I'm sitting beside my windowsill and listening to the raindrops falling to the ground.

Just like the teardrops that I couldn't cry.

Because I can't cry anymore...I'm already too tired to do it.

The past year has changed me- Raymond- so much; all because of a guy- Bradley.

A man that I thought I would spend my whole life in happiness, but now I am grieving and coping because of the pain he gave me.

Just 6 months ago, I was such a happy and successful guy, with a life that lots of people would be jealous of: I'm a stylist for BLANC & Eclair - one of the most popular brand on the other side of the world, owned by my sister Jessica "Sooyeon" Jung- when I'm only 17 myself; the leader of the Student Ambassadors back in my school- Seoul International School, and most importantly, one of the best students in academics and performing arts.

My life was perfect, until the day he showed up.

We met during an opening party of my sister's new summer collection in Los Angeles, and I was attracted to that man at first sight.

He has olive skin and flat-top blonde hair, blue eyes and a tall, muscular build.

His smile could made everyone's heart flutter. Including me.

So I said hello to him, and we exchanged phone numbers.

He gave it to me, with a smile and a wink.

I remembered sparks were flying during those moments...

And we talked. We became friends. We hang out like friends.

Then it's more than friends, with those whispering and his warm breath on my ears. And those eyes keep making me lose my mind.

And I thought it was just only a fling.

Afterwards, it wasn't "just a fling".

I've fallen for him. Without looking back and see where I'm falling to.

But I kept it silent, until one day when we were walking in Hollywood that Bradley asked me:

-Uhm... Raymond?

-Yeah?- I turned around, with melted chocolate and whipping cream marks on my lips. Oh these churros are messy...

And when I faced him, he held my hand, and asked:

-Will you...um...go out with me?

For the first time in my life, I blushed like never before.

My mind was spinning, and my heart was melting apart.

And our eyes locked.

We kissed.

And I agreed to go out with him.

At first, things is exactly like a dream come true: we have all heated make-out sessions,the cuddles and the romantic moments like what normal couples would do. And it made my mind blur.

I never had anyone aside from my own family who likes me and treats me that way before.

It made me felt so...special. And his way of treating was perfect.

So perfect that I got drunk in that love liquor.

You know, when you wake up after a night of just drinking and getting wild, the first feeling you would have is utter pain. So much pain that you can't even think right.

And that was what happened to me.

When we return to Seoul (I discovered that we study in the same school), a scandal that happened to my sister Jessica pops out. And supposedly, I became the target of the press, all because I'm her younger brother.

And start from then, I have to conceal my identity, which didn't made Bradley happy.

He would never listen to my explanations on why did I have to do that, and he started to insult me.

We fought. But I love him way too much to realize who he had became now.

The man I used to love has gone, made way for the bitter, possessive Bradley to rise.

Those days became days when I became his mannequin; when I became the pawn of the chess board and let Bradley controlled my life.

I had let him insulted me in the worst way possible.

But one day, I couldn't take anymore insults and slapped him hard. That was the only time when I was that mad. And unfortunately, the press got everything on record.

And that day was the day when I finally learned who Bradley really is.

He played the victim card and accused me of being mean to him.

And that was the day when hell starts to break out.

Those days were really days when I couldn't talk to anyone, because they would avoid me at any cost. It's just like I was some kind of plague or virus to them.

Days gone by when I couldn't ask for fairness because it would cause more trouble to our family, who had already have to fix Jessica's scandal and it got our own lives harder than ever.

Days when I was a mannequin, and the public just put on me an ugly dress of fake accuses, lies and blaming, all from the man that I used to love.

The time when everyone hates me and they started to talk crap about me.

Like "Oh Raymond is a jerk." or "Why would Jessica and Krystal have such a bully like that to be their younger brother?" and those related things.

And none of them were true.

In that time, the only thing I would ever wanted that someone would listen to me. For just once.

I was so lost...I was hopeless...

And a lot of times, I had an unexplainable urge of cutting myself.

But I didn't do it. I kept on enduring, and hearing nonsense, hoping for it to stop, although I knew at heart that it is a faraway dream.

And that continued until one day. The day that I never forget that it would happen at the edge of hope.

It was just a normal morning, with the sun shining, said to the world that winter has arrived at Christmas is at the corner, along with the mid-terms.

But my merry mood had already gone all weary

I pushed the door and started walking inside the school's main building, expected to hear slurs and insult and pushings and such again.

But no.

At the first moment I get into the school, there was an applause and cheering for me was audible everywhere.

People praised me like I was a hero.

They found out the truth about how Bradley mistreated me.

It was all over the news. And it's because my best friend had decided to speak up for me.And once they know about the truth, their attitude changed completely:

"Good job matey!"

"Stay strong Raymond!"

"Go Ray!"

That was some sentences I heard. But there was no apology from anyone for the past months that I have to go through. Along with the terrible things that they did to me.

But I forgive them.

I don't get mad at them for all those times.

What's past is past, and always will be.

I walked inside the building, full of cheering and praising.

But I'd never expected another thing to happen.

Standing in front of my locker was Bradley, his hair all messed up, bags underneath his eyes and his victorious smile had disappeared.

He begged me for forgiveness. Such pity.

But I still forgave him.

It's not because I'm touched by his words once again. I am just so tired when I have to keep so much hatred in my heart.

Afterwards, Bradley thanked me, and promised me that I'll never see him again.

Then he left the school, with a bitter smile.

My mind got relieved when his figure disappeared into the busy streets of Seoul... He walked out of my life, like nothing had happened before between us...

It has been 3 months since that day happened. I'm still slowly coping through the pain that Bradley left for me.

The mannequin of my own life had got back its own beautiful dress of a fresh start.

But it still missing an accessory.

Something called love.

And I will keep on searching for that true beautiful color, no matter how hard it is to find it, or how painful it is to wear it.

I deserve to be happy.

I will be happy...

-The End-