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࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ ✩◿𝓘𝓓𝓐◸ 🂱 ࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ
CHAPTER FIFTY SEVEN—
right hand man.

trigger warning: i know you all watched TWD and know what's coming this chapter, but i wanted to warn you guys anyways because i personally dug really deep writing this one and put myself into a headspace i didn't enjoy in order to really grasp onto austin's inner thoughts. read with caution, don't be afraid to take little breaks because i had to. my fault for putting myself into my oc's too much, but still, if you're similar to me, go easy on yourself.

There wasn't much about an apocalypse that was considered a good thing. Austin knew that, he mostly hated everything about the new world. But, as society fell and everyone began to focus more on surviving, they didn't have time to judge masculinity. Before, he'd probably have never held Glenns hand as much as he did or occasionally sleep in the same bed. The world would have went into a panic mode at the sight, and it sucked he cared, but he did. But now? In this world? He got to hold his best friends hand if he damn well pleased.

And that's exactly what he did.

"All right! We've got a full boat." Simon smiled at the two groups of people that made up as one, lined up together like a rope. "Let's meet the man?"

Simon leaned back and knocked on the side of the camper. They were still human, their eye sight all shifted over as the doors opened up and a man in leather stepped out with the most shit eating grin across his face. Austin would have given anything to rip every single one of his teeth out. "Pissing our pants yet?"

As he ventured into the headlights, a baseball bat over his shoulder with barbwire around it came into view. "Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close."

He had Luke and Levi's eyes, but Natalie's smile. That was him. That was Negan, the kids father. "It's gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon."

Austin held his gaze when his eyes locked with his a moment, looking down the curving line. "Which one of you pricks are the leader?"

"It's this one." Simon pointed a finger to the back of Ricks head. "He's the guy."

Negan smiled down at Rick with a sigh. "Hi. You're Rick, right? I'm Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men, and stealing my kids."

Glenns hand squeezed Austin's tightly in a way of warning him to stay quiet, not to be the hero and save his Dad just yet.

"Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you killed more of my people." Negan explained like he'd been telling a fairy tale, a good story to a child. "Not cool. Not cool. You have no idea how not cool that shit is. But I think you're gonna be up to speed shortly. Yeah. You are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes."

For some reason, Austin thought of his Mom and Beth in those moments.

He thought about what it would be like if they'd been here, if they survived the whole thing. Would they have stayed back at Alexandria, or would they have came along? He didn't know, it was hard to tell with the both of them. It comforted him just a little to know they weren't here, though. For the first time ever, he was relived they weren't with him.

"You see, Rick, whatever you do, no matter what, you don't mess with the new world order." Negan began to explain to the oldest Grimes. "And the new world order is this, and it's really very simple. So, even if you're stupid, which you very may well be, you can understand it. You ready? Here goes. Pay attention."

Austin tensed up as he held the bat right to his fathers face. He breathed unevenly for just a second there, this was a time someone needed to call Code Blue. "Give me your shit...or I will kill you."

Negan stood up straight with a grin. "Today was career day. We invested a lot so you would know who I am and what I can do. You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me. That's your job. Now, I know that is a mighty, big, nasty pill to swallow. But, swallow it you most certainly will. You rule the roost. You build something. You thought you were safe, I get it. But, the word is out. You are not safe. Not even close. In fact, you are pegged. More pegged if you don't do what I want. And what I want is half your shit. And if that's too much for you, you can make, find, or steal more and it'll even out sooner or later."

Negan motioned around with his arms extended. "This is your way of life now. The more you fight back, the harder it will be. So, if someone knocks on your door, you let us in. We own that door. You try to stop us? And we will knock it down. Do you understand?"

Negan leaned down as he cupped his ear when Rick didn't answer. "What? No answer? You don't really think you were gonna get through this without being punished, did you? I don't wanna kill you people. I just want to make that clear from the get go. I want you to work for me. You can't do that if you're dead now can you?"

Negan smiled at the silence. "I'm not growing a garden. But, you killed my people. A whole damn lot of them. More then i'm comfortable with, and you stole my kids. If they wanna stay, fine, i'll let them stay. But, the issue is that you came to my territory to take them. My place, my kids. They didn't come to you. And for that, for that you're gonna pay. So, now...i'm gonna beat the holy hell outta one of you."

"I took them." Austin had to. He had to say it before someone got beat for a mistake he did. Negan rose his eyebrows as he looked over. "I have the kids."

He laughed and walked closer with a nod to his head. "I think you were right, Simon. This one is a whole lot of trouble."

Negan crouched down next to Austin with a deep exhale and a rather happy look in his eye. "What'd they say about me, pretty boy? They think i'm a bad father? A monster? What do you think?"

Austin inhaled deeply as he held his head up a little higher. "I think you should do whatever you want with me and get it over with."

"Holy shit." Negan touched his face as Austin sat real still. "No. No, I think i'm gonna let you live, pretty boy. I think i'm gonna like you."

Austin let a breath, he didn't know he was holding, go when Negan stood up and backed off. Negan waved his baseball bat. "This...this is Lucille, and she is awesome. All this, all this is just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honor."

Austin's heart dropped to his stomach and he felt like puking as Abraham leaned up a little more on his knees, pushing his chest out as Negan stood in front of him. No. Please, just no.

"Huh." Negan grinned as he ran a hand over his mouth. "Ugh, I gotta shave this shit."

He walked down the line, going straight toward Carl. Austin's body gave a reaction to that, but Glenns hand in his just tightened harder and harder to keep him still. "You got one of our guns. Whoa. Yeah. You got a lot of our guns."

Austin shut his eyes. Carl pulled the same exact look his older brother did just a few seconds before. He immediately regretted it. Immediately. But, the apple never falls far from the tree. They got it from Rick, that stupid fucking glare that got their asses in trouble a number of times. Negan found it comical. "Shit, kid. Lighten up. At least cry a little."

Negan looked back at Austin again. "I've seen that look before."

Jesus fucking christ. Damn you for giving us that glare, Austin thought. Negan cleared his throat as he stood up and walked before Maggie, who was shaking and shriveled in pain. "Jesus. You look shitty."

Glenn had a reaction this time, crying in fear for his wife. It was Austin's turn to hold him back.

"I should just put you out if your misery right now." Negan admitted to Maggie, like he'd be doing her a favor.

"No!" Glenn yelled, Austin's arms tossed around him to hold him back. His head on his back to keep him still as Glenn tried to lunged forward. "No!"

Negan laughed with a nod. "So he's pretty and he's smart, huh? God damn. I think Lucile over here likes you a little, son."

Negan walked over as Austin kept his grip onto Glenn. His eyes widened when Lucile was placed right infront of Austin's face. The group all had a reaction to that, frozen or leaning forward like that would stop it. Glenn froze under Austin's hold, knowing he might have just put his life in danger. Negan smiled as he waved Lucile infront of his face. "I think she likes you so much that she doesn't want me to kill you. You better thank her."

Austin was so god damn lost.

"Go on." Negan pushed the end of the bat close to his face. "Give her a little kiss for saving your life. That's the least you can do. Don't you think?"

It wasn't about saving his life, or about the fact that Lucile so called like Austin. It was to belittle him, to dehumanize him, to shrink him down. Austin wanted to hold his ground, but he had a bad feeling he'd be the one if he didn't. Then that'd leave the kids in someone else's care or land them back with Negan. It'd leave Carl and Judith without a big brother to care for them always.

So, he leaned toward, and he pressed a small kiss to the end of the bat.

"Sweet." Negan gushed as he pulled it back. "So, so sweet."

Austin let Glenn go as they both sat up. He shut his eyes to regain his dignity as Glenn yelled out and cried at Negans smiling face, the bat back toward Maggie. "Don't. Don't."

Negan just laughed. "All right, listen. Don't any of you do that again. I will shut that shit down, no exceptions. First ones free. It's an emotional moment, I get it."

Every single one of them were frozen, shaking, panicking in fear and having to be completely silent about it. Austin's head wasn't right. He was here, but he was fading so bad. He felt it, he already felt that place of pain and sorrow take over his body like it did after Lori and especially after Beth. It's how he was wired, it was something that lived inside of him and took over when traumatic things happened. This was one of them, he didn't know what was coming, but his brain knew it had and was already preparing to signal a Code Blue.

"Sucks, don't it?" Negan looked down at a shaky, lost in thought Rick. "The moment you realize you don't know shit."

Negan glanced at Carl. "This is your kid, right?"

Austin's hands dug into the sand as the bat was held to Carl. Negan laughed. "And if i've seen that glare he just gave me, that's gotta mean that one-"

Lucile was back toward Austin. "-that one's gotta be yours too. These are definitely your kids."

"Just stop this!" Rick yelled out for the pairs lives.

"Hey!" Negan yelled back as a warning. "Do not make me kill the little future serial killer and the new Dad of my god damn kids! Don't make it easy on me. I gotta pick somebody. Everybody's at the table waiting for me to order."

Austin understood now. He was twenty years old and he fears for his life, he couldn't imagine what three young kids were feeling. He couldn't imagine how scared Natalie felt and why it caused her to become so protective over her brother. Forcing her to grow up before she needed to. He couldn't began to imagine Levi's fear, scaring the life out of him that it caused him to fall completely silent. And then Luke, who was so small, so innocent, getting his first look at the real world and seeing his own fathers infliction. He couldn't imagine doing this every day, it made him have to push through this even more for those kids. They were not going to face that type of fear ever again, but it was up to him to make sure of it by staying alive a little longer.

Negan began to whistle as he walked, waving Lucile until stopping. "I simply can not decide. I got an idea."

He laughed and walked closer to Rick. "Eenie-"

"meenie."

"miney..."

"mo."

"catch."

"a tiger.."

"by."

"his toe."

"if.."

"he hollers..."

"let him go."

"My mother.."

"told me."

"to pick."

"the very best one..."

"and you.

"are..."

"it.."

"Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boys other eye out and feed it to his father and then we'll start. You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell, you're all going be doing that."

Austin yelled out in his head as the bat came down hard on Abraham's skull.

He squeezed his eyes tight, sucking in his lips, and held onto Glenns hand like it was the only thing keeping him attached to earth.

"Ho! Ho!" Negan laughed as Sasha screamed out at the impact. Abraham stood his ground as he sat up. "Look at that. Taking it like a champ."

"Suck...my...nuts." Abraham got out as he got hit once again.

He hit him again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

The blood. The cried. The sickening feeling. It was too much, Austin was better off with his eyes squeezed shut. He kept them that way, he hoped Abraham knew how much respect Austin had for him. How great of a guy he thought he was, how thankful he was for being apart of their found family. How much he'd be missing. He hoped that he didn't look over and see his eyes shut to avoid watching, as if he was the one on the verge of death with his head busted in. Because, he wasn't. Abraham was.

"Did you hear that?" Negan laughed and breathed out from the blow. "He said suck my nuts. Phew."

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

"Oh my goodness!" Negan yelled as he swung Lucille, slinging blood onto Rick. "Look at this! You guys, look at my dirty girl!"

Negan placed it before Rosita's crying figure. "Sweetheart. Lay your eyes on this."

Negan looked over to Abrahams crushed skull. "Oh, damn. Were you-were you together? That sucks. But if you were, you should know there was a reason for all this. Red, and hell, he was, is, and will ever be red. He just took one or six or seven for the team! So take...a damn look."

Rosita refused to look at Abraham. "Take a damn look!"

Daryl yelled out a he got to his feet, attacking Negan as he hit him in the face. No. No. No. No. A savior tackled Daryl, yanking him away and holding him down.

"Daryl!" Rick yelled.

"No!" Negan yelled as he shoved the bat in his face. For a second, Austin thought he was gonna hit him, he swore his heart stopped. "Oh, no."

Negan laughed as he pointed down to Daryl. "That? Oh, my! That...is a no-no. The whole thing— not one bit of that shit flies here!"

Dwight held the cross bow to Daryl's head. Austin's hand squeezed Glenn's hand. "Do you want me to do it? Right here."

Negan pulled Daryl's face back as he grunted at how helpless he was. "No. No, you don't kill them...not until you try a little."

They drug Daryl back to his spot as Negan stood up. "Anyway...that's not how it works. Now, I already told you people—first ones free, then what'd I say? I said I would shut that shit down! No exceptions. Now, I don't know what kind of lying assholes you've been dealing with...but i'm a man of my word. First impressions are important. I need you to know me. So...back to it."

His bat came down again, hard. There it was. There was the break that was right on the urge. The thing that he felt coming but couldn't quite place his finger on. A great deal of agony that shot through his entire body, worse in his spine then anything. If he'd eaten, he'd have thrown it up. He wanted to be dead. Right then and there...he wished Negan would have hit him instead. He wanted to die. How would he live after this? The person that brought him back after Beth...gone too.

Austin had lost Glenn right then and there. On that very night. In those very clothes.

"No!" Maggie sobbed out as Glenn got hit again.

Austin couldn't look away from this one. He was leaned over, his body physically wasn't working enough for him to sit up. He was crying, god, was he crying so bad. His head nearly touched his knees, Glenn's hand stayed in his as he stumbled over in the same position Austin was in, bleeding a great deal with a dent in his head and his eye coming from his eye socket. He was still alive, barley, but staring right at Austin. He held his hand and nodded against the sand and managed to choke on his own words long enough to tell him."Just squeeze my hand. Squeeze my hand, Glenn."

He did, choking on blood. Austin squeezed his hand back, squeezed it so tight. "I love you."

He did. God, he loved him so much. He loved him the way he loved Lori, the way he loved Beth, the way he loved Carl, the way he loved his Dad, Daryl, Maggie, everyone here. But, Glenn was high on that list. Austin couldn't help but wish it was someone else, he didn't know exactly who, but he wished for someone else. He never wanted to ever loose Glenn, he was the safety net he ran to each time something bad happened. What would he do now? Without his best friend? His right hand man?

"Buddy, are you still there?" Negan gapped. "I just don't know. It seemed like you're trying to speak. I just popped your skull so hard, your eyeball just popped out. And it is gross as shit!"

"Maggie." Glenn had to choke one more time as he forced himself to sit up, gripping Austin's hand harder. "I'll...i'll find you."

He fell back down on Austin's level, holding his hand. Negan didn't realize how bad Austin was crying over the sounds Glenn was making, not until he looked down and saw what he'd done. "Oh, hell. I can see this is hard on you guys. I am sorry. I truly am. I am so sorry, pretty boy. I did say...no exceptions."

His came down on Glenn's skull again, hitting him as he laid right there next to Austin. He was able to shut his eyes now, holding into Glenn's hand and being able to feel when he was put out of his misery. It hurt, it hut so fucking bad as he laid there and waited for Negan to go ahead and take him out too. He wanted it. He wanted to die. He wanted to die so fucking bad. He couldn't care about anyone else like he was a few minutes ago, not now, not after entering the state of mind that crept up on him at his worst.

"You bunch of pussies." Negan mocked it as he kept hitting, even after Glenn's head was nothing but brains and blood. "I'm just getting started. Lucile is thirsty."

Then take me, he begged. His mouth didn't allow him to say it out loud though. Please, just take me. Anything. Hurt me. Kill me. Negan, please, kill me. Do something. Don't let me live this way again, don't make me suffer without Glenn. Without my best friend. Don't make me do it, just kill me.

But, he didn't. He did what he knew would hurt Austin so much worse. He kept him alive, breathing another day to suffer in agonizing pain. Keeping his life only to want to die. Austin thought, right in those moments, if he didn't die before this was over, he would kill himself. He didn't know how, but he would. He wouldn't do this again, he wouldn't scare everyone around him. Because this would be a bad one. This would push him to a limit where he was scared he'd hurt someone else if he didn't hurt himself first, keep him away from everyone.

Keep him away from himself.

"Was the joke that bad?" Negan laughed as the sight of Ricks traumatized face.

"I'm gonna kill you." Rick mumbled, his voice was gone.

Negan crouched down with Lucile coated his blood. "What? I didn't quite catch that. You're gonna have to speak up."

Rick sucked his lips in and sniffled. "Not today...not tomorrow...but i'm gonna kill you."

Negan smiled and inhaled sharply. "Jesus. Simon...what did he have, a knife?"

"He had a hatchet." Simon said in return.

"A hatchet?" Negan laughed, like it was a comical joke to go by.

"He had an ax." Simon explained a little better.

He laughed again. "Simons my right-hand man. Having one of those is important. I mean, what do you have left without a team? A whole lot of work. Do you have one? Maybe one of these fine people still breathing? Oh. Or did I..."

Rick just stared him right in the eye as Negan exhaled. "Sure. Yeah. Give me his ax."

Simon walked over to give it to him as Negan stared him right in the eye, shoving to into his belt loop. Negan grasped Rick. "I'll be right back. Maybe Rick will be with me. And if not, well, we can just turn these people inside out, won't we? I mean...the ones that are left."

•

kylie speaks

i know this took me a while to get up, but this episode genuinely makes me sick and gives me so much anxiety watching it so i had to write it in little waves to avoid all that shit happening again. i know negan is a fan favorite now, but me personally just could never get over this and i'd still give all the money i have to see maggie kill his ass.