I can take the weight up off your shoulder blades
and try to store the pain inside of me.
Like, why the world do you like that?

P R E T T Y L I T T L E F E A R S
-6lack ft. J. Cole

saturday | october 5 | 10:20 am

"HELLO? Hey Kaliyah, this is... uh this is Victoria. When you get this message, please call me back. Thanks."

Victoria dropped the phone onto her bed, sighing as she watched her ceiling fan spin. It was Saturday morning, and today was the second time in her life where she had woken up like this; first when she was eighteen and now when she's twenty one. This feeling was completely different from her usual hangover or common cold.

No, this was the feeling of wishing she never woke up at all.

Standing up lazily, she pushed the sheets off of her body and trudged towards the bathroom. Turning the main light on, she looked at the sink while imagining Cosmo sitting perched on the granite counter tops. Victoria couldn't help but sigh again in grief. He was probably alive somewhere, but it sure as hell felt like he died and she was mourning him. She doubted that she'd ever see the cat again.

'Everyone leaves me,' she thought, as another cloud of sadness fell over her.

Victoria walked towards the mirror, staring at her reflection closely. She critiqued her figure and skin, hating how much weight she put on and the dark circles that rested under her almond shaped eyes. She grasped at the extra flesh that protruded from her belly and stared at her big feet.

Worthless.

As Victoria stood there longer, the sound of her phone began to blare from her bedroom. She quickly forgot about her inspection in the mirror and scurried to grab the device. 'Amelia' flashed on the screen with a heart emoji attached to it, and disappointment flooded her after seeing the name. She was hoping it was Kaliyah returning her call but instead it was the one person she didn't feel like thinking about today. Victoria let the call ring through until Amelia's name disappeared.

She trudged back into the bathroom, determined to actually get something done. Victoria grabbed her toothbrush and went into the shower, finally giving herself that well deserved hair wash she wanted. She no longer had her hair dryer, after giving it to Amelia to use for three months. Too prideful to ask for it back, Victoria stuck without the machine. Instead, she settled with air drying and curling cream that added volume to her otherwise droopy hair.

Victoria retreated back into her room after leaving the shower and headed straight to her closet. Seeing that it was a chilly day today, she decided on a sweater dress she got from Zara a year ago. It couldn't fit her then and it was beyond overpriced. Now, it settled around her hips a little to snuggly and she became worrisome about her drastic weight gain.

She crawled towards her bed and sat with her phone in her hand. Vic stared at the screen, blinking as the 10:45 AM changed to 11:30 AM. She sat there for forty five minutes, just thinking. She felt like a huge weight was dropped on her shoulders.

Forgettable.

"Jealousy, turning saints into the sea-"

Victoria jumped up unexpectedly, her ring tone going off as she held her phone. Kaliyah's name appeared on the screen, and she was quick to answer.

"Hello?" Her voice came out scratchy and she cringed at the deep undertone it carried.

"Victoria! How are you doing? I hope you haven't pursued a career in private investigation without me since we last spoke," Kaliyah answered, laughing to herself after speaking.

"No, I haven't. But I think I want to continue some more research today and see what we can dig up. I'm actually really interested in knowing more about Thomas's son. What was his name again?"

"Noah."

"Yes, him. I think we should... I don't know... see if we can contact him and ask some questions? I know we can't be too forward because he'll suspect something. I need ideas though."

"Sure. I'm glad to help. Do you think you can come down to Delta today? I start my shift around four this afternoon so you can come at two. I can spend that time with you in the employees lounge and we can catch up."

"Sounds like a plan."

Victoria found herself in front of Delta Max for the third time. It was crazy how she kept coming here.

She made the short walk to the door, before pushing inside. The scenery in this place constantly changed. The first time she was here it was set up in an average club setting then the second time it felt like a bar. Now, with the microphones sitting on the stage and the various chairs scattered around, it looked like the remains of a comedy club.

'Open Mic Night at Delta Max! Show off your gifts through singing, poetry, or any other special talent you have! Ask for Taylor at the bar if you have any questions or if you'd like to sign up!"

The sign was plastered around the room, the clubs signature logo spread across the middle. Victoria was so engrossed by the colors and the design that she didn't notice the new presence behind her.

"What do you think?" The voice said, low and gravely. She could feel their breath of the back of her neck before she turned around swiftly.

"Jesse," She murmured, meeting his eyes apprehensively. The name tasted like a mouthful of food gone bad.

"What do you think?" He questioned again, without moving from his spot in front of her.

"Why does it matter what I think?" She tilted her head, almost innocently.

"Because I'm curious about what goes on in this mind of yours," Jesse hummed, moving closer to her body until she could feel the heat radiate from his skin.

"My mind works like every other person." Oddly enough, Vic didn't feel uncomfortable in his presence. She didn't know what it was about him that made her feel so woozy and indecisive. Usually, she would try to stay as far away from any male that wasn't her friend, Matthew. Standing here, however, she accepted Jesse's proximity without complaint and continued to peer into his eyes. Jesse took a step back in order to look at her more, his gaze trailing from her eyes to her lips before snapping back.

"I don't think so," was his only answer, and Victoria felt a small smile creep up her lips.

"Do you want my honest answer?" She spoke softly, doing a great job disguising how she truly felt.

Sadness.

"Yes."

"I think it's truly shit. The color scheme is bad and the font is too big. The placement of the words are off and it's hard to see what the fine print says in front of this horrible bright yellow background. Hell, you could be advertising to sell people for freaking shot glasses and no one would know, because people aren't smart enough to sit and actually read the poster or the fine print."

She gulped in air from the rant, but her face began to heat up from their closeness. Although he moved back a bit, it still felt insanely intimate. She was a woman, after all, and had eyes. Jesse was a handsome man and she resisted the urge to grip his biceps. Anyone who passed by would think they were a couple in a romantic embrace. Although she tried to convince herself that he wasn't that pleasing to the eye, she couldn't ignore it anymore. Vic felt shallow for thinking of him the way she did. She had to remind herself that she didn't like him as a person and that he had a nasty personality.

"So, what you're saying is that you're a perfectionist and you desire order and control. You want things to be concise and clear, and you don't like surprises."

"That's not what I said at all actually. Why are you psychoanalyzing me? Who are you, Sigmund Freud?" She scoffed at his audacity.

"I know that's who you are deep down. You can't deny it and you know I'm right." They both fell silent, as she realized he was spot on in his assumption. She did desire order and control, and feared the unknown greatly. Other than her superficial phobia of water, nothing has ever scared her more than not having control of her life. It was weird how she barely knew the man but he seemed to know her.

"You remind me a lot of my self actually," Jesse broke the silence moments later, "I can see it in your eyes. It's different from the look you had before."

"What do you see?" Victoria asked, furrowing her brows.

"Before, you had a small flame in your heart. Now, you yearn for a full life but carry an empty heart. That's a dangerous mixture."

"Well, you're wrong." She drew out the words but it didn't sound convincing.

"Don't you agree with me?"

"I don't think I need to answer that question."

"You're right. But I'd still like to know. Tell me."

Victoria was growing flustered. He was acting so mysterious and intense, and she didn't know how to deal with it. "I don't know what you're trying to get out of this, but it isn't working. You're taking this whole bartender/psychologist thing a little too seriously. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Jesse didn't move from his spot. Instead, he looked away from her face for a moment, as if contemplating something.

"What are your dreams in life?" He mumbled, shifting on his feet.

"I dream to leave this conversation," She sassily answered, ready to use a different tactic if he didn't leave her alone soon. He's acting so strange!

"Are you sure you want to? You're breathing differently now that I'm closer to you. Your cheeks hold a soft glow of red. You keep wiping your palms on your pants because you're nervous. Do I make you nervous, Victoria?"

Victoria's eyes widened, surprised that he took note of her not so calm demeanor. In a way she was creeped out, but in another she found it oddly alluring. People never noticed her like he does nor did they care to. No words escaped her for a moment, and she couldn't remove her eyes from his.

Victoria opened her lips, repeating a line he told her before, "You're a really weird per-"

"Jesse! Leave the poor girl alone!"

Victoria immediately jumped back, snapping out of her funk. Her gaze swiveled to Kaliyah, and she released a breath of relief at her face. She couldn't stay near this man any longer.

He was very contradicting; a paradox in the flesh. One moment he's rude and condescending, and the next he's serious and beguiling. All she knew was that he was dangerous, in a heart wrenching way. She continued to breathe deeply once he stepped away from her body completely.

"Anything for you, Kaliyah," he sang and winked at Victoria. Jesse walked away towards the bar quietly like nothing happened. Victoria watched him intensely, confused as to why her heart was still beating out of her chest.

•••••
¡Hola!

This is Victoria right now:

Stay tuned for the next few chapters! They are definitely my favorites.

not edited