⋯

It's been over three weeks since they left Club Lore. While it's done absolutely nothing for the frequent nightmares Sulli has been having, they still don't really regret the decision. Of course, they miss them, but they also want them to be safe, and constantly worrying about the dangerous situations Sulli seems to get themselves in can't be good for the Club. late-November is upon them, and it's less than a month till finals will be placed on their shoulders.

Their pen skids across their sketchpad, tapping along the side.

They finished the drawings of their friends. As much as they wanted to stop drawing them, Sulli couldn't stop thinking about them, in both of their forms. It'd be interesting to draw each of them with their other attributes, the ones that they have to hide otherwise. The thing is, they also promised to give them to them when they were finished with the drawings, and Sulli isn't really sure how to do that while still keeping their distance.

However, today is Friday, so it's a tempting idea to sneak down to the meeting room before anyone else can get there, and leave the drawings where the Club would find them. No one would be the wiser if they went early enough, they'd just have to beat Kelsey there. That shouldn't be too hard, all things considered.

Part of Sulli wants to procrastinate bringing the drawings to Club Lore just so that they might run into one of them, but the more logical part of them knows that it's a bad idea to do that, and it's the last thing they should do. It might just end up in another fight, and Sulli doesn't want to fight again. They already feel bad enough for some of the things that happened on Samhain, and as much as Sulli would like to think they can keep their emotions in check, they know they're going to get overly defensive about why they were scared, about why they did the things they did, and it's only going to result in things so much worse.

The only consolation that they have is that Club Lore respects their wishes. Madden and Adelaide did. While they might say pleasantries when each of them saw Sulli in class, they didn't indulge in any conversation that might have been deemed unnecessary. Sulli knows it hurts them though, because Madden looks like he wants to talk to them, and as much as Sulli wants to talk to him too, they are much more paranoid about what might happen if they let him,

This was so much easier when I didn't know.

They're glad they do know at the same time too, because it satisfies some of their curiosity. Of course, it does lead them to have extensive questions about each of the members of Club Lore, but they might come off as intrusive or offensive.

That's another reason. Sulli doesn't actually know that much about folklore in the real sense, they've read stories and mythology and recollections, but those stories don't hold much substance now that they're thinking about it. They could be generalizations and stereotypes and humans who had been screwed over by the otherworldly.

The otherworldly, that's a better term.

Sulli doesn't really want to think about how much it would have hurt their friends if they had called them monsters to their faces. Yaşru probably would have preferred being stabbed by a sword to being called that. They can't really blame them for that, any of them, of course, Sulli wishes that they could have satiated their own goddamn curiosity, but it was only a matter of time before they'd discovered Adelaide had been hiding something so deliberately from them. Sulli knows their nature, and unfortunately, their nature is to find out secrets and the hidden. To dig up evidence and connections to something until it's laid out on a map so clearly that they could tell the story back and forth.

It's almost six now, so they should head to the meeting room before much later so they can avoid being seen. Sulli pushes up to their feet, stealing a glance back down at their leg. It's pretty incredible that even though humans are resistant to magical healing, it was able to heal so quickly. Two weeks ago, it was broken. They shake their head a little, pausing at their closet and locating their current favorite hoodie.

Yaşru's.

Sulli should probably feel embarrassed that they've kept it for this long, but two weeks ago, when they'd gotten home, they'd discovered that they were wearing clothes that weren't theirs, because the clothes they had been wearing had been ruined during their runaway. So while they were still wearing the shorts they'd had on under the dress, it was also accompanied by Magnus' shirt and Yaşru's jacket. It was mildly embarrassing, but it was really a very comfortable sweatshirt, and two weeks later was a little too late to return it, wasn't it?

They shake their head, pulling it over their head, and sighing to themselves. It's a lot bigger on them, which makes sense considering Yaşru is significantly bigger than them too. But it keeps them warm, and in the chilling November weather, that's important. Sulli would rather not get sick again this semester, especially considering they needed to start turning their attention towards Finals. Their sleep schedule is fucked up enough as it is, and anything on top of what's already happening will only send them spiraling.

Sulli puts on their headphones before stepping out of the door, and heading down the cold streets. There's still that aching feeling of something watching, something following them, but Sulli has done their best to dismiss it as increased paranoia. It's odd, with how paranoid they are, maybe removing one of their headphones so they can hear around them too would be better, but their headphones keep their ears warm, and honestly having them on makes them feel safer than they would in having them off. Sulli hasn't stopped seeing things either, even though it's become usual to see a strange figure watching them from a distance. It's always been a respectful distance as if watching with curiosity rather than watching with disdain. So it doesn't feel as threatening. Still terrifying obviously, but less threatening than it had been before.

It doesn't take them long to reach the familiar edge of the stairs, down to the basement, and it makes a lot more sense. Of course, Club Lore would pick the place most people were the least likely to go. Probably to protect themselves from humans. They trot down the stairs, double-checking they have each of the drawings, and absently wondering if that incantation above the door is courtesy of one of them. Probably Kelsey or Julian, based on what they'd learned about them.

It's funny the things you notice after the fact, like for instance why this handle was made from wood. Sulli pushes it open, stopping short after crossing the threshold, only to find Magnus sitting at one of the tables quietly. Magnus' head shoots up to meet him, and Sulli's heart drops.

Oh God.

He looks so, so tired. His eye-bags have gotten worse, and he looks unnaturally pale. Worry scours down into his chest, and for a moment, Sulli forgets everything they were trying to avoid in the first place because they're moving towards him about as fast as a person can. "Magnus??"

He's up before Sulli can get to him, maneuvering around the chair he'd been sitting on to put it in between the two. "What the fuck do you want, Sulli?"

He's angry, and Sulli doesn't blame him, but God, he hasn't been taking care of himself at all. "Are you sleeping?? Eating- Magnus, you look like you got ran over by a bus, are you alright?"

"Am I alright?"

The room was already warm, but it rose a couple of degrees more at the snap, and Magnus was back around the chair, his hands on Sulli's arms.

"You left, and you have the fucking audacity to ask if I'm alright?"

Oh.

"You told me you didn't want to leave me, Sulli!" His hands are warm against their skin, pressing into it, and Sulli finds themselves back up in a corner. "And you did anyway! You left all of us, and you want to ask me if I'm alright?"

"Magnus, I'm just worried-"

"No! No, I haven't been sleeping or eating, or taking care of myself!" His hands grow tighter, and the heat begins to grow uncomfortable, bordering on the painful. "I'm going to lose my scholarship, and the only person who has told me directly that they care about me, who promised they wouldn't - left!"

"Please let go."

"My worst fears are coming true, and I have no clue how to fix it- and on top of that, you come in here, after three weeks for what exactly?" It definitely hurts now, but Sulli can't pull their hands away. "You left us, after we let you into our lives and homes and fucked-up emotional states, and you looked at us like we were monsters."

"Magnus - it hurts, please-"

Deep searing sensations are coming from his palms now, and Sulli has to blink back the tears of pain in their eyes. "I nearly died for you! And I wish I could regret it, but I don't, because as much as I want to prove otherwise Sulli, I care about you!"

"Let go! That hurts!"

Magnus seems to realize what Sulli is saying just as the door is thrown open, and in a blink, another figure shoves Magnus into the wall, holding him there.

Yaşru.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Magnus? They said let go." Yaşru keeps his hands on him before his head snaps back towards them, "Sulli, are you alright-" His words stop abruptly, eyes going straight towards where there are now angry twin marks of red, burnt skin.

Magnus is staring at them too, looking beyond horrified, before shaking his head, "Sulli, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

His words are cut off by the impact of Yaşru's fist in his face, and Sulli takes a step back, hitting the wall with their own back, and letting their fear begin to swell and consume their lungs. "Yaş, stop it!"

Magnus looks back after Yaşru pulls his fist back, with a bloodied mouth, and scowls. Then raises his legs and kicks Yaşru in the chest hard enough to send him back, before tackling him right back and onto the ground. Both of them are exchanging punches, and Sulli feels frantic, looking back up at the door just in time to see Kelsey enter, looking at them for a moment before his features pale, and he turns back to the hallway, "Julian!"

Then, he launches into action, and Julian comes speeding in a moment later as the two work together to try and tear the two off of the other. It doesn't take long at all for Madden and Adelaide to arrive, running to help as Madden and Kelsey yank Magnus off the ground, and Julian and Adelaide shove Yaşru back the other way.

Julian is standing between them suddenly, looking between them, "What the hell is going on here?"

Magnus is bleeding from his mouth and nose, and it looks like his healed scratches from the shifter attack have been scratched open. Yaşru's got red marks all over him, similar to the ones that Sulli has on their arms, and in quiet realization, Sulli realizes they're just as superficial as theirs are, meaning despite being punched in the face, Magnus didn't want to hurt Yaşru more than he had too. But Magnus' features shift, and he looks away at the same time Yaşru's gaze fixes back on Sulli. "Mags burned them."

Sulli feels the slow turn of everyone's eyes back towards them, and they watch as features harden. To be completely honest, Sulli isn't sure whether they're angry at them, or at Magnus.

Both, probably.

"Um- I just wanted- I finished the drawings." Sulli pulls the sleeves of Yaşru's hoodie back over their exposed arms. "I told you I would give them to you after I was done, and I thought I could get here before everyone else."

Cassiopeia blinks from the doorway, "Should we treat those, Sulli-"

"They're fine." Sulli feels awkward just standing there, but they shake their head, "Really, they're fine- it doesn't hurt so much. It just scared me." Not a complete lie, because they do hurt, but they hurt more during direct contact, and the pain was much more subtle now. "I'll put something on them, but they aren't really bad. It's fine."

The club looks unconvinced, and Sulli does their best to avoid the weighty gaze of Yaşru, who no doubt has recognized this hoodie by now. Although, all of them probably recognized it, and Sulli really hoped none of them asked.

"So, there's the drawings, then" Sulli points back over to the box on the table, where they had set it in approaching Magnus. "Sorry for interrupting your meeting." Sulli hesitates, then shakes their head, and hurries back out the door and up the stairs of the cold, dark hallway.

It's better this way, isn't it?

By the time Sulli gets back to their apartment, they realize their arms hurt a little more than they thought. Biting back a sigh, they trudge through their cabinets, looking for some kind of salve to put on it. Frustratingly enough, after twenty minutes of looking, they still can't find any.

Accepting their defeat, Sulli flops over on their bed, staring at the ceiling for a minute or two before pushing themselves up to look out the window. They want to be upset with Magnus, but at the same time, of course, they know Magnus didn't mean to hurt them. It was probably a combination of exhaustion and malnutrition along with a high emotional state that made him so prone to reacting the way he did. And even then, they don't hurt that much.

There's a knock at the door then, and Sulli perks up, turning to hurry towards the door, remembering to pull the sleeves of the hoodie back down to remove any unwanted concern from whoever is on the outside of the door. They swing the door open, are are almost immediately greeted by a wave of warmth.

Magnus.

His face looks mostly better, bandaged and cleaned appropriately, and Sulli might have never known the fight had happened at all if not for the white patch across his nose. They grimace at the sight, tilting their head, "Broken?"

"Yeah." His voice is much more subdued than it had been before, and Magnus holds out his hand, "I brought you some burn salve." His voice is uncharacteristically soft; sharp in contrast to the volatile nature that he frequently gave into. "I can help you put it on if you want, so you don't have to try to bandage yourself up."

"Alright, Mags." Sulli isn't going to argue about it, and they know as well as anyone would that if Magnus, of all people, shows up at your door trying to apologize, you sure as hell better let him in. Especially because it's only going to happen once. So Sulli takes his hand, pulling him inside before closing the door and pulling him over to the table instead. They take a seat across from him, pushing up their sleeves, and Magnus winces, scrunching up his features.

"I'm sorry."

"I know." They offer a smile, tilting their head to meet Magnus' eyes. He's looking away from them, staring at the twin markings on their arms. "They look worse than they feel, Mags. I know you didn't mean to hurt me."

"You do?"

"I do. Because while this was happening, you also mentioned that you cared about me." Sulli pauses, "And I'm sorry you got hurt protecting me too, on Samhain."

Magnus looks back up at them, and shakes his head, eyes glinting with familiar arrogance. "Rowan had it coming one way or the other. I'm just kinda glad that I'm the one who finally got to do it." He sighed, "Not that I want to kill people, especially people in my community, but creatures who continue to enforce fear into humans, or try to to quite literally maul them, especially on Samhain, aren't ones we want to continue to keep around." He runs a hand through his hair before reaching over and opening the container. The scent of honey sweetens the mix, infiltrating their nostrils. "The Kwons had to explain to the Callaghan family about Rowan because it's a cardinal sin to sacrifice human blood on Samhain. It's supposed to be a festival of unity, in a way, which is why Adelaide's parents probably permitted you to be there under the restrictions we gave you something to keep you from seeing the otherworldly."

"Oh- is that why-"

"Yeah, It's why Yaş got so upset when you said that." Magnus' hands glide over the burn, and Sulli bites their cheek to avoid their features shifting, but once again, the impossibility of having a readable face comes back to haunt them. "Does it hurt?"

"A little, but it's okay." Sulli raises their eyes to meet Magnus', who sighs again.

"I'm really, really sorry Sulli. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you."

"Well, I hurt you first, so now we're even."

"Sulls, that's not at all the same thing." Magnus sends them a scolding look, before reaching for the bandages beside him, and gently wrapping both of their arms. "I didn't think you'd be dumb enough to show back up though."

"You aren't usually there that early, none of you are."

"We all kinda got used to coming early so we could beat you." Magnus shrugged, "You always came like twenty minutes before the meeting even started, and I guess at some point our schedules adjusted too."

Oh.

"We all miss you, you know." The words carve into Sulli's heart, even after Magnus gets up, placing the salve into the cabinet above the sink where they keep the rest of their medicine.

"I miss you too," Sulli speaks the words quietly, but they're loud enough that Magnus turns back to them, eyes brighter than they had been a second ago.

"In that case, Sulli." Magnus goes over to them, and Sulli blinks hard as they feel a soft, romantic kiss placed on the top of their head, "You should consider coming back." Then Magnus is gone out the door, and Sulli is left there with heat rushing into their cheeks in the way that only two people have ever really been able to make them feel.

⋯

I know where you are.

Long talons stretch between the corners of their mind, picking out memories and thoughts as desired. It's the feeling of steel on steel, screeching, horrible sounds ringing in the depths of their mind. It hurts. Everything hurts. The tattoo burns into their skin, feeling like some kind of permanent brand as the creature raises its head. It's hunched over now, but even then it towers over anything it sees, lengthening and molding unnaturally. It's reaching for them, and their throat constricts underneath the tightening grip of its claws.

Death will be your mercy, Sulli Chevalier

Sulli shoots up in their bed, pressing their palm to their chest to quell the trembling, rapid nausea that rises up their throat. They don't want to open their eyes. They know it's just outside their window, and right now, Sulli doesn't think their constitution can take seeing it again. Sulli begins counting in their head, drawing in deep drags of air, to calm themselves, and it's about five minutes until they feel okay to open their eyes again.

Nothing.

There's nothing in their room but them, and that same unease of being watched that's never really left them. Sulli tugs down the sleeves of the hoodie again and refuses to acknowledge the feeling that if Yaş was actually here, they wouldn't feel so scared. His sweatshirt was nice, even if it was a pathetic replacement for the bone-crushing embrace that Sulli fondly remembers.

I miss him.

Sulli never really apologized for kicking him either, not on a personal level that is, especially after that semi-sweet confession that Yaş had given them. Even if it was followed by the rapid realization of pretty much everything in their life being a lie. Their gaze flickers over to their charging phone, and once again, they accept defeat, picking up their phone, and calling Yaşru Parizad at approximately two in the morning.

Surprisingly, Yaşru picks up almost immediately, "Sulli?"

All at once, they regret their decision, but it's too late now. So Sulli pulls their knees up to their chest, tucking them under the large hoodie as they reach over to turn on their rock-salt lamp. "Um- I had a nightmare."

Don't lead with that Sulli, he's not your boyfriend.

"Oh." Yaş is quiet for a beat, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, that's- sorry, that's not why I called you. Well, it is partially why I called you, but it's not the whole reason. I just was thinking about you and I feel really bad for kicking you, I didn't mean to hurt you, oh- and I want to apologize for the comment about the human sacrifice thing too, I didn't realize how hurtful it sounded."

Yaşru is again quiet, then huffs an almost sleepy laugh, "You were just thinking about me at two in the morning?"

"Well." Sulli feels their face flush, "No, I, I had my nightmare, and then I was pretending I wasn't wishing you were here."

The silence is emotional, and Sulli draws in a quick breath before he responds. "You wanted me to be there after your nightmare?"

"You make me feel safe Yaşru." Sulli blinks, "And I know I said I was scared of you, but you're right- you really haven't done anything but prove to me that you want me to be safe, and lying to me was part of that. I am scared of you still, but not scared like I was on Samhain."

"You pointed a sword at me."

Oh.

He sounds so heartbroken over it, like it's been keeping him up for days. Sulli's heart withers a little in their chest, but they only fiddle with the sheets on their bed as Yaş continues. "What were you going to do if you hadn't fallen out of that tree? Try to kill us?"

"I just didn't want to die." Sulli looks up towards the ceiling. "I spent a lot of my teenage years wanting to die, and when I came here, it felt like for the first time I was really looking forward to living, and I got really scared that that feeling had been taken away from me - even though it wasn't, but I-" Sulli hesitated, then shook their head, "But I don't want to die anymore. And I'm a little scared of dying too."

"You're scared of a lot of things."

Sulli couldn't really tell if Yaşru's voice was warm or soft, but it's definitely not as angry as it had been before, and they smiled. "Yeah. I'm scared of a lot of things."

"Are you still scared of us?"

"You mean after today?"

"Yeah." It's pretty clear that Yaşru is directly referencing how Sulli feels after being hurt by one of them. They watch their salt lamp for a minute, letting their thoughts wander into the silence before turning to answer.

"Yes and no." It's a complicated question. Because Sulli is scared of them, but in a much more removed and intricate way than just black and white. "I'm scared in the way I'm scared of most people that I care about. Scared about being abandoned, or outcasted, or isolated, or hated." They stood up, stretching their arms above their head. "But I'm also scared for you all, cause I don't want any of you to be hurt. And I'm scared I might do that too."

"Sulli."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

Sulli pauses again, looking back to their phone, and frowning. "Sorry for what, Yaş?"

"I don't think there's a single time that I've protected you since making that promise."

Sulli's features lighten after a moment, and a warm feeling sinks down their throat. "Yaşru. You couldn't have protected me all of those times, even if you wanted too. But it doesn't mean you've never protected me. It also doesn't mean that I don't believe you when you said you would."

"But you asked at the party."

"Because I wasn't sure if you were saying it just to comfort me after that call." Sulli sits back down on their bed. "I know you want to protect people, you're a great protector, and if you weren't - I wouldn't have called you to tell you that you make me feel safe after I've had a nightmare."

Yaşru is quiet again, and Sulli wishes that they might be able to see his face. It's probably that same not hard, not soft glare. Still unreadable, but alluringly worthy of any attention that Sulli gave it.

"I miss you, by the way, Yaş."

It's silent again for another beat before he speaks. "Is that why you're still wearing my jacket?"

Sulli feels heat flare up their cheeks. "Well, it's very warm."

"Mm." Yaşru sighs, "Sulli - what did that 'oh' mean?"

"What?"

"When you were asking everyone questions when we were telling you about ourselves, you only said oh to me, and I don't know what that means. Was it a bad or a good oh?"

Sulli pauses, pursing their lips before a short, stifled giggle breaches their mouth. There's an offended scoff on the other side, and they shake their head, "Sorry- I'm sorry, don't hang up Yaşru, please?" There's a grumble, but the call doesn't end, and Sulli quickly recomposes themselves. "It was just an oh- if that helps any, I didn't have any questions, well- I did, but I didn't want to offend you with them, which is pretty much all I was doing when I did ask those questions."

"What questions?"

"Well, I was gonna ask you about your feelings towards Twilight."

"I'm hanging up on you."

"What!" Sulli laughs again, shooting up on their bed and sitting in between the pillows comfortably, "Don't hang up, Yaş! Not in a rude way! I just wanted to know what you thought about them."

"They're the bane of my existence, Sulli. I hate them more than anything."

"Really? More than anything?"

"Fine." Yaşru grumbles again, "Almost more than anything."

"So your skin doesn't sparkle in the sun?"

"Sulli"

"Alright, alright - don't hang up. I'm done." Sulli's laugh trails off again, staring back towards the closed curtains over their window. "That's okay. I guess I can get over it." They're quiet again, and although the rapid paranoia that's been slinking through their room lately feels significantly diminished, they still feel anxious over being alone. "Yaşru? What did your   'oh' mean that day? When you saw my sketchbook?"

There's a beat of too-long silence, but it doesn't last forever. "It wasn't about the sketch of me if that's what you're asking." Sulli doesn't press, letting the silence settle between them before he continues. "In the back of your sketchbook, you had a bunch of reference photos. There's a couple of them that you took of the group during some stupid game, I think it was Uno, and there's one of me grinning." He paused, "I feel like I haven't had a lot of things to smile about in my life, and the fact that you thought to take a picture of it when I was smiling meant something to me. I don't know."

"You have a pretty smile, Yaş."

He's quiet again. It's not uncommon for Yaşru to change subjects quickly, especially when he thinks that everything that needs to be said about one topic has been said, and Sulli's gotten used to it for the most part. They find it kind of endearing, actually. "Are you busy tomorrow?"

"You mean today? Saturday?"

"Yes." There's a beat of silence, "I lost the recipe for the Whiskey cookies, so you should come over and make them with me so I remember them next time."

Liar.

Still, Sulli can't help the smile that's splitting across their face, and the deep warmth that sinks into their chest. "You lost the recipe?"

"Yes."

"What time?"

Sulli swears they hear a sigh of relief at the confirmation before Yaşru responds again. "Whenever you wake up, Sulls. I'll make sure we have the stuff we need to make them." Another section of silence passes, but they're patient. They know how to wait. "And Sulli?"

"Yeah, Yaşru?"

"I miss you too."

───────────────

WYN

thirteen !!

YOU ASKED FOR FIGHT CLUB SO B4 YOU FIGHT ME THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ASKED FOR

me, knowingly breaking my cast hearts every chapter and pretending i have zero to no idea what might happen next <3

also!! this is probably going to be my last daily update, as I finally get to move into my apartment tomorrow, and school starts on Monday for me, so please be patient!

love you lots <3 mwah, mwah