"Hot, hot, hot." Alma slapped her nose after snorting her first line ever, rubbing. "Ow, ow."

"Yeah, you can tell it's her first time." Rue laughed from how she laid on the bed.

"Okay, just, breath through the mouth." Elliot leaned over, rubbing Almas back as she gagged suddenly. "That's because all your nose stuff and throat stuff is all connected. There, see, bad part is over."

"That felt like straight lava hitting my nose." Alma leaned back, looking toward Elliot, who Rue had introduced her to about five minutes ago. "You want my money?"

"No." he laughed at her slightly, rubbing the remaining powder from her nose. Rue leaned over, letting Alma take an inhale from the joint she had, pulling back seconds later. "You know, I feel like no body in my life understands that, like, drugs are honestly the only way I can be myself."

Alma rested her head back on the bed, listening to the two. Elliot messed with the strings of his guitar. "No, I don't think that's true."

"Nah, it is true." Rue pointed out, Alma tilted her head to look over at her. "Alma, what do you feel like on drugs?"

She sighed. "Well, I was distracted, now you've ruined it."

"Whoops, sorry." Rue rubbed the top of her head. "Like, when I first met you, I would have never had the balls to just, like, come up to you and talk to you."

"Why?" Elliot turned to her more, Alma shut her eyes a moment.

"I'm just, like, a deeply shy person." Rue laughed in return. "And, like, with Jules, right? Like, when I first met her I was just immediately in love."

"In love?" Elliot turned his head.

"Yeah." Rue sighed. "Saying it out loud kinda sounds small."

"What's a bigger feeling then love?" he asked curiously.

"Sadness." Alma answered, getting his attention. "Even if you're surrounded by love, even if you are in love, sadness will stop you from feeling it for a while."

"You think so?" he turned to her fully in questioning.

Alma blinked slowly, her heart rate was racing. "Yeah, yeah, I really do."

"Loss." Rue added, making the two glance over.

"You think?" Elliot repeated his words to her.

"Yeah, I think so." she agreed, chest moving slightly as she breathed. "I don't know. Maybe that's what it was, right? Like, as soon as I saw her I was just immediately afraid to loose her."

"Who have you lost?" Elliot asked Rue.

"Uh, my dad." she answered, turning to look at the ceiling again.

"Meaning..." Elliot trialed off.

"Meaning he's dead." Rue said in return.

"Shit, Rue, I forgot about that." Alma leaned to look as her more. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." she chuckled in return. "You didn't, like, kill him."

"How was he killed?" Elliot questioned.

"Ugh, he wasn't." Rue realized her words confused him.

"Are you fucking with me right now?" he turned back as Rue laughed.

"No, it was- it was cancer." she shook her head slightly.

"Shit." Elliot mumbled.

"Yeah." Rue huffed.

"How old were you?" he went on out of curiosity.

"I was fourteen." she sighed in return.

"So, recently." Elliot confirmed.

"No really." Rue said back oddly.

"Wasn't that long ago." Alma had to agree.

"I don't know, I guess." she shrugged from how she laid. "Honestly, it feels like fucking forever ago."

"Is that why you started doing drugs?" Elliot turned to face the bed to look at Rue.

She laughed. "That's funny. That's what everyone asked in rehab."

"What do you mean?" he went on in return.

"Just that, you know, like I wish it was that simple, you know? Like, oh, my dad died, so I started doing drugs." Rue nodded her head, and that had caught Almas attention.

"I feel like everyone looking for, like, a cause and affect." Elliot nodded in agreement. "Sometimes it just is what it is."

"Maybe." Alma speaking had their attention. "But sometimes there is a cause. And the affect is just how you deal with it. Weather that's drugs, self hatred, suicide, silence."

Elliot and Rue both looking her way. He spoke up first. "Is that why you started using drugs? Did someone die, close to you?"

"No, no, no one died." she exhaled, her eyebrows frowned as her eyes fell to the checkered pants. "A story."

"A story made you want to use?" Elliot went on curiously. "Can we hear it?"

"Yeah." Alma gave a sad smile, her head laid back onto the bed as the high danced away. "There was one night. The first night ever that a girl, a weird girl that only had one friend, finally stood up to the assholes around her, finally let her voice be heard and was left alone most of the night."

Rue rolled onto her stomach to watch Alma the same way Elliot had, intensely.

"Until a boy, a older boy, came up to her when she was finally alone." something in Almas eye changed, they'd sunken down. "He was charming, and sweet, and he made her feel special, like she could maybe not think about the person she was for a second. So, he took her hand, and he brought her into an empty bedroom, and he took away every single part of her that could ever trust a single person ever again."

The story was not only alarming to the two, but also confusing. Rue had to say something. "Go on."

"The girl didn't know, because she was stupid and naïve." Alma exhaled loudly as she looked to the ceiling. "And then she was staring at a pregnancy test, wondering how she could get pregnant when they used a condom. A traumatic abortion later and she realized that because she couldn't see anything, that the condom came off and he never told her about it."

"Shit." Elliot sat up with frowned eyebrows.

"And, you know, the girl feels guilty for making it such a big deal because she obviously knows people face way worse forms of non consensual sex." Alma swallowed, Rue saw her eyes dancing around like she was seeing it over and over. "But, it doesn't change the fact that it's all she ever things about. Because she feels out of control of her own body, because she feels like she could never trust anyone with that part of herself again, that she wasn't even human enough to have someone bother to ask her if it was okay to slip the condom off after she'd made it clear that they needed to use one because she wasn't on any form of birth control."

Elliot and Rue watched Alma, she hadn't blinked, staring as her chest rose and fell. "And now people beg for justice for a girl they don't know, just her story. All while she can't even find the balls to sit down with her mother, lawyers, and police to tell them what happened. If the world knew it was her, they wouldn't care the way they did now. They never did before. So, now, the girl pretends to be best friends with the same person that made her life hell for years because she knows that after what happened, she couldn't handle getting paint thrown at her and rumors spread anymore. So, she just pretends."

Alma finally turned, she met Elliot's eye. Her eyes were sad and watery, and the way she stared at him was terrifying and confusing all at once. Alma rose her finger to touch his nose. "A boy with your name hurt someone so bad that the only thing that manages to keep her mind off of it is doing drugs with two people that don't know a single thing about her."

"Shit, Alma." Rue laid her head on the bed. "Want us to kill him?"

Alma thought about it. "I wanna kill him. Then he'd just be dead, justice survived without the world having to know what happened."

Elliot put an arm around her with a squeeze. "You never have to call me Elliot again."

Alma gave a small smile to him as he gave one in return. It's really all she needed to feel safe, the same way she had with Ethan, the same way Elliot had held her and looked for a way to make her feel comfortable. "Okay."

Rue put a hand on her head. "Still think we should kill him."

"When you said you needed me to rescues you, I thought the worst." Alma walked into the bowling alley, getting the text from Ethan. He turned to her with a sigh of relief. "I think i'm gonna need a new name. Like, Alma the Amplifier."

"Please, be my Alma the Amplifier." Ethan begged, Kat dancing around with Maddy and Jules, that she'd invited to their date. "Maybe bowling was a bad date."

"Bowling is a great date." she fell in next to him, her arm across his chair. "Don't even worry about this, all right? Is it ruining your night?"

"A little. But, i'm glad she's having fun." Ethan looked toward a smiling Kat.

Alma slapped his thigh, standing up. "Cmon, come on, now. We are not gonna mope."

"What? What are we doing?" he exhaled, taking her hand as they headed over. "Can't we just go eat the pizza?"

"Duh, but, first-" she twirled him around once they made it to the three. "Make it known you're night is not ruined."

"Alma!" Maddy grinned as she saw her. "I didn't know you were coming, bitch!"

"Ethan doesn't know how to dance, he needed some help." Alma said back, her eyes met Kats, and even though she should feel like the shitty girl best friend for how she was acting, Kat really didn't seem to care that Alma had Ethan's hands, spinning him in the music.

"Woop, so fun." he said back, hiding a smile.

"I see that smile." Alma said, ducking under his arms as they began to spin in a circle.

The bowling alley felt empty, just the two of them, spinning in a fast circle, connected at the hands. Alma was laughing, and Ethan was smiling. The world disappeared and smudged together all around them, it felt like it was just her, and it was just him. Alma gave a yank, pulling Ethan into a tango dance suddenly.

And the world was back, and he saw everyone else and not just her.

"How's this for rescuing?" Alma joked, spinning Ethan in her arms to dip him down.

"Best rescues mission i've ever had." he grinned back up at her.

•

kylie speaks

do i wanna cry or smile?