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𝕂𝕖𝕪:
ℂ - 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟 𝕀'𝕞 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕗 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 - 𝕖𝕩 𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕 - 𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕤 𝕙𝕖/𝕙𝕚𝕞
𝔹 - 𝕓𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕  𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕤 𝕤𝕙𝕖/𝕙𝕖𝕣
ℍ - 𝕒 𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕 - 𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕤 𝕙𝕖/𝕙𝕚𝕞
ℙ𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕤 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕤 𝕀'𝕞 𝕒𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞 𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕠 𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕙

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ℙ𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕠𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕡𝕙𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕞𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕘𝕖𝕤 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕓𝕖 𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕜𝕖𝕖𝕡 𝕡𝕖𝕠𝕡𝕝𝕖 𝕚𝕟𝕧𝕠𝕝𝕧𝕖𝕕 𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕪𝕞𝕠𝕦𝕤 𝕒𝕤 𝕀 𝕕𝕠 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕤𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕤 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕥

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This rant is about consent and boundaries if your uncomfortable with the themes of consent and boundaries being discarded don't read.

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So I'm in collage and I take a course which requires us to flim for some units, media. And when the term started I had clicked really well with C and B, our personalities just clicked and I was really happy because we all got along great, beginning of the term projects went really well and that was when I started to be friends with H who was in our group aswell.

Everything was going well we were choose eachother for group work and we're efficient about our work, we planned everything out.

And then came the part of the unit where we needed to flim to show something and the four things we need to do is a music video, TV advert, a film noir and a horror film.

You know, should be easy, should be fun to do.

Oh how wrong I was.

You see I had consented to being a love intrest to C's character in the film noir idea only. And I thought I was only a love intrest in that.

A week or two before we where meant to film the horror is when I find out I'm meant to be an evil spirit which I didn't know before then which felt little unfair and unprofessional to not tell me my role for it, which I was annoyed at naturally but I just played it off as if I was fine with it, joking because in all honesty I was fine with playing the evil spirit named Rosemary. Afterall I did like the name and playing the antagonist is something I'm good at.

However something odd happened when we were filming the advert a week before I had found out about my role in the horror movie.

Me, C and B were all playing truth or dare. H wasn't there because he was ill. And C asked a questions to me about romantic relationships, my type and if I was intrested in anyone, those types of questions which had put me a little bit on edge because it felt weird and is weird for someone to dive deeper into that topic.

It's a bit weird for C to ask those questions when he's 18, B is 17 nearly 18 as well and I'm 16 years old at this current moment, I don't turn 17 until December. So yeah it was weird for someone classed as an adult in my country to ask me that. (I'm British btw)

And then, then I had to find out myself that C had made Rosemary, an evil spirit as his love intrest.

Without my consent, without asking me if I was okay with our characters being love intrests. And, and that made me feel unsafe and scared about it.

H was meant to be the director of the horror movie, and me and B didn't like the roles and actions C had somewhat forcefully gave us because of how he had wanted it to go, B's character was going to die, and she wasn't comfortable acting dead and I didn't like that Rosemary, the character I was going to play had a love intrest, it didn't suit for how I planned her character, her backstory, her personality, a alive love intrest would never work for her, she would need someone as twisted and dead as her. And H agreed to the changes, since me and B where uncomfortable with it.

However when me and B confronted C in person about it, to get C to compromise with us and listen to us however our hope was crushed by him still being too stubborn, not caring for how I think nor B thinks. What really surprised me because C and B have been friends for a year before me and H joined the friend group. And it felt insulting

All throughout this C took my consent away from me, nearly forced me to act as his love intrest, I felt violated, unsafe, uncomfortable around him because how easy he discarded my feelings, my consent, my boundaries as if I was simply not a person to him anymore.

It felt disgusting on how he treated B aswell.

Where was H in all of this? He was trying his best to be the peace keeper in all of this, he agreed with me and B but I just think he was nervous or uncomfortable talking to C about it. I don't blame H for that.

And before H was in the room when we were filming apart of it. C had admitted that Rosemary was from one of his solo projects, that his Rosemary's personality, backstory was set in stone and that I had no right to change it to my adaption, I felt uncomfortable with it.

And then when me and B where in the bathroom as I was changing back into my clothes and out of costume. When B told me that C did stuff like this similar last year to a girl she kept anonymous, and that a fake kiss scene was planned out and C discarded that and french kissed that girl, she was luckily able to move groups away from C. And C had confessed to B five times that year, even when B had rejected him every time. So we were joking that he was trying to use me to fulfil his weird spirit fantasies, which the thought made me uncomfortable and that he liked me (well not anymore thank god).

And then came the weekend and when me and B decided to state our changes and our uncomfort to C on a group chat the four of us have. B decided they were going to state it, the new idea and demands we have so then we were comfortable in the group, and I had added and talked about my consent.
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Copied off my message:

I'm also going to add me consenting to be a love intrest for one project and idea does not mean I consent to being a love intrest in other stuff, I would of liked being asked if I wanted to be a love intrest for the horror because doing it behind my back makes me uncomfortable and unwilling to do the project
Or for any project anyways I'd rather be asked if I'm comfortable with certain stuff like playing a role of the love intrest
Before it is apart of the plot because that's just uncomfortable for me and I don't want to be told what my character is when we're all meant to work together and make compromises with one another
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H and B agreed with me and how that it will be that way in the future, me and B had hope that C would respect our feelings, B's feelings about her character actions and my feelings about my consent being thrown around and being ignored.

We weren't met with that. C had out right refused to go with the suggested compromises where he had basically said in these bullet points.

- Rosemary is from one of his projects

- how he created the story for the horror movie and H was only the director so C had the say over the horror movie and how H was pleased with the shots we took

- how he would have only agreed to those changes if we didn't go ahead and put the changes as idea 2 on the document we were working on (even though we were meant to put every idea we had for the project down as part of the course work)

- used our teacher's approval of our plots for the four mini projects to tell us we aren't allowed to change the ideas this late - since we were meant to film the next day - and stated we had to stick to had been planned

- practically discarded B's feelings about their insecurity of acting, especially acting dead and said that B had to do the actions of her character

- and then told me that Rosemary was characterised in a way that she could have a love intrest for the horror, comedy in his mind, which had completely disregarded my consent and boundaries

Overall he had refused and made excuses to not welcome those changes.

B had then pointed out this is meant to be a group project and that we all needed to agree to plots, characters, relationships and storyline together and make compromises.

And I started to feel unsafe, uncomfortable, frustrated because my consent was being thrown around like a spec of dust, that C didn't care how I felt, how B felt.

And I snapped saying I would leave the projects entirely because of how unsafe and uncomfortable I felt now just thinking of working with C on these and I intended to leave for my mental health and so then I felt safe and comfortable, and had compared C to a stubborn child who didn't know boundaries and consent. And our of anger I told him to grow up or he won't ever succeed in life if he doesn't listen and compromise with others.

B agreed and would state she would join me and that H was welcomed to join us if he wished.

And then only due to my threat of leaving the group C was willing to slightly compromise with us.

Removing the romanticism from the storyline between C's character and Rosemary. Completely disregarding B's feelings in the process. And B said that it was up to me, if I stayed and settled with those changes but the damage had already been done.

H had decided to speak up in the group chat, that this was about something further then the horror movie storyline, which I agreed with in all honesty it was now about my consent and boundaries being violated by C and how C completely disregards how B feels (however I didn't say that at the time). And how we shouldn't be falling out and we could all talk it because we all built a nice rhythm in the group. And how we should go on a call and talk about it.

However at that point I just felt extremely unsafe and uncomfortable to even talk to C now so I had quiet literally refused to go on call with C, and that I would be more comfortable with a teacher, our teacher in media present to talk about it so then I felt more comfortable talking with C and H asked me to not leave and that he understood where I was coming from and that it can be resolved verbally.

So the next day at collage, in the morning, I often arrived first, so I was going to wait for B to talk to our teacher about the situation however the topic of where we would all film and I just talked about what happened and we wouldn't be filming because of it and the teacher agreed with me, saying that he would prefer if we were all comfortable with what we were doing and said it wasn't on. When B came in, and told her part of the story, the teacher asked if we wanted to stay or move groups, B had looked at me for a reply and said I would stay in the group for now if everything is resolved and as a group after the teacher talked to C about it, we came up with a new idea what didn't push anyone's boundaries.

And I thought it was the end of it. The teacher told me to tell him if anything happened and I agreed because the teacher had told me that I can move groups at any moment and B could join me.

And then yesterday came when we filmed the noir film and I had only found out that mine and B's characters were to physically fight first thing in the morning when looking at the story board. And I had outright refused the physical fighting because my character Sandra is a nurse, who grew up in a high class family and is a lady (the film is set in the 1950s) and that was why I promptly refused for Sandra to get physical because it felt wrong, too wrong for Sandra, she's a nurse, saves lives, she's a lady, a lady doesn't fight or act crudely, it goes against Sandra's strict morals which she wouldn't go against no matter what, a verbal fight is as far as Sandra would go to get violent so it felt wrong, the type of wrong which feels vile and shouldn't even be suggested. (I can see that it's a bit dramatic but that's how I feel in all honesty)

However C then again promptly refused to listen to me and my boundaries and said he's the director and it's in the storyboard when it came to film, B was out of the room when it happened. And when I brought up the fact that actors/actresses were allowed the right to refuse to do things which made them uncomfortable, C had stated that I was no actor then. Which actually very much hurt me because acting is a passion of mine, one where I go to for comfort, one where I go to for joy, one that I'm extremely passionate about that whatever character I characterise and create for something I go to extreme detail even if it's for something small and simple.

C had once again violated my boundaries so I had stormed out of the room and said I quit and went to the teacher before I punched him, C. And the teacher was on my side about it, about the physical fighting and that it was now compromised to a verbal confrontation. Which I was trying to get to from the start of yesterday. And that the teacher had went ahead and decided that me and B would work together for the music video by ourselves and that we would work with H and C only for the horror movie. I personally decided that I wouldn't be working with C ever again because of how he had treated me.

And last night I decided to write an apology to H and B because they were caught in the crossfire I explained my actions and why I was practically at fault at them being in the crossfire between mine and C's drama. Because I felt guilty that they were stuck inbetween it all. However the two only accepted the apology because it made me feel better that I apologised to them because they believed I shouldn't be apologising to them for getting them caught in the crossfire because I was protecting my consent and boundaries through the whole drama. The whole reason this drama existed because C couldn't respect my consent and boundaries.

And then I privately messaged C, 12 paragraphs explaining my side of the story and asking if he could share his side of the story to me, so then I could understand where he was coming from, so then I could understand why he treated me like this.

I didn't give him an apology because I was the the victim in the situation instead I had said that I wanted an apology once he realised how his actions had a negative affect on people and that he needs to learn how to respect consent and boundaries and learn to compromise with others to succeed at the career he wants. And that he owed H and C an apology aswell because of his actions to them in the group while filming.

So this morning I wake up and check for a reply, there was one only saying

'Thank you for your comments, I will not be sharing my reasoning due to private reasons and once this unit is completed I will not be working with you again, the ordeal is over and do not escalate it further'

Am I right to feel frustration at that reply? That he hasn't acknowledge his actions at all, what he's done to me? What he has put me through? That I poured my heart into going into extreme detail of my side of the story and why I acted like I did to only get that reply?.

I know he doesn't owe me anything, but I feel like an explanation or even a half-arsed apology would have been better then completely glossing over what he did to me and I understand he has the right to keep it private but still?! I wished he told me something, something to explain the reasonings of his actions of how he treated me.

Because I know this whole ordeal will repeat in my mind whenever I'm near him, I now me feeling unsafe and uncomfortable around C will stay the exact same. I know that my trust issues have worsened because of this whole ordeal.

And he had the nerve to reply like that as if it doesn't matter as if I'm the one that continued this on and escalated it?! To the point that it is. I only reacted out of safety for myself and got the teacher involved to feel safe.

Why doesn't he realise if something happens more then once and he's repeating those actions there's obviously a problem?! Why can't he realise actions have negative effects on people and I hate that I still wish that he learns and become a better person.
How consent and boundaries are a basic human right and he should know how to respect them by now and, and not just be oblivious and ignore them.

I've blocked him because of that, I can't keep communicating like that.

Sorry for the rant, and I hope you all have a good day.

But was I right to react like that? To feel this way? Was I right to tell him give H and C an apology? Am I right for wanting an apology of him and an explanation for his actions.

Anyways have a good day to everyone who read this. Just some irl drama that happened very much recently to me which I can't get off my mind so here's a vent.

- MiFallen

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