barmy.

*Next day at shoot*

Main usey bahut pyaar karti hu
.........Ek din k liye nahi
Ek pal k liye nahi
Zindagi bhar k liye
I love you Arjun
I love you
I love you

He is smiling, his eyes teary. He stretched his hands, gestured, induced her to come closer him and the same did Pooja, Smiling with her tearful eyes she threw herself on his chest. His hold tightened around her, he buried his face in her hair.

'Cut' Raj Sir shouted. Neil and Pooja broke the hug, parted.

And I flinched on my seat beside Sir. My eyes were on monitor but my mind was in daze. I wish I could have said him the same_

I love him very much
.......Not for one day
or for one moment
......But for my entire life
I love you Neil
I love you
I love you

My eyes fell on him, his austere gape already over mine sent a skittish shiver down my spine. My throat dried up, I swallowed hard before I tore away my gaze.

Later I ousted a smile at Dd when inadvertently my eyes fell on him frowning at me from afar. In response his frown subdued Dd gave me a smile miniscule merry, more pitiful.

My gaze whisked back to Neil. Who is now enthralled in reading, his face glacial, eyes on script. His shoulder square, leaning against the chair backrest. He is looking so formidable.

Should I talk to him?
Now?

Humsafar har safar mein teri hee
Kami hai....
Dil tera hee to hai mere hadd ki zameen...
Hamdard tu dard se mere vakif nahi hai...
Qareeb aa dekh tu aankhon kee nami....

~~~~~~~~~~

Raise your hands who are confounded not getting the ideas about the upcoming updates yet!

Ooh c'mon guys that's my inscrutable intensions not to give you a miniscule idea about what would be the updates further.

However I can promise, you will enjoy reading all those forthcoming chapters. So enjoy.

Love MoN 💕