warning: mentions eating disorders, blood, and the hospital setting

"Come on, Eva. Just. . ." I struggle to catch my breath, tightly clutching the handrails on either side of me. "Y-You've done this before."

Tears threaten to fall as I stare down at the water in front of me.

"Eva, you have to do this." My chest aches from heaving for so long. "He's not going to love you. None of them will if you don't do this." I feel my hands shake as I glance at my fingers.

But it's too late now. I hear the bathroom door open followed by a click of heels.

"Eva?" It's Kate. "Eva, are you in there?"

I flush the toilet, choking out a sob before standing to my feet. "Yeah, it's me."

She blows her nose into a tissue as I step out of the bathroom. Careful not to meet her eyes, I quickly wash and dry my hands.

"You alright?" The female agent flashes me a kind smile. "I could have sworn I heard someone puking their guts out in there."

Water sticks to my skin as I splash it against my face. "Yeah. I think it was someone else." She hands me another towel.

"Hey, you never showed up for breakfast the other day." Kate stands with her arms crossed over her chest. "Michael missed you."

Right. Michael.

"You didn't get my message? I wasn't feeling too well so I stayed home."

One of the perks of being an NCIS agent is you know how to lie. After all, you have to be able to catch lying criminals.

"We can reschedule. Once I get rid of this nasty cold."

The two of us walk back out to find Tony sorting through the mail.

"Ladies." He raises an envelope sealed with a kiss. "Which one of you sent this to me?"

Kate and I just laugh at the thought of one of us sending Tony a letter. Especially when we can yell at him whenever we want.

"Well, let me just open this bad boy then." He walks over to his desk, popping open the letter opener. "Let's see what pretty lady wants to get a piece of DiNozzo."

He leans forward and blows on the cut envelope, only for white powder to be distilled into the air.

To gather the rest of the floor's attention, Gibbs stands on top of his desk, whistling loudly. "We've opened a letter with white powder. Use the southeast corridor to the holding room. You all know the drill."

"Hey, Tony!" I throw an unopened water bottle in his direction.

Kate calls Emergency to inform them of the current situation. Tony rinses his hands and head to the best of his abilities.

"McGee, you up on procedures?" Gibbs points to the probie.

He nods his head profusely. "Yeah, we, uh, we shower, burn our clothes, get our blood tested. Nobody leaves the building until the substance is identified except. . ."

"Lucky me." Tony replies sarcastically. "I win a free trip to Bethesda to be pricked like a pincushion."

The five of us head down to the showers to scrub down. Tony, of course, tries to assure us and himself that the white powder is probably nothing dangerous.

And our conversation shifts to Honey Dust, which was once gifted to Gibbs.

"D-Do you really have to test the blood here?" I watch as the red liquid quickly fills the vial. "I think we should deliver to the, um, the hospital."

Ducky gives me a kind and comforting smile. "Just some preliminary tests to make sure you are all in tip-top shape, my dear."

Medics from Bethesda arrive to take Tony. But when Kate sneezes, Ducky insists they take her as well.

"Uh, doctor, there's something wrong with Eva's blood." Jimmy calls out to him.

"Wh-What do you mean?" A shaky breath leaves my body.

Jimmy steps aside to let Ducky look in through the microscope. "Her sodium's at a hundred. And her platelet count is 25."

"Sounds alright to me." I shrug my shoulders.

"Eva, you will need to go as well."

"But I —"

"Play it safe. Go with Tony and Kate."

"Over my dead body." I stand up on my feet and attempt to leave. But Ducky and the medics are in my way. "I'm fine, Ducky. I've always had a terrible sodium count and low platelet count."

"Just go." Gibbs shoots me a look.

And that's how we end up in Bethesda's isolation unit. We meet with Dr. Brad Pitt — no relation to the actor — who assigns us to our beds.

Hours pass, and they still haven't figured out what the powder is.

"Agent Giudice, we need to speak with you. It's urgent." Dr. Pitt approaches me, face covered by a mask.

I shrug my shoulders. "I'm sure it's nothing. What is it?"

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to discuss this privately?"

"Well, if you're gonna tell me I have cancer or something, it'll be easier if you said it in front of my coworkers so I won't need to tell them in the future."

"God, Eva." Kate releases a scoff. "Can you be a little more sensitive towards this? I mean, what if you have something serious?"

Nonetheless,  I prop my hands up behind my head. "Just say it, Dr. Pitt."

"We will need to conduct more tests, but. . .it's very possible that you have an eating disorder."

That catches my attention almost immediately. "An eating disorder? I. . ."

Damn it, Eva.

"You must be mistaken, doctor. I have been healthy all my —"

"She never eats." Tony cuts me off from speaking. "The only thing she has is water and the occasional coffee."

"Tony, will you shut up?" I glare at him who simply stares up at the lights. "Alright, let's talk about this privately." Pitt and I stand in front of each other, the glass door the only thing separating us.

Dr. Pitt shows me my dental records. "From the damage done to your teeth, I'm guessing this has gone on for years."

"I have some pills a doctor prescribed some time ago. I take those weekly, and it's enough for me."

"Do you not realize the irreversible damage you are doing to your body?"

"It's my body. Let me make the decisions for it."

"The road you're heading down. . ." He shakes his head, looking through the results of my blood test. "You'll have kidney failure before you're thirty."

I sigh, glancing down at my bare feet. "Fine. I'll eat. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Agent —"

"No, I promise I'll eat. Three meals a day, snacks in between, whatever." I fake a smile. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap."

When I return to the set of beds, Kate has her eyes shut, and Tony lies awake in the same position he was in when I left. We rest for God knows how long, but I find myself awake again shortly.

"You should have just kept your mouth shut, Tony."

"And watch you die? I don't think so."

"I'm not going to die, okay? I'm fine."

Tony throws aside his pillow in fury. "Will you stop saying you're fine? You're killing yourself, and you can't even accept that."

"Kate seems to be fine with my choices." I nod towards the sleeping woman. "Why can't you be?"

"You think Kate's fine?" A sarcastic laugh breaks out of his chest. "If she feels half as bad as I do, she's crumbling on the inside." He sits up in his bed.

"Can I just ask one thing?" Kate speaks, making the two of us turn to her. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why starve yourself?"

The truth bubbles inside of me, deep down in the pit of my stomach. "Have you ever been to a new place and wanted people to like you? Be your friend, invite you to places?"

Kate nods her head.

"I wanted that, too." I pick at my fingernails. "So I thought the only way to do it is if I make myself look like them."

"Eva —"

"When I was twelve, I tried to dye my hair with one of those at-home hair color treatments." I chuckle at the memory. "Nothing shows up on dark hair unless you bleach it first."

There's an ache in my chest, one that's been there for a long time.

"You have to be a size zero to fit in. No chest, no ass. But if you're too thin, you're a freak."

The doctor and nurse come inside to check our vitals and take our blood, making sure no one is getting worse.

Dr. Pitt and Tony figure they played in the same football game back in '92.

"Once we get out of this, Tony's going to want a rematch." I raise my right arm so she can wrap the blood pressure cuff.

"I don't think so. . ." She glances up at me momentarily. "His blood test came back positive for pneumonic plague. He's the only one who did."

My body freezes at her words. "He. . .he can't be." I rip the cuff off and storm over towards Tony's bed. "Why the hell did you have to open the damn letter, Tony? Why!"

"Why do you care? It's not like. . ."

I gulp nervously, biting my bottom lip. "Kate's fine. But I tested positive, too."

"God, Eva. . ." He lets out.

"Looks like we're gonna die together."