Book Name: High School Romance

Author:  MiriamEsessien

Reviewer: Cey ( ceyshells )

Cover: 02/05

The cover is alright: the font style is good for a romance genre, and the image used definitely tells of a love blossoming. However, the proportions of the cover are a little off- the last "L" in school is cut off and the authors last name as well. Also, I am not sure if it's because of my phone, but the overall cover appears grainy. I'd recommend remaking the cover in the right proportions.

Title: 03/05

Personally, while I appreciate that the title holds relevance to the story itself, it sounds too common and vague. Also, is it supposed to be "High School Romance" or "Highschool Romance"? In the review application form, it was written as "Highschool Romance". Won't deduct any marks for this, but do remember to keep it consistent.

Synopsis: 07/10

Detailed, but not plugged full of additional information about the story. However, the last three paragraphs have an indent at the top left to signify the next. The first two paragraphs lack that indent. Personally, I feel you can leave the first paragraph without indents, but the second one can be indented. Another issue I have is the use of ellipses. They're usually used to signify emotion, but the words they were included with aren't words with particular emotions.

Suggestion:

From: But...there was no intention of falling in love
To: But, there was no intention of falling in love

AND

From: Desmond...charming, compulsive, debonair as he was.
To: Desmond: charming, compulsive, debonair as he was.

Execution: 07/10

Overall, the story has a good flow and timing is well thought out with few flashbacks. The romantic events, however, might have been introduced too early. Although we need a moment where the two main characters meet and develop feelings, this should occur at the pre-climax and not the beginning.

Plot: 16/20

Camila moves away from her mother, her best friend, and everything that she's familiar with, to a state thousands of miles away: Paris, France.

There, she is welcomed by her new roommate, Isabelle, and brought along into her friend group, consisting of Desmond, Donald and Yvonne. Prior to meeting Donald and Yvonne, she meets Desmond in a locker room while locating water.

To me, this situation has some ambiguity. Do they not have signs in such a fancy school? And on another note, do they have shared locker rooms? Like both male and female students share the same locker room? If not, shouldn't seeing a male student in the locker room have caused Camila, who is already new, shy and not outgoing by nature, to immediately apologise and leave the room?

High school romance novels aren't the most unique of genres, especially in terms of character styles and events, but they're still fun to read.

Writing Style: 18/20

Simple but utilising descriptive language is one of the best ways to write with in my opinion, mainly because simplicity allows most people, even those who are starting to grasp the language, to understand the writing.

Personally, I like when the author mentions one scene, and then elaborates on the scene as this allows the reader to paint a picture in the mind. This was done on many occasions during the story.

In chapter 3, Camila's surname is written as Santiana. If I remember correctly, in earlier chapters it was written as Santana. Make sure this is in sync as well.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 14/20

From the prologue, there are already a few run on sentences:

Eg: It was time for those heart-to-heart conversations that always made her feel special but not today.

Edited: It was time for those heart-to-heart conversations that always made her feel special, but today was not a good time.

There is also a grammatically incorrect sentence occasionally:

Eg:
From chapter 5:
She looks familiar to someone I know.

Edited: She looks familiar. OR She looks similar to someone I know.

Additionally, there are some spelling and capitalization errors and missing punctuation, but those can be easily caught and amended.

Vocabulary wise, the words used are quite varied and occasionally a harder word comes up.

Some sentences, however, do not make as much sense. For example:

From chapter 2:
Camila laughed smilingly.

I can understand what is meant by this phrase, but based on the bit of research I did, smiling is usually associated with something positive, whereas laughing can be due to something unexpected and doesn't necessarily have to have a positive connotation. From the sentence before, I feel that Camila is happy, but is kinda awkward since it appears she and Isabelle have differing opinions. The way I view it, smiling and laughing can be considered two separate emotions, so a smile and a laugh cannot occur at the same time.

Characters & Development: 07/10

A number of characters are introduced in the prologue: Camila, her mum, her aunt, her cousin. Her father is introduced as deceased. My assumption is that apart from Camila, these four characters will not get as much development as they're already "left behind" in a different country.

There is a lot of development on the main character Camila just in the prologue as it involves an emotional moment. She's saying goodbye to her mom, flying to a new country with an aunt she isn't close with, and "imprisoned" in a boarding school of said new country that she isn't familiar with. It's a lot for a young girl to handle, and she definitely shows fear, apprehension.

Moving on to Paris, we meet Desmond, Donald, Chloe and Isabelle. From a first impression, Donald absolutely detests Chloe, and vice versa. They both prefer if they had Desmond all to themselves. Isabelle is easily excitable, but loses interest quickly, as told by Desmond.

In chapter 3, Camila and Desmond meet for the first time, and based on the last line, it appears Desmond is already smittened with her. In terms of development, this is a little too fast. Feelings should be developed over time, and not from the first meeting. I know love at first sight is a trope, but going into it too quickly can be startling. (I am guilty of this mistake as well) A suggestion to consider would be "love at first sight", but tone down the flirting and make it seem that though they both like each other, neither are willing to make the first move.

We also learn more about Camila along the way, why she's so apprehensive about talking to people. However, she doesn't seem so apprehensive in the earlier chapters. She talks to Belle, who is a complete stranger at that point. It's entirely possible that she got over the incident, but trauma, or in this case losing confidence, isn't the easiest to get over. In a way, Camila's identities don't match exactly.

Total: 74/100

Final Note:

Hi MiriamEsessien, thank you for applying in my slots. Hope the review will help you to improve your story. If you require any clarifications, feel free to pm me @ceyshells.