I'm empty,
I know.
Promises are broken
like the stitches.

W O M A N
-Harry Styles (aka the loml)

saturday | october 5 | 1:57 pm

HOW do you define worth?

Can you see it in someone's eyes? Do you search for it in wholesome hearts that were once hollow? Is it as precious as that one lone star in the dark sky?

Victoria wondered who was truly worthy in this world; how people were able to distinguish between redemption and abandonment so easily as if they had a God complex. Sure, we all make mistakes; some worse than others. Humans have lapses in judgment that may be detrimental to society or themselves. Does that mean they can never be forgiven?

Victoria cherished her friends, her cat, lovely music and tasteful food. She cherished respect, honor, dedication, and stability. This is what she found worthy. She wouldn't dare put herself on that list, however. It would be a complete antithesis of what Vic found deserving.

'Can I be forgiven?'

"So, Noah Parker is a twenty-five-year-old man who works for the NYPD. He changed his last name as soon as he turned eighteen, smart boy, and moved to upstate New York to be with his mother. His father, filthy Thomas, gladly shipped him off so that he could marry another poor unsuspecting woman. Now, he lives in the city by himself. And this may sound unprofessional of me, but this man is gorgeous," Victoria's eyes swiveled from her hands to the corner of the room, where Kaliyah sat with the laptop perched on her jean clad legs.

"Sure he is," Victoria laughed sarcastically, shaking her head before reaching for the now lukewarm mint tea beside her.

"Hey! I like both men and women so I know which flavor in the ice cream truck is bitter and which is sweet, if you get what I mean," Kaliyah winked and Victoria nearly chocked on her drink.

"Do I even want to imagine?" She questioned, and Kaliyah simply shrugged, "if your mind desires to, then imagine away."

"Okay, back to business. It says here that the department is holding an annual festival for those who lost their lives in duty. May they Rest In Peace. It's next week Saturday at the park near Sutphin and Jackson Heights. I think we should go undercover," Victoria nodded her head in understanding, playing with her hangnail absentmindedly and sliding her back into a hunched position.

"But, it's an exclusive event, so entry may be difficult. You must be personally invited or brought along as a plus one," Kaliyah continued with a grimace. Victoria raised her hand slightly in reassurance.

"Don't worry about that. I know someone who can help," she answered, Talia's face flashing in her mind. Her father was a police officer, and often went to these affairs. He would drag Talia along occasionally and the girl would complain to Victoria about how embarrassing it all was.

Victoria quickly sat up from her slumped position, "Wait, don't you work on the weekends? I can't expect you to call out for me. I'll go with a friend instead and they'll be like my mock Clyde,"

"What! I'm supposed to be your Clyde! We talked about making T-shirt's with our faces on them. It'd be like Bonnie and Bonnie without the Clyde but secretly I'd still be him! That's unacceptable," Kaliyah stood up, dropping the computer onto the lounge chair dramatically.

"Kali-"

"At least let me send someone with you to represent me. I don't want a Kaliyah knockoff in my place," she scoffed at the idea.

Victoria stood up with her, slowly approaching her defensive figure in the center of the room, "Alright. But I'm still bringing my friend with me. The more ideas the better and she knows a lot about these festivals. Maybe she could really help me."

Kaliyah gazed in Victoria's eyes for a moment before sighing, releasing the tension that once filled her shoulders. She walked closer to her remorsefully.

"I'm sorry. That came out a little too harshly. I just really want to help you. In a way, I feel obligated to take down this man as if what happened to you happened to me. If we don't act soon, he really may frame you," Victoria reached for her hand hesitantly and added pressure to her palm in a light squeeze.

"You're helping me more than you could ever know. For that, you can never be replaced," she expressed sincerely, and Kaliyah's lips broke into a megawatt smile.

"Although we just met and we barely know each other, I'm really glad that you stumbled into the club that fateful day. I feel like we're going to be good friends in the near future," Kaliyah hummed, and a smile similar to hers spread across Victoria's lips. The movement was a tad bit awkward on her face and her nose scrunched up oddly, but Kaliyah understood the gesture.

"You can count on it."

Kaliyah was worthy.

"Kaliyah, get your ass out of there! Your shift started thirty minutes ago!" A high pitched masculine voice bellowed through the double doors of the employees lounge, startling both girls. Time seemed to move faster in here, or maybe it was because they were so consumed with their research.

"Screw off, frisbee!" Kaliyah hollered back, and Victoria faced her with a confused expression.

"Frisbee?"

"His head is round and flat and he's light as a feather, so I call him frisbee," she admits, simply justifying the degrading name like she was listing the ingredients in apple pie.

"What's his real name?" Victoria quipped curiously, collecting the sheets of paper scattered around them. The pile seemed to double in size since the last time she was in here.

"Bob."

"You're kidding," she stifled the laugh that threatened to spill out of her mouth, covering her chapped lips with her palm.

"I'm not, in a sense. His real name is Ashley but he tells people to call him Bob. Says it's "more masculine," she gestured using air quotes. "I swear he only calls himself that as some cruel joke."

Victoria snickered under her breath lightly before stalking over to the wide window to grab the computer from off the couch. The screen was growing hot and Victoria was sure the device would need to be charged soon.

"You know, I never understood why people named their child some ridiculous name. Like, it's understandable if it's cultural or religious but to carry a life sucker in your body for nine months and then pop them out just to name them 'Bart' is just cruel to themselves and the child."

"Maybe they really like the name Bart," Victoria countered, shifting her gaze to the gray clock on the wall. It was officially 2:38 PM.

"Maybe they just hate their kid."

"Touché," both girls fell quiet afterwards. Victoria stood still peacefully, rocking on the soles of her feet. She was happy that this was an adequate distraction. No unhappy thoughts have surfaced in her mind as of yet, and she was thankful for the little banter her and Kaliyah shared.

"Alright, I really need to go. I'd invite you to stay in here while I work my shift but there isn't much to do in here other than sleep and repeat," Kaliyah drawled, and Victoria could sense that she was growing tired and sluggish.

"Do you ever rest? No offense, but you always look tired," Victoria observed and Kaliyah lazily swiped her fingers across her eyelids.

"There's no rest for the wicked, or in my case, a bad ass bitch."

Kaliyah left the room with those final words, and Victoria trailed behind her. They entered the main dance hall to see that the chairs and tables were properly set up for tonight's open mic. Earlier, it looked like a hurricane ran through the place but now it reflected a glamorous stage.

"This is between you and me and the rest of the staff, but the best performer tonight wins a grand prize of two thousand dollars. We didn't announce it so we could get genuine acts. It was totally my idea," Kaliyah chortled gleefully, "The amount of revenue we receive during indoor events is nearly twice of what we earn on a typical day. I guess poetry and singing makes people want to drink their hearts out."

Victoria couldn't believe her ears, "Two thousand dollars! That's a lot of money," She gasped, astonished. She could really use that money now.

"Do you know how to sing? You definitely look like you do. You should sign up! It's not too late."

Victoria shook her head doubtfully, "I'm not brave enough to do that. Plus, there's a low chance I'd win anyway."

"Hey, have some faith! What's the worst that could happen other than embarrassing the hell out of yourself or I don't know, dying on stage? It won't hurt to try!"

Victoria contemplated her words. She didn't want to go up on stage and sing. It wasn't something she was used to and she didn't think she had the right stage presence fitted for this open mic night. But, her rent was due soon and she definitely didn't have enough money to pay for it. Initially, she was planning on working extra shifts at the coffee shop but that would've been a ton of work. She made her decision without thinking of the embarrassment she might feel later,"You know what, you're right. I might as well try. And if I lose, I'll be loosing with twenty nine other people."

"That's the spirit!"

"Do I need to speak to Taylor? It said so on the flyer," Victoria asked, her nerves slowly creeping up on her. She wasn't used to being spontaneous and didn't like trying new things. This was something completely out of her comfort zone.

"I'll take care of it. You can just hang out around the place. I'll tell people you're here with me so they won't question your presence."

"Thanks," Victoria breathed, looking around for a suitable seat. Her eyes instantly met the searing gaze of the purple haired woman who seethed in her place behind the bar.

"What's up her ass," mumbled Victoria. It was as if the woman had it out for her since day one.

Kaliyah chuckled, "Definitely not me anymore," Victoria nearly gagged at her words.

"I did not need to know that!" Kaliyah laughed hysterically as she walked away towards the stage.

A few hours later, a wave of people began to enter Delta Max. Instead of wearing their usual tight dress or expensive Rolex, these people came in causal attire. Victoria thought Kaliyah was bluffing when she said a massive crowd would attend today's event.

The lights began to dim as people took their seats. Victoria made sure to secure one of her own in the front as she waited patiently for the acts to be announced.

A man with a Delta Max shirt hopped across the platform, overly enthusiastic. He grabbed the microphone clumsily with both hands and began to speak.

"Testing, testing. Alright! Welcome to Delta Max's Open Mic night!" The crowd began to cheer ruefully. They did not sound thrilled one bit. "Are you ready for tonight's acts? I heard they're all spectacularly amazing."

A few murmurs of "yeah" and "let's get a move on" reverberated through the group.

"Great! So much energy in here tonight! Alright, let's get started on what we all came here for. Our first act is a twenty-four-year-old with a heart of gold. Put your hands together for Jesse!"

Victoria found herself clapping alongside the rest of the group, but the sound faded into the background. She was surprised by the announcers words, never expecting him to utter them on stage.

Jesse?

•••••

Hey guys!
I just wanted to thank you for all the kind words and the encouragement you've given me to write. I truly appreciate you all.

Q: Do you have a hidden talent?

not edited