"Alma, hey!" Ethan called when he saw her walk into the cafeteria. She had a look of annoyance across her face. He hadn't been able to find her the entire day, struggling to make any friends himself. He found he felt naked at a round table, completely alone, beyond grateful when Alma walked in, "Could you sit with me?"

The question was so innocent, so childish, so sweet. Alma hesitated, she liked Ethan, she thought he was good. The last things she wanted to do was ruin his building up reputation by sitting with him. But he gave a begging look, making her sit down and put her bag to the side, "You sure you don't wanna sit alone?"

"What? No." he acted as if she asked if he wanted to run over animals with her, "What's up with your face?"

"My face?" Alma asked, "What's wrong with it?"

Ethan mimicked her annoyance and angry expression, "Grrr."

Alma cracked a smile, "The librarian said I eat my carrots too loud."

"Well, they are carrots." Ethan pointed out.

"That's what I said." Alma threw her hands up slightly, "She said to bring soft foods or I can't sit in there anymore."

"You always eat in the library?" Ethan gave her a questionable look, "Are you one of those girls that escapes to a different reality when she reads and then she takes off her glasses, she realizes she is still at one of those shitty high schools they warn you about?"

Alma gave an impressed expression, a minor smile across her face, "I don't wear glasses."

Before Ethan could say anything, loud music echoed in the large cafeteria. Apart of Alma wanted to pretend it wasn't there, say the hell with her carrots and go back to the library. But Ethan would be left alone, and she, in a way, didn't want him to feel like that, "We hear this more then we hear fire alarms."

"Better start setting some fires then." Ethan called over the music, almost laughing at the overhyped jocks that were hitting tables, trying to hype up the other students that were just trying to eat.

Alma made eye contact with Maddy when she came down the steps in her cheer uniform, the girl holding the eye contact as she danced her, what Alma wanted to called lazy, performance. Cassie was much better then Maddy, she actually seemed like she wanted to be there rather then Maddy, who was too busy glaring at Alma, to actually look like she didn't want to kill herself every second of the day.

"Do you know that girl?" Ethan asked, leaning in closer so Alma could hear.

Alma thought about how easy it would be to lie, to play pretend and make up an entire life to Ethan. He hadn't known her, he hadn't known anything about anything. Alma sighed, breaking her eye contact with Maddy, "I'm gonna go get a early start on that pop quiz."

"Are you sure?" Ethan had desperation in his tone, feeling awkward and weird sitting here completely alone.

Alma felt bad, she really did, "I'm trying to focus on getting my grades up this semester. Out of school colleges, they're pricey."

His face fell, "Yeah, sure, i'll see you."

"You will." she gave a nod, grabbing her bag and walking off. But before she could get too far, Alma stopped to pull out her phone.

"I know at this point you probably think Alma is kinda a bitch and should just leave it alone, but you clearly haven't been silent your entire life. Anytime Alma did stand up for herself, it was usually worse in the end. Starting her account was her way of saying what she wished she could say to the assholes that ruined her life everyday. She hates them, she hates that they get to live happy lives and not have to worry about getting locked in bathrooms or be mocked and called names every time she walked into a classroom.

If you're one of those people that says to stop fighting fire with fire, i'm gonna assume you have never been in this situation in your life. Funny thing is, you'll tell her to grow up and ignore it but then call her weak and pathetic when she doesn't stand up for herself. This was her way, and it made her feel better knowing she could hurt people the same way they hurt her."

A thread of laugher echoed off the high school walkways.

The two year tradition on the water balloons with paint in them didn't end after last year. Instead, it continued on when Alma walked out of her last period. Different shades of greens, pinks, blues, purple, pinks, reds, and yellows had been thrown at her through water balloons and splattered all over her. The football team laughed, a few girls taking pictures. Everyone was getting in their cars and buses after the last bell, that's why they waited, to publicly humiliated her.

"Bitch, what happened?" Maddy circled Alma with a mocking look across her face, "Too many balls to your face?"

Without realizing she was doing it, Alma cupped a hand of paint off her blazer and chunked it at Maddy. The girl paused, mouth gapping. BB ouued from a few feet away, others laughing, which is why Maddy snapped back to reality, "You are such a psycho!"

"Maddy!" Cassie called from the car when she saw what happened, "You need a ride home?"

"Not that Alma and Cassie were friends, like, not even a little. But, Alma use to live next to her and was close friends with Lexi, so by default, Cassie had managed to get to know Alma a little. She never understood why Maddy hated her as much as she did, over a stupid wrong answer. But besides that, if she could do anything about it without it ruining her friendships and image, Cassie tried to get Maddy and BB to back off as much as she could."

Almas car had paint all over it, just as her body did. She threw herself into the front seat, locking the doors as her bag was throw into the back. Small breaths came from her chest as she sat, stilled in the front seat. Her palms tightened around the stirring wheel as raged breaths came from her throat.

"The first time, freshman year, when Alma had the paint balloons thrown at her, she had a panic attack. Sophomore year wasn't much better, she'd just knows how to handle it. That was what triggered her anxiety, sorta the whole reason she took medication for it. Yeah, it ran in her family and she got anxious sometimes, but after feeling like she couldn't breath when she was fourteen, she knew she never wanted to feel that way again. I felt like the most shitty person ever when I took a few from her one night, especially after she told me that was why she'd started to get anxiety in the first place."

A knock on her window brought Alma back, turning her head and finding Ethan giving her a tight lipped smile and small wave. She hit the unlock button, watching as he climbed inside. Alma sighed as she looked over at him, sitting perfectly clean in her passengers seat, "I'm not your uber."

"Are you okay?" Ethan asked her, ignoring her previous question.

"I wanna go home before this dries." Alma said, a look of annoyance across her face to hide the look of pain in her eyes. Almas mom had a habit of invalidating her feelings, from a young age she development the fear of showing sadness infront of anyone, no matter how badly she felt it, "Please get out."

Ethan hesitated, putting his hand on the door before he slowly reached a hand over. Alma watch oddly as his index finger ran across her face, collected a finger of purple paint. Her mouth opened to ask what he was doing, stopping as she saw he'd rubbed it across his own face. A large, purple streak was from his left forehead to right jaw, giving her a smile, "See you in physics tomorrow."

And then he just got out, exactly like she asked, and walked toward the bus. He walked through the entire parking lot, of a new school, with a purple mark across his face. Alma couldn't imagine why he'd do such a thing, apart of her felt mocked and pissed off that he'd do it. But the majority of her feelings revolved around confusion, her mind clouding with why, after she'd been dealing with this for years, a guy she'd known for less then a week, decided to rub, the same paint that was thrown at her, across his face and walk infront of everyone with it.

•

kylie speaks

your heart ever go
<almadarling3