Chapter 65

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Lena and Finn walked back outside. The sky was brighter, yet clouds were not all dispelled and patchy drizzle still coated the lands with tints of moody sage-green where the sun did not reach. But where it did reach, soggy grass was glittering in rich, luminous colors, and the lake's surface was now visible in all its elegance and marvel. The water reflected the blues gifted by the sunrays in the atmosphere, and the smidgen of fog that was left to cover the banks carried a soft shade of yellow.

Finn brought Lena to the back of the cabin, the other side of the broken windows, where their feet stopped at the crumbly brink of the cliff. Taken over by amazement, Lena was so brave as to walk another step to let her eyes travel to the lake below.

Finn stretched out his arm and held onto her hand. "Don't go too close. You don't want to slip."

A few stones of gravel broke off beneath Lena's boots and fell until they hit the water soundlessly.

"Yeah, that wouldn't be fun."

"It really is not."

"Don't tell me you've jumped from here," Lena's pulse quickened when she imagined falling.

"It was more of an involuntary push."

"You're kidding! Who pushed you?"

"Blake."

"Of course it was him. Is that how friends bond on Kepler?" she said with sarcasm.

"Nope, just his attempt to get my mind off things. But the lake is not what I wanted to show you. Look up."

Where a crater of saturated blue tore the fierce black clouds apart, the sky was crystal clear. It looked like a world upside down, cracked open, creating two sides of equal force. And then she saw it. Against the giant palette of gray, an arc, kaleidoscopic and pellucid, bent in flair and grace. Like a bridge between earth and heaven; a performance of reds and yellows, greens and purples, and a million other colors in between. A rainbow, a work beyond art, brought promise to a mizzling Sunday.

"What is that?" Lena gasped with pure adoration.

"It's a rainbow," Finn laughed, focusing on Lena's hand rather than nature's spectacle.

"A rainbow? Absurd! What is it really?"

"I wasn't joking. Rainbow is what it's called."

"What is it with you people? Always choosing the very saddening words for the most beautiful things."

"Don't tell me that. I didn't invent the word," Finn laughed again. "It's called 'rainbow' because rain is usually involved in the creation process; water molecules need to be in the air to bend light like that."

"If we named everything after their scientific recipe, the world would sound pretty bleak, don't you think."

"What would you call it then?"

Spellbound by the rainbow's perfect curvature, she could only shrug and say, "Maybe something like soul-smile?"

"But it's frowning," said Finn with a playful chuckle.

"That is a matter of perspective," she said cheerfully.

"And why the soul part?" Finn asked, smiling, tugging her gently to remove her heels from the verge of falling. She turned and grinned up at his eyes.

"If I can begin to imagine what our souls would look like; this is it."

Raindrops had desisted from falling when they found their topic's ending, and just as they did, clouds were lifting, leaving no barrier between the glaucous mere and boundless cerulean dome aloft.

It was only noon when they walked the bank of the lake, calmly, discussing silly facts like space smelling like steak. The gravel was crunching under their feet as they strolled between the crag and scree. No one could have punched the smiles out of their faces.

Finn still felt the touch of her lips upon his own, and Lena had the scent of his cologne sitting in her nose, causing her stomach to flutter with each breath. Though they did not mention the kiss, both were replaying it in their minds, over and over, until they reached the water and Finn said—

"Do you want to go for a swim?"

"You know I can't swim," she reminded him, looking at the moving image of pebbles as small waves brushed over them.

The water was clear as glass and its refreshing appearance became more alluring the longer she stared at its glimmering surface. She could only wonder what treasures lay beneath it.

"We can just dip our feet then. How about it?"

Lena's hair was still damp but the sun had parched her clothes almost directly. The day was hot and humid. Even the rocks that were flooded by heavy rainfall earlier were now dry and chalky, and leaves in the trees did not rustle, for there was no breeze to shake them.

The cotton lycra of Lena's black leggings heated and stung her thighs, and her skin was not yet used to the increase of solar radiation emitted by the sun. Shade was what she needed, the lake, however, looked much more appealing. Be that as it may, Lena refused to do as much as touch the water. Her drastic shake of the head evinced that her ordeal of drowning was a memento from Boreas which she was still haunted by.

Finn did not often see Lena plagued by a burden, but when she was, he obligated himself to take that pain away and uplift her. After all, she always found the right words to say when fear would tyrannize his spirit, which was a gracious personality trait and a gift, to say the least, but it made him feel like a failure when it came to his own ability to cheer up others.

He wanted to be there for her, inspire her the way she inspired him, but he understood how difficult it truly was to take another's demons away. Some fears could defeat the strongest desire. And without desire, there would be nothing to inspire strength.

"It's okay if you don't want to," Finn smiled. "But can I tell you something?"

"Given your introverted personality phases, I encourage you to tell me anything you wish to tell me."

"I'm not introverted," Finn said and pondered. "Am I?"

"You're not extroverted."

"That makes me an ambivert."

"It makes you a know-it-all," Lena laughed. "What were you saying?"

Finn rolled his eyes at her and smirked. "I wanted to tell you about the scariest time of my life."

"Can I guess?"

"Are you going to mock me?"

"Maybe," she tittered.

"Now listen," said Finn and made her look at him. Both could not stash away their boyish grins. "It was when Arrakis held a gun to my head."

Her smile went out like a candle flame in the wind. "Because you knew you were going to die?"

"No. At that moment, I thought nothing in regards to myself. I was scared because you were in danger and there was nothing left I could do to save you. I have been scared for you, many times, but never, when you were with me, was I scared of any matter in the world or anything regarding myself. We could be chased, we could be caught, but with you, I was never really scared. You could give me the strength to do anything I've fought shy of. However, when you are not with me, the world feels different. I'd be scared to never see you again. It is my greatest fear."

"So your greatest fear is not fire? I've been wanting to know since Genus Terr—I mean Demeter."

"No. It's losing you."

"Well mine is still water," she giggled, Finn pushed her lightly. "I'm kidding!"

Her giggle transformed into a lighthearted snicker and she furled her hands around his arm to save her balance. She did not let go after that but moved one hand when Finn laced their fingers together.

"If you ever decide that you want to go swimming, I'll be here to hold and protect you," he promised and was given a soft smile in exchange.

"I think you should leave," she said when the smile had faded.

Finn felt a sudden debility overcome his knees. He lost the feeling in his legs and was surprised that he was still standing on his own. "W—what?"

"Your father is probably looking for you. The longer you're gone, the worse it'll be to face him. I think you should go."

"I can't leave you," he said, still recovering from the false idea that she no longer wanted him around.

"But don't you want to go home?"

"Can you desire something that you already have?" He interlocked his other hand with her free hand and spoke softly, "Home can be so much more than just a place. Lena, wherever you are, as long as I'm with you, I'll call it home."

Tears filled her eyes, and Finn thought he had done something wrong. He wanted to apologize, but he wasn't sure what for.

"I think I've told an untruth," she said and looked up to him. There was a smile on her face, yet her eyes were drowning in tears. "On Demeter, I told you that if I ever lost what I desired most, I'd simply search for something new. But Finn, what I desire most in the entire universe only exists once, and if it left, I'd follow. Even to death."

Finn's hand cupped her wet cheek. His thumb wiped the tear. "For as long as you want me to stay, I won't choose to leave."

"Hey, that's my promise!" She mocked, still occupied by emotions.

"Which you broke, by the way."

"When you told me to stay away? On Boreas? I couldn't leave you, I—"

"I'm just teasing," he said, smiling from ear to ear.

"Have you?"

"What?"

"Have you broken your promise?" She asked, her voice sounding slightly nervous, but Finn shook his head immediately.

"No. I haven't lied to you. Not since I promised not to. And believe me, that wasn't easy. I'm not the most—how can I say—trustworthy person. I'd like to think that I'm loyal, but there is no way around it; I did steal a space vehicle and then left my crew behind on Boreas."

"You are loyal. You did it to save others. If anything, you're heroic. You did it not for yourself."

"But I did," he interrupted and looked at the pine trees on the other side of the lake. Too ashamed to look at her, he continued, "At the beginning at least. Becoming a KSP intern, breaking into the building, running away—I did all that for myself. I thought if I could find the truth, I could find happiness. I was acting extremely selfish, and like a fool, I chased the wrong dream."

"So you didn't find all the answers. But did you find happiness?"

"Find it?" His eyes fell back to Lena. "I already had it. I searched everywhere when all I had to do was open my eyes. Since the day I met you, I've had happiness, but I was so obsessed with my theories, that I was blind, too blind to see it. And I'm really sorry it took me so long to grasp that."

"No, don't be sorry. I'm happy that you're happy."

"You know, Pluviam was already a miserable planet, but with your departure, they lost the one good thing they had."

"You're cute," she said and blushed quicker than she could turn her body.

Finn walked around her to see the cheeks she tried to cover. "Don't hide your face," he said and removed her hand. "Nothing is more adorable than your flushed cheeks."

She looked at him and found that he had blushed as well. And not a tint less than her, but unlike Lena, Finn embraced it.

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